Cheating in relationships: your views?

[Commissar Sae]

You cheat and I'm gone. There are no second chances here. I've seen what happens to a couple where one cheats frequently and it destroyed the guy in the end. I will never cheat or suffer to be cheated on.

What other people do is there own business, I won't condone it but I'm not going to villify them either.

 

[Estarc]

What an odd question! Personally, I agree with the OP. Cheating is absolutely despicable. I don't think there is ever any justification for cheating on your partner. If things aren't going so well, talk about it. Break up. Anything but cheating!

 

[Sayna]

The only reason I've actually given any credit to "cheating" for is if you're in a relationship with someone who doesn't want sex. These "asexual" [for lack of a better descriptive term] couples are in relationships with people they love, but just can't meet certain needs. The asexual half [if secure] will give the other permission to find sexual partners. The funny thing is the person who is being encouraged to sleep with someone else usually feels bad about this situation.

Fun fact: since there is no universal definition for cheating, the gender differences play an interesting role.
Women abhor emotional affairs, while men are more likely to be upset about cheating of a sexual nature.

I personally do not condone cheating for many reasons that have already been stated. Emotional or physical, I would be made sick to my stomach if my other half was ever that dissatisfied in our relationship that he felt the need to look elsewhere.

 

[clipse15]

I think cheating is wrong but I have no problem with my girlfriend if she tells me she wants to fuck someone else. We talk and discuss if one of us wants to sleep with someone else and its fine. The love in our relationship isn't built around sex, sex is a physical act that we both enjoy. The love we have for each other comes from being together, doing things together, talking and interacting with each other.

Couldn't have said it better myself.

On the other hand I am single at the moment and generally I base these things around who I am with, what she is comfortable with. Open relationships are nice, closed ones are nice too, I am happy with either and I wouldn't do anything she didn't want.

Of course that isn't really classed as cheating. Cheating is breaking trust, and if a partner does trust me to be with only her, if I broke that promise it would be very wrong and I'd never do that because I respect my girlfriends.

To be honest, monogamy isn't something that has to be important for anyone who is open-minded enough to realize it is an archaic concept

Thanks i also agree with you. This isn't something i pull out with every girl i've dated. This girl im currently with is probably the girl i'll end up marrying. I don't know if that makes it sound weirder or not.

 

[clipse15]

I think cheating is wrong but I have no problem with my girlfriend if she tells me she wants to fuck someone else. We talk and discuss if one of us wants to sleep with someone else and its fine. The love in our relationship isn't built around sex, sex is a physical act that we both enjoy. The love we have for each other comes from being together, doing things together, talking and interacting with each other.

So if she wants to screw some other guy, you talk about it and she actually goes and does it?

Pretty much but generaly its more along the lines of she'll be going to a party and then we talk about if ses going to sleep with someone there and i give her the ok and vice versa if im going to a party. in the past 5 years we've probably done this a total of twice

 

[Doc Funky]

Hmm...I'm of two minds about this issue.

If I was ever cheated on, I don't think I could ever forgive it, because I wouldn't be in a relationship with someone if I wasn't giving it my all.

But there have been times when I've seen other people cheat on their significant others, and it hasn't been such a big deal to me. Case in point, I have a friend who was stuck in a really bad marriage...as in so bad that she was alone basically all the time, while her husband ran off doing whatever he wanted. I found out a short time ago that she had been cheating on her husband (that realationship ended badly, too, but never mind that)...and while everyone else I know that has learned that same fact looks down on her and insults her for it, I don't think it was such a bad thing. A poor decision, maybe, but not something to hate or insult her for...when you're in a situation that bad, I can understand her needing to do that.

 

[cheese_wizington]

Well I think people need to set out what kind of relationship they are having and move from there.

 

[Outofideas]

I'll admit to being kinda dependant; I honestly don't feel right outside of steady relationships with people I honestly care deeply about, and I am and have been willing to work past some transgressions and quirks to stay together. That said, a partner cheating on me would disappoint me more than anything. If there was a believable reason behind her cheating (and it would have to be a HELL of a reason), I might, MIGHT be willing to try and salvage what was left of the relationship, with the promise it wouldn't happen again.

And it certainly wouldn't be with the same guy once I have a 'frank discussion' with him about touching her.

On the other end, I don't think I have it in me to cheat even if I was temporarily insane enough to want to (not calling people in open relationships nuts here, just speaking on myself), even if the sexual aspect of the relationship was lacking or even nonexistant. Knowing I'd betrayed the trust of someone who loves me would kill me inside.

 

[Blunderman]

If by "cheating" you mean breaking a promise you've made to stay truthful to one person, then there's no excuse for it.

And yes, if you let your partner think that you've made such a promise then you're still at fault if you break it, even if you've never explicitly spoken it out loud. It's what is expected by most, so if you've no intention of upholding it, then it's your responsibility to mention that, without assuming that the other person is ok with it.

That being said, monogamy isn't for everyone, and neither is polygamy. Just do in your relationship(s) what works best for you and your partner(s).

 

[Mad World]

Personally? I find it disgusting. When it comes to general behaviours, there isn't much that I find repulsive...usually it takes something graphic or visceral for that. But the idea of sleeping with someone else whilst in a relationship genuinely fills me with revulsion. The way I see it, lust or no, you're still breaking a kind of commitment that should be sacred between you both.

So please, do discuss guys

You're absolutely right; I couldn't agree more. It's just wrong... simple as that.

It's a terrible thing, and I don't think that it should be tolerated by anyone.

 

[Michael Logan]

I wouldnt do it myself, but I do think I could forgive someone if they were to cheat on me.

 

[Ultrajoe]

Only a Sith deals in absolutes.

 

[Kortney]

I've never been cheated or nor have I ever cheated so I'm not sure how I'd react.

Why can't you just break up with the person you're with if you want to do someone else?

That doesn't apply all the time. A large portion of cheating (at least that I have heard of through friends and my social circle) occurs through drunken shenanigans. Quite often the person cheating does not want to be with someone else.

But I guess that's just a difference in the term.

 

[CaptainREBell]

I don't like it.
'Nuff said.

 

[Sacman]

well I've been cheated on before and it makes me feel like ass... so I guess I don't like it...

 

[WhoaItsBrett]

Cheating usually ends up with one person being emotionally hurt in the end.
Therefore, I think its wrong.
Hurting a person, emotionally, or physically is a terrible thing to do.
I myself, have never been cheated on, but I know if it happened I would end the relationship. Regardless of the reason. The "I was drunk and wasn't thinking right" excuse would not change my decision either. Drunk or not, you cheated on me. I won't look down on the person for doing what she did, but I will lose all trust I had for her. I will not make her out to be a horrible person, or anything of the like. She's still just a person, and people make mistakes.
I also would never cheat on anyone while in a relationship.

 

[Ultrajoe]

I don't like it.
'Nuff said.

Is it? Plenty of people in this thread have stated as such, but is it right to condemn another person to contempt without being able to articulate your reasons? We understand that it's a violation of trust, but trust in what?. If it's trust in them not sleeping with another, why do you hold that to be important? Even if the facts are self-evident to you, the word 'you' is important. Why do you have trust in your partner not to have sex with another? Or if your definition of cheating differs, as many do, why do you hold the views towards it that you do?

There is nothing gained by anyone through the simple declaration of yes/no. It is, if I might be so bold, not 'nuff said.

 

[LogicNProportion]

EDIT: What on earth are you talking about with that addition to your post?

imo, fighting our biology is a losing battle. accepting this helped me forgive.

If it's such a losing battle, how come there is so many advances and cases where we HAVE beaten biology?

I find such thinking that you can't fight to be weak. As humans, we started as animals, and while it may be futile and ignorant to see ourselves as something apart from mammals, we can at least have the responsibility and power to become the kind of mammal that constructs our own paths and behaviors.

There are many animals that stick to one mate their whole lives. Insects, mammals, etc.

...

@OP: Cheating is a sign of weakness of will. It's basically quitting.

 

[Autofaux]

I've cheated. Not a good feeling, has lasting ramifications for all parties involved and changes the relationship forever.