come up with a funny piece of loot for my RPG

[Atticus89]

The Shiv of Healing
Range: 1-10
Cost: 3
Damage: -5
Effect: Stab your party member to heal them.

The Quill of Power
Range: 9
Cost: 10
Damage: none
Effect: Increases your Charisma 50 points when you roll a critical

 

[My name is Fiction]

Sharpened toothbrush shank
Range 1
Cost 5
DMG 8
Plus 2D12 Bleed damage

 

[tthor]

im hosting a humor themed dungeon crawler roleplay with my friends this holiday. I need your help to come up with a bunch of ridicilous weapons, spells, items, armour and other kinds of loot.

this is how the item app looks like:

ex.1
wooden sword shaped lolipop (p)
range:1
cost:2
2/2

ex.2
goblin(ish) grenade (c)
range:5
cost:3
dmg:4
(1 square splash damage, unblockable(ish))

pretty simple. "(p)" is for Permanent (something you dont loose by using it) and "(c)" is for consumable (the opposite of (p))

cost is how much of your round it takes to use it. (think lands in MTG)
x/x is its attack power and how much it can block. (think MTG again)

get creative. im trying to not ripp The Kingdom of Loathing off to much.

thanks.^^

I've never role played before, so could you elaborate on the different stats and things, especially for stuff like spells and special effects on items

 

[FolkLikePanda]

Probably some turd as a spoil and you need a pointed stick you make the stats I'm not much of an RPG fan.

 

[DuctTapeJedi]

I think it was Munchkin that had th "Freudian Slippers." They let you get out of spells and traps aimed at your specific race/class/gender.

Dammit. I go to give someone a ride, and thirty minutes later, someone ninjas me.

But yeah, do:
Freudian Slippers (p)
0/2
Effect: Everything is now a cigar joke.

Munchkin was huge at the church camp I went to as a kid, this was the first thing I thought of when I saw the thread.

 

[luclin92]

steel gloves of punching (p)
range 1
cost 5
dmg 10
speed -20% (heavy)

 

[Heart of Darkness]

I think it was Munchkin that had th "Freudian Slippers." They let you get out of spells and traps aimed at your specific race/class/gender.

Dammit. I go to give someone a ride, and thirty minutes later, someone ninjas me.

But yeah, do:
Freudian Slippers (p)
0/2
Effect: Everything is now a cigar joke.

Munchkin was huge at the church camp I went to as a kid, this was the first thing I thought of when I saw the thread.

I actually never heard of Munchkin. The only reason why I came up with Freudian Slippers was because someone from the RIFT beta mentioned it in chat.

But still, damn you for ninja'ing me.

 

[roman gnome]

Some of the items I used to place on the shelves at "Enchanter Tim's Magic Emporium:"

new and used spell components
magic chattering teeth
magic glow-in-the-dark bouncy balls
magic disposable lighter with or w/o magic child safety device
magic 2-headed silver piece
expansion packs for deck of many things
wand of bubbles (best used in a light breeze in the direction of your enemies)
mixed magic beans (eat 'em? plant 'em? throw 'em at monsters? All I know is they're magic)
magic 8-ball (or is it a magic infinity-ball?)
magic temporary tattoos (they vanish when you cast the spell. Be sure to apply where you or your spell-casting friend can read it)
T-shirts, including "My party slew a dragon and all I got was this lousy T-shirt. Apparently I was one step outside of the 'encounter area' when it died (of poison from MY arrow, by the way), so NO DROP FOR ME! [/ragequit]"
Actually, Enchanter Tim never carried that T-shirt because those games didn't exist, but he did sell wizard robes that said ""

 

[Athol]

The Cod of Humiliation (p)
range:1
cost:3
4/1
Has a 1 in 6 chance to cause "Fishy Slap" causes -2 moral to all enemies within 2 square of the target.
(Can be aquired by purchasing/catching a cod and tying it to a stick)

The Disks of Boll (c)
range:5
cost:1
dmg:2
(1 in 20 chance to cause "Total Shyte!" causes target to become enraged and attack anthing near while screaming for vengance against Uwe Boll)

 

[ApeShapeDeity]

So, I never played dungeon crawler... but if it's like D&D...

Pants of awesome sexiness (+CR), probably looks like Gene Symmond's gear?

Cheese of repulsion = eat it (-CR), throw it at an over done french accented guy...

Sword of indivisability, can't cut anything

"Truncheon" of de-pantsing, does no dam, just makes 'em naked from the waist down.

Bomb of Benny Hill, throw a magic powder bomb that gets everyone down to their undies and running around chasing each other... Where IS that music coming from, anyway?

Pink fairy wand, looks weak-arse lame but does BRUTAL damage... maybe accidentally to a NPC?

 

[Sonicron]

Tasty Club of Ham-Handedness [p]/[c]

Range: 1
Cost: 3
4/2

"Be as ham-handed in combat as you can be with this huge, raw ham on a bone; its perfect cross-hatching, rich smell and dripping meat-juices will make your enemy's mouth water uncontrollably as you bonk them over the head with it.
Warning: Weapon durability likely compromised in the hands of adventurers who get easily distracted by thoughts of delicious food."

 

[DaJoW]

The Staff of Eternal Balance (p)
0/1
The Staff of Eternal Balance always stands up.

 

[LaughingAtlas]

*WenderShield: an invisible helmet that cancels out sound for the wearer, they can't hear or be heard without lifting up the invisible faceplate. +2 AC when closed.

Ring of the 4th wall: wearer will be punched for speaking out of character.

Backwards sword: a +2 war pick resembling a longsword, to be held by the "blade" end.

Jack-in-the-box?: after winding for 1d4 rounds, the Jack pops out within a 10 foot radius of the box from anywhere but the box itself. (paving stones, pies, coffins, even a party member's hat)

Rubber chicken of stretchiness: as it says, a rubber chicken that can stretch continually.
Damage: 1d4
Snap damage: 1d4 X(feet stretched)

*name originates from WenderSnaven, makes for funny naming of things that probably don't exist.

 

[Gabanuka]

Melon of contempt:
Uses: 1
Effect: You now glow a smug blue.

 

[ApeShapeDeity]

Ah, also... by no means an item thing, but...

How about you make a list of mental illnesses and make up effects. Then, make the players roll or choose on generation. If they don't play their illness well or amusingly, PUNISH THEM!

 

[Circusfreak]

big thanks to everybody who came with suggestions. i had some really good laughs.

 

[shootthebandit]

dick of doom

damage (melee): 1
damage (range): 2 + 100 'splash' damage
range: 10
effect: may cause blindness (if a critical hit)
ineffective against durex armour

 

[H20 Pirate]

Chicken Totem of Cluckinstein
Damage:0
Range:11
Effect: For a limited time morph you or a comrade into a indestructible fowl.
P.S. Intelligence may drop as a side effect of morphing.

 

[Slightly Lemony]

Book of Exploits and Loopholes, lastest addition (P)
range: 0
cost:5
0/0
"Sadly, this book is for F.A.T.A.L...Man, that's nasty."