Dad uses Facebook to teach daughter a lesson.

[Hyperrhombus]

How about "I said I would, but that was a stupid overreaction so I won't"

Wouldn't this cause exactly the same vicious circle? She would then know the line her father will not cross, and will continue doing the exact same thing as she knows her father wouldnt increase the punishment. Punishment is meant to be a deterrent; by keeping the punishment in regulated doses, it doesnt work. Alternatively, he could try to discuss things with his daughter, but judging by her attitude, I'd say that would be extremely difficult. I feel he did this out of exasperation after the first punishment clearly didnt work on his daughter.

That is the cost of saying something like that without thinking it through in the first place, now isn't it? If I make a misplaced threat the responsible thing to do is to admit it and take the consequences for it, not go through with the threat anyway to save my image. But then again I doubt he'd agree with me that it was a bad idea.

Punishment doesn't seem warranted in this case. All she did was speak out against him to some friends.

It isn't a valid answer though, anymore than "Well I have a gun" is. All it really says is "People with power will abuse it". It doesn't say they were actually in the right, it just says they can get away with pushing other people around. And no one who tries to earn respect through consequences deserves to get it because it goes to show they don't understand what real respect is based on. If you treat someone with respect because they can do something to you that's called 'fear' not respect. Perhaps just a small amount, but it's not real respect if you need the ability to punish someone to get it.

true, that. But what are you, as a parent, supposed to do, if your child is actively making sure you know they dont respect you, nor will they ever do so? He's in a stalemate with his daughter as far as his relationship with her is concerned; perhaps this will sufficiently change their perspectives to make them get along better? The father may feel guilt/shame for what he did publicly in a day or so. Seeing his daughter's reaction to his actions may also make him regret all this. If he were to apologise, their relationship with each other could drastically change; one thing that isn't helping, however, are the several million people egging him on for his actions.

Actively making sure you know they don't respect you? You mean by ranting to friends on Facebook and blocking it so that her parents couldn't see it? She was not actively making sure he knew she didn't respect him.

I'd say if she knew her father was into IT, trying to hide anything from him online is pretty stupid; I guess she knows that now.

Erm, did you see how he found out? It had nothing to do with IT and everything to do with pure chance. And if he had to actively look for it then she wasn't actively trying to show him anything. Not that he did have to go searching hard for it, but if he had had to...

Furthermore as for what I would do... not sure. Not punish. If someone doesn't respect me it is stupid to punish them for it in that manner in and of itself. And if they're just ranting to their friends, all it will do is earn them ill will from me, I wouldn't find anything more justified. Of course as a parent that is a situation that needs to be dealt with, but such punishment is not the proper way to earn someone's actual respect. To earn respect he could talk to her about it perhaps. He could refuse to help her more than he needs to as a parent in the future. That is a reasonable response to someone showing a lack of respect to you, you do not go out of your way to help them after that.

agreed. This is the reason I don't have facebook - small rants such as what this was massively blow up into what it is now. Also, although I don't like people talking crap about me, I find it infinitely worse if it is written down anywhere, because curiosity means I will read it, and get pissed from it. I guess the problem is that in the parent's generation, people couldnt rant like this in text, and display it in public; it would be spoken about as a group, or even over the phone. Now, people routinely rant online, and anyone not used to such a difference in communication will do stuff like this if they get angry, methinks.

Hmm, I don't really see the difference between those two in terms of how much I'd be offended by it. But it is more problematic to leave a record of the rant. I suppose he might find it more infuriating. But still in the end I don't think it was such a big offense.

I think the problem with it being a text is that you can save it and read it at you own pace. You can dwell on it, which cannot be done if its spoken. If you get angry about a rant, but then print it out, and read it out loud, You aren't going to just get on with life very quickly. But yes, I also think the whole thing was an over-reaction.

Oh, and no, I didnt see how he found out. She stayed signed in?

 

[Dastardly]

And you continue to ignore my point that if he really is abusive[footnote]and that's not as big of an if as some people around here seem to think[/footnote], We can't trust his word on any of this, yet it's all we have to go on..

Yes, it IS a very big "if." You're reading a whole lot into this that simply doesn't exist anywhere but in the mind of someone heavily projecting. For what reason? I don't know... maybe it satisfies some inner "anti-authority" need you have. You seem to be, somewhat narcissisticly, using this man as a target for your own wish fulfillment.

That's my issue here: first of all, there's emotional abuse going on whether he has the disorder or not.

Yet still no evidence beyond the assumptions you're using to creatively interpret the situation.

Second, though, if it's part of an overall pattern, and not just an isolated incident (and these things almost never are), if she told him to his face, the gun probably would not be pointed at the laptop.

That kind of assumption is just plain upside-down-head ridiculous. You so desperately need this man to be a villain that you're willing to, sight-unseen, accuse him of being willing to murder his daughter.

Of course, he'd probably forgo the gun altogether and just slap her around a bit in that case; he's probably not /that/ big of a monster.

Oh, okay, cute dodge -- way overstate, then backtrack to make it appear you're self-moderating.

But maybe he is:

And there it is again -- the "last word" still needs to be about how right you "probably" are.

He's already shown his daughter quite effectively what the results are of telling her friends, let alone the world, how she feels about him. Even if he is telling us exactly what she said, it's questionable whether she meant it, or if she was just trying to appease the angry "god" that she relied on for survival.

Still soooo much reading in. I can't help but feel you'd be better served by a leather couch than an internet forum at this point. He's not angry at "how she feels about him," but rather the objectively wrong "facts" she is using to support that -- kind of like how you've been using incorrect facts and wild assumptions to force reality to conform to your view.

Edit: As for the employment thing: Okay, I may have been wrong about the minimum age needed to work. But she lives in the sticks;

Assumption. You have no idea where she lives.

she still needs a vehicle of some sort to get her to work,

Assumption. You have no idea where she might get a job, or whether her father (or even other family members) would be willing to give her a ride. Unless, of course, you're just assuming no one would.

and her father /did/ show a certain disdain for her wish to get one.

Disdain? There's another assumption. Hey, maybe it's just hard for them to afford a whole other vehicle-gas-insurance combo. Or maybe he doesn't yet feel she's responsible yet enough to handle all of that yet, so he wants to see some evidence first.

So sure, maybe he'll have her apply for a job, she might even get one, but at that point she'd be completely dependent upon him to get to work.

Oh no, she'll completely depend on him to get to the job that will begin teaching her financial independence. If he was that big a control freak, he would not let her get a job. Do your research into how abusive control freaks work, man. So maybe she needs a ride to work like bajillions of other employed teens. I biked, and got a ride when it was raining.

However you cut it, if he's not the all around nice guy that he portrays himself to be, his daughter (her name is Hannah, by the way) is in a /bad/ spot right now.

You're right, it's totally better to just assume the grown man, who is obviously responsible enough to keep his family fed, clothed, and housed, is less trustworthy than the angry, sulking teenager. That's the thinking of a nanny-state advocate if ever there was one.

 

[Mikodite]

So many posters in this thread have no grounding in reality it is mind-boggling.

Random post

Thank you for making so much sense in this sea of...nonsense.

I have a feeling, and I mentioned this earlier, that most of the posters trying to flame the guy are probably teenagers themselves and will never "bow" to authority no matter what, and they're trying to be just as rebellious as she was. Perhaps when they have a career and children, they will think differently, especially when their kids defy them.

The underlined. I have this belief that we think children are property and that they should do as the parent tells them without question. If they don't they will be punished.

All fair and good, except children should be 'punished' for bad behaviour... not for disobedience. Even then, the punish bad behaviour scheme stops working at around the ripe old age of TWELVE. After that all you have is a child that hates you.

Now, I'm 23 and in University, so I'm not quite a rebellious teenager anymore, but I'm not quite mature enough to be a parent. That said, I'll assume that you think the above statement was horseshit and I'll get to the heart of it.

What was he punishing his daughter for exactly? Venting on Facebook was it? Dising him before her friends on her wall where only her friends would see it?

Eri, if you were telling your friends on Facebook that your boss was a **** should you be fired for that?

If you were telling your friends at home that your boss was a **** should you be fired for that?

Same deal. She was whinning about how hard her privileged life was to her friends on Facebook. Does that deserve her laptop being shot up?

If she was at a slumber party and was saying this shit to her friends, should she be punished for that?

Is she a brat? Yes. Should he not be spoiling her? No question she needs to be able to be independent of him.

However, do you honestly believe that this is going to command any respect at all? Because it won't.

If you're going to argue "she needs to understand that her actions have consequences and this understanding will elate respect" maybe you should know that the "I will be nice so I don't get punished" is not respect. Its fear. Know the difference.

Seriously, the message in that had nothing to do with life lessons about being grateful for what one has. The message is more along the lines of believe that mommy and daddy are the greatest or else.

tldr: he went overboard on punishing something rather petty under the pretense that she should fear her parents.

 

[Mikodite]

Now that's parenting! He found a situation that needed handling and he handled it which is more than I can say for most of the parents out there these days. I salute this man.

Punishing the child over something petty is not good parenting. What's wrong with you?

 

[senobit]

Meh, the bloke is acting like a spoiled brat brat having a tantrum

 

[Owyn_Merrilin]

snip

Again. We cannot. Trust. Him. You're taking his word at face value: I'm saying he's setting up red flags that suggest that he just might be an abuser, and his daughter was not exaggerating at all -- and heck, if he is an abuser, she was more likely to /minimize/ than exaggerate. You can never trust the word of an abuser about the people they abuse: ergo, I won't be satisfied that he's /not/ an abuser until we have a quote from someone who isn't directly involved -- or at least, someone who isn't either the accused abuser or the people who depend on him for survival. You accuse me of not having done any research on controlling abusers: have you done any research on either such abusers, or the people they abuse? Because I have, and I say again, he fits the profile.

 

[ElPatron]

I once believed that a gun should be a right, however after seeing how he used his firearm and people's encouragement of his action, I now believe that having a gun should be treated as a privilege instead of a right.

When you make something a privilege, only the elite will have them and we'll be in the gutter.

Stalin called, he wants his Communism back.


Anders Breivik earned the "privilege" of owning firearms for "sporting purpose".

He used them on "unprivileged" people and they were just as deadly as any "evil baby killing assault weapon".

While I don't condone unloading an entire 9mm

It's a .45 and he said it in the video.

clip into a laptop

Magazine. A clip is one of those metal thingies that hold bullets before you shove them inside a magazine.

 

[Mikodite]

You're right, it's totally better to just assume the grown man, who is obviously responsible enough to keep his family fed, clothed, and housed, is less trustworthy than the angry, sulking teenager. That's the thinking of a nanny-state advocate if ever there was one.

This is a defense wife beaters have used whenever the wife questions their abusive ways. Its a trap, don't fall into it. The girl may very well be a sulking teenager, but why assume that someone with a well paying job that can afford to buy his family nice things is a good person?

snip

Again. We cannot. Trust. Him. You're taking his word at face value: I'm saying he's setting up red flags that suggest that he just might be an abuser, and his daughter was not exaggerating at all -- and heck, if he is an abuser, she was more likely to /minimize/ than exaggerate. You can never trust the word of an abuser about the people they abuse: ergo, I won't be satisfied that he's /not/ an abuser until we have a quote from someone who isn't directly involved -- or at least, someone who isn't either the accused abuser or the people who depend on him for survival. You accuse me of not having done any research on controlling abusers: have you done any research on either such abusers, or the people they abuse? Because I have, and I say again, he fits the profile.

Easy there. Again, we don't have the full story (there is even speculation that the video was a clever fake) but while I don't think he acted appropriately, I'm not going to assume he was an abusive control freak either. I'm assuming he's a typical parent doing what many parents out there do and he overreacted. Lets stay reasonable.

Also, the gun was irrelevant. It could have been a sledge, or an axe, or his foot. Doesn't matter... he is administering a punishment that is disproportional to the trespass... assuming you could call her actions one. So, enough with the second-amendment shit, regardless of stance?

Meh, the bloke is acting like a spoiled brat brat having a tantrum

Made me chuckle.

 

[chrono16]

Actually it is a right in America and that's not going to be changed so you're wrong

Though I agree it was wrong to use a .45 like I said in the other thread. A 12 gauge with buckshot would've been about 20% cooler

Rights should be either taken away or made more strict when abused by an individual. When someone boycotts someone's funeral, they should be sued for disturbing the peace and harassment, when someone unloads an entire clip into a computer for the sake of being angry they should lose their right to use a firearm due to displaying little to no discipline with the tool.

I'm not wrong since our rights have been violated anyway, as our right to a fair trial when under arrest has been revoked anyway. (Which I do no see any positive outcome from and I do not support.) A gun is not a plaything or a toy. I'm not sure if you a trolling or you are honestly that deluded.

Edit: Besides, the law states that American's have the right to bare arms. Not to discharge them under any circumstance.

How has our right to a fair trial been revoked?? It stated in that law that Americans citizens were exempt from that.

 

[Owyn_Merrilin]

You're right, it's totally better to just assume the grown man, who is obviously responsible enough to keep his family fed, clothed, and housed, is less trustworthy than the angry, sulking teenager. That's the thinking of a nanny-state advocate if ever there was one.

This is a defense wife beaters have used whenever the wife questions their abusive ways. Its a trap, don't fall into it. The girl may very well be a sulking teenager, but why assume that someone with a well paying job that can afford to buy his family nice things is a good person?

snip

Again. We cannot. Trust. Him. You're taking his word at face value: I'm saying he's setting up red flags that suggest that he just might be an abuser, and his daughter was not exaggerating at all -- and heck, if he is an abuser, she was more likely to /minimize/ than exaggerate. You can never trust the word of an abuser about the people they abuse: ergo, I won't be satisfied that he's /not/ an abuser until we have a quote from someone who isn't directly involved -- or at least, someone who isn't either the accused abuser or the people who depend on him for survival. You accuse me of not having done any research on controlling abusers: have you done any research on either such abusers, or the people they abuse? Because I have, and I say again, he fits the profile.

Easy there. Again, we don't have the full story (there is even speculation that the video was a clever fake) but while I don't think he acted appropriately, I'm not going to assume he was an abusive control freak either. I'm assuming he's a typical parent doing what many parents out there do and he overreacted. Lets stay reasonable.

Also, the gun was irrelevant. It could have been a sledge, or an axe, or his foot. Doesn't matter... he is administering a punishment that is disproportional to the trespass... assuming you could call her actions one. So, enough with the second-amendment shit, regardless of stance?

Meh, the bloke is acting like a spoiled brat brat having a tantrum

Made me chuckle.

Well that's my point. As you told Dastardly above, he may be innocent, but none of what he's said so far is sufficient proof of innocence. If he is an abuser, then he's also a liar where his family is concerned. Ergo, we need a source that would be less biased in the event that he /was/ an abuser to prove that he was not. Basically, the video is pretty damning evidence, and he hasn't really done anything to remove that reasonable doubt.

 

[Pandabearparade]

I'm sure all of this has been said already, but I'll throw in my opinion on the video anyway.

First, the daughter sounds a bit like a spoiled brat venting to her friends. Is she in the wrong? Sure, she's in the wrong and shouldn't get away with that. Does her behavior merit the father throwing a tantrum and pulling out a firearm?

No. Not even fucking close. It's absolutely ridiculous how many people in this thread are cheering for the guy. That's a gun, not a toy, don't treat it like one. If he doesn't think she has the right to keep the computer he bought for her, handle the situation like a grown-up and take it away. Hell, pawn it and tell her she can get a job and buy it back herself if she wants to rant about him on facebook.

Him throwing a temper tantrum worse than hers and treating a gun like a toy just shows that he doesn't deserve the respect he's demanding. The point at which you have to pull out a gun to get respect from your kid is the point at which you have failed as a parent, and a person.

 

[Frostbite3789]

Actually it is a right in America and that's not going to be changed so you're wrong

Though I agree it was wrong to use a .45 like I said in the other thread. A 12 gauge with buckshot would've been about 20% cooler

60% cooler if he uttered a cheesy one liner too.

*Cocks shotgun* "Looks like it's time to...power down."

 

[Sylveria]

Though I agree it was wrong to use a .45 like I said in the other thread. A 12 gauge with buckshot would've been about 20% cooler

That was my thought exactly. Should have used something more dramatic.

 

[BiscuitTrouser]

I'm sure all of this has been said already, but I'll throw in my opinion on the video anyway.

First, the daughter sounds a bit like a spoiled brat venting to her friends. Is she in the wrong? Sure, she's in the wrong and shouldn't get away with that. Does her behavior merit the father throwing a tantrum and pulling out a firearm?

No. Not even fucking close. It's absolutely ridiculous how many people in this thread are cheering for the guy. That's a gun, not a toy, don't treat it like one. If he doesn't think she has the right to keep the computer he bought for her, handle the situation like a grown-up and take it away. Hell, pawn it and tell her she can get a job and buy it back herself if she wants to rant about him on facebook.

Him throwing a temper tantrum worse than hers and treating a gun like a toy just shows that he doesn't deserve the respect he's demanding. The point at which you have to pull out a gun to get respect from your kid is the point at which you have failed as a parent, and a person.

This was very well said. I feel that while the child did say very hurtfull, personal and entitled things in regards to a father who pays for her expensive things, food, shelter and warmth she did so because shes a : CHILD. She will say stupid hurtfull things she will regret when shes older but thats what being a child is. Being incapable of making reasonable mature decisions and actions. Should be she disciplined to teach her that this ISNT a reasonable mature decision? Yes. Definately.

I think removal of the laptop is a good idea indeed, considering this whiney rant took place the day AFTER he splurges 300 dollars on his daughter to improve it. AND she demands he pay her too on TOP OF the 300 dollars on computer upgrades installed for free by a proffessional. Pawn it and buy it back is an excellent idea. The father payed for it, he owns it, thus the daughter can buy its proper ownership from him with her own money.

The gun was stupid. Not dangerous or scary like people imply since it was an empty field and he properly treated the weapon safely. But it was stupid because it was casually used, or as the quoted user said "Pull a gun to get respect from your kid". The blunt display of power was just a little weak. It isnt a parents place to rule through fear, but with respect and understanding that they intend to do whats best for you.

The child over reacted. And they do, its wrong but it happens. The father needs to keep a cool head and punish accordingly to the offence commited to teach the child a real lesson about how to treat others, not to scare or intimidate and not just because he is angry.

The child deserved a harsh lesson in respect. A long talk and a lot of privalages talked about and removed on the basis that she isnt entitled to the nice luxuries she enjoys. I think the lesson was crudely shown but shown none the less. This will send a message, it wasnt TOO harsh i think, it wasnt TOO extreme, but it could have been handled better. Much better.

 

[chrono16]

Seems to me that we was not out of control. He was in a sane state of mind. He was not yelling in anger. Looked to me like he was shooting the weapon in a controlled manner on his PRIVATE PROPERTY. He could have set it up on a target across the yard and shot at it and would have made no difference. He can fire his firearm on his property. Sounds like the kid was exaggerating with her chores, like every teen that has to do chores. I used to act the same way and now that im grown I can see what a little inconsiderate shit I was. My dad still used to use the belt and when I talked back I couldn't sit for like an hour. You have to do things to keep your kids in line. This "time out" shit doesnt work. Grounding is only effective for the time being grounded. WHen I was grounded and it ended, I didnt care why I was grounded I was just happy I got my stuff back and didn't learn anything. Congrats to this dad. Hopefully he got through to his daughter (probably didnt). But she will remember this forever.

 

[Evilpigeon]

What a pathetic excuse for a parent, I can't believe people are cheering this guy on. This whole video is just vindictive. I mean, come on daughter writes an ungrateful post on facebook (not necessarily defending her for this by the way, no idea what their lives are actually like) so he films himself going wayy over the top to deal deal with something that should be kept private and dealt with personally with his daughter, and then exposes it all over the web so that every other childish arsehole on the internet can come and congratulate him for his "tough love." What kind of parent feels justified in doing this to their child? What kind of parent feels the need to e-wank like that because he got one up on daughter?

Big Man with a Big Gun throws his toys out the pram and shoots his daughters laptop because she's being ungrateful.

So depressing that people encourage this, revenge is a stupid, sick waste of time that just causes things to get worse.