Confusing the Child's Gender?

[Heartcafe]

http://news.yahoo.com/s/yblog_thelookout/20110524/ts_yblog_thelookout/parents-keep-childs-gender-under-wraps

I was reading the article above me (and I recommend everyone here to look at it too.)In basic summary: The parents choose to hide their child's gender because they want him or her to grow up with the choice of choosing what he or she wants to be without society conforming them.
When I first saw this, I thought that was a good thing, but then I read on.

"They say that kids receive messages from society that encourage them to fit into existing boxes, including with regard to gender. "We thought that if we delayed sharing that information, in this case hopefully, we might knock off a couple million of those messages by the time that Storm decides Storm would like to share," says Witterick. (Storm is 4 months old)

Though Jazz likes dressing as a girl, he doesn't seem to want to be mistaken for one. He recently asked his mother to let the leaders of a nature center know that he's a boy. And he chose not to attend a conventional school because of the questions about his gender. (Jazz is 5)

As for his mother, she's not giving up the crusade against the tyranny of assigned gender roles. "Everyone keeps asking us, 'When will this end?'" she said. "And we always turn the question back. Yeah, when will this end? When will we live in a world where people can make choices to be whoever they are?"

Here's my belief, I think stereotypes are overrated, yet I think that it's important that young children know that they are female or male.
The point is that they are children and it's up to the parents to guide them because they don't always make decisions based on what is in their best interest.
It is a parents job to be supportive and accept their child for who they are and who they become. However, allowing such young children to make gender related decisions that they don't even understand yet could be very confusing for them later on in life.
When they grow up and if they prefer to be the other gender or whatever, then ok, they are old enough to make decisions.

So, I'm wondering, what do you guys think? How much should parents control over their child's life?

 

[Serenegoose]

Why is it important for them to be told they're male or female? What does that mean? What does it even entail?

 

[HerbertTheHamster]

If the kid picks to be a boy and ends up being a girl, there will be a lot of hormone issues. I believe he/she/it will probably end up depressed as fuck.

Also, they named the fucking kid Storm? jesus christ.

 

[Giest4life]

Eh? This might be going a bit too far in my view, but I do agree with the general sentiment. There is still far too much expectations of women than of men. Still, a child might not appreciate not being told what its true gender is.

 

[Ilikemilkshake]

I think this is pretty stupid, on the one hand, i like the idea.. and if i had children i certainly wouldnt encourage them to conform to gender roles but giving them genderless names and taking them out of mainstream schooling is hardly going to be beneficial to them.

If i have children, i'd do my best to be supportive, even if i had a daughter who wanted to be a housewife, i wouldnt say, no you're not allowed because thats conforming to stupid gender roles.

 

[DEAD34345]

All that's going to do is confuse the poor kid, and alienate him from the people around him. Why don't the parents just make sure the kid knows he isn't restricted by his gender? Much easier and less damaging for the child.

It seems to me the parents are forcing choices on him more than any gender roles would. If the kid wants people to know he is male (which he does according to the article) then let him make that choice.

 

[LordFisheh]

This is terrible. I tend to agree with the mother's views, but she's basically turned her child into a living weapon to strike against gender roles. He shouldn't just be a tool for her to make a point.

 

[Zeekar]

It's funny how quickly a good idea can go crazy. I agree that you shouldn't be introducing your baby to purses, dresses, makeup and barbies at babyhood (unless you really want to), but it's OKAY to give your child a normal name. Really. That wont ruin them, I promise.

I would assume, let them play with what they want, let them look the way they want and be seen the way they want. Trying to actually hide your child's gender does the exact opposite of what you want -- You're taking the choice into your own hands instead of putting it in your child's. Maybe they do just want to be a boy or girl and you're forcing them to be androgynous!

That's just as bad as the alternative if you ask me. Especially at one of the ages given...5 years? Really? I think at 5 you are old enough to begin questioning gender on basic levels!

 

[Don't taze me bro]

The issue I have with this, is that the child has a gender. The child has anatomy for that gender. That gender is also on their birth certificate. I can forsee a confused child in the future.
Look, I know male children that play dress up in girls clothing and play with Barbie dolls. They know they are boys though. Their parents let them do this where other parents wouldn't. What these parents in th OP are doing however, I find repugnant.

 

[Kaytastrophe]

My question is: I am sorry but there is a difference between boys and girls. Denying the child their gender (and that is essentially what the mother is doing) will have problems. Sounds to me like the mother is not letting anyone know the gender of the child. What happens when the kid goes to school and gym class comes around? Does the kid get to go whichever room it feels like its going to identify with? No, the teacher will make it go to the change room of it's gender. Then what happens when the class finds out that the kid who does traditionally girly things is actually a boy. That I see having more of a psychological effect then anything else. No I don't think kids and teens will be as open to the nuanced ideas the mother seems to adhere to.

 

[sharpsheppard]

could you chose to do a more poitless or impossible thing i meen you may not say anything but unless the kid never watches any tv/movies reads any books or talks to anyone but his family then he is still going to learn gender roles.

 

[Vornek]

This looks like it's another one of those "looks nice on paper" ideas.

As HerbertTheHamster said...*pause for laughing because I realized what I just said*
...sorry where was I?

Well even though the stereotypes and all are something I agree should be changed and all. I feel this is the wrong way to go about it. My teen years (I.E. NOW) are already damn annoying, and if I also had more hormone issues than i already have...Disaster(s) would likely occur.

In short: Nice thought, BAD way of doing it.

-V

EDIT:
Storm...really? too big fans of X-men or just strange? or both?
And I thought I despised my name, Storm would've been worse

 

[intheweeds]

Eh? This might be going a bit too far in my view, but I do agree with the general sentiment. There is still far too much expectations of women than of men. Still, a child might not appreciate not being told what its true gender is.

Idk, i'm a woman but i have a lot of male friends i've had this conversation with. I think men have difficult expectations placed on them too. Imagine if you were supposed to be all tough all the time and not allowed to cry or show sensitive feelings. You better work out too because you can't be too small, people expect (sometimes women) that you can lift heavy things and can protect people in a fight. That must be hard too.

 

[Gigano]

Seems like idealistic overkill.

While I can appreciate and sympathize with the underlying ideal that a kid should be free to choose its own gender, some kids will also be more comfortable with having fixed gender roles to some degree which they can stick to and identify with (while a majority probably won't really care about the issue, and just go with it).

Hell, some transgendered people might also be more comfortable with there being fixed gender roles, and want to stick to and identify with the one pertaining to their true gender.

Just let the kid loose in the world, and support whatever choices it then makes on gender roles in due time. If it's really transgendered then no amount of environmental stimuli is going to change that fact anyway, so they can relax.

 

[zpm4737]

It seems pretty clear that the children know their gender. It's just other people they aren't telling.

 

[Nimcha]

Awful. Gender stereotypes and roles might be somewhat restrictive, but they emerged for a reason. And a lot of people are pretty happy living in those confined roles.

That said, nobody should be denied a chance to not conform to any of these things but there's really no need to forego all notions of gender and sex. I for example don't fit in any of the traditional gender roles, yet I am as much of a woman as any other girl.

This is just extremism, and that is always bad.

 

[daftalchemist]

There's an extreme difference between letting your daughter play with Tonka trucks, and forcing her to be gender neutral so she can "figure out" which one she wants to be. Children need to learn gender roles, it's just how children learn. They learn societal norms through imitation. That's not to say you have to hand every little girl a baby doll and teach her to cook. Just stick her in a dress or two (if she permits it. I know I didn't as a child), and ask her if she'd rather have Barbie's Dream House or G.I. Joe's Dream Tank. Then make sure you highlight the wonderful aspects of the tank and downplay the house so she picks the tank and you can play with it later. Because I like tanks.

 

[FamoFunk]

The baby really, really looks like a Boy.

It's stupid, you're born XX or XY, if the baby, when older, wants to be a different sex to what s/he is, it can then make the choice it's self. Not, how I feel, be forced to make the desision now.

Little Boys will like Pink, play with dolls and prams and put on make up. Just like little Girls, will wear Blue, play with trucks and cars and roll about in mud after they've been told what sex they are. Hiding the sex is pointless.

I beleive this will cause nothing but problems and confusion for the child when older.

 

[nekoali]

A lot of people are still mixing up physical sex and gender here...

In general, it's a good idea, sort of. In practice it is going to (and for the older children is starting to) bite them on the ass. It's a good thing to understand that a child knows their own gender and will figure it out eventually. And not putting society-based pressure on kids early on about what girls and boys are supposed to do and not do. I am all for breaking down outdated gender binary roles.

However, trying to deny gender is just as bad. Those gender roles do still exist, and children should be prepared for them. Raising them in isolation will cause problems later on when they leave that isolated area. Better to raise your children knowing about those gender roles, but letting them know that they don't have to follow them, if they don't want to. It might make their lives a little harder, or it might make them easier. Depending on how things turn out.

Now, I would love to see what these parents are doing to be the usual way kids are raised for everyone. Raise and love your child and let them tell you what their gender is when they are old enough to express it. The problem isn't with the way these children are being raised, it's with the gender expectations society as a whole places on it's children. Until society changes, the lives of those who act differently will always be difficult.