Curse My Inept Team-mates!

[Blatherscythe]

At some point we've all played a multiplayer game with less than desirable team-mates. With random search options for most multiplayer games you wind up with a mostly adequete team that you can enjoy the game with. But then your luck runs out and you wind up with the most annoying and useless team-mates imaginable. I'm talking about power weapon whores, scrubs, annoying trash talkers who can't pull their own weight, and that uncooperative prick who does nothing to help the team.

Usually there's an interesting story behind this motley crew of fail that can be somewhat amusing or even more enraging when reflected upon, and since most of us have played a multiplayer game I want to hear your stories.

Now to break the ice in this dicussion of shitty team-mates I'll begin.

The freshest memory in my mind when I think of a crappy team I was paired with was in COD:WAW. Already known for being a den of hackers and assholes this community never fails to disappoint. I decided to play Nazi Zombies to avoid the hackers that fucked up the multiplayer (they added a patch that I believe just updated the advertisements for Black Ops) and got paired with the following people. The first guy left after the game began (what is with that, why bother searching if you constantly hop around instead of waiting or commiting to the people your paired with?), the other was an annoying squeaker with annoying celebrity gossip and shit taste in music (I don't usually mind squeakers as long as they don't go out of their way to be annoying and can pull their own weight) and the other guy was mute and during the course of the game never payed to open a single door and stole kills all the time.

I think you can tell how this turned out, me and the annoying squeaker couldn't afford the box because of the greedy bastard either taking our kills or refusing to spend on something to benifit the team and we were down a guy. Whenever we did get enough points to use the box we either got the bear or crap weapons because the points hog used the box so much. I eventualy just left after the game ended, I could find better ways to torture myself.

So what are your riveting tales about your worst experiance on a team?

 

[TheIronRuler]

Having six year olds play as your companions.
Yes, children have access to internet at a very young age.
It doesn't mean they SHOULD have access, and more importantly - they MUSN'T have access to a working microphone. I either laugh at their voice or distracted by their immature cursing.
When I play in the morning (Break at the moment), I find younglings everywhere.
horrible.

 

[Sectan]

Playing Left 4 Dead with a bunch of lone warriors who decided it was better to sprint off by themselves than stick back with me trying to shoot my way through hordes of zombies (Usually forced to hobble from good ol' friendly fire, while trying to find pills or med-kits to keep my limbs from falling off). Tanks and the other zombies would come out and I always played the part of the victim who got left behind and eaten while they ran along ignoring my character's cries for help.

 

[Blatherscythe]

Playing Left 4 Dead with a bunch of lone warriors who decided it was better to sprint off by themselves than stick back with me trying to shoot my way through hordes of zombies. Tanks and the other zombies would come out and I always played the part of the victim who got left behind and eaten while they ran along ignoring my character's cries for help.

Sounds like you were quite literally left for dead.

 

[Blatherscythe]

Game of League of Legends where 3 guys left 2 minutes in.

Or, in LoL again, we had a mid and top that refused to help kite golem, a bottom lane Xin that went 1-10-2, and a top lane Morde that did nothing but complain. When I asked him to buy wards, he responded with "Shut the f*** up you f***ing f****t". When I ganked top to help him, he ran away and left me to die so that "I wouldn't KS him".

We lost both games, BTW.

Ah the greedy asshole team-mate, yeah those types of people just plain suck.

 

[PixelKing]

Its hypocritical for me to say children when I'm one myself, But you squeakers disgrace us.
Every player of rainbow six vegas 2 (I couldn't get MW2 at the time) was a lone wolf with a shotgun, and it was the same map in every lobby. I found out after a while that it was actually better than MW2, after you learned the one map everyone played on inside out.

 

[Cipher1]

Well I play World of Tanks so where to start I guess the most common team failing of all (as in it happens to me 1 in 10 games) is where 12 team mates go down one flank and leave you and 2 bottom tier tanks to defend the other flank which allows the enemy to steam roll that flank even if you manage to pull of a hero defence by stalling them for as long as possible your team probably wont of advanced past the halfway point an they certainly wont come back to stop your base being captured just so annoying.

 

[Rawne1980]

Incensative time.

I can cope with less than great players, at times when I hop on multiplayer i'm so drunk I can barely remember my own name yet alone walk/shoot in a straight line (but those times are fun, especially if your on with friends who are also drunk ... ahhh the giggles).

However.

One type of player I can't stand, nay, loathe, are those that want to piss and moan about their problems while i'm being shot/stabbed/blown up.

I don't play multiplayer games to be your personal psychiatrist, and while this may sound cruel, I don't really care about your personal problems either. At that moment in time all I care about is I have a bit of time to myself I want to relax.

Selfish? No not really. I pay for my internet and games so I can have fun in my down time not listen to someone telling my how hard they have it because mummy won't buy them a new i-pad.

 

[Blatherscythe]

Its hypocritical for me to say children when I'm one myself, But you squeakers disgrace us.
Every player of rainbow six vegas 2 (I couldn't get MW2 at the time) was a lone wolf with a shotgun, and it was the same map in every lobby. I found out after a while that it was actually better than MW2, after you learned the one map everyone played on inside out.

I used to play Rainbow Six Vegas 2, but eventually I quit. Multiplayer was full of campers, campaign was repetitive and the heavily scripted BS AI of terrorist hunt pissed me off.

 

[MeglonMaster]

I was on cp gravel_pit attacking A as a Pyro with a Medic who had only healed me the whole match (even when I told him to go away) when we rounded a corner and saw the majority of red's defense distracted by a blu heavy and a few other guys I asked the guy to use the uber he had. but instead, he tried to run to the heavy and got mowed down losing the uber. however I did manage to kill a few guys and we did win the match.

oh, and there was that time a ten year old kid playing heavy on my team (we where blu on pl_barnblitx which is a fun map btw) spent the whole match trying to taunt kill people. finally he did manage to kill a sniper and then proceeded to scream into his mike about how "awesome" he was

the influx of new players on tf2 is annoying but it will get better... hopefully

 

[Sixcess]

I remember joining a Pick Up Group in City of Heroes who were running some low level missions around level 10. One member of the group was a level 50 (CoH enables high levellers to join low level teams and fight at that level - very useful system.)

First mission, first room. The 50 says "Tank goes in first." Now at level 10 there's no way a Tank can actually tank a whole roomful of enemies scaled for a large team. Later, yes, but not that early. However the tank goes in, draws aggro and gets put down. We rez him after the fight and on we go and in the second room... "Tank goes in first."

Etc. I started staying near the front and going in more or less simultaneously with our poor tanker to split the aggro.

A few missions later people have left and joined the team and the star (leadership) has ended up with me. We enter the next mission and... where's the 50?

Me: Where are you?
50: I stealthed to the objective. I can click it and complete the mission.
Me: Uh? We're not doing a speed run. This isn't a task force with a big mission bonus and we're lowbies who want to fight these guys, for the xp. Come back and fight with the rest of us.
50: I'm not fighting.
Me: Why not?
50: You don't have a healer. Get a healer and I'll fight.
Me: We don't need a healer. We've got a good team.
50: Go and get a healer. I'll wait.

/Kick

I almost never kick people from teams but I got to admit I enjoyed that one. The 50 then sent me a nasty tell "You won't get anywhere without a healer I hope you get stuck there all night", but we just recruited another few lowbies and absolutely aced the mission without a single team member being defeated.

Incidentally, there's basically no 'death penalty' when you're 50 in CoH. No gear damage or anything, and you don't lose xp since you're already at max level. I will never understand their reluctance.

 

[Sethzard]

Playing Left 4 Dead with a bunch of lone warriors who decided it was better to sprint off by themselves than stick back with me trying to shoot my way through hordes of zombies. Tanks and the other zombies would come out and I always played the part of the victim who got left behind and eaten while they ran along ignoring my character's cries for help.

I would say that you're the inept one no offense. The way that left for dead is usually played is by rushing through the map trying not to get caught.

I often do play as the lone wolf in games, except in things like TF2 where you can't. Sometimes it doesn't work and then I try to get everyone to work together.

 

[w9496]

Not trying to be "that guy", but I hate it when people constantly complain about being matched up with bad people. THE ONLY COMMON DENOMINATOR IS YOU.

I'm not saying I don't get paired with the occasional half-wit, but I adapt most of the time.

The only teammate that I truly loathe is one that never learns from their mistakes, and keeps running on in with a shotgun, and wonders why people aren't giddy with joy to follow him into a stupid trap.

 

[PixelKing]

Its hypocritical for me to say children when I'm one myself, But you squeakers disgrace us.
Every player of rainbow six vegas 2 (I couldn't get MW2 at the time) was a lone wolf with a shotgun, and it was the same map in every lobby. I found out after a while that it was actually better than MW2, after you learned the one map everyone played on inside out.

I used to play Rainbow Six Vegas 2, but eventually I quit. Multiplayer was full of campers, campaign was repetitive and the heavily scripted BS AI of terrorist hunt pissed me off.

I'll agree with the last 2 points, but I never ran into campers much.

 

[Hamish Durie]

welp was playing halo 3 online and i got grouped with a screamer who yelled and raged whenever he died and a guy whos gun never seemed to work and he kept running into bullets.

ironiclly the other team was worse having no competant players...well tey could play but where bsy swearing at each other

anyway it was a 50 kill cap and we won screamer got 5 kills and i got 45

 

[Distorted Stu]

I hate L4D noobs and guys who grief.

You all know this to be true

 

[cryogeist]

rainbow six vagas 2
yeah it was terrorist hunt
BUT ITS STILL NOT MW2 YOU LITTLE SHITS!
they tried quick scopeing
running right up tp the fucking enemy (who can kill you in 1-3 shots)
blowing their stupid asses up
and other stupid things...i ended up with 3.9/4 of the kills...
oh and these kids were pretty much the mw2 tard steryotype...
one of them never figured out there was an actual "take cover" button
i could say more...so much more

 

[teebeeohh]

class based games where nobody play support classes. That sucks. Although most people will eventually change but by then it's usually to late.

 

[Zhukov]

Battlefield: Bad Company 2

My team is on offense. We have to attack an objective in the enemy base. Our team has limited respawns. If our respawns run out before we destroy the objective, we lose.

My entire bloody team is sitting on a hill and sniping at the defenders.

The defenders have infinite respawns.

Arrg.

That used to happen to so very often. In desperation I would resort to popping smoke screens in front of the snipers so they couldn't see anything.