Vera agreed to get healed, and Andrew took care of her injuries without a word. He was getting hungry again, but he didn't think this was a good moment to go find a snack. Despite his best attempts, neither Vera, nor Nicole seemed to react well to what he had said. It made him feel powerless, like he had felt before when trying to cheer others up. It was something he had never been able to simulate, the closest thing he could manage was the comfort of a doctor, friendly, but also professional and distant.
"That's not true. I could have, I could have made the lightning miss them I know I could have."
Nicole said. Andrew wasn't sure what she was trying to say, although if she was able to control the lightning, was that connected to that one bolt of lightning striking close before?
Not important.
It seemed like Nicole was blaming herself, feeling like she should have acted differently. Perhaps Vera felt like that as well, they were both resourceful, so it wasn't impossible that they could have done something, had they known. Of course, that was the important part. No one knew. Andrew was reminded of something he had considered back in Italy, when resting between events, relating to his powers. He spoke aloud, although it might not help them, it would at least shed a different perspective on it.
"This might not seem relevant at first, but I am going somewhere with it. I've met Apollo twice, once a year ago, when I left the moment I saw him, and once almost two months ago. The second time, I listened long enough for him to prove who he was, then left. He doesn't even know what I sound like. Then, a few days later, a young girl was brought in, having been in a car accident. I wasn't in charge of her treatment, but I was assisting the doctor who was going to operate on her. Even if the treatment of her as she was brought into surgery was exactly by the book, a prime example of emergency treatment, her injuries killed her. It wasn't my responsibility, nor my fault, and I didn't think much of it. But then, on this trip, I learned that I have healing powers that would have saved her, and I realized, if I had taken the time to listen to Apollo back then, I might have learned of my powers. I could have saved her, had I chosen to listen."
He didn't like admitting that, but it was hardly keeping him up. Not when there was nothing to be done but to remember it, and not make the same mistake. Still, there was a clear hint of regret in his voice as he spoke. Andrew continued.
"However, whether or not I could have saved her doesn't matter. Because, even if I could go back and redo it, I still wouldn't have known about it. My memories would be the same as they were then, and I would have acted the exact same way. You can't blame yourself for not knowing when the unimaginable happens. All you can do is learn from it. If you really feel like it's your fault, or like you could have saved them, remember the feeling, and use it to save someone else. This is probably not my place to say..."
He hesitated. "But I'm sure you will manage." Andrew sat down, opposite of them. There was something about their mourning that made him feel calmer, as horrible at that could sound. It was just a remainder of the mask of the reliable and friendly doctor, but it made him add a little more.
"And if you don't, I'm sure someone will help you. I'll easily admit that I can't give either of you the comfort you need, and all I've said probably sound like just empty words." He didn't continue, just leaned backwards, staring at the ceiling. He hadn't realized how exhausted he was before now. And right now, he had been admitting his own mistakes, in order to benefit others. So... strange. He was still feeling sick, and he closed his eyes, if someone spoke he would hear it, but he tried to relax a little at least.
"That's not true. I could have, I could have made the lightning miss them I know I could have."
Nicole said. Andrew wasn't sure what she was trying to say, although if she was able to control the lightning, was that connected to that one bolt of lightning striking close before?
Not important.
It seemed like Nicole was blaming herself, feeling like she should have acted differently. Perhaps Vera felt like that as well, they were both resourceful, so it wasn't impossible that they could have done something, had they known. Of course, that was the important part. No one knew. Andrew was reminded of something he had considered back in Italy, when resting between events, relating to his powers. He spoke aloud, although it might not help them, it would at least shed a different perspective on it.
"This might not seem relevant at first, but I am going somewhere with it. I've met Apollo twice, once a year ago, when I left the moment I saw him, and once almost two months ago. The second time, I listened long enough for him to prove who he was, then left. He doesn't even know what I sound like. Then, a few days later, a young girl was brought in, having been in a car accident. I wasn't in charge of her treatment, but I was assisting the doctor who was going to operate on her. Even if the treatment of her as she was brought into surgery was exactly by the book, a prime example of emergency treatment, her injuries killed her. It wasn't my responsibility, nor my fault, and I didn't think much of it. But then, on this trip, I learned that I have healing powers that would have saved her, and I realized, if I had taken the time to listen to Apollo back then, I might have learned of my powers. I could have saved her, had I chosen to listen."
He didn't like admitting that, but it was hardly keeping him up. Not when there was nothing to be done but to remember it, and not make the same mistake. Still, there was a clear hint of regret in his voice as he spoke. Andrew continued.
"However, whether or not I could have saved her doesn't matter. Because, even if I could go back and redo it, I still wouldn't have known about it. My memories would be the same as they were then, and I would have acted the exact same way. You can't blame yourself for not knowing when the unimaginable happens. All you can do is learn from it. If you really feel like it's your fault, or like you could have saved them, remember the feeling, and use it to save someone else. This is probably not my place to say..."
He hesitated. "But I'm sure you will manage." Andrew sat down, opposite of them. There was something about their mourning that made him feel calmer, as horrible at that could sound. It was just a remainder of the mask of the reliable and friendly doctor, but it made him add a little more.
"And if you don't, I'm sure someone will help you. I'll easily admit that I can't give either of you the comfort you need, and all I've said probably sound like just empty words." He didn't continue, just leaned backwards, staring at the ceiling. He hadn't realized how exhausted he was before now. And right now, he had been admitting his own mistakes, in order to benefit others. So... strange. He was still feeling sick, and he closed his eyes, if someone spoke he would hear it, but he tried to relax a little at least.