Cheating in relationships: your views?

[ProfessorLayton]

Thats correct. That and death. But it doesnt mean you cant have a separation for other reasons.

Well I know you can get a divorce for other reasons, it's just that you're not supposed to... but the first thing I think of is "What if your partner is abusive?" I think God would understand...

 

[someonehairy-ish]

I think cheating is utterly reprehensible. That said, however, sleeping with someone else isn't necesarrily cheating, if your both cool with it, then no problem. It's the betrayal thats the problem.

Exactly. Some friends of mine have a 'friends with benefits' thing going on with each other. It works rather well. They're both bisexual so i think the general agreement is that if one of them finds someone willing then both of em get a piece of the action ^^.
I cant see this working for many people though. They are a very odd couple- in a nice way. I know it wouldnt work at all for me and my girlfriend. The only time id probably be cool with her sleeping with someone else would be if i had to go away somewhere for- i dunno, a year maybe- during which time i couldnt see her. Although if i got back and found out she'd decided to stay with this hypothetical guy id probably be devastated.

 

[Vanguard_Ex]

I would never forgive a cheater, even if they didn't sleep with them but kissed them. I just wouldn't be able to get over that kind of betrayal.

It's why I'm currently single. Just like you, even a kiss is too much to bear. I broke down.

I have no issue with it, we're all just animals, accepting the basic fact of sexual drive in all of us would lead to a lot less rage induced murders. Unlike most people, I don't connect sexual acts with how close I am with somebody or how much I care for them.

Animals with logic, reasoning, morals and complex emotional relationships that depend on communication and the actions we choose with our own executive thinking.
In my honest opinion, anyone who lets it slide because it's 'just our biology' or something similar are in denial.

I prefer open relationships myself, so to me cheating is having romantic or sexual intimacy without getting the consent of everyone else you are romantically or sexually involved with currently. In this sense a few months ago I was 'cheated on' with a person I had expressly said was not cool with me. It ended up in a shouting match because I felt ignored and betrayed. I did try to salvage the relationship because I really loved my girlfriend, so cheating is clearly not an automatic deal breaker for me.

Sex, love, and partnership are sacred to me. But sacred things should be shared, not hoarded imho. Sure it feels nice to be someone's 'Mr./Ms. One and Only' until you realize you are far more likely their 'Mr./Ms. Right Now.' I fear that many people prefer Monogamy due to Insecurity Issues and justify it as 'being right' or 'what I am entitled to in a lover.'

Love is hard, and life is too short, imho, to discard relationships over sexual and romantic indiscretions by default. Ask yourself this question, "If I really loved her, would I leave her because she cheated? If the answer is yes without a thought...that is not love imho. Love is worth forgiving and forgetting imho.

I have to say, whilst it is the almost complete opposite of what I believe, your opinion is very interesting. I applaud it.

 

[Something Amyss]

Puny mortals and your mon awe gummy.

 

[TylerC]

I think it's a horrible thing to do to someone. Either don't cheat or don't be in a relationship.

 

[garfoldsomeoneelse]

If you ask me, it's fucking vile. To me in particular, at least. I'm a very solitary person, but on the rare occasion that I'm interested enough in someone (or pity them enough) to declare an official relationship with them, I'll open up to them. When you've got trust issues like I do, it's a huge display of vulnerability that I've never even voluntarily shown to any of my therapists, despite how much I wanted them to help me. Trauma has a way of making you intensely distrust everyone you ever meet. It gets lonely, though. You can only push so many people away before you start to realize that it's hurting you, but you still can't overcome your insecurities enough to let anyone get close.

So, when one of the few people in the world I've opened up to betrays me like that, it just... I can't cope. It takes me weeks just to start eating again, to say nothing of how seriously I considered suicide (to the point where I quaffed five shots of rum and a bottle of NyQuil, then took off speeding around town in my truck looking for something to slam into). It's not so much about heartbreak as it is about watching paradise burn down before my eyes; just when I think I've finally found somebody I can confide in, someone I can actually trust on a meaningful level and catch a break from my life of perpetually walling myself off from others... they pull the rug out from under me and laugh, condemning me distance myself from others even more severely.

Here's the short version: fuck cheaters.

 

[alittlepepper]

Deplorable and unacceptable. Plain and simple. An instant relationship killer for me. If my partner were to cheat on me, I don't care if we've been married twenty years. It's over.
And that's the way it should be; if a person cheats once, they WILL cheat again. Cut them out of your life. With a chainsaw, if necessary.

 

[Lord Mountbatten Reborn]

Thats correct. That and death.

I thought the vows already entail "'till death do us part". Doesn't that sort of nullify the marriage as it was upon the death of one of the pairing?

 

[Hawk of Battle]

The one girlfriend I ever had cheated on me, though I didn't know it at the time. A few days after she did so I broke up with her anyway. I found out a year later what she had done and even then was filled with an indescribable sense of anger and betrayal.

So yeah, cheating, pretty much the worse thing ever.

 

[Assassin Xaero]

Personally? I find it disgusting.

I never really thought of it as disgusting, but still don't really see it that way. To me it is completely morally wrong and dishonest, and I'd never do it...

 

[Thunderhorse31]

"you and me baby, ain't nothin' but mammals..."

as soon as I let go of the notion that mind controls body, I was able to see that sometimes... we're just mammals.

And this is how we excuse every conceivable bad behavior imaginable.

I suppose that if a girl cheats on you and it's forgivable because of our biology, it's also okay for me to tear her lover's head off. Because you know, being territorial is part of my nature.

 

[TornadoADV]

Animals with logic, reasoning, morals and complex emotional relationships that depend on communication and the actions we choose with our own executive thinking.
In my honest opinion, anyone who lets it slide because it's 'just our biology' or something similar are in denial.

I'm not in denial about anything, I completely upfront with the faults/drives of our biological being. Staying with one partner only makes sense if you constantly produce offspring with said partner, that's the entire fundamental reason for mammals to stick together. (And protecting/raising their young.)

People aren't perfect, they will make mistakes and if my partner is happy, then I'm happy. I'm not going to force said partner to be unhappy because of some trite concept of the "sacred relationship" that is in so much tatters on this planet as to render it nothing more then a joke.

And this is how we excuse every conceivable bad behavior imaginable.

I suppose that if a girl cheats on you and it's forgivable because of our biology, it's also okay for me to tear her lover's head off. Because you know, being territorial is part of my nature.

Of course, then it's completely fine for me to kill you in your sleep or in whatever method I choose to do so.

 

[Vanguard_Ex]

If you ask me, it's fucking vile. To me in particular, at least. I'm a very solitary person, but on the rare occasion that I'm interested enough in someone (or pity them enough) to declare an official relationship with them, I'll open up to them. When you've got trust issues like I do, it's a huge display of vulnerability that I've never even voluntarily shown to any of my therapists, despite how much I wanted them to help me. Trauma has a way of making you intensely distrust everyone you ever meet. It gets lonely, though. You can only push so many people away before you start to realize that it's hurting you, but you still can't overcome your insecurities enough to let anyone get close.

So, when one of the few people in the world I've opened up to betrays me like that, it just... I can't cope. It takes me weeks just to start eating again, to say nothing of how seriously I considered suicide (to the point where I five shots of rum and a bottle of NyQuil, then took off speeding around town in my truck looking for something to slam into). It's not so much about heartbreak as it is about watching paradise burn down before my eyes; just when I think I've finally found somebody I can confide in, someone I can actually trust on a meaningful level and catch a break from my life of perpetually walling myself off from others... they pull the rug out from under me and laugh, condemning me distance myself from others even more severely.

Here's the short version: fuck cheaters.

I was going to comment about how much I love your posts and was happy you chose to drop in but, now I can't help but feel quite guilty I even made this thread. You sound like you've been through a lot and I can sympathise on the level of despising the behaviour, at least (I'm not going to patronise by saying I understand situations and mindsets I've never even experienced).

 

[razer17]

I feel that if you're in a reltionship where you feel the need to cheat... Well you shouldn't be in that relationship. I also think that all the blame should be on the person who actually has a partner, unless they both do, and not on the other party who they cheated with.

That said, I wouldn't care if a person I didn't know, who had a partner, wanted to sleep with me, I probably would. Unless I knew and liked their partner, I would help the cheat, as it were. But that's because I am an arsehole.

 

[superbatranger]

Well, my dad cheated on my mom, so I'm sure you could figure out my position regarding the act of cheating.

 

[thenumberthirteen]

I'm quite a forgiving person, but that's going too far. I think I could forgive someone if they cheated on me, but it'd be hard. Luckily I have never been in that situation.

 

[DarkRyter]

Since I am a very, very, very lonely individual, it disgusts me that some people in the world become greedy motherfuckers who don't realize how good they have it.

 

[garfoldsomeoneelse]

I was going to comment about how much I love your posts and was happy you chose to drop in but, now I can't help but feel quite guilty I even made this thread. You sound like you've been through a lot and I can sympathise on the level of despising the behaviour, at least (I'm not going to patronise by saying I understand situations and mindsets I've never even experienced).

Ah, don't sweat it, dude. I would've left out all the personal stuff if I wasn't crashing from an all-day caffeine high. This thread turned out really well, by the way.

 

[Vanguard_Ex]

Animals with logic, reasoning, morals and complex emotional relationships that depend on communication and the actions we choose with our own executive thinking.
In my honest opinion, anyone who lets it slide because it's 'just our biology' or something similar are in denial.

I'm not in denial about anything, I completely upfront with the faults/drives of our biological being. Staying with one partner only makes sense if you constantly produce offspring with said partner, that's the entire fundamental reason for mammals to stick together. (And protecting/raising their young.)

People aren't perfect, they will make mistakes and if my partner is happy, then I'm happy. I'm not going to force said partner to be unhappy because of some trite concept of the "sacred relationship" that is in so much tatters on this planet as to render it nothing more then a joke.

Sorry, I wasn't inteding to accuse you of being in denial. It wasn't meant that way but yeah, it pretty much came out that way.

I can see where you are coming from but years of debate and experimentation around this very subject have shown that we are more than chemical impulses and bestial drives.
It's the fundamental reason for life, but that is not why we necessarily stay with people; our cognitive processes are the gift that let us experience life differently to animals that just fuck and die. How else can you explain staying with or leaving somebody due to personality issues?