Choose Your Own Adventure

[Wary Wolf]

Dee Zee Zee Zee Zee, ya know you are a botha!
Ya should have stayed at home, and listened to yo fatha!
Ya made me homies mad, ya think you're super bad,
Ya think ya all that shit? Man! Ya just a cad!
Ya couldn't kill my mind, Ya made a suck-ass rhyme,
Think ya can take me? BOY, IT'S GRAVY TIME!!!

*Create a large sphere of gravy and drop it on D'Z'Z'Z'Z drenching him in hot brown sauce*

 

[personion]

Dee Zee Zee Zee Zee, ya know you are a botha!
Ya should have stayed at home, and listened to yo fatha!
Ya made me homies mad, ya think you're super bad,
Ya think ya all that shit? Man! Ya just a cad!
Ya couldn't kill my mind, Ya made a suck-ass rhyme,
Think ya can take me? BOY, IT'S GRAVY TIME!!!

*Create a large sphere of gravy and drop it on D'Z'Z'Z'Z drenching him in hot brown sauce*

Holy shit, the judges are wowed.
Death gives a bony thumbs up. 9/10.
Z'Z'Z'Z'D heartily enjoys how you mentioned that D'Z'Z'Z'Z should listen to his father. 11/10.
Demeter tastes some of the gravy and decides that while gravy is good, it's not like, the greatest food around. Gravy/10.

You are wiping the proverbial floor with D'Z'Z'Z'Z. Suddenly, souls start to wail from a blackening sky and D'Z'Z'Z'Z shakes all the gravy off of him.
"***** I'M THE GOD OF INSANITY
CONQUEROR OF HUMANITY
HUNDREDS OF GODDAMNED GALAXIES
BEND THEIR KNEES AND FALL TO ME
YOU'RE JUST A GOD OF GRAVY!
YOU ADD ZEST AT THE KITCHEN TABLE!
I DRIVE ALL MORTAL MINDS UNSTABLE!
MY EXISTENCE IS NO FABLE;
GAZE ON AT ME IF YOU'RE ABLE!"

Death shrugs. 7.5/10.
Demeter laughs heartily. 3/2. Goddammit Demeter!
Z'Z'Z'Z'D says "THAT'S MY BOY! SELF-ESTEEM IS IMPORTANT, EVEN IF YOU'RE JOB IS A JOKE!" 9/10.

 

[Wary Wolf]

If that's your best rap, you'd best go back to school,
But don't worry fool, I'll teach you to be cool!

*Use your heat steal ability on D'Z'Z'Z'Z*

Wussy demon of madness, do me a gladness;
You need to get real, and stop this pretense at badness!
The lamest of demons, could have conquered mankind,
Now crawl on back home, so yo daddy can smack your behind!
I'm only the God of Gravy, because I don't take you seriously!
Now you'd best check yourself, before I make you history!

 

[FPLOON]

DJ Ren and DJ Jazzy Jeff are watching this all play out in the sidelines...

 

[personion]

DJ Ren and DJ Jazzy Jeff are watching this all play out in the sidelines...

DJ Ren and Dj Jazzy Jeff shake their heads as they know they could easily school both these fools in the art of sick rhymes. Still, they look on, eager to see which of these amateurs can overcome the other.

If that's your best rap, you'd best go back to school,
But don't worry fool, I'll teach you to be cool!

*Use your heat steal ability on D'Z'Z'Z'Z*

Wussy demon of madness, do me a gladness;
You need to get real, and stop this pretense at badness!
The lamest of demons, could have conquered mankind,
Now crawl on back home, so yo daddy can smack your behind!
I'm only the God of Gravy, because I don't take you seriously!
Now you'd best check yourself, before I make you history!

You impress the audience with your seamless blending of attacks and sick rhymes. Death nods. 8/10. "i just wish there was more death."
Demeter scowls. "You didn't even mention harvest," she says. D'Z'Z'Z'Z takes note of this dissatisfaction. 4/10.
Z'Z'Z'Z'D heartily appreciates how you are putting his son in his place. 11/10.
DJ Ren and Jazzy Jeff appreciate how you countered D'Z'Z'Z'Z's insult to the aspect of Gravy you represent. 8/10.

D'Z'Z'Z'Z growls in anger:
"I'M SORRY, MORTAL, IS THAT ALL YOU GOT?
EVERY ONE OF MY WORDS MAKES MORTAL MINDS ROT!
IF YOU'RE THE GRAVY GOD THEN YOU CAN BE MY APPETIZER
WHEN I DESTROY YOUR WORLD WITH MADNESS AND FIRE!
YOU THOUGHT YOU COULD TURN MY ZOMBIE-MASTER AGAINST ME
BUT YOU JUST SUCCEEDED IN LETTING ME EAT HER BODY!
I'M HARVESTING SOULS
I'M KILLING THIS WORLD
AND DAD, WHEN I'M DONE, I'LL SETTLE DOWN WITH A GIRL."

"I'VE ALWAYS WANTED GRANDCHILDREN!" cries Z'Z'Z'Z'D. 11/10. Uh oh.
"Harvest! He mentioned harvest!" says Demeter. 11/10. Goddammit Demeter!
"i am loathe to admit it, but i suppose you are killing a decent amount of people." 10/10.

Oh geeze! One more round. One more counter. The only way you can pull this off is to somehow get a fabled 11-11-11 score by utterly wowing every single judge. It won't be easy, but there's no time to deliberate. It is time to give one last rap for the sake of humanity.

 

[FPLOON]

Eminem tells you not to choke like he did long ago...

 

[Wary Wolf]

Dee Zee Zee Zee Zee, what confuses me.
Is how your stupidity, comes naturally.
Well I guess you need a girl, to whip you into shape,
'Coz at the moment you're not fit, to be the king of space.
I feel sorry for your children, because their papa is a loser!
And I'm going to beat you so hard, they're going to inherit the bruise-a!
But if you ever have kids, you'll know you've been had,
You're so ugly, your girl would have done it with your dad!

*Now for the chorus. To the tune of London Brigde is falling down:*

Let's all go to harvest time,
Harvest time,
Harvest time!
Let's all go to harvest time,
It's time to plant some wheat now!

*One more, one more:*

Death and destruction? More like a crappy production,
Of really lame beats. Now here's my deduction:
The only thing you kill, are your own lyrics,
The people of Earth died, because they were in hysterics!
Of how laughable you are, How you've lowered the bar.
Now did you want to start this rap battle? I'm ready when you are!
... Wait, you're done? What the flying fig?
I'd have had a bigger challenge against Zombie Pig!

*Drop Mic. No need to use plasma rifle. He already burned good.*

 

[personion]

Dee Zee Zee Zee Zee, what confuses me.
Is how your stupidity, comes naturally.
Well I guess you need a girl, to whip you into shape,
'Coz at the moment you're not fit, to be the king of space.
I feel sorry for your children, because their papa is a loser!
And I'm going to beat you so hard, they're going to inherit the bruise-a!
But if you ever have kids, you'll know you've been had,
You're so ugly, your girl would have done it with your dad!

*Now for the chorus. To the tune of London Brigde is falling down:*

Let's all go to harvest time,
Harvest time,
Harvest time!
Let's all go to harvest time,
It's time to plant some wheat now!

*One more, one more:*

Death and destruction? More like a crappy production,
Of really lame beats. Now here's my deduction:
The only thing you kill, are your own lyrics,
The people of Earth died, because they were in hysterics!
Of how laughable you are, How you've lowered the bar.
Now did you want to start this rap battle? I'm ready when you are!
... Wait, you're done? What the flying fig?
I'd have had a bigger challenge against Zombie Pig!

*Drop Mic. No need to use plasma rifle. He already burned good.*

Holy fucking shit. Holy fucking shit.
Death applauded during the whole thing but started outright yelling and cheering by the end. Demeter was jumping up and down to the sick beat and did a vaguely uncomfortable-to-watch dance during the "Harvest Time" bit. Z'Z'Z'Z'D simply stares, absolutely stunned.
Death: 12/10
Demeter: 12/10
Z'Z'Z'Z'D: 12/10
Eminem: 12/10
DJ Ren: 12/10
DJ Jazzy Jeff: 12/10
"SON," says Z'Z'Z'Z'D, "YOU HAVE BEEN TAKEN TO SCHOOL SO HARD THAT I THINK YOU SHOULD ACTUALLY GO BACK TO SCHOOL AND LEARN HOW TO NOT SUCK ASS AT RAPPING."
"that," says Death, "was masterful. i especially enjoyed how you mentioned that he killed his own lyrics. by the way, i'm taking the souls of your lyrics, dzzzz."
"Harvest time!" laughs Demeter, "harvest time!"
D'Z"Z'Z'Z just writhes there, stunned. "I--I--THIS ISN'T OVER! YOU'RE JUST A GRAVY GOD!" D'Z'Z'Z'Z writhes towards you but his dad wraps around him.
"ALRIGHT YOUNG INTERDIMENSIONAL ELDRITCH ABOMINATION," says his dad, "I'VE HAD QUITE ENOUGH OF THIS CHARADE. YOU'RE COMING BACK WITH ME."
"BUT DAAAAAD," says D'Z'Z'Z'Z.
"THE ONLY BUTT THAT WAS WITNESSED HERE WAS YOUR ASS GETTING FRIED, SON." The two of them rip a hole through reality and disappear through a purple vortex. As they do, the world around you warps back into the town you lived in before everything got destroyed. There is a group of people around you chanting "Gravy God! Gravy God! Gravy God!"
Death approaches you. "yo i decided to do you a solid for dealing with dzzzz, gravy god," says Death. "so here's that chick you smoked weed with back." Asha peeks out from behind Death. She's human now, turned back to normal in her second life. She looks on at your newfound power with slight apprehension. Demeter flies off into the sky.

The world is saved. The people are happy. You are the new God of Gravy. Asha is alive and human once again. D'Z'Z'Z'Z is defeated. The only question is...
What do you do now?
Congratulations; you won! Thank you for playing. Describe your epilogue below: how do you live out the rest of your days?.

 

[FPLOON]

Spend the rest of your days with Asha, your lover, while occasionally hosting a gravy fashion show featuring models [who's names resemble those that contributed to the story-telling/choices of this adventure] and Ed from Ed, Edd, n' Eddy... (The fourth-wall audience read back the credits to this forum game because they have nothing better to do right now...)

 

[Wary Wolf]

What do you do now?
Congratulations; you won! Thank you for playing. Describe your epilogue below: how do you live out the rest of your days?.

Create a great Gravy hammer to break the fourth wall in order to thank the creator of this thread for their time and effort. Apologizing for the layers of bullshit that were inevitably added. Mention that it was an enjoyable romp, and apologize also for perhaps posting too much... Swear that you tried to give ample time for others to make contributions.

Mention that now whenever you listen to 'Deeper Underground' you smile at the recollection of this story.

Thank you.