Dad uses Facebook to teach daughter a lesson.

[Owyn_Merrilin]

I'm going to go ahead an copy something that somebody on Tumblr said that I agree with 100 percent.
....

Seriously, why is it the daughter's fault? And why is the response that people applaud not 'Talk to your daughter' and instead 'Make a mockery out of how she feels on Youtube?'

Finally someone who gets it! There is not a gene that makes people spoiled or immature, it is not something that just happens. No, IT IS LEARNED! And it is a sign of bad parenting.

So when this guy was confronted with the fact that he and his wife are SHIT at parenting he could not cope with loosing the delusion of being a good parent and punished HER for HIS failure. And only retards and other failures applaud that.

People should understand by now that a loud minority (I dont want to believe its the majority) on escapist applauds bad parrenting and hates kids. This is why such things here are so supported, they hate kids. Therefor they dont need to hear about kids being treated like normal human-beings. Actually, the more mistreatment it seems the more they like the story. Im pretty sure back when the video of the father that 'hit' his daughter came up like half those people were supporting it because (OH, IT WAS ONLY WITH THE BACK OF HIS HAND)

You know how I was punished?. . . well, alright. I wasnt since I didnt misbehave ever.

But you know how my SISTER! Was puinished? They cut off the internet for a while and took her phone and didnt let her see her friends. No contact to friends for a couple of days is a really good, unharmful. Punishment.

I have to chime in on this, because I need to apologize for the way I minimized that other video. My parents have a lot in common with both the guy in that video, and especially with the guy in this one. It took going off to college for a year and a half and coming back for my final internship to realize just how abnormal this kind of parenting is.

OT: This is abuse, plain and simple. We're only getting one side of the story, the abuser's, and frankly, I'm more inclined to believe the daughter than I am him. So what if he shows a nice face to the world? Successful abusers /do./ It's how they treat their family that counts, and we've just been shown a disturbing, accidentally honest slice of how this man treats his family.

Edit: Oh, and who want's to bet on what that "$130 worth of software" was? Because my guess is that the "upgrade" was nothing but a copy of Microsoft Office, which she probably legitimately needed for class. "Luxury item" my ass.

Ive been trying to keep from chiming in on this, but have you even read his follow ups? The reaction of his daughter, etc.? Go on his facebook and look (you can get there from the video).

Heres a few bullet points.

1. Daughter felt bad at first, come to realize she was in the wrong, getting along with life happily.
2. Police and CPS visited him because of the TREMENDOUS amount of calls from internet goers. Results? The officers said 'kudos from the department', and the CPS gal dismissed it after a thorough investigation.

So... No. No abuse, the family is just fine, and everything is getting along well with them.

You do know that regardless of what his daughter thinks, her only means of communication is him and she's gonna feel like she has to appease him to avoid more punishment, yeah? If she dissented then we really wouldn't know.

So him giving her an offer to make her own video in response, or post something on facebook about it, makes it so she appeases her? He again even told in one of his post that she sat with him and looked at some of the comments on the matter, and she couldnt believe what people were saying. Plain and simple she said she was fine.

Soo... That, and that her friends could always report how she really feels somehow?

Just because there is a conspiracy theory doesnt mean that its true.

http://aconography.blogspot.com/2012/02/parenting-troubled-teen.html

Read this. In fact, everyone who thinks this guy is so wonderful, just read it. It's not a conspiracy theory; this fits a specific profile of abuse.

 

[thethird0611]

I'm going to go ahead an copy something that somebody on Tumblr said that I agree with 100 percent.
....

Seriously, why is it the daughter's fault? And why is the response that people applaud not 'Talk to your daughter' and instead 'Make a mockery out of how she feels on Youtube?'

Finally someone who gets it! There is not a gene that makes people spoiled or immature, it is not something that just happens. No, IT IS LEARNED! And it is a sign of bad parenting.

So when this guy was confronted with the fact that he and his wife are SHIT at parenting he could not cope with loosing the delusion of being a good parent and punished HER for HIS failure. And only retards and other failures applaud that.

People should understand by now that a loud minority (I dont want to believe its the majority) on escapist applauds bad parrenting and hates kids. This is why such things here are so supported, they hate kids. Therefor they dont need to hear about kids being treated like normal human-beings. Actually, the more mistreatment it seems the more they like the story. Im pretty sure back when the video of the father that 'hit' his daughter came up like half those people were supporting it because (OH, IT WAS ONLY WITH THE BACK OF HIS HAND)

You know how I was punished?. . . well, alright. I wasnt since I didnt misbehave ever.

But you know how my SISTER! Was puinished? They cut off the internet for a while and took her phone and didnt let her see her friends. No contact to friends for a couple of days is a really good, unharmful. Punishment.

I have to chime in on this, because I need to apologize for the way I minimized that other video. My parents have a lot in common with both the guy in that video, and especially with the guy in this one. It took going off to college for a year and a half and coming back for my final internship to realize just how abnormal this kind of parenting is.

OT: This is abuse, plain and simple. We're only getting one side of the story, the abuser's, and frankly, I'm more inclined to believe the daughter than I am him. So what if he shows a nice face to the world? Successful abusers /do./ It's how they treat their family that counts, and we've just been shown a disturbing, accidentally honest slice of how this man treats his family.

Edit: Oh, and who want's to bet on what that "$130 worth of software" was? Because my guess is that the "upgrade" was nothing but a copy of Microsoft Office, which she probably legitimately needed for class. "Luxury item" my ass.

Ive been trying to keep from chiming in on this, but have you even read his follow ups? The reaction of his daughter, etc.? Go on his facebook and look (you can get there from the video).

Heres a few bullet points.

1. Daughter felt bad at first, come to realize she was in the wrong, getting along with life happily.
2. Police and CPS visited him because of the TREMENDOUS amount of calls from internet goers. Results? The officers said 'kudos from the department', and the CPS gal dismissed it after a thorough investigation.

So... No. No abuse, the family is just fine, and everything is getting along well with them.

And read what I posted below. We've only seen his side of the story, and CPS/the police are notoriously bad at telling the difference between a genuinely nice person and an abuser who is good at putting on a nice public persona.

Ill post kinda what I did to the other person. He offered her a chance to say something on both youtube/facebook. So, yeah, kinda seems everything alright.

Just wow, so someone whos trained to look for abuse, who interviewed the daughter privately, who saw the fathers firearms and checked the whole house, couldnt find even a little abuse to call anything in question. Nice.

Even if a conspiracy theory exist, it may not be true. So you trying to find something wrong with it is going to make it seem the one possible way in your mind.

 

[lord.jeff]

I'm more concerned that the father took the time to make a public show out of his daughter, then I am about the gun, not saying the gun was a smart move either.

 

[thethird0611]

I'm going to go ahead an copy something that somebody on Tumblr said that I agree with 100 percent.
....

Seriously, why is it the daughter's fault? And why is the response that people applaud not 'Talk to your daughter' and instead 'Make a mockery out of how she feels on Youtube?'

Finally someone who gets it! There is not a gene that makes people spoiled or immature, it is not something that just happens. No, IT IS LEARNED! And it is a sign of bad parenting.

So when this guy was confronted with the fact that he and his wife are SHIT at parenting he could not cope with loosing the delusion of being a good parent and punished HER for HIS failure. And only retards and other failures applaud that.

People should understand by now that a loud minority (I dont want to believe its the majority) on escapist applauds bad parrenting and hates kids. This is why such things here are so supported, they hate kids. Therefor they dont need to hear about kids being treated like normal human-beings. Actually, the more mistreatment it seems the more they like the story. Im pretty sure back when the video of the father that 'hit' his daughter came up like half those people were supporting it because (OH, IT WAS ONLY WITH THE BACK OF HIS HAND)

You know how I was punished?. . . well, alright. I wasnt since I didnt misbehave ever.

But you know how my SISTER! Was puinished? They cut off the internet for a while and took her phone and didnt let her see her friends. No contact to friends for a couple of days is a really good, unharmful. Punishment.

I have to chime in on this, because I need to apologize for the way I minimized that other video. My parents have a lot in common with both the guy in that video, and especially with the guy in this one. It took going off to college for a year and a half and coming back for my final internship to realize just how abnormal this kind of parenting is.

OT: This is abuse, plain and simple. We're only getting one side of the story, the abuser's, and frankly, I'm more inclined to believe the daughter than I am him. So what if he shows a nice face to the world? Successful abusers /do./ It's how they treat their family that counts, and we've just been shown a disturbing, accidentally honest slice of how this man treats his family.

Edit: Oh, and who want's to bet on what that "$130 worth of software" was? Because my guess is that the "upgrade" was nothing but a copy of Microsoft Office, which she probably legitimately needed for class. "Luxury item" my ass.

Ive been trying to keep from chiming in on this, but have you even read his follow ups? The reaction of his daughter, etc.? Go on his facebook and look (you can get there from the video).

Heres a few bullet points.

1. Daughter felt bad at first, come to realize she was in the wrong, getting along with life happily.
2. Police and CPS visited him because of the TREMENDOUS amount of calls from internet goers. Results? The officers said 'kudos from the department', and the CPS gal dismissed it after a thorough investigation.

So... No. No abuse, the family is just fine, and everything is getting along well with them.

You do know that regardless of what his daughter thinks, her only means of communication is him and she's gonna feel like she has to appease him to avoid more punishment, yeah? If she dissented then we really wouldn't know.

So him giving her an offer to make her own video in response, or post something on facebook about it, makes it so she appeases her? He again even told in one of his post that she sat with him and looked at some of the comments on the matter, and she couldnt believe what people were saying. Plain and simple she said she was fine.

Soo... That, and that her friends could always report how she really feels somehow?

Just because there is a conspiracy theory doesnt mean that its true.

http://aconography.blogspot.com/2012/02/parenting-troubled-teen.html

Read this. In fact, everyone who thinks this guy is so wonderful, just read it. It's not a conspiracy theory; this fits a specific profile of abuse.

I read half of it before having to stop because of all the emotional swaying found in that article. Yes, certain images can trigger bad memories in people. Hell, you talk about abuse, I had my father drag me down a flight of stairs by my hair.

But the whole article is 'The daughter DESERVES to be like that because of her age, and the father has no right to correct her (which parents need to do to keep children from thinking they are above their parents), and then punished her by destroying her laptop.

Do you also know that she pulled this stunt before to? He had the talk with her, grounded her, and took away her computer/cell phone/ privileges, and warned her it would get a worse punishment if she did it again.

 

[thethird0611]

I'm going to go ahead an copy something that somebody on Tumblr said that I agree with 100 percent.
....

Seriously, why is it the daughter's fault? And why is the response that people applaud not 'Talk to your daughter' and instead 'Make a mockery out of how she feels on Youtube?'

Finally someone who gets it! There is not a gene that makes people spoiled or immature, it is not something that just happens. No, IT IS LEARNED! And it is a sign of bad parenting.

So when this guy was confronted with the fact that he and his wife are SHIT at parenting he could not cope with loosing the delusion of being a good parent and punished HER for HIS failure. And only retards and other failures applaud that.

People should understand by now that a loud minority (I dont want to believe its the majority) on escapist applauds bad parrenting and hates kids. This is why such things here are so supported, they hate kids. Therefor they dont need to hear about kids being treated like normal human-beings. Actually, the more mistreatment it seems the more they like the story. Im pretty sure back when the video of the father that 'hit' his daughter came up like half those people were supporting it because (OH, IT WAS ONLY WITH THE BACK OF HIS HAND)

You know how I was punished?. . . well, alright. I wasnt since I didnt misbehave ever.

But you know how my SISTER! Was puinished? They cut off the internet for a while and took her phone and didnt let her see her friends. No contact to friends for a couple of days is a really good, unharmful. Punishment.

I have to chime in on this, because I need to apologize for the way I minimized that other video. My parents have a lot in common with both the guy in that video, and especially with the guy in this one. It took going off to college for a year and a half and coming back for my final internship to realize just how abnormal this kind of parenting is.

OT: This is abuse, plain and simple. We're only getting one side of the story, the abuser's, and frankly, I'm more inclined to believe the daughter than I am him. So what if he shows a nice face to the world? Successful abusers /do./ It's how they treat their family that counts, and we've just been shown a disturbing, accidentally honest slice of how this man treats his family.

Edit: Oh, and who want's to bet on what that "$130 worth of software" was? Because my guess is that the "upgrade" was nothing but a copy of Microsoft Office, which she probably legitimately needed for class. "Luxury item" my ass.

Ive been trying to keep from chiming in on this, but have you even read his follow ups? The reaction of his daughter, etc.? Go on his facebook and look (you can get there from the video).

Heres a few bullet points.

1. Daughter felt bad at first, come to realize she was in the wrong, getting along with life happily.
2. Police and CPS visited him because of the TREMENDOUS amount of calls from internet goers. Results? The officers said 'kudos from the department', and the CPS gal dismissed it after a thorough investigation.

So... No. No abuse, the family is just fine, and everything is getting along well with them.

You do know that regardless of what his daughter thinks, her only means of communication is him and she's gonna feel like she has to appease him to avoid more punishment, yeah? If she dissented then we really wouldn't know.

So him giving her an offer to make her own video in response, or post something on facebook about it, makes it so she appeases her? He again even told in one of his post that she sat with him and looked at some of the comments on the matter, and she couldnt believe what people were saying. Plain and simple she said she was fine.

Soo... That, and that her friends could always report how she really feels somehow?

Just because there is a conspiracy theory doesnt mean that its true.

He will be able to monitor anything she says. Suppose she dissents. How do you think he will react? With flowers? Or maybe punishing her? Or at best maybe it will simply earn her no good will when what she's going to want most at this point is for this whole thing to go away and for her to get a new laptop or whatever. The last way to achieve that is via dissent.

It's not a conspiracy theory to point out that she's not going to want to piss him off. Where the fuck is the conspiracy element in that? I'm saying that she won't feel like she can speak freely. Which is pretty bloody obvious to anyone who stopped to think about it for a second.

If she reacts maturely, its pretty obvious in his speech that he would be ok with it. If she starts acting childish, well theres not much more he can punish her with.

You know whats funny? She actually DOES want this whole thing to blow over. Thats why shes staying out of it and speaking some through her father. Go read the post that he put on facebook before you reply with this again. Just so we are on level ground.

And you know, if something was wrong, CPS would of picked it up, or she could speak through one of her friends, or she could do a MILLION things. This is viral now, and trying to keep information from the public is near impossible. Hell, he cant even leave his phone on and his email is full.

Oh, and to say is pretty obvious is only trying to bring your point up while trying to bring my point down. I could say, 'its bloody obvious shes fine if anyone would stop and think about it', but that would discredit intelligent thinking. Yes, there always is a chance, but there is more evidence toward the side of 'shes fine' then to 'shes being mistreated'

 

[AgDr_ODST]

EDIT: His daughter has quite the mouth on her and she sounds like she's very ungrateful....so I cant blame her dad for being mad and reading her 'rant' for facebook. But what he did with the gun was so very extreme, nnecessary and a waste of a perfectly good laptop that be paid for himself and upgraded and gave to his daughter. I agree with another on this one:

donating it to a charity would of been a better choise or getting her to do it.

Making her give it away would have a much greater effect on her than destroying it and additionally telling her that if she wants a new one she has to pay for it herself

 

[Chefodeath]

Never seen someone so hardheaded in my life. I'd have better luck arguing with a wall.

As an objective bystander, allow me to point out that you're the hard headed idiot who won't listen to reason. Either you're incredibly stupid or trolling.

 

[Owyn_Merrilin]

I'm going to go ahead an copy something that somebody on Tumblr said that I agree with 100 percent.
....

Seriously, why is it the daughter's fault? And why is the response that people applaud not 'Talk to your daughter' and instead 'Make a mockery out of how she feels on Youtube?'

Finally someone who gets it! There is not a gene that makes people spoiled or immature, it is not something that just happens. No, IT IS LEARNED! And it is a sign of bad parenting.

So when this guy was confronted with the fact that he and his wife are SHIT at parenting he could not cope with loosing the delusion of being a good parent and punished HER for HIS failure. And only retards and other failures applaud that.

People should understand by now that a loud minority (I dont want to believe its the majority) on escapist applauds bad parrenting and hates kids. This is why such things here are so supported, they hate kids. Therefor they dont need to hear about kids being treated like normal human-beings. Actually, the more mistreatment it seems the more they like the story. Im pretty sure back when the video of the father that 'hit' his daughter came up like half those people were supporting it because (OH, IT WAS ONLY WITH THE BACK OF HIS HAND)

You know how I was punished?. . . well, alright. I wasnt since I didnt misbehave ever.

But you know how my SISTER! Was puinished? They cut off the internet for a while and took her phone and didnt let her see her friends. No contact to friends for a couple of days is a really good, unharmful. Punishment.

I have to chime in on this, because I need to apologize for the way I minimized that other video. My parents have a lot in common with both the guy in that video, and especially with the guy in this one. It took going off to college for a year and a half and coming back for my final internship to realize just how abnormal this kind of parenting is.

OT: This is abuse, plain and simple. We're only getting one side of the story, the abuser's, and frankly, I'm more inclined to believe the daughter than I am him. So what if he shows a nice face to the world? Successful abusers /do./ It's how they treat their family that counts, and we've just been shown a disturbing, accidentally honest slice of how this man treats his family.

Edit: Oh, and who want's to bet on what that "$130 worth of software" was? Because my guess is that the "upgrade" was nothing but a copy of Microsoft Office, which she probably legitimately needed for class. "Luxury item" my ass.

Ive been trying to keep from chiming in on this, but have you even read his follow ups? The reaction of his daughter, etc.? Go on his facebook and look (you can get there from the video).

Heres a few bullet points.

1. Daughter felt bad at first, come to realize she was in the wrong, getting along with life happily.
2. Police and CPS visited him because of the TREMENDOUS amount of calls from internet goers. Results? The officers said 'kudos from the department', and the CPS gal dismissed it after a thorough investigation.

So... No. No abuse, the family is just fine, and everything is getting along well with them.

You do know that regardless of what his daughter thinks, her only means of communication is him and she's gonna feel like she has to appease him to avoid more punishment, yeah? If she dissented then we really wouldn't know.

So him giving her an offer to make her own video in response, or post something on facebook about it, makes it so she appeases her? He again even told in one of his post that she sat with him and looked at some of the comments on the matter, and she couldnt believe what people were saying. Plain and simple she said she was fine.

Soo... That, and that her friends could always report how she really feels somehow?

Just because there is a conspiracy theory doesnt mean that its true.

http://aconography.blogspot.com/2012/02/parenting-troubled-teen.html

Read this. In fact, everyone who thinks this guy is so wonderful, just read it. It's not a conspiracy theory; this fits a specific profile of abuse.

I read half of it before having to stop because of all the emotional swaying found in that article. Yes, certain images can trigger bad memories in people. Hell, you talk about abuse, I had my father drag me down a flight of stairs by my hair.

But the whole article is 'The daughter DESERVES to be like that because of her age, and the father has no right to correct her (which parents need to do to keep children from thinking they are above their parents), and then punished her by destroying her laptop.

Do you also know that she pulled this stunt before to? He had the talk with her, grounded her, and took away her computer/cell phone/ privileges, and warned her it would get a worse punishment if she did it again.

To both of your posts: it's not a "stunt" if there really is abuse. People. Need. To. Talk. To. Other. People. When. Shit. Like. This. Happens. The profile here is that the dad has fully isolated his daughter, to the point that the last thing she could do was tell a bunch of people on Facebook, likely none of whom she was very close to, what was going on in her life at the time. As for her wanting it to blow over? Well, which is better: continued existence on the mercy of your abuser, or homelessness and/or death without them? Because that's the situation you wind up in. Even if she's 16, and therefore has a shot with CPS, she may see it as worse for her future to go into foster care. Shit like this is /toxic/.

 

[JaceArveduin]

Spoiler: Man's response to the Media

Attention Media Outlets:
While we appreciate the interest you're all putting forth to get in touch with us regarding the video, we're not going to go on your talk show, not going to call in to your radio show, and not going to be in your TV mini-series.

Some of you think I made an acceptable parenting decision and others think I didn't. However, I can't think of any way myself or my daughter can ...respond to a media outlet that won't be twisted out of context. The Dallas news TV news already showed that in their brief 5 minute interview with the psychologist.

Additionally, there's absolutely NO way I'm going to send my child the message that it's OK to gain from something like this. It would send her a message that it's OK to profit at the expense of someone else's embarrassment or misfortune and that's now how I was raised, nor how she has been raised.

So I say thank you from all of us. If we have anything to say, we'll say it here on Facebook, and we'll say it publicly, but we won't say it to a microphone or a camera. There are too many other REAL issues out there that could use this attention you're giving us. My daughter isn't hurt, emotionally scarred, or otherwise damaged, but that kind of publicity has never seemed to be to have a positive effect on any child or family.

If you're a news outlet that wants to ask us a question, feel free to so via email. I'm sure by now my email address is easy enough to find. It might take me awhile to get to a response because I'd have to sort through the "Die you bastard" emails to find it, but we will respond if its something that we feel merits it. Otherwise, sorry... no interviews, no talk shows, no call-ins.

If we respond to anything, it will be on here, and it will be in a way that our words can't be misconstrued or edited for appeal to specific audience or shock value.

Now, I'm going to try to get to work for the day.
Best of luck to all of you out there... and PLEASE give my phone a break.

Spoiler: how she got caught

HOW HANNAH GOT CAUGHT
HOW SHE GOT CAUGHT: The Dog Did It.. no, really.

I finally came out and told her this today, partly because it was too funny NOT to share.

When my daughter made her post, she used Facebook's privacy settings to block "Family" and "Church" friend's lists. All her other friends could see it. We, of course could not.

One of our dogs is always getting in photos and therefore has her own Facebook pa...ge. It's just a cute dumb thing we did for fun. Well, the dog's profile is rarely used except when funny pictures of her are posted. Since that's not too often, and she has very few friends on Facebook, her wall is kind of bare, with relatively few posts showing up on it.

The other night we gave the dog a bath and there was a funny photo we uploaded to Facebook and tagged her in. I logged in as the dog the next morning to comment on the photo. However when I logged into the dog's profile, my daughter had forgotten to add her to the "family" list.... so our family dog's profile showed her post right there on the front page.

It wasn't any parent-hacking, computer spying, or monitoring of any kind.. the dog actually ratted her out completely by accident. She hasn't petted that dog all day today...

Spoiler: teen's reaction

For those that wondered, commented, criticized, and just in general wanted to know:
My daughter came through it fine.

Yes, she's in trouble, and yes she's grounded, but that doesn't mean every moment of her life has to be miserable. She's going to come to terms with the changes that will be present for a while; no TV privileges, no Internet, etc.

In the meantime, once the initial anger passed,... she sat with me reviewing some of the comments that have come in via Facebook and YouTube. One person even suggested collecting the shell casings and auctioning them on eBay. I said I'd do it if it would help contribute to her college fund! When I told her about it, she thought a minute, got a funny calculating expression on her face and said, "in that case you should shoot my phone too. We can use more bullets and I'll go half-sies with ya on it! It's not like I'm going to need it any time soon. And I can use the money we get to buy a new one."

While the whole point of this story isn't funny, what is funny to me is how weak some people out there think kids are. Our kids are as strong as we help them to be. My daughter took a horrible day in her life, had her crying fit, then got over it, accepted her punishment, and hasn't let it (or people's comments) destroy her strength. I don't get any credit for that. She's strong and able to overcome almost anything life throws at her.

Since this unsuspectingly threw her into the limelight much more strongly than either of us intended, I asked her if she wanted to make her own response video, and told her I'd let her do it if she wanted to. She doesn't like being in front of the camera, so she declined, but I've told her if she wants to write a response or post a video response, I'd be OK with it. It's only fair considering the viral nature of the whole thing. So far she's not really interested. Quite frankly it seems she's gotten bored of it much faster than the general public has. If that changes I'll post it here.

Spoiler: FAQ

FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS:
Media Response to Anita Li, from the Toronto Star

Since you took the time to email us with your requests like we asked, I'll take the time to give you an honest follow-up response. You'll have to forgive me for doing so publicly though; again I want to be sure my words are portrayed the way I actually say them, not cut together to make entirely different points.

Your questions were:
Q: Why did y...ou decide to reprimand your daughter over a public medium like YouTube?

A: Well, I actually just had to load the video file itself on YouTube because it's a better upload process than Facebook, but the intended audience was her Facebook friends and the parents of those friends who saw her post and would naturally assume we let our children get away with something like that. So, to answer "Why did you reprimand her over a public medium like Facebook" my answer is this: Because that's how I was raised. If I did something embarrassing to my parents in public (such as a grocery store) I got my tail tore up right there in front of God and everyone, right there in the store. I put the reprisal in exactly the same medium she did, in the exact same manner. Her post went out to about 452 people. Mine went out to about 550 people... originally. I had no idea it would become what it did.

Q: How effective do you think your punishment was (i.e. shooting her laptop and reading her letter online)?

A: I think it was very effective on one front. She apparently didn't remember being talked to about previous incidents, nor did she seem to remember the effects of having it taken away, nor did the eventual long-term grounding seem to get through to her. I think she thought "Well, I'll just wait it out and I'll get it back eventually." Her behavior corrected for a short time, and then it went back to what it was before and worse. This time, she won't ever forget and it'll be a long time before she has an opportunity to post on Facebook again. I feel pretty certain that every day from then to now, whenever one of her friends mentions Facebook, she'll remember it and wish she hadn't done what she did.

The second lesson I want her to learn is the value of a dollar. We don't give her everything she asks for, but you can all imagine what it's like being the only grandchild and the first child. Presents and money come from all sides when you're young. Most of the things she has that are "cool" were bought or gifted that way. She's always asked for very few things, but they're always high-dollar things (iPod, laptop, smartphone, etc). Eventually she gets given enough money to get them. That's not learning the value of a dollar. Its knowing how to save money, which I greatly applaud in her, but it's not enough. She wants a digital SLR camera. She wants a 22 rifle like mine. She wants a car. She wants a smart phone with a data package and unlimited texting. (I have to hear about that one every week!)

She thinks all these things are supposed to be given to her because she's got parents. It's not going to happen, at least not in our house. She can get a job and work for money just like everyone else. Then she can spend it on anything she wants (within reason). If she wants to work for two months to save enough to purchase a $1000 SLR camera with an $800 lens, then I can guarantee she'll NEVER leave it outside at night. She'll be careful when she puts it away and carries it around. She'll value it much more because she worked so hard to get it. Instead, with the current way things have been given to her, she's on about her fourth phone and just expects another one when she breaks the one she has. She's not sorry about breaking it, or losing it, she's sorry only because she can't text her friends. I firmly believe she'll be a LOT more careful when she has to buy her own $299.00 Motorola Razr smartphone.

Until then, she can do chores, and lots and lots of them, so the people who ARE feeding her, clothing her, paying for all her school trips, paying for her musical instruments, can have some time to relax after they finish working to support her and the rest of the family. She can either work to make money on her own, or she will do chores to contribute around the house. She's known all along that all she has to do is get a job and a lot of these chores will go away. But if you're too lazy to work even to get things you want for yourself, I'm certainly not going to let you sit idly on your rear-end with your face glued to both the TV and Facebook for 5 to 6 hours per night. Those days are over.

Q: How did your daughter respond to the video and to what happened to her laptop?

A: She responded to the video with "I can't believe you shot my computer!" That was the first thing she said when she found out about it. Then we sat and we talked for quite a long while on the back patio about the things she did, the things I did in response, etc.

Later after she'd had time to process it and I'd had time to process her thoughts on the matters we discussed, we were back to a semi-truce... you know that uncomfortable moment when you're in the kitchen with your child after an argument and you're both waiting to see which one's going to cave in and resume normal conversation first? Yeah, that moment. I told her about the video response and about it going viral and about the consequences it could have on our family for the next couple of days and asked if she wanted to see some of the comments people had made. After the first few hundred comments, she was astounded with the responses.

People were telling her she was going to commit suicide, commit a gun-related crime, become a drug addict, drop out of school, get pregnant on purpose, and become a stripper because she's too emotionally damaged now to be a productive member of society. Apparently stripper was the job-choice of most of the commenters. Her response was "Dude... it's only a computer. I mean, yeah I'm mad but pfft." She actually asked me to post a comment on one of the threads (and I did) asking what other job fields the victims of laptop-homicide were eligible for because she wasn't too keen on the stripping thing.

We agreed we learned two collective lessons from this so far:

First: As her father, I'll definitely do what I say I will, both positive and negative and she can depend on that. She no longer has any doubt about that.

Second: We have always told her what you put online can affect you forever. Years later a single Facebook/MySpace/Twitter comment can affect her eligibility for a good job and can even get her fired from a job she already has. She's seen first-hand through this video the worst possible scenario that can happen. One post, made by her Dad, will probably follow him the rest of his life; just like those mean things she said on Facebook will stick with the people her words hurt for a long time to come. Once you put it out there, you can't take it back, so think carefully before you use the internet to broadcast your thoughts and feelings.
Should probably put this in the OP.

There we go, I've divided the spoilers up and put tags on them, so maybe now people will read it!

yeah... I don't believe they'll read it, TLDR and all.

 

[Owyn_Merrilin]

Attention Media Outlets:
While we appreciate the interest you're all putting forth to get in touch with us regarding the video, we're not going to go on your talk show, not going to call in to your radio show, and not going to be in your TV mini-series.

Some of you think I made an acceptable parenting decision and others think I didn't. However, I can't think of any way myself or my daughter can ...respond to a media outlet that won't be twisted out of context. The Dallas news TV news already showed that in their brief 5 minute interview with the psychologist.

Additionally, there's absolutely NO way I'm going to send my child the message that it's OK to gain from something like this. It would send her a message that it's OK to profit at the expense of someone else's embarrassment or misfortune and that's now how I was raised, nor how she has been raised.

So I say thank you from all of us. If we have anything to say, we'll say it here on Facebook, and we'll say it publicly, but we won't say it to a microphone or a camera. There are too many other REAL issues out there that could use this attention you're giving us. My daughter isn't hurt, emotionally scarred, or otherwise damaged, but that kind of publicity has never seemed to be to have a positive effect on any child or family.

If you're a news outlet that wants to ask us a question, feel free to so via email. I'm sure by now my email address is easy enough to find. It might take me awhile to get to a response because I'd have to sort through the "Die you bastard" emails to find it, but we will respond if its something that we feel merits it. Otherwise, sorry... no interviews, no talk shows, no call-ins.

If we respond to anything, it will be on here, and it will be in a way that our words can't be misconstrued or edited for appeal to specific audience or shock value.

Now, I'm going to try to get to work for the day.
Best of luck to all of you out there... and PLEASE give my phone a break.
[/spoiler]

Spoiler: how she got caught

HOW HANNAH GOT CAUGHT
HOW SHE GOT CAUGHT: The Dog Did It.. no, really.

I finally came out and told her this today, partly because it was too funny NOT to share.

When my daughter made her post, she used Facebook's privacy settings to block "Family" and "Church" friend's lists. All her other friends could see it. We, of course could not.

One of our dogs is always getting in photos and therefore has her own Facebook pa...ge. It's just a cute dumb thing we did for fun. Well, the dog's profile is rarely used except when funny pictures of her are posted. Since that's not too often, and she has very few friends on Facebook, her wall is kind of bare, with relatively few posts showing up on it.

The other night we gave the dog a bath and there was a funny photo we uploaded to Facebook and tagged her in. I logged in as the dog the next morning to comment on the photo. However when I logged into the dog's profile, my daughter had forgotten to add her to the "family" list.... so our family dog's profile showed her post right there on the front page.

It wasn't any parent-hacking, computer spying, or monitoring of any kind.. the dog actually ratted her out completely by accident. She hasn't petted that dog all day today...

Spoiler: teen's reaction

For those that wondered, commented, criticized, and just in general wanted to know:
My daughter came through it fine.

Yes, she's in trouble, and yes she's grounded, but that doesn't mean every moment of her life has to be miserable. She's going to come to terms with the changes that will be present for a while; no TV privileges, no Internet, etc.

In the meantime, once the initial anger passed,... she sat with me reviewing some of the comments that have come in via Facebook and YouTube. One person even suggested collecting the shell casings and auctioning them on eBay. I said I'd do it if it would help contribute to her college fund! When I told her about it, she thought a minute, got a funny calculating expression on her face and said, "in that case you should shoot my phone too. We can use more bullets and I'll go half-sies with ya on it! It's not like I'm going to need it any time soon. And I can use the money we get to buy a new one."

While the whole point of this story isn't funny, what is funny to me is how weak some people out there think kids are. Our kids are as strong as we help them to be. My daughter took a horrible day in her life, had her crying fit, then got over it, accepted her punishment, and hasn't let it (or people's comments) destroy her strength. I don't get any credit for that. She's strong and able to overcome almost anything life throws at her.

Since this unsuspectingly threw her into the limelight much more strongly than either of us intended, I asked her if she wanted to make her own response video, and told her I'd let her do it if she wanted to. She doesn't like being in front of the camera, so she declined, but I've told her if she wants to write a response or post a video response, I'd be OK with it. It's only fair considering the viral nature of the whole thing. So far she's not really interested. Quite frankly it seems she's gotten bored of it much faster than the general public has. If that changes I'll post it here.

Spoiler: FAQ

FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS:
Media Response to Anita Li, from the Toronto Star

Since you took the time to email us with your requests like we asked, I'll take the time to give you an honest follow-up response. You'll have to forgive me for doing so publicly though; again I want to be sure my words are portrayed the way I actually say them, not cut together to make entirely different points.

Your questions were:
Q: Why did y...ou decide to reprimand your daughter over a public medium like YouTube?

A: Well, I actually just had to load the video file itself on YouTube because it's a better upload process than Facebook, but the intended audience was her Facebook friends and the parents of those friends who saw her post and would naturally assume we let our children get away with something like that. So, to answer "Why did you reprimand her over a public medium like Facebook" my answer is this: Because that's how I was raised. If I did something embarrassing to my parents in public (such as a grocery store) I got my tail tore up right there in front of God and everyone, right there in the store. I put the reprisal in exactly the same medium she did, in the exact same manner. Her post went out to about 452 people. Mine went out to about 550 people... originally. I had no idea it would become what it did.

Q: How effective do you think your punishment was (i.e. shooting her laptop and reading her letter online)?

A: I think it was very effective on one front. She apparently didn't remember being talked to about previous incidents, nor did she seem to remember the effects of having it taken away, nor did the eventual long-term grounding seem to get through to her. I think she thought "Well, I'll just wait it out and I'll get it back eventually." Her behavior corrected for a short time, and then it went back to what it was before and worse. This time, she won't ever forget and it'll be a long time before she has an opportunity to post on Facebook again. I feel pretty certain that every day from then to now, whenever one of her friends mentions Facebook, she'll remember it and wish she hadn't done what she did.

The second lesson I want her to learn is the value of a dollar. We don't give her everything she asks for, but you can all imagine what it's like being the only grandchild and the first child. Presents and money come from all sides when you're young. Most of the things she has that are "cool" were bought or gifted that way. She's always asked for very few things, but they're always high-dollar things (iPod, laptop, smartphone, etc). Eventually she gets given enough money to get them. That's not learning the value of a dollar. Its knowing how to save money, which I greatly applaud in her, but it's not enough. She wants a digital SLR camera. She wants a 22 rifle like mine. She wants a car. She wants a smart phone with a data package and unlimited texting. (I have to hear about that one every week!)

She thinks all these things are supposed to be given to her because she's got parents. It's not going to happen, at least not in our house. She can get a job and work for money just like everyone else. Then she can spend it on anything she wants (within reason). If she wants to work for two months to save enough to purchase a $1000 SLR camera with an $800 lens, then I can guarantee she'll NEVER leave it outside at night. She'll be careful when she puts it away and carries it around. She'll value it much more because she worked so hard to get it. Instead, with the current way things have been given to her, she's on about her fourth phone and just expects another one when she breaks the one she has. She's not sorry about breaking it, or losing it, she's sorry only because she can't text her friends. I firmly believe she'll be a LOT more careful when she has to buy her own $299.00 Motorola Razr smartphone.

Until then, she can do chores, and lots and lots of them, so the people who ARE feeding her, clothing her, paying for all her school trips, paying for her musical instruments, can have some time to relax after they finish working to support her and the rest of the family. She can either work to make money on her own, or she will do chores to contribute around the house. She's known all along that all she has to do is get a job and a lot of these chores will go away. But if you're too lazy to work even to get things you want for yourself, I'm certainly not going to let you sit idly on your rear-end with your face glued to both the TV and Facebook for 5 to 6 hours per night. Those days are over.

Q: How did your daughter respond to the video and to what happened to her laptop?

A: She responded to the video with "I can't believe you shot my computer!" That was the first thing she said when she found out about it. Then we sat and we talked for quite a long while on the back patio about the things she did, the things I did in response, etc.

Later after she'd had time to process it and I'd had time to process her thoughts on the matters we discussed, we were back to a semi-truce... you know that uncomfortable moment when you're in the kitchen with your child after an argument and you're both waiting to see which one's going to cave in and resume normal conversation first? Yeah, that moment. I told her about the video response and about it going viral and about the consequences it could have on our family for the next couple of days and asked if she wanted to see some of the comments people had made. After the first few hundred comments, she was astounded with the responses.

People were telling her she was going to commit suicide, commit a gun-related crime, become a drug addict, drop out of school, get pregnant on purpose, and become a stripper because she's too emotionally damaged now to be a productive member of society. Apparently stripper was the job-choice of most of the commenters. Her response was "Dude... it's only a computer. I mean, yeah I'm mad but pfft." She actually asked me to post a comment on one of the threads (and I did) asking what other job fields the victims of laptop-homicide were eligible for because she wasn't too keen on the stripping thing.

We agreed we learned two collective lessons from this so far:

First: As her father, I'll definitely do what I say I will, both positive and negative and she can depend on that. She no longer has any doubt about that.

Second: We have always told her what you put online can affect you forever. Years later a single Facebook/MySpace/Twitter comment can affect her eligibility for a good job and can even get her fired from a job she already has. She's seen first-hand through this video the worst possible scenario that can happen. One post, made by her Dad, will probably follow him the rest of his life; just like those mean things she said on Facebook will stick with the people her words hurt for a long time to come. Once you put it out there, you can't take it back, so think carefully before you use the internet to broadcast your thoughts and feelings.
Should probably put this in the OP.

There we go, I've divided the spoilers up and put tags on them, so maybe now people will read it!

yeah... I don't believe they'll read it, TLDR and all.

I've already read all of this, and I don't see her reaction anywhere in that spoiler; just what her father says is her reaction. All I'm trying to say here is you can't take the word of an abuser that they are not abusing their child: they lie about things like that, you see.

 

[Burs]

A little bit of an Overreaction much?
15 year old girls and boys moan and complain its a fact of life, and moaning to their friends and peers is the best way for them to let off steam.

As a kid I know I was quite aggresive against inanimate objects such as doors/pieces of furniture when I was angry, but you know what my parents did? They made me repair and replace it all and you know what it worked, I only hit things now at martial arts classes; not to mention I gained a respect for the money I saved to replace said objects, I also became very good at DIY.

Having a good ol' whinge to your friends is nothing that cant be solved by taking away the girl's phone/laptop, gounding her and giving her a good talking to. If she needs to be punished at all.

Not to mention that a gun is not a toy, its a tool albeit a dangerous one and using it for something like this is trivialising it and if not unsafe to others, is at least unsafe to himelf and can only provoke others to do the same.

A gun is a privilege or a necessity, never should it be abused for personal kicks.

 

[thethird0611]

I'm going to go ahead an copy something that somebody on Tumblr said that I agree with 100 percent.
....

Seriously, why is it the daughter's fault? And why is the response that people applaud not 'Talk to your daughter' and instead 'Make a mockery out of how she feels on Youtube?'

Finally someone who gets it! There is not a gene that makes people spoiled or immature, it is not something that just happens. No, IT IS LEARNED! And it is a sign of bad parenting.

So when this guy was confronted with the fact that he and his wife are SHIT at parenting he could not cope with loosing the delusion of being a good parent and punished HER for HIS failure. And only retards and other failures applaud that.

People should understand by now that a loud minority (I dont want to believe its the majority) on escapist applauds bad parrenting and hates kids. This is why such things here are so supported, they hate kids. Therefor they dont need to hear about kids being treated like normal human-beings. Actually, the more mistreatment it seems the more they like the story. Im pretty sure back when the video of the father that 'hit' his daughter came up like half those people were supporting it because (OH, IT WAS ONLY WITH THE BACK OF HIS HAND)

You know how I was punished?. . . well, alright. I wasnt since I didnt misbehave ever.

But you know how my SISTER! Was puinished? They cut off the internet for a while and took her phone and didnt let her see her friends. No contact to friends for a couple of days is a really good, unharmful. Punishment.

I have to chime in on this, because I need to apologize for the way I minimized that other video. My parents have a lot in common with both the guy in that video, and especially with the guy in this one. It took going off to college for a year and a half and coming back for my final internship to realize just how abnormal this kind of parenting is.

OT: This is abuse, plain and simple. We're only getting one side of the story, the abuser's, and frankly, I'm more inclined to believe the daughter than I am him. So what if he shows a nice face to the world? Successful abusers /do./ It's how they treat their family that counts, and we've just been shown a disturbing, accidentally honest slice of how this man treats his family.

Edit: Oh, and who want's to bet on what that "$130 worth of software" was? Because my guess is that the "upgrade" was nothing but a copy of Microsoft Office, which she probably legitimately needed for class. "Luxury item" my ass.

Ive been trying to keep from chiming in on this, but have you even read his follow ups? The reaction of his daughter, etc.? Go on his facebook and look (you can get there from the video).

Heres a few bullet points.

1. Daughter felt bad at first, come to realize she was in the wrong, getting along with life happily.
2. Police and CPS visited him because of the TREMENDOUS amount of calls from internet goers. Results? The officers said 'kudos from the department', and the CPS gal dismissed it after a thorough investigation.

So... No. No abuse, the family is just fine, and everything is getting along well with them.

You do know that regardless of what his daughter thinks, her only means of communication is him and she's gonna feel like she has to appease him to avoid more punishment, yeah? If she dissented then we really wouldn't know.

So him giving her an offer to make her own video in response, or post something on facebook about it, makes it so she appeases her? He again even told in one of his post that she sat with him and looked at some of the comments on the matter, and she couldnt believe what people were saying. Plain and simple she said she was fine.

Soo... That, and that her friends could always report how she really feels somehow?

Just because there is a conspiracy theory doesnt mean that its true.

http://aconography.blogspot.com/2012/02/parenting-troubled-teen.html

Read this. In fact, everyone who thinks this guy is so wonderful, just read it. It's not a conspiracy theory; this fits a specific profile of abuse.

I read half of it before having to stop because of all the emotional swaying found in that article. Yes, certain images can trigger bad memories in people. Hell, you talk about abuse, I had my father drag me down a flight of stairs by my hair.

But the whole article is 'The daughter DESERVES to be like that because of her age, and the father has no right to correct her (which parents need to do to keep children from thinking they are above their parents), and then punished her by destroying her laptop.

Do you also know that she pulled this stunt before to? He had the talk with her, grounded her, and took away her computer/cell phone/ privileges, and warned her it would get a worse punishment if she did it again.

To both of your posts: it's not a "stunt" if there really is abuse. People. Need. To. Talk. To. Other. People. When. Shit. Like. This. Happens. The profile here is that the dad has fully isolated his daughter, to the point that the last thing she could do was tell a bunch of people on Facebook, likely none of whom she was very close to, what was going on in her life at the time. As for her wanting it to blow over? Well, which is better: continued existence on the mercy of your abuser, or homelessness and/or death without them? Because that's the situation you wind up in. Even if she's 16, and therefore has a shot with CPS, she may see it as worse for her future to go into foster care. Shit like this is /toxic/.

You know, I would continue on here, but there is no reason to. You have it set in your mind that it is, out of NO chance of anything else, her being isolated. You have no open mind to see if shes just doesnt want to speak to people so it'll blow over or anything else. Itll end up like any other discussion on here, mud slinging.

Your trying to make your arguments emotional arguments. What you need to do is look and see there is more evidence toward the thing being said being true, than not. News outlets have to talked to them, CPS and the Police came, she was given a chance to address the situation to everyone, and not in one of those chances have we seen anything remotely wrong?

So im sorry, but im not going to respond anymore because its not good to continue trying to break down a built up belief.

 

[Marik2]

Is he an asshole for shooting the laptop, sure. He is also my hero for teaching his self entitled ***** of a daughter a lesson.

FUCK YEAH

Finally a parent who is actually doing some parenting....

 

[Treblaine]

Did you miss the part where he has grounded her several times? Or where he's talking about her not having a laptop until college? He never hit her you say - looking at his anger I say it's matter of time. He's not setting firm boundaries. He's retaliating like a fool when his anger is worked up. instead of handling it when it happens.

And so what if she badmouthed her parents? that's normal and only because her dad snooped around her facebook (which she apparently had blocked him from) did he find out? What if she had written it in a diary or he had heard her tell a friend over the phone?
If you claim you never had any bad things to say about your parents, growing up, I have to call you out as a liar.

All I see in the video is a fail parent and a hoard of fail-parents in waiting cheering him on. And people still don't see why the kids aren't getting raised alright. The capacity for human stupidity is apparently endless.

OOOHHHH! Children being Grounding and no expensive-gadgets! Someone get this girl a Human Right's lawyer. Wait till the UN hears![/sarc]

First World Problems.

I guarantee there are kids in her school who don't have any expensive personal gadgets nor free time and it's not because of poverty, it is because they don't have a rich parent to dote over them.

She's not even 16 yet, she has no right to leave her home without her parents permission. It is a privilege to NOT be grounded! I needed permission and REASON to ever leave my home outside school hours and I was often refused, even if not grounded. I wasn't allowed my own computer till higher education! Badmouthing will get privileges removed.

This is not a private diary where people are able to collect their private thoughts, this is a public post badmouthing her parents behind her back just after they had doted over her. Diary comparison is very inaccurate.

I have not PUBLICLY spouted such spiel against my parents, only cursed them under my breath in moments of childish frustration that soon passes. I am eternally grateful for all they have done for me.

"looking at his anger I say it's matter of time (before he hits her)"

Nice assumptions.

He is not overcome by rage, he very patiently and rationally explains his action, he is not suddenly lashing out. He has never indicated any direct violence against her, it seems people who are just alien to firearms are overreacting because "OOOOH! Guns are evil!" if he'd driven over it no one would say he planned to kill her in a hit and run.