Choose Your Own Adventure
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Tentacles crawl out of your father's mouth. "FINE!" says D'Z'Z'Z'Z's voice. Your father explodes into D'Z'Z'Z'Z himself, towering over you. "IF YOU WON'T MAKE YOUR LITERAL WISH, YOU CAN DIE IN YOUR OWN SUBCONSCIOUS!"FPLOON said:
You gasp.
"THAT'S RIGHT!"says D'Z'Z'Z'Z, "I AM YOUR FATHER!"
You gasp in horror before realizing that that doesn't really make any sense and seems kind of contrived. You're sort of confused as to what's going on at this point. This whole thing's getting pretty convoluted.
You realized that this is why you never contact your father as well as the true parallel to all of the events that have transpired on this adventure to your college years at Wayne Tech... Then, you jump into the black mirror, destroying it in the process, because this is still your mind and you know how that shit works!
You jump through the Black Mirror and it shatters. You are now in The Land of the Dead.FPLOON said:
You are awake now. You are in a desert of red sand. There is a deep hole in the ground. You are still alive, but nothing around you for miles seems to make a sound.
"Can I speak to the writers?" you ask. You hear a rumbling sound behind you. A cloaked figure approaches. At first, you think it's Donald, but it pulls back its hood to reveal an enormous skull face. That would be Death, if your understanding of popular beliefs about the afterlife are to be believed. You guess this guy's the writer? You feel like you should give him a piece of your mind.Barbas said:
"mortal" says Death, "you have entered my domain and yet you still live | what is your purpose here | perhaps you should jump down that hole."
Offer a sympathetic ear to Death and his dislike of D'Z'Z'Z'Z and say you are here in this realm because you want to punch D'Z'Z'Z'Z with your puny mortal fists.
Also, ask what is up with that Secret Keeper lady, jiggling over there with her secrets and such.
Also, ask what is up with that Secret Keeper lady, jiggling over there with her secrets and such.
"dzzzz doesn't do much killing," says Death sadly. "he just drives his victims to insanity | i don't get any souls that way."
"I am here to punch him with my mortal fists!" you say boldly.
Death seems impressed by your vigour. "no mortal can slay dzzzz, however," says Death. "unless you were chosen by the ancients."
You ask what the Secretkeeper is doing here. Death turns towards her. "that," he says, "would be a sign you were chosen by the ancients | catch her."
"What?" you say.
"CATCH HER!" roars Death, chilling you to your core. The Secretkeeper begins running away from you, through the desert. "take this," says Death, handing you his scythe. "swipe it through the air to slash through reality."
"I am here to punch him with my mortal fists!" you say boldly.
Death seems impressed by your vigour. "no mortal can slay dzzzz, however," says Death. "unless you were chosen by the ancients."
You ask what the Secretkeeper is doing here. Death turns towards her. "that," he says, "would be a sign you were chosen by the ancients | catch her."
"What?" you say.
"CATCH HER!" roars Death, chilling you to your core. The Secretkeeper begins running away from you, through the desert. "take this," says Death, handing you his scythe. "swipe it through the air to slash through reality."
You undress. This is not only completely normal but also highly logical.Wary Wolf said:
Your feet patter across the red dust. You aim far off in the distance and swipe through reality with Death's scythe. A hole in reality opens just below the running Secretkeeper. You aim in the air and swipe again. The Secretkeeper falls through the portal, disappears, and then reappears above you. "I just want to talk!" you yell as she lands in front of you. She examines your naked body.FPLOON said:
"The Secret must be chosen," she says, "a God must be chosen. A new Ancient. Choose an aspect to represent. Life. Death. Fire. Sanity. Water. Insanity. Blood."
"Harvest," says Demeter, "is easily the best choice."
"Any aspect of this world, you can become the God of. And all you must do this time," she says approaching you, "is choose your words carefully. And kiss me."
Far off in the distance, talking to Death, you see Asha. She is human now, returned to her mortal form in death. She turns towards you.
You kiss The Secretkeeper. Asha turns her head. You run over the Asha and kiss her too. Everyone is incredibly confused. "Sanity wins!" you yell. You now have full sanity? I guess? Yeah, sure, why not.FPLOON said:
You are no longer in the confines of your mind, but Asha brought gravy with her to the land of the dead when she died. She makes it rain gravy for you. The Land of the Dead is now covered in gravy.Wary Wolf said:
You are now the Gravy God. As the Gravy God you can travel through dimensions into different worlds and use gravy-based attacks.
"go kill dzzzz now," says Death. Asha and the Secretkeeper start to head towards the giant hole.
Wary Wolf said:
I'm beginning to feel like a Gravy God, Gravy GodFPLOON said:
Pour some gravy from the front to the back God, back God
Now who thinks their gravy's good enough to slap box, slap box?
They said I gravy like a gravy, so call me gravy-gravy
You step through the portal and see D'Z'Z'Z'Z in the Land of the Dead, destroying the world and such. You emerge covered in Gravy. This is it. The culmination of 2 pages of decent adventure game logic and then 4 pages of complete bullshit.
D'Z'Z'Z'Z turns to you. There is only one way this battle is going to end. It will need to be a rap off.
Three judges appear. One is Death. The other is Demeter. The last D'Z'Z'Z'Z's father, Z'Z'Z'Z'D.
"DAD?!" says D'Z'Z'Z'Z, "WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE."
"SON," says Z'Z'Z'Z'D, "ARE YOU DESTROYING WORLDS AGAIN. WHAT HAVE I TOLD YOU ABOUT DESTROYING WORLDS. I THOUGHT YOU WERE GOING TO GET A REAL JOB."
"SCREW YOU DAD!" says D'Z'Z'Z'Z, "I'M GOING TO UTTERLY DESTROY THIS SCRUB IN A RAP-OFF AND DEVOUR THE WORLD BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I LOVE TO DO!"
There will be 3 Rounds. At the end of each round, each judge will vote out of 10 based on the quality of the rap. D'Z'Z'Z'Z starts.
"YO, MY NAME IS D'Z'Z'Z'Z
I EAT WORLDS LIKE THEY'RE OUTTA THE FRID'Z'Z'Z'Z
YOU BETTER STEP DOWN
YOU'RE NOT TAKING MY CROWN
CAUSE WHEN I EMERGE YOUR TECHNOLOGY GOES ON THE FRIT'Z'Z'Z'Z!"
Death shakes his head in disapproval. 5/10.
Demeter laughs heartily. "I enjoy how he used fridges!" she laughs. 2πr/10.
Z'Z'Z'Z'D shakes his masses of tentacles which you guess is his head. "I KNEW I NEVER SHOULD HAVE LET YOU GO TO RAP SCHOOL," he says. "BUT I GUESS IF DEVOURING WORLDS IS WHAT YOU REALLY WANT, I CAN LOOK THE OTHER WAY JUST THIS ONCE." 8/10.
Aw geeze, no fair!
Compose your own SICK RAP BEATS to defeat D'Z'Z'Z'Z.