Cracked Aquarium Launches Sharks at Shoppers

[Nouw]

I actually feel sorry for the lemon sharks. Doesn't make the comedy-gold that's still going in this thread any less funny though.

 

[PunkRex]

Look at those arse holes just snapping pics of the poor sharks, THEY NOT SELL BATH TUBS IN THAT SWANKY MALL, THEY NOT SELL EVIAN AND SALT!?! DO SOOOOOOOOOOOMETHIIIIIIING!!!

 

[D Moness]

well the dutchwebsite refrred to this dutch commercial made in 1999 (for the dutch yellow pages) very relevent >.<


When in doubt blame the cleaners >.>

 

[Chairman Miaow]

...Why would you use the word "launches"? I just imagined a shark propelling it's self out the aquarium as though shot by a cannon.

Perhaps it was some daring escape attempt by the sharks that was not properly thought through.

"Awright. What we do is we slam into the glass a few times over night until the glass is weaken, and then during the thickest crowd we can, we'll slam into the glass lightly, enough to smash it. Then, it's up to you guys to launch yourself as hard as possible into the customers, try to go for the head, or at least the chest. Once our captivators are dead, we'll escape."

And sadly, it didn't kill any shoppers.

Shark 2: "but sir..."
Shark 1: "what now?"
Shark 2: "how are we supposed to breath once the tanks broken?"
Shark 1: "We've been through this before. There is enough water in here for us to flood the ground floor and move quickly back to the sea"
Shark 2: "I think you are greatly over estimating are chances"
Shark 1: "I think I'm getting sick of your negative attitude"
Shark 2: "Well there is no need to get angry"
Shark 1: "Alright then if your so smart, let's here your idea to get us out of here.
Shark 2: "Perhaps we should wait and befriend a small child who doesn't have many real friends, so that he takes pity on us and after a series of events helps us in a last minute desperate bid for freedom"
Shark 1: "That is the most stupid plan I have ever heard. Where do you get these silly notions?"
Shark 2: "Well I saw on the screen of the tv st..."
Shark 1: "Enough! We go ahead as planned"

Shark 1: My...My god...My plan...It failed...I...
Shark 2: I CAN'T BREATHE!
Shark 1: That's right...I'm sorry soldier, but a death on the battlefield is better than a death in a POW camp.
Shark 2: BUT SIR! I...I have children! I have a wife!
Shark 1: I know private, so do I. However, it is freedom or death, and we've been out-witted by the evil tyrannical dictatorship that is man. Let us...Let us just go to sleep and be free...Free forever...

Shark 3: Damit guys what... the $&@!... The tank was heaven we... got free food and...

Shark 4: Oh, so you're happy to spend the rest of your life behind a wall just for a few meals? Some shark you are! Back home, before all this, I was an actor! I was the greatest shark actor of all time! My movies bridged the gap between Tiger and Hammerhead! What were you? Some chum-factory chump?

Shark 3: I never wanted to be a chum-factory chump. I've always hated it. All my life I've only wanted one thing. To be.... A lumberjack!

 

[The Artificially Prolonged]

Shark 3: I never wanted to be a chum-factory chump. I've always hated it. All my life I've only wanted one thing. To be.... A lumberjack!

I think this thread has now officially jumped the shark.

...

Thank you ladies and gentlemen and good night.

 

[Amethyst Wind]

...Why would you use the word "launches"? I just imagined a shark propelling it's self out the aquarium as though shot by a cannon.

Perhaps it was some daring escape attempt by the sharks that was not properly thought through.

"Awright. What we do is we slam into the glass a few times over night until the glass is weaken, and then during the thickest crowd we can, we'll slam into the glass lightly, enough to smash it. Then, it's up to you guys to launch yourself as hard as possible into the customers, try to go for the head, or at least the chest. Once our captivators are dead, we'll escape."

And sadly, it didn't kill any shoppers.

Shark 2: "but sir..."
Shark 1: "what now?"
Shark 2: "how are we supposed to breath once the tanks broken?"
Shark 1: "We've been through this before. There is enough water in here for us to flood the ground floor and move quickly back to the sea"
Shark 2: "I think you are greatly over estimating are chances"
Shark 1: "I think I'm getting sick of your negative attitude"
Shark 2: "Well there is no need to get angry"
Shark 1: "Alright then if your so smart, let's here your idea to get us out of here.
Shark 2: "Perhaps we should wait and befriend a small child who doesn't have many real friends, so that he takes pity on us and after a series of events helps us in a last minute desperate bid for freedom"
Shark 1: "That is the most stupid plan I have ever heard. Where do you get these silly notions?"
Shark 2: "Well I saw on the screen of the tv st..."
Shark 1: "Enough! We go ahead as planned"

Shark 1: My...My god...My plan...It failed...I...
Shark 2: I CAN'T BREATHE!
Shark 1: That's right...I'm sorry soldier, but a death on the battlefield is better than a death in a POW camp.
Shark 2: BUT SIR! I...I have children! I have a wife!
Shark 1: I know private, so do I. However, it is freedom or death, and we've been out-witted by the evil tyrannical dictatorship that is man. Let us...Let us just go to sleep and be free...Free forever...

Shark 3: Damit guys what... the $&@!... The tank was heaven we... got free food and...

Shark 4: Oh, so you're happy to spend the rest of your life behind a wall just for a few meals? Some shark you are! Back home, before all this, I was an actor! I was the greatest shark actor of all time! My movies bridged the gap between Tiger and Hammerhead! What were you? Some chum-factory chump?

Shark 3: I never wanted to be a chum-factory chump. I've always hated it. All my life I've only wanted one thing. To be.... A lumberjack!

Shark 4: Well of course you never followed your dream. You obviously never found the right...

Spoiler: ...timbre.

 

[Godzillarich(aka tf2godz)]

...Why would you use the word "launches"? I just imagined a shark propelling it's self out the aquarium as though shot by a cannon.

Perhaps it was some daring escape attempt by the sharks that was not properly thought through.

"Awright. What we do is we slam into the glass a few times over night until the glass is weaken, and then during the thickest crowd we can, we'll slam into the glass lightly, enough to smash it. Then, it's up to you guys to launch yourself as hard as possible into the customers, try to go for the head, or at least the chest. Once our captivators are dead, we'll escape."

And sadly, it didn't kill any shoppers.

Shark 2: "but sir..."
Shark 1: "what now?"
Shark 2: "how are we supposed to breath once the tanks broken?"
Shark 1: "We've been through this before. There is enough water in here for us to flood the ground floor and move quickly
back to the sea"
Shark 2: "I think you are greatly over estimating are chances"
Shark 1: "I think I'm getting sick of your negative attitude"
Shark 2: "Well there is no need to get angry"
Shark 1: "Alright then if your so smart, let's here your idea to get us out of here.
Shark 2: "Perhaps we should wait and befriend a small child who doesn't have many real friends, so that he takes pity on us and after a series of events helps us in a last minute desperate bid for freedom"
Shark 1: "That is the most stupid plan I have ever heard. Where do you get these silly notions?"
Shark 2: "Well I saw on the screen of the tv st..."
Shark 1: "Enough! We go ahead as planned"

Shark 1: My...My god...My plan...It failed...I...
Shark 2: I CAN'T BREATHE!
Shark 1: That's right...I'm sorry soldier, but a death on the battlefield is better than a death in a POW camp.
Shark 2: BUT SIR! I...I have children! I have a wife!
Shark 1: I know private, so do I. However, it is freedom or death, and we've been out-witted by the evil tyrannical dictatorship that is man. Let us...Let us just go to sleep and be free...Free forever...

Shark 3: Damit guys what... the $&@!... The tank was heaven we... got free food and...

Shark 4: Oh, so you're happy to spend the rest of your life behind a wall just for a few meals? Some shark you are! Back home, before all this, I was an actor! I was the greatest shark actor of all time! My movies bridged the gap between Tiger and Hammerhead! What were you? Some chum-factory chump?

Shark 3: I never wanted to be a chum-factory chump. I've always hated it. All my life I've only wanted one thing. To be.... A lumberjack!

Shark 4: Well of course you never followed your dream. You obviously never found the right...

Spoiler: ...timbre.

shark 1: Where did this forth shark come from.

 

[bladester1]

...Why would you use the word "launches"? I just imagined a shark propelling it's self out the aquarium as though shot by a cannon.

Perhaps it was some daring escape attempt by the sharks that was not properly thought through.

"Awright. What we do is we slam into the glass a few times over night until the glass is weaken, and then during the thickest crowd we can, we'll slam into the glass lightly, enough to smash it. Then, it's up to you guys to launch yourself as hard as possible into the customers, try to go for the head, or at least the chest. Once our captivators are dead, we'll escape."

And sadly, it didn't kill any shoppers.

Shark 2: "but sir..."
Shark 1: "what now?"
Shark 2: "how are we supposed to breath once the tanks broken?"
Shark 1: "We've been through this before. There is enough water in here for us to flood the ground floor and move quickly back to the sea"
Shark 2: "I think you are greatly over estimating are chances"
Shark 1: "I think I'm getting sick of your negative attitude"
Shark 2: "Well there is no need to get angry"
Shark 1: "Alright then if your so smart, let's here your idea to get us out of here.
Shark 2: "Perhaps we should wait and befriend a small child who doesn't have many real friends, so that he takes pity on us and after a series of events helps us in a last minute desperate bid for freedom"
Shark 1: "That is the most stupid plan I have ever heard. Where do you get these silly notions?"
Shark 2: "Well I saw on the screen of the tv st..."
Shark 1: "Enough! We go ahead as planned"

Shark 1: My...My god...My plan...It failed...I...
Shark 2: I CAN'T BREATHE!
Shark 1: That's right...I'm sorry soldier, but a death on the battlefield is better than a death in a POW camp.
Shark 2: BUT SIR! I...I have children! I have a wife!
Shark 1: I know private, so do I. However, it is freedom or death, and we've been out-witted by the evil tyrannical dictatorship that is man. Let us...Let us just go to sleep and be free...Free forever...

Meanwhile in the ocean...

Shark Jnr: "Mother when's daddy coming home?"
Mother Shark: "Oh dear sweetheart, I'm afraid daddy is... sleeping with the fishes now"
Shark Jnr: "Oh, so he'll home real soon then?"
Mother Shark: "No I mean he's... he sleeps in the big ocean in the sky"
Shark Jnr: "So... you mean he's...*sniff*...dead?"
Mother Shark: "I'm sorry Junior"
Shark Jnr: "NNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! I swear I'll revenge you father! I will hunt down and kill everyone of those two legged land fish they call man!
Mother Shark: "Don't you think you are being rash here Junior?"
Shark Jnr: "Damn it mother stop calling me Junior! Call by my father's name... Jaws."

*cut to black*

Um... the Japanese kinda beat yea to that one, with this.... http://www.dailymotion.com/video/xfhd0h_squid-girl-episode-1-who-s-up-for-a-squid-vasion-hold-on-a-squid-aren-t-you-a-compatriot-aren-t-i-ju_shortfilms#.UNzOVW9lV8M Yes yes a squid is not a shark. MEH...

 

[anthony87]

Anyone else read the title and think that Cracked.com opened an aquarium dedicated to launching sharks at people?

 

[Amethyst Wind]

...Why would you use the word "launches"? I just imagined a shark propelling it's self out the aquarium as though shot by a cannon.

Perhaps it was some daring escape attempt by the sharks that was not properly thought through.

"Awright. What we do is we slam into the glass a few times over night until the glass is weaken, and then during the thickest crowd we can, we'll slam into the glass lightly, enough to smash it. Then, it's up to you guys to launch yourself as hard as possible into the customers, try to go for the head, or at least the chest. Once our captivators are dead, we'll escape."

And sadly, it didn't kill any shoppers.

Shark 2: "but sir..."
Shark 1: "what now?"
Shark 2: "how are we supposed to breath once the tanks broken?"
Shark 1: "We've been through this before. There is enough water in here for us to flood the ground floor and move quickly
back to the sea"
Shark 2: "I think you are greatly over estimating are chances"
Shark 1: "I think I'm getting sick of your negative attitude"
Shark 2: "Well there is no need to get angry"
Shark 1: "Alright then if your so smart, let's here your idea to get us out of here.
Shark 2: "Perhaps we should wait and befriend a small child who doesn't have many real friends, so that he takes pity on us and after a series of events helps us in a last minute desperate bid for freedom"
Shark 1: "That is the most stupid plan I have ever heard. Where do you get these silly notions?"
Shark 2: "Well I saw on the screen of the tv st..."
Shark 1: "Enough! We go ahead as planned"

Shark 1: My...My god...My plan...It failed...I...
Shark 2: I CAN'T BREATHE!
Shark 1: That's right...I'm sorry soldier, but a death on the battlefield is better than a death in a POW camp.
Shark 2: BUT SIR! I...I have children! I have a wife!
Shark 1: I know private, so do I. However, it is freedom or death, and we've been out-witted by the evil tyrannical dictatorship that is man. Let us...Let us just go to sleep and be free...Free forever...

Shark 3: Damit guys what... the $&@!... The tank was heaven we... got free food and...

Shark 4: Oh, so you're happy to spend the rest of your life behind a wall just for a few meals? Some shark you are! Back home, before all this, I was an actor! I was the greatest shark actor of all time! My movies bridged the gap between Tiger and Hammerhead! What were you? Some chum-factory chump?

Shark 3: I never wanted to be a chum-factory chump. I've always hated it. All my life I've only wanted one thing. To be.... A lumberjack!

Shark 4: Well of course you never followed your dream. You obviously never found the right...

Spoiler: ...timbre.

shark 1: Where did this forth shark come from.

Shark 4: Oh that's real nice. Doesn't know me even though we've been in the same school for years.

 

[Riobux]

I wonder if someone can photoshop sharks with army helmets onto the Live Free Or Die Hard poster. It'd just be the cherry upon this cake.

 

[Smolderin]

Awww man. It's very sad to hear the sharks died, there my favorite animals. R.I.P my friends.

 

[josemlopes]

Reading that article is certainly a relief. From the title I understood that somehow Cracked.com had acquired an underwater ballista and several sea predators. Not that I wouldn't put it past them...

Could have been worse...

I watched all 4 minutes waiting for it to crack. Really disappointing, would not recommend.

I presume my unintentional trolling here is done

 

[Knife-28]

Ssounds like those shoppers needed *Sunglasses* a bigger trolley*.

[sub]*Or shopping cart, if your a Yank.[/sub]

 

[Knife-28]

*Crap, double post think of anothe funny joke!*

You know I'm suprised (and a little disapointed) that nobody tried to *Sunglasses* coral these sharks and get them back in teir tank.

 

[oldtaku]

Look at those arse holes just snapping pics of the poor sharks, THEY NOT SELL BATH TUBS IN THAT SWANKY MALL, THEY NOT SELL EVIAN AND SALT!?! DO SOOOOOOOOOOOMETHIIIIIIING!!!

It's China - the sharks might have been toxic to human skin.

More seriously, that was damn thick glass. Even with that much water it seems like there had to have been structural flaws in either the glass or the framing structure (maybe the building pressing down, flexing it). Or maybe the sharks had diamond drill bits or frickin' lasers on their heads.

 

[The White Hunter]

...Why would you use the word "launches"? I just imagined a shark propelling it's self out the aquarium as though shot by a cannon.

Perhaps it was some daring escape attempt by the sharks that was not properly thought through.

"Awright. What we do is we slam into the glass a few times over night until the glass is weaken, and then during the thickest crowd we can, we'll slam into the glass lightly, enough to smash it. Then, it's up to you guys to launch yourself as hard as possible into the customers, try to go for the head, or at least the chest. Once our captivators are dead, we'll escape."

And sadly, it didn't kill any shoppers.

I read that in a cockney accent... does that make me a bad person?

OT: aww ): Those poor sharks. Why are they so horrid to sharks in China?...