Crotching Tiger, Hidden Bastard

[mark_n_b]

Frankly you're "friend" sounds kind of dense.

You had to see a doctor and follow a course of treatment. He'd have to know your parents would have found out, and he'd have to have assumed that his parents would have likely been informed at some point as well.

That of course assumes he wasn't dense.

I'm not sure why you maintain a friendship with someone who pulls this crap, repeatedly with you. As for why, it is likely immaturity paired with difficulty grasping social convention. Or maybe you are (in his mind) the lackey / sidekick who he treats like crap as a mechanism of proving his own coolness. Metaphor: You are Milhouse and his is Bart (in his mind)

Straighten him out, I assume there is a reason the two of you are friends. If that is not an option drop him. Life is complicated enough without people like that in the mix.

 

[Kyuumi]

If I was you, I would wait until he is talking to someone, grab him by his head and smash it into the closest thing.

Thats just me though, I have anger problems.

 

[Beowulf DW]

If you did nothing more than tell your parents, as you should, you have a much more restraint than I do. I'm a vindictive bastard, you see, and in your situation, I would have made damn sure that son of a ***** was pissing red for a week, consequences be damned.

I have nothing but sorrow in heart for you, Johninator. Forget law suit! That "friend" put your health in serious jeopardy. You were unconscious, for Pete's sake! That jackass needs to do time in jail.

I had two "friends" who were kind of like that several years ago, who I refuse to even name these days. They were jerks on occaision, but it was always in good fun (or so I believed). Then during a water gun fight one summer, they started using spit instead of water. I asked them to stop doing that, and they respnded by holding me down and spitting on me. I started crying (I was no older than 10 at the time) and they started calling me a wimp. Then I broke the water gun I was borrowing from one of them on his face. He laughed it off and said that it didn't even hurt. So I hit him with a rock next. It's been years since that happened and I've never seen or talked to either of them. But life goes on and I've been blessed with several good friends who genuinely care about me, one of whom is the closest thing I've ever had to a brother.

 

[Lukeydoodly]

Make him pay.

Like, rearrange his face a little with a brick.

 

[Ruzzian Roulette]

When he's in front of group of girls, tap him on the shoulder, and when he turns around, use all the force in your body to catch him with a hook. You'll knock him out, and look manlier than he did doing it. You'll also broadcast that you ain't nobody's *****. Commas,.

 

[speedcoreXdandy]

Do it to him.

This man has the solution! It works in so many ways...

1: show him that your balls still work
2: it'll hurt him
3: rape can take years of councelling to get over
4: you will have won

Or am I reading too much into the phrase "do it to him"?

A more realistic solution would be to Zidane him when he's talking to a group of girls. Zidane his girlfriend for extra effect. Then Zidane him again when he tries to get up.

 

[Hippobatman]

While I have nothing against a bit of friendly competition, this is just utterly disturbing and so wrong in every way. Hopefully you've cut all contact with this douchebag by now. I'd think that people know that he's an idiot and won't listen to his accusations against you.

You should do something to get back at him, something evil and wicked, something that'll break him physically and mentally. *searches Google for "evil masterplan".......* nope, nothing. WikiHow didn't have any good ones either.

Good luck.

 

[wewontdie11]

If there's one thing I learned from South Park; turning a guys parents into chilli then making him eat it means nobody's gonna fuck with you.

If murder and accidental cannibalism is a bit to strong though, use a very heavy object to hit him in the nuts, just to 1up him from the kick. A house brick for example.

 

[mattttherman3]

Well I think you should take a hammer and nails and nail his balls to a chair, that will teach him! Well no, It is not kool to kick someone in the balls, unless of course, hes got a knife pulled, then all bets are off.

 

[Bored Tomatoe]

Wait until you are healed...take your heaviest textbook and when he least suspects it, creep up behind him and slam it against the back of his head. While you do this kick in the backs of his knees so he falls face first upon the floor. Crouch down by his ear and whisper: "Roshambo", then walk away.

 

[Revernd Awesome]

A more realistic solution would be to Zidane him when he's talking to a group of girls. Zidane his girlfriend for extra effect. Then Zidane him again when he tries to get up.

Yes, that, that so much!

Win.

 

[Duck Sandwich]

Sue him, then use the money to buy the most expensive pair of cleats/steel toed boots you can find. Then use his throat as a trampoline.

Or sue him, then rub his financial loss/your financial gain in his face by wearing expensive clothes when near him.

 

[coffin]

Dude hate to tell you this but your mates a douche and as painful as it could be to just give him the forks and tell him to suck a fat one. Although most guys to go through that stage of faggetron in my experience it doesnt totally leave they will always make you feel small and its sometimes better to go it alone try new things and end up like myself with a couple awesome mates who actually help with chick problems rather than roshambo you

P.S. not the greatest idea for a hot bath try luke warm for a few weeks and build up.

My friend has been competitive about EVERYTHING from the beginning. Who knew more about Grateful Dead, who was better at playing guitar, who played half-life 2 death match better, etc (none of which I truly cared about being better at). But in the past week my friend became extremely competitive about girls. He always honed in on any conversation I had with a girl and made sure by the end of the conversation, I looked like an ass.

One day my friend decided it would be the most manly thing in the world to kick me in the nuts in front of a large group of girls and run off. We were standing there, talking, when all the sudden he grabbed everyone's attention that was in a nearby radius. Loudly he screamed, "ROSHAMBO!!!!" and sent his foot with large amounts of force into my balls. The force was so great it actually knocked me out. I awoke who-knows-how many minutes later deserted in the halls with my books spread from head to foot all over the floor. The doctor said I was dangerously close to never having babies, but it healed over time and I am completely OK.

I later found out that my friend kicked me in the balls and ran away. Not even caring to see if I was alright. I have no idea to this day why he did this action and what he wished to accomplish. The next day he began spreading rumors that I was a "pussy" for telling my parents, who then, with no consent of mine, told his parents.

I had to take a very warm bath when I got home, which was actually painful, not relaxing.

What do you find more of a chicken move? Catching someone unaware in the balls with your foot...or telling someone about this deed of monstrosity? Any painful stories you would like to share?

Dude hate to tell you this but your mates a douche and as painful as it could be to just give him the forks and tell him to suck a fat one. Although most guys to go through that stage of faggetron in my experience it doesnt totally leave they will always make you feel small and its sometimes better to go it alone try new things and end up like myself with a couple awesome mates who actually help with chick problems rather than roshambo you. As for my painful story you've covered all but one base, my "mate" and the term cuts my lips as it leaves them decided it'd be funny to hit on my girlfriend at the time and in the end i lost her to the bastard.

P.S. not the greatest idea for a hot bath try luke warm for a few weeks and build up.

 

[lazerwolf]

find some way to sneak a laxative into his drink. then watch as the hilarity, embarrassment and ultimate redemption ensue. but definitely drop him as a friend. No one should do that to their friend ever.

 

[Ronwue]

My friend has been competitive about EVERYTHING from the beginning. Who knew more about Grateful Dead, who was better at playing guitar, who played half-life 2 death match better, etc (none of which I truly cared about being better at). But in the past week my friend became extremely competitive about girls. He always honed in on any conversation I had with a girl and made sure by the end of the conversation, I looked like an ass.

One day my friend decided it would be the most manly thing in the world to kick me in the nuts in front of a large group of girls and run off. We were standing there, talking, when all the sudden he grabbed everyone's attention that was in a nearby radius. Loudly he screamed, "ROSHAMBO!!!!" and sent his foot with large amounts of force into my balls. The force was so great it actually knocked me out. I awoke who-knows-how many minutes later deserted in the halls with my books spread from head to foot all over the floor. The doctor said I was dangerously close to never having babies, but it healed over time and I am completely OK.

I later found out that my friend kicked me in the balls and ran away. Not even caring to see if I was alright. I have no idea to this day why he did this action and what he wished to accomplish. The next day he began spreading rumors that I was a "pussy" for telling my parents, who then, with no consent of mine, told his parents.

I had to take a very warm bath when I got home, which was actually painful, not relaxing.

What do you find more of a chicken move? Catching someone unaware in the balls with your foot...or telling someone about this deed of monstrosity? Any painful stories you would like to share?

I don't think I've ever heard a story that illustrated the saying "With friends like these, who needs enemies" better than this. Shit man... Why the hell were you friends with him anyway?

 

[ffxfriek]

find some way to sneak a laxative into his drink. then watch as the hilarity, embarrassment and ultimate redemption ensue. but definitely drop him as a friend. No one should do that to their friend ever.

then scream roshambo and follow him to the bathroom. DO NOT open the door for him and DO NOT let him get into the bathroom it will be the ultimate pay back. just make sure he CANT get into the bathroom

/thread

 

[Johninator712]

While I have nothing against a bit of friendly competition, this is just utterly disturbing and so wrong in every way. Hopefully you've cut all contact with this douchebag by now. I'd think that people know that he's an idiot and won't listen to his accusations against you.

The sad thing is. It's as if no one cared what he did. I always tried to be the nicest guy I could and have as many friends as possible. 2 of my friends (the ones from the start) cared, but didn't stop hanging out with him like I wished.

Haha I am stopping communication with him now

 

[GreenDevilJF]

While I have nothing against a bit of friendly competition, this is just utterly disturbing and so wrong in every way. Hopefully you've cut all contact with this douchebag by now. I'd think that people know that he's an idiot and won't listen to his accusations against you.

The sad thing is. It's as if no one cared what he did. I always tried to be the nicest guy I could and have as many friends as possible. 2 of my friends (the ones from the start) cared, but didn't stop hanging out with him like I wished.

Haha I am stopping communication with him now

How the hell would this guy still have friends?, kicking a dude in the balls has never been "cool" if I remember correctly.

 

[samsprinkle]

Kicked you in the balls and ran away!? What a dick!