Cheating in relationships: your views?

[BringBackBuck]

OK, to all the people in here who think cheating is the worst thing ever, and that if you want to sleep with someone else it means that you don't want to be in that relationship - it is just not that simple. How about this scenario for example:

You are married to the woman you love and have a couple of beautiful children together. As a consequence of the hormonal changes that have taken place she no longer has any libido. None. The woman you love no longer wants to have sex with you. You still love your wife and want to bang her 5 times a day. You still love your kids too, so ending the relationship isn't an option, however not having sex for the next 40-50 years isn't an option either.

Answer 1: I would repress my sexual desire for the rest of my life. Bullshit.
Answer 2: I would make my wife regain her sexual desire. Bullshit. If you knew how to do that you'd already be a billionaire.
Answer 3: I would get my wife to agree to an open relationship. She says no.
Answer 5: Turn my back on the woman I love and my children so that I could satisfy my sexual desire and not be considered a cheat.
Answer 4: Stay with my wife and continue to be a good husband and father but have sexual intercourse with someone else.

 

[Lord Mountbatten Reborn]

You know what Vanguard, I realise I never gave my position, though I subscribe to the idea that cheating is bad like most others, especially due to the deception of it. Seriously, putting everything down to human biology is denying our evolutionary progression. Instinct exists but we are more sophisticated and intelligent in overcoming it. Anyone who chooses to ignore that with such reasoning should be treated the most suspiciously when it comes to relationships.

That being said I have cheated once before, and am still yet to understand what truly happened with one of my relationships, as ambiguously and ignominiously as it ended for me (in my eyes).

The latter one, fine, no idea what happened with it (the various explanations provided by many all contradict each other), so I shall ignore it. I overcame that, and I'm better for it.

The former, that's a different story. Yes, I certainly shouldn't have done that, but by then I'd developed an anti-love for my girlfriend at the time, and would've already dumped her if it wasn't for the fact that she threatened me with her own suicide several times. Indefensible I know, but ultimately the time with her I can now call the worst of my entire life, and I hated feeling unable to get away from that.

Now that lessons have been learned, I think the first thing I'm going to do is make sure my next girlfriend isn't a Yandere. I certainly won't cheat.

 

[Vanguard_Ex]

Animals with logic, reasoning, morals and complex emotional relationships that depend on communication and the actions we choose with our own executive thinking.
In my honest opinion, anyone who lets it slide because it's 'just our biology' or something similar are in denial.

I'm not in denial about anything, I completely upfront with the faults/drives of our biological being. Staying with one partner only makes sense if you constantly produce offspring with said partner, that's the entire fundamental reason for mammals to stick together. (And protecting/raising their young.)

People aren't perfect, they will make mistakes and if my partner is happy, then I'm happy. I'm not going to force said partner to be unhappy because of some trite concept of the "sacred relationship" that is in so much tatters on this planet as to render it nothing more then a joke.

Sorry, I wasn't inteding to accuse you of being in denial. It wasn't meant that way but yeah, it pretty much came out that way.

I can see where you are coming from but years of debate and experimentation around this very subject have shown that we are more than chemical impulses and bestial drives.
It's the fundamental reason for life, but that is not why we necessarily stay with people; our cognitive processes are the gift that let us experience life differently to animals that just fuck and die. How else can you explain staying with or leaving somebody due to personality issues?

If you care enough about a person to stay with them even with their flaws, then that's true love. It doesn't matter about what dangles between your legs (or doesn't dangle, as the case may be.) and what you do with it. My statement only stands of course, if that's what the relationship is, if you've agreed on something else, no matter how foolish, that is your bond. Then it's not about biology, then it's about lying.

Fair enough. You seem to still be quite cynical about this but regardless, it really doesn't matter; all the same I'm grateful you've contributed to the discussion and shown me that there are hundreds of angles to view anything from. Thank you, really.

 

[The_Graff]

one word ... unforgivable. if you can't trust them then you have no more relationship.

 

[Vanguard_Ex]

You know what Vanguard, I realise I never gave my position, though I subscribe to the idea that cheating is bad like most others, especially due to the deception of it. Seriously, putting everything down to human biology is denying our evolutionary progression. Instinct exists but we are more sophisticated and intelligent in overcoming it. Anyone who chooses to ignore that with such reasoning

That being said I have cheated once before, and am still yet to understand what truly happened with one of my relationships, as ambiguously and ignominiously as it ended for me (in my eyes).

The latter one, fine, no idea what happened with it (the various explanations provided by many all contradict each other), so I shall ignore it. I overcame that, and I'm better for it.

The former, that's a different story. Yes, I certainly shouldn't have done that, but by then I'd developed an anti-love for my girlfriend at the time, and would've already dumped her if it wasn't for the fact that she threatened me with her own suicide several times. Indefensible I know, but ultimately the time with her I can now call the worst of my entire life, and I hated feeling unable to get away from that.

Now that lessons have been learned, I think the first thing I'm going to do is make sure my next girlfriend isn't a Yandere. I certainly won't cheat.

Thank you, your contribution is certainly one of the more interesting that I've seen.
Yes, I'm a firm believer that we just cannot be explained animalistically and just be dismissed so easily. We have higher cognitive functions than that, to deny premiscuous behaviour as anything more than our own primal breeding instincts is to deny relationships themselves.
By the way, you sound like an honest and intelligent person, there's no judgement here.

 

[CardinalPiggles]

its sick and not fair to the other person in your relationship, or the person ur cheating with. (assuming they dont know your with someone else).

do not do it, it can destroy someones trust in there prefered sex gender and even friends.

 

[Raiha]

i am currently going through a divorce because my ex-wife cheated on me with one of my best friends. take a wild guess as to how i feel about cheaters.

 

[Vanguard_Ex]

i am currently going through a divorce because my ex-wife cheated on me with one of my best friends. take a wild guess as to how i feel about cheaters.

Oh my god, you poor soul. I hope you repair in due time my man. I'm not going to even pretend I know what you're going through.

 

[Vanguard_Ex]

OK, to all the people in here who think cheating is the worst thing ever, and that if you want to sleep with someone else it means that you don't want to be in that relationship - it is just not that simple. How about this scenario for example:

You are married to the woman you love and have a couple of beautiful children together. As a consequence of the hormonal changes that have taken place she no longer has any libido. None. The woman you love no longer wants to have sex with you. You still love your wife and want to bang her 5 times a day. You still love your kids too, so ending the relationship isn't an option, however not having sex for the next 40-50 years isn't an option either.

The problem with that scenario is that it presumes that I would get married. Marriage is a prison for the naive and idealistic, a cause of financial ruin with that ring on your finger to remind you of the shackles you've put on.

Wow, this thread is really bringing out some fascinating beliefs here. I don't know if it's a bit creepy taking pride in such a thing but, eh.

 

[ALuckyChance]

I always thought a relationship should be committed, as you should have thought of the problems and consequences of starting one beforehand.

If the unexpected happens and you find you don't love the person you have a romantic relationship with, you should just call it off instead of fucking someone behind your loved one's back. It kinda ruins credibility if you get caught, you see.

OK, to all the people in here who think cheating is the worst thing ever, and that if you want to sleep with someone else it means that you don't want to be in that relationship - it is just not that simple. How about this scenario for example:

You are married to the woman you love and have a couple of beautiful children together. As a consequence of the hormonal changes that have taken place she no longer has any libido. None. The woman you love no longer wants to have sex with you. You still love your wife and want to bang her 5 times a day. You still love your kids too, so ending the relationship isn't an option, however not having sex for the next 40-50 years isn't an option either.

The problem with that scenario is that it presumes that I would get married. Marriage is a prison for the naive and idealistic, a cause of financial ruin with that ring on your finger to remind you of the shackles you've put on.

I thought that only happens when you get divorced? I'm only 13, but I could've sworn married couples get tax benefits, at least in the US.

 

[The_Echo]

As far as monogamous relationships go, I don't see myself enjoying being cheated on, nor would I go about cheating.

Though if polygamy were socially accepted, I wouldn't mind having two girlfriends (three or more would be overkill, I imagine). Conversely, it would bother me if one or both of said girlfriends had multiple partners. But that could potentially cause some kind of tension and/or disagreement, and I'm not one for confrontation...

I think I'll just stick to one girl.

 

[jrizzle90]

Just don't do it. Be mature enough to confront your issues with your partner, not scurry away to someone else.

 

[Penguinness]

It's wrong, very wrong to me. If it was to happen to me then I'd walk right away. I know that my brother has done a few things and, well I have no problem labelling him as a bad person. He's been bother the boyfriend who cheated and the erm.. the one being cheated with I guess? Don't know how to phrase that.

 

[arsenicCatnip]

"Cheating" only happens when there is an agreement about expectations, and one person violates that agreement.

In many relationships, the people involved do not spend enough time explicitly talking about their expectations - and this is where people run into significant trouble. Expectations are very tricky things...

Agreed, definitely.

I've cheated, and been cheated on. I have no defense for the former other than 'we were getting divorced', and I still haven't forgiven the ass who did the latter.

Coming into the relationship I'm currently in, my boyfriend and I discussed things. Both of us have been cheated on, and we made it quite clear to each other that any act of cheating is a deal-breaker. Our expectations for each other are very simple: I'm yours, you're mine. You cheat, I will destroy you and the skank/asshole you cheated on me with.

Territorial, yes? But it does the job, and frankly I'm happy he's possessive of me.

 

[83]

From a purely scientific standpoint males are going to want to have sex with as many girls as possible, to increase their chances of reproducing. That's just the way it is.

In my own personal opinion it is fundamentally wrong. Agreeing to enter into a relationship is agreeing to give yourself over the other person, breaking that by cheating is the worst thing you could do.

 

[The Austin]

Cheating is not okay. Ever.

 

[Lawyer105]

Ima gonna go with 'Each to his own' here. As long as you're not actively lying/concealing it from your significant other, surely it's their decision whether it's a problem for them?

I wouldn't ever cheat, and my other knows that I'd expect the same (and feels the same).

 

[Serenegoose]

I've cheated once before, and whilst I don't think it was particularly honest or nice of me, I don't regret it anymore. I felt the relationship was going nowhere, my partner would spend a tiny portion of their time actually talking to me (it was long distance, talk was all we had) and when I tried to voice my dissatisfaction they blanked me entirely - when my year long crush walked into my life, I went for the chance and told them the first chance I got.

A year later, I became openly polyamorous with my new partners blessing. In december it'll be our 4 year anniversary. As far as cheating goes, well, I've been quite open with every partner I've had that I don't mind if they form relationships with others as well as me. I'm not the jealous type, and I trust them to keep the number of attachments they form to a number they're comfortable with. That all said, I think that to lie and betray someones trust is a pretty big deal, and relationships do come with assumed monoamory. I don't like cheating - but I'm fine with people being open.

 

[Imperioratorex Caprae]

Why bother with a commitment to someone else if you can't actually commit? If you feel cheating is right, stay single and save yourself the drama.
Also, if you make a commitment to someone and break that, you've essentially made giving your word on anything null and void, thereby making yourself a piece of shit.
But then, thats my view and I know some people think honor and integrity are overrated.