Crotching Tiger, Hidden Bastard

[Spartan Bannana]

I had a "Friend" Like yours a while back. PROTIP: DITCH THE DOUCHE. I stopped talking to my "friend" and moved on to other people, and you should too.

 

[Booze Zombie]

Haha thanks guys. I really don't hang out with him that much anymore, which I'm quite grateful. I have much much much better friends then him, and that just crossed the line. I am glad to have finally found some understandable people! Thank you escapees. Is that what we're called? Or escapists?

Ditch the fucker all together and get on with your life. He almost ruined the enitre point of existing (to make more things that can exist) for you, so forget him, eh?

 

[Spartan Bannana]

Kicking guys in the balls is not how men fight. Sounds like this guy is quite a cock.

I disagree. Put it this way, say you had to defend your life or even from being seriously pummeled/hospitalized and you could get the upperhand by hitting someone in the gonads, you wouldnt? because its not manly? Fighting isnt honorable and there is no such thing as a fair fight in real life. You do what you have to, to survive.

The thing is, most actual fights aren't real life or death situations, they're more of a fight to the Knockout. If someone was trying to mug me, I would kick them in the balls, if I was doing a straight up fair fight against someone who I knew wouldn't try to kill me, I wouldn't kick them in the balls, see the logic?

 

[Rajin Cajun]

You call that a friend? Jesus Christ I would hate to see what you call an enemy.

 

[Neosage]

Personally I would, the next time he does something remotely irratating, kick the living shit out of him

 

[Samurai Goomba]

I would pound that sucker flat. You just don't do that kind of thing to another guy unless your life is at stake.

I'm a real-life martial artist, too, so I officially volunteer to show up at your school and break a few limbs. Not saying I'm any good, it's just really easy to do once you know how.

Here's a small sample video of how I would deal with your "friend:"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pO9is2OIBY0

 

[The Wooster]

My friend has been competitive about EVERYTHING from the beginning. Who knew more about Grateful Dead, who was better at playing guitar, who played half-life 2 death match better, etc (none of which I truly cared about being better at). But in the past week my friend became extremely competitive about girls. He always honed in on any conversation I had with a girl and made sure by the end of the conversation, I looked like an ass.

One day my friend decided it would be the most manly thing in the world to kick me in the nuts in front of a large group of girls and run off. We were standing there, talking, when all the sudden he grabbed everyone's attention that was in a nearby radius. Loudly he screamed, "ROSHAMBO!!!!" and sent his foot with large amounts of force into my balls. The force was so great it actually knocked me out. I awoke who-knows-how many minutes later deserted in the halls with my books spread from head to foot all over the floor. The doctor said I was dangerously close to never having babies, but it healed over time and I am completely OK.

I later found out that my friend kicked me in the balls and ran away. Not even caring to see if I was alright. I have no idea to this day why he did this action and what he wished to accomplish. The next day he began spreading rumors that I was a "pussy" for telling my parents, who then, with no consent of mine, told his parents.

I had to take a very warm bath when I got home, which was actually painful, not relaxing.

What do you find more of a chicken move? Catching someone unaware in the balls with your foot...or telling someone about this deed of monstrosity? Any painful stories you would like to share?

I don't know how to put this kid. He isn't your friend anymore. The second he decided he was going to try and kick your danglers out through your eyeballs he made a statement that the friendship was over. What you should do is stop whining and punch him in the nose.

 

[Sillyiggy]

Sounds like your friend is a selfish ass. The only chicken move has been you putting up with him this long. Tell him he is an ass and that you are done with him because you do not need jerks like him in your life. He will probably call you a pussy, or a weakling, and spread it around. Just remind others and him that this just proof positive that he is indeed an asshole.

The sooner you remove dicks from your life the happier you will be. It may be hard at first but when you replace them with decent people you will find that you are suddenly worlds happier.

'Course if you want revenge people have suggested sueing him (extreme pain and possible loss of reproduction are pretty big winners) or beating him savagely. But given that this friend of yours sounds like a complete dick if you beat him don't be surprised if he actually sues you in revenge. But honestly if you don't go with the option I am suggesting just beat him up, show him how it feels. Since he doesn't care about how YOU feel maybe he will appreciate how it feels to HIM.

I honestly think the best choice is to remove him from your life and tell him why. If your mutual friends don't understand or side with him you can tell them the why's but honestly if they are dicks like that too you can replace them with better people in time.

EDIT: Read your post, and I am glad that things are better for you.

 

[CrafterMan]

Do it to him.

 

[Rajin Cajun]

Do it to him.

That could be taken in so many different ways.

 

[CrafterMan]

Do it to him.

That could be taken in so many different ways.

Lol! Good point.

- Seriously though, he should NOT be your friend.

That is not acceptable.

 

[Anstrup]

@OP, I would definitely Pearl Harbor him back. On a side note, perhaps its time to choose new friends. I have never had a friend do that, nor any who thought that would be funny or alright. Now if a girl kicked you or if you just happened to get hit somehow, I would LMAO at you, then help you up and buy you a beer (if you were old enuff, all my friends are).


In 6th grade, some girl on a set of rings came swinging at me, yelling "watch out", I turned just in time for her front foot to come smashing into my testicular region. I dropped down, teared up, made sure they were there, and fought passing out. Principal came and took me to the nurse. Recovered an hour later, no blood in the urine.

Kicking guys in the balls is not how men fight. Sounds like this guy is quite a cock.

I disagree. Put it this way, say you had to defend your life or even from being seriously pummeled/hospitalized and you could get the upperhand by hitting someone in the gonads, you wouldnt? because its not manly? Fighting isnt honorable and there is no such thing as a fair fight in real life. You do what you have to, to survive.

I see where your going, but this wasn't a fight. This guy just wanted to look powerfull in front of girls. He could've like talked to em instead, that would've worked better, and his freinds wouldn't have hurting balls.

 

[Sillyiggy]

@OP, I would definitely Pearl Harbor him back. On a side note, perhaps its time to choose new friends. I have never had a friend do that, nor any who thought that would be funny or alright. Now if a girl kicked you or if you just happened to get hit somehow, I would LMAO at you, then help you up and buy you a beer (if you were old enuff, all my friends are).


In 6th grade, some girl on a set of rings came swinging at me, yelling "watch out", I turned just in time for her front foot to come smashing into my testicular region. I dropped down, teared up, made sure they were there, and fought passing out. Principal came and took me to the nurse. Recovered an hour later, no blood in the urine.

Kicking guys in the balls is not how men fight. Sounds like this guy is quite a cock.

I disagree. Put it this way, say you had to defend your life or even from being seriously pummeled/hospitalized and you could get the upperhand by hitting someone in the gonads, you wouldnt? because its not manly? Fighting isnt honorable and there is no such thing as a fair fight in real life. You do what you have to, to survive.

I see where your going, but this wasn't a fight. This guy just wanted to look powerfull in front of girls. He could've like talked to em instead, that would've worked better, and his freinds wouldn't have hurting balls.

Bro's before ho's. You never compromise a friends integrity, masculinity (or femininity for female friends), honor, etc. just to look good in front of girls unless you are a horrible friend (this includes verbal assaults). Any girl with brains will see that you are an ass when you do anyway.

 

[sequio]

Sounds like a dick wetter. Be chummy but keep him at arms length and watch your nuts...er, your back.

 

[SecretTacoNinja]

Take his nadgers! With a rusty pole! Everyone there is really nice for leaving you knocked out in the hall...

 

[Zykon TheLich]

Return the favour. Fuck, I'd return the favour if a girl did that to me, let alone a bloke.

 

[DoW Lowen]

A blow to the groin is low, both physically and mentally. If I were you I'd have a chat with this fellow, and when everything is resolved I'd kick him in the balls real hard and yell "how do you like it, you f***?!"

 

[Reaperman Wompa]

Return the favour. Fuck, I'd return the favour if a girl did that to me, let alone a bloke.

**** punt?

 

[Cid Silverwing]

Sue him, then at some point later you return the favor with a baseball bat or something.

 

[Revernd Awesome]

Take a balaclava and a sharp pair of scissors to his house next time he sleeps, I assume you can work out what to do from here.

No only would you get revenge and then some, but the lack of testosterone would probably stop him from being such a competitive dick.

Plus you could keep them, wait till Christmas/birthday and give them back to him redesigned as a tasteful wall ornament.