Well, it's supposedly finally over. 103 hours. Finished Blood and Wine today. And then spent at least 2,5 hours replaying the final sections to try to get a good ending. And will continue tomorrow.
What can I say? This is one of the greatest DLCs ever made. Right up there with Artorias of the Abyss, The Old Hunters and Tiny Tina's Assault on Dragon Keep. At first it was a fun, lighthearted romp and reprieve from the grimness of the main story. Then it became a series of increasingly funny hijinks. Then it was just flat out hilarious. With the final act the story got better and better. When the storybook world was introduced... well, since I'm now complete in terms of the Witcher franchise, I thought I'd close the book with this transformative paragraph from my first Witcher rant:
I don't think I've ever said this unironically, so The Witcher 3 truly is a milestone for me: this game is genuinely magical. Great combat, amazing questing, incredibly improved and customizable UI, mindblowing visuals and a phenomenal final chapter (in this case meaning Blood and Wine) that highlights all the best qualities in the game with 50 ft neon pink letters. I honestly, truly, genuinely, cannot compare this game to anything I've ever played. Its ratio of redeeming qualities to faults is so overwhelmingly in the green it's almost white. It's massively more fun than... well fuck me, I don't even have a good point of comparison. Maybe experiencing the greatest moments of Dark Souls 1 for the first time all over again? To think a game this gargantuan, with so much passion and love clearly put into it, and with such a pedigree behind it, can still repeatedly overwhelm, surprise, impress and amaze so spectacularly has got to be some sort of world record.
And with the post credits final-final-final-actually-final epilogue quest, the game became truly phenomenal. If there was ever a story that actually managed to sell "happily ever after", it's this one. The moment when the quest tracking finally didn't automatically revert to the next story quest felt amazing.
But about that storybook section. I've never seen anything like it in games, and least of all expected it in this game. First the dwarf on the bridge with a poisoned apple. Then the Wicked Witch boss fight. Then the unicorns showed up When the frrrrrench Big Bad Wolf showed up I knew I was in for something entirely different. And then Geralt said "A Witcher should never turn down poultry in distress". And then the girl who sold flint turned a drug dealer. Every moment like that made my jaw drop further and further, and now it must have bored a hole into the ground halfway to China. Then I discovered the Dark Souls easter egg, and tomorrow I must replay the final section in a way so I get both the Infinity +1 swords. It was, as I said, utterly magical.
[HEADING=2]BUT[/HEADING]
Two flaws.
The first one is a minor disappointment, nothing huge: they had the emperor of Nilfgaard stand in for the Emperor without clothes, and he wasn't voiced by Charles Dance. As much as I'd have loved to hear Tywin Lannister prance around spouting nonsense, I'm sure they had a good reason.
The other one is something utterly unforgivable. Something that retroactively ruined everything for me. The DLC, the one before it, the base game, the game before it, and the books before that game, and the short story collections before them. I say this with the heaviest of hearts, but it must be said.
You had a medieval fantasy adventure, set in an amalgamation of France and Italy, with a lighthearted, often comedic tone, with easter eggs and references to other similar items.
[HEADING=3]SO WHERE IN GOD'S BLACK ASSHOLE WAS MY FRENCH TAUNTER EASTER EGG YOU ROTTEN BASTARDS!!?!??!?!?!?[/HEADING]
And for that reason I must r8 this game a -500/10. Awful. Appalling. Atrocious. Hideous. Worse than Hitler, Stalin, Mao and Pol Pot put together. Worst thing evar. Ruined mt life.
But it ain't over, oh no. First order of business is New Game+, where I do every choice differently. Then is replaying Witcher 2 where I do everything differently. Then is playing Witcher 3 again, with an imported save from the aforementioned Witcher 2 playthrough.
Peace!