Cra-zy conspiracies! (Now with 40% more logic-jumping!)

[Sizzle Montyjing]

So escapists/ mole people who live in my dreams because the doctor just doesn't understand, what are the craziest conspiracies you know of, also, feel free to create your own, here, I'll do one for you.
-
So, you remember a while back that the US created some sort of laser missile defense system? Well, it's not actually just for missiles. You see, lasers are beams or light, but more importantly also heat, and, as we all know, different shades have different effects on heat absorption and such. I.E White will reflect light and heat whereas black with absorb light and heat.

Therefore, I have come to the conclusion that the US invented this laser system to kill black people.
/so much sarcasm it hurts

Now, you have a go!

 

[Keoul]

For some reason people believe the driver shot JFK
The "gun" in question is just light on the other guys forehead.
Jeez.

 

[Waffle_Man]

You're welcome.

 

[Sizzle Montyjing]

You're welcome.

I do not even what how can this the moon is there you can see it what what WHAT.

For some reason people believe the driver shot JFK

The "gun" in question is just light on the other guys forehead.
Jeez.

I thought it was fairly obvious that it didn't happen.

 

[RoonMian]

It's a shame most of you don't speak German because this guy is pure comedy gold.

 

[Keoul]

I thought it was fairly obvious that it didn't happen.

It was
People are just really stupid... they see what they want to see and what they want to see is a driver shooting JFK.

 

[WolfDude191]

You're welcome.

Looks like I was beaten to the punch. Got to love humanity sometimes.

 

[AWAR]

Man.. I was really into these stuff when I was younger. I came across some pretty awesome gems in my "search for truth" lol, can't really remember anything particular though except of course for the flat earth society .
I will post when I remember anything else.
Update:
I once came across a mega-conspiracy theory linking everything ever in an insane 5 hour documentary

 

[Scentedwiind]

I honestly don't think China would ever want to take over the United States. Then they would have to actually do something about fixing the sad state of affairs the country. I wish they would actually now that I think about it, considering that they've actually managed pretty well recently.

Also, the holocaust didn't happen and all those videos and pictures and records and nazi documents explicitly discussing death camp numbers as well as the physical remains of gas chambers are all a hoax created by American soldiers in order to justify destroying the fascist government.

 

[lechat]

nah i can see china taking over the US
they could use the extra space and instead of fixing the economy they could just use all americans as slave labour

on a similar topic i remember a prominent speaker once warning of an immanent take over on australia by indonesia. see it turns out they have a better military and more water craft so they can be here in a bout 2 hours and have us invaded by the end of the week. i swear i eye rolled so hard i nearly fell over

 

[Clowndoe]

I got a really funny one.

When I was about 16 I think I was working in shipping and I had a boss who really like all these conspiracies. We also both had a taste for chocolate milk with egg sandwiches. Well while we were at lunch he takes a big sip and says "You know chocolate milk is blood milk right?" So naturally I responded with "WTF?!" and he tells me that they do that so they can still use cows' milk on their period since the chocolate flavor covers it up. He then went back to drinking it. I thought he was just screwing with me until a few days later when he tells me that he learned that it's actually not true, and he had a genuinely disappointed-sounding voice.

 

[Tono4ham]

nah i can see china taking over the US
they could use the extra space and instead of fixing the economy they could just use all americans as slave labour

on a similar topic i remember a prominent speaker once warning of an immanent take over on australia by indonesia. see it turns out they have a better military and more water craft so they can be here in a bout 2 hours and have us invaded by the end of the week. i swear i eye rolled so hard i nearly fell over

Who would want Australia? We don't need a military because we have our wildlife to protect us.

 

[Mojo]

It's a shame most of you don't speak German because this guy is pure comedy gold.

Oh god, thank you for sharing this. Had to pause as I was about one third through to read the comments and Google a few things just to make sure that guy wasn't just a very convincing comedian.
I burst out laughing (something I hardly do when I'm alone) when he said, and I quote:

The moon aliens would have hidden anyway when the Apollo 11 landed, I don't believe it did though, since they don't speak English. They only speak German as the moon colony is part of the Third Reich

Really a shame non Germans cant see this guy.

 

[WickedFire]

You're welcome.

I managed 1:40. At that point my brain cells were already going into protective hibernation. What a cataclysmic retard.

As far as conspiracies go, I've never found any that aren't purely hilarious to me.

 

[Surpheal]

It's a shame most of you don't speak German because this guy is pure comedy gold.

Could you give us a rough translation as to what he is saying?

Anyway, a few years back I heard about this place called HAARP, and all of the stuff it could supposedly do, and there was this video...

Spoiler

...of course it is from four years ago, but honestly.

Also, in high school I once took an astronomy class. Just your basic stuff really, star life, planets, the universe in general. When we were studying the planets someone in my class brought up the whole Nibaru(?) thing, considering this happened in the ancient years of 2011. Now I had never heard of this before, so I got around to looking into what this was exactly. I wish I could go back in time and slap him for bringing up this shit, in a science class no less. He even had the stones to bring this up when a local astronomer came in to talk to our class ,like he would know anything about this little fantasy.

Anyway, stuff, pseudo-science, possible trolls, etc.

 

[Thommo]

You're welcome.

That's no Moon that's a space station

 

[Savryc]

Chemtrails. Apparently the vapor trails on airplanes are lasting longer, naturally the only explanation is that we're being sprayed with mind control drugs.

 

[lacktheknack]

What, no Time Cube?

Fine, then. Time Cube.

You know it's a good conspiracy theory when you have over an hour of reading material, but the reader figures out the wackiness in less than a minute.

Highlights:

Children will be blessed for

Killing Of Educated Adults

Who Ignore 4 Simultaneous

Days Same Earth Rotation.

Practicing Evil ONEness -

Upon Earth Of Quadrants.

Evil Adult Crime VS Youth.

Belly-Button Logic Works.

When Do Teenagers Die?

Adults Eat Teenagers Alive,

No Record Of Their Death.

You SnotBrains will know
hell for ignoring TimeCube.
I do not promote or suggest
anyone killing you, but you
are unfit to live on Earth.

Santa vital to Christmas -
No Santa - no Christmas.
Why credit Santa LIE with
gifts that parents buy their
children? It bribes the child
mind to accept false Santa
spirit and false god spirit
deceit associated with it.
Santa Claus and Christmas
must be indicted deceits
that destroys child mind.

My Cubic Wisdom debunks 1 sex gods.
The male god singularity and same sex
trinity equates denouncing motherhood
and supporting a state of queers - with
a price of HIV devastating life on Earth.

It's like poetry... really, REALLY WTFy poetry.

EDIT: I label it a conspiracy theory because he seems convinced that it's all perfectly clear and cannot understand why no one else follows him. He's even offered $10,000 to anyone who can disprove his theory. No one's claimed it, because you can't prove Time Cubism wrong any more than you can prove the lizardmen in the Royal Family are false.