Cheating: Whose Fault is It?

[Seldon2639]

As happens on occasion, I've been sucked into a discussion about whose responsibility cheating is. It seems like there are three main answers (with combinations of each, leading to seven total responses), and that the level of support for each depends on which gender is cheating.

Some people I've spoken to have said that it's the cheating partner's fault, and no one else's. The person with whom the cheater slept isn't culpable or responsible for being the other man/woman, it wasn't his/her job to keep someone else faithful.

Others have claimed it's the person who slept with the cheater's fault. If they knew he/she was in a relationship, and pursued it (or gave into it) anyway, they're a scumbag.

Still others have claimed that it's the cheated-on partner's fault, he/she must have been emotionally unavailable, not satisfying in bed, or abusive, to "deserve" being cheated on.

There's the combinations, of course:

- Cheater/other woman are responsible
- Cheater/Cheated on
- Cheated on/other woman (though this hasn't come up)
- Everyone in part.

When a man cheats, it seems that people are more likely to invoke him and the other woman as being at fault. The other woman is (obviously) a skank for sleeping with a taken man. The man is a bastard for cheating. The cheated on woman is a blameless victim.

If a woman cheats, it seems that we're more likely to give her a pass on it. She must have been "driven" into the arms of another man. Her boyfriend must have been a terrible boyfriend. Interestingly, there are mixed results about the other man. Some see him as being a noble person, comforting a woman whose boyfriend sucks, others see him as a bastard.

How do you folks feel about it?

 

[CakeDragon]

It's down to both the people in the relationship. I think one of the reasons for cheating is a result of a boring or lacklustre relatioship - and people will seek this from elsewhere.

But yeah, cheating is baaad. It's not happened to me (thankfully) but one of my best friends was cheated on for about 6 months (out of a 2 year relationship) and it broke her heart.

Don't do it, kids! If you're unhappy in a relationship and/or are interested in someone else, end something before you start something else. (That's my advice for today)

 

[Maze1125]

It's necessarily the cheaters fault but the others may have some level of blame too depending on the circumstances, their actions and their intentions.

 

[BeeRye]

When a man cheats, it seems that people are more likely to invoke him and the other woman as being at fault. The other woman is (obviously) a skank for sleeping with a taken man. The man is a bastard for cheating. The cheated on woman is a blameless victim.

If a woman cheats, it seems that we're more likely to give her a pass on it. She must have been "driven" into the arms of another man. Her boyfriend must have been a terrible boyfriend. Interestingly, there are mixed results about the other man. Some see him as being a noble person, comforting a woman whose boyfriend sucks, others see him as a bastard.

How do you folks feel about it?

If you take divorces in this country that's pretty much spot on what is used every time.

Personally I think the person who cheated is at fault. Sure the other man or woman they slept with might know or not care, but they wouldn't be in a position to sleep with them if the cheater didn't want it. Saying you were tempted away by someone else and it's their fault won't cut it for me: you'll always find that people who don't want to cheat don't put themselves in positions where it could end up happening. As for the whole partner who is uncaring/doesn't satisfy you, you can approach them about the problem. If you do and it can't be fixed then it is pretty clear that the relationship isn't working, and at this stage I don't consider going out and sleeping with someone to be cheating. Doing so before trying to work out the problems would is just copping out in my opinion though.

 

[antidonkey]

Technically, it's the fault of genetics though we strive to overcome them. Regardless, fault rests squarely on the shoulders of the cheater and no one else.

 

[SnipErlite]

The person who cheated.

Nobody else is at fault, unless the person who the cheater cheated with was aware of the relationship, but even then their not as much to blame as the cheater.

I think?

 

[teh_n00b_root]

Its the fault of whoever posted the codes! Incidently why, if you gonna cheat, dont you use the one so she/he/it cant find out

 

[Insanum]

Gender doesnt come into it. If your relationship is THAT BAD[/I], Leave. Then your not cheating.

Same goes for sleeping with people in relationships. Its all well and good saying "Well he/she hates the relationship", Well Keep your legs crossed until they break up. Its not difficult.

 

[TheFacelessOne]

The person who is cheating, and only the person that the person is cheating with is guilty if they know that the cheater is in a relationship.

Otherwise, it's both of their faults.

 

[JemJar]

No-one else forces you to press up up down down left right left right B A...

Sorry, but this being a gaming website I was pretty convinced this was going to be something along those lines, although my response is still pretty much valid if you replace inputting the Konami code with "sleep with someone else".

 

[Daemascus]

No-one else forces you to press up up down down left right left right B A...

Sorry, but this being a gaming website I was pretty convinced this was going to be something along those lines, although my response is still pretty much valid if you replace inputting the Konami code with "sleep with someone else".

I agree with the JemJar on this one.

 

[rory12345]

Person who is cheated is at fault. If the person they cheated with knew the other person hand a significant other it is there fault as well.

 

[Marowit]

The person who chooses to cheat is the one responsible. Sure you can try to blame the person who was cheated on, but to me, that's akin to blaming the rape victim.

If you choose to cheat you're the only one at fault.

 

[Agayek]

Technically, it's the fault of genetics though we strive to overcome them. Regardless, fault rests squarely on the shoulders of the cheater and no one else.

Basically this. They made the conscious decision to cheat on their partner, and, regardless of the reason, that means they are responsible. If their partner was boring them, they could have either ended it or talked it out.

Also, even if their partner was denying them sex permanently, there's still no need to cheat. It is not necessary for survival. A lack of self-control is entirely to blame whenever anyone cheats on their significant other.

 

[TazTheTerrible]

People like to point fingers and be able to say "it's THAT person's fault, now they have to be sorry and the rest of us can feel vindicated and get on with our lives."

This will vary case by case though, and often looking for someone to blame really isn't that useful. That is, if you really want to understand why things happened the way they did.

 

[Pingieking]

I think this has to be taken on a case-by-case basis.
Generally though, it's mostly the cheater and the third person of the relationship at fault. The cheater always has the responsibility of not breaking off the current relationship before pursuing another. However, depending on the situation, the one being cheated on may not be blameless, and the third person may be innocent.

 

[PinkAngelKitty]

The cheater is the guilty party. What they SHOULD have done was alerted their partner that they weren't happy in the relationship. Often the other man/woman are unaware that the other person is taken. Most people have been cheated on, and are unwilling to do that to someone else. The cheated upon person is innocent. Sure they may be fucking the relationship up in someway, but I gaurantee that they aren't doing it on purpose. Most people just need to be told that things need to be changed for the other person to be happy, and 9 times out of 10, the cheater is also being emotionally unavailable/ etc as well. The only "bastard" is the cheater. They made a conscious decision to violate the trust of their partener.

Now if alcohol is involved, things start to get real complicated...