Choose Your Own Adventure
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You are standing in a void, Asha still holding your hand. "1100," says a voice in your ear. You are standing in front of an enormous door.
"Think," says Asha."We need a number to open this door. A number that follows the logic of what we've been hearing. There must be some method to this insanity."
Tentacles start to creep up from behind the void, creeping towards your life-apple. You sense that they're going to progress in real-time towards you and mess you or Asha up reelz bad if don't get this riddle in like, I don't know, a day.
Inventory: Flashlight (Moderate Battery), Questionably-Tainted Bacon Sticks, Plasma Rifle (Low Battery), Pistol, Grappling Hook, Green Potion, Black Mirror, Knife, Heart Apple
Abilities: Bloodsight, Heat Steal x 2
She nods, leaving Zombie Donald and Zombie Sphinx behind as they fend off the oncoming horde. You pass through a door entitled "1025."FPLOON said:
You feel pretty good about relieving Zombie Pig from his undeath, even if you're kind of unclear of how dead he actually is considering you're in your subconscious and you were the reason for him being in undeath in the first place. You see him oink off into the after life, where Demeter makes sure he'll have an excellent romp through the endlessly fertile fields.Wary Wolf said:
You are standing in a void, Asha still holding your hand. "1100," says a voice in your ear. You are standing in front of an enormous door.
"Think," says Asha."We need a number to open this door. A number that follows the logic of what we've been hearing. There must be some method to this insanity."
Tentacles start to creep up from behind the void, creeping towards your life-apple. You sense that they're going to progress in real-time towards you and mess you or Asha up reelz bad if don't get this riddle in like, I don't know, a day.
Inventory: Flashlight (Moderate Battery), Questionably-Tainted Bacon Sticks, Plasma Rifle (Low Battery), Pistol, Grappling Hook, Green Potion, Black Mirror, Knife, Heart Apple
Abilities: Bloodsight, Heat Steal x 2
?
A ripple passes through the void. You're not sure if what you inputted was right, but it sure did something.
Tentacles burst out of the void below and wrap around Asha's legs. She hisses and touches the tentacles, which wither and turn grey, but more start piling on almost immediately.
The ripple passes through time, altering three previous posts on this page.
"New number!" Asha screams before breaking out of the tentacle-cocoon, "a 3 digit one, now!"
A ripple passes through the void. You're not sure if what you inputted was right, but it sure did something.
Tentacles burst out of the void below and wrap around Asha's legs. She hisses and touches the tentacles, which wither and turn grey, but more start piling on almost immediately.
The ripple passes through time, altering three previous posts on this page.
"New number!" Asha screams before breaking out of the tentacle-cocoon, "a 3 digit one, now!"
167
You give that keypad a piece of your mind. Yeah! That'll teach it!
A tentacle wraps around your neck. "FOOL!" says the voice of D'Z'Z'Z'Z, "THESE NUMBERS STRETCH BEYOND YOUR VERY REALITY! HOW CAN YOU HOPE TO PULL THEM FROM YOUR SUBCONSCIOUS WHEN I DEVOUR IT AS I SPEAK!"
Asha kills the tentacle with a touch and shatters it into dust. "Don't listen to him," she says, "keep trying."
"AND YOU, ZOMBIE LORD!" says D'Z'Z'Z'Z. A powerful tentacle wraps around her and squeezes tight. You hear her groan in pain. "THIS BETRAYAL WILL NOT BE FORGOTTEN."
The door still looms in front of you.
You punch in all the above numbers, and none of them work.Wary Wolf said:
You give that keypad a piece of your mind. Yeah! That'll teach it!
A tentacle wraps around your neck. "FOOL!" says the voice of D'Z'Z'Z'Z, "THESE NUMBERS STRETCH BEYOND YOUR VERY REALITY! HOW CAN YOU HOPE TO PULL THEM FROM YOUR SUBCONSCIOUS WHEN I DEVOUR IT AS I SPEAK!"
Asha kills the tentacle with a touch and shatters it into dust. "Don't listen to him," she says, "keep trying."
"AND YOU, ZOMBIE LORD!" says D'Z'Z'Z'Z. A powerful tentacle wraps around her and squeezes tight. You hear her groan in pain. "THIS BETRAYAL WILL NOT BE FORGOTTEN."
The door still looms in front of you.
Suddenly, it all makes sense. The door was the fourth wall and the ability to break it was within you the whole time. You type in 168 and completely next-level your scrub subconscious. Your scrubconscious, if you will.
The door splits down the center and falls to the left and right, shattering to pieces. "You did it!" yells Asha, tentacles still devouring her. Beyond the void door is a white void, leading to the final part of your subconscious.
You go to free Asha but tentacles grab the both of you and wrench you apart.
"It's too late for me," says Asha. "Go! There's no time! You can stop this!"
Even as she speaks, the door rumbles as if to reform itself.
The door splits down the center and falls to the left and right, shattering to pieces. "You did it!" yells Asha, tentacles still devouring her. Beyond the void door is a white void, leading to the final part of your subconscious.
You go to free Asha but tentacles grab the both of you and wrench you apart.
"It's too late for me," says Asha. "Go! There's no time! You can stop this!"
Even as she speaks, the door rumbles as if to reform itself.
"Stellaaaaaa!" you yell dramatically, before realizing that Marlon Brando you are not. "Ashaaaaaa!" you correct yourself before leaping into the void. You hope the audience's belief in Asha will save her but already the fourth wall reforms behind you, blocking you off from the people yelling commands at you.FPLOON said:
There is a naked woman in the void. She is smiling at you with a smile that stretches off of her face. Her eyes are cartoonishly enormous and her eyes dart towards you as soon as you enter. "Greetings, traveller," she says.
"Well met?" you say.
"I am the Secretkeeper," she says. "The Ancients have planted me inside your subconscious, where D'Z'Z'Z'Z cannot reach. The Secret lies on the forehead of my corpse."
...ooookay.
Inventory: Flashlight (Moderate Battery), Questionably-Tainted Bacon Sticks, Plasma Rifle (Low Battery), Pistol, Grappling Hook, Green Potion, Black Mirror, Knife, Heart Apple
Abilities: Bloodsight, Heat Steal x 2
"My corpse," she says, still smiling, "is a gentle thing of beauty. Serene, almost, but by looking at it you would never know that in life it was once that vassal of a great warrior--what are you doing."Wary Wolf said:
You withdraw your tongue from her forehead. There's no Secret there, but there is a fair bit of saliva.
You whip out your Black Mirror and reflect her image back at her. From your peripheral you see her corpse in the mirror. On her forehead, there is The Secret. But that's strange. You know there is the Secret there, on her forehead, but you can't read anything.Wary Wolf said:
"You've found it without killing me," notes the smiling woman. "Very good. I will explain to you the nature of the Secret. There is no one reality for the Secret. The Secret must be of your deciding. Any statement you make will, when you return to your world, become true. This is the only way to defeat D'Z'Z'Z'Z. In short, you have one wish with which to alter the real world. However," says the woman, and then her smile twists into a fiendish black sneer, "choose your words carefully!"
Ponder "what would Harihi Suzumiya do" before, out of sheer curiosity, asking the Secretkeeper if D'Z'Z'Z'Z had any positives that could benefit even the purest of hearts... (Sometimes, you have to cover your bases if you don't have a literal dictionary in your overall inventory, am I right?)
FPLOON said:
You complain about unit balance to the Secretkeeper, who is literally the only person who will listen. She doesn't care even remotely. You keep arguing about unit balance. You talk about Starcraft 2 and how the zerg are way OP. You talk about Warhammer and how the Tyranids are horribly broken. The Secretkeeper dosen't even pretend to care.Barbas said:
Your references are lost on the Secretkeeper, though you figure Harihi would probably do whatever she wanted, she was always kind of hard to pin down. "Let us be honest," says the Secretkeeper, "a pure heart is something you do not have. Sure, you wish to defeat D'Z'Z'Z'Z and save your world, but that is simply what anyone would do."
A ghostly image of an insane Donald flashes before you. "While Donald was insane, you simply left him in the room with no intent of helping him."
A ghostly image of Asha flashes before you. "And did you not flirt with the corpse-lady? A known servant of D'Z'Z'Z'Z?"
The Secretkeeper is now your father. "CHOOSE!" he yells.
Goddammit, you thought you were done with this trippy shit.