Dating and paying for dinner, okay to go halfsies?
- Thread starter Eclipse Dragon
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Hey we're not so bad! Just practical! I blame the English for this stereotype, they couldn't win the war so they made up some negative stereotypes.CrystalShadow said:
About your last point: we do whatever the hell we want with customs! Sometimes I hold the door open for my girlfriend, sometimes she does it for me and sometimes we just run into the door in a painful manner...
Chivalry is a concept that just doesn't exist for me.
I'm more traditional, wanting to pay for all of it - however it seems like any good friends would just want to take turns paying for whatever it is. Same as it is with my guy friends, we just go out and do stuff and pay for it - money shouldn't really be an issue unless it's one person always paying. That can lead to resentment if it really bothers the person. I think it's better to just openly talk about it and have good communication.
Queen Michael said:
Everyone in that area of the world blames their neighbours for something or other. XDNimcha said:Hey we're not so bad! Just practical! I blame the English for this stereotype, they couldn't win the war so they made up some negative stereotypes.CrystalShadow said:
About your last point: we do whatever the hell we want with customs! Sometimes I hold the door open for my girlfriend, sometimes she does it for me and sometimes we just run into the door in a painful manner...
Chivalry is a concept that just doesn't exist for me.
I guess it makes sense to just do whatever.
I don't even know, culturally what's appropriate anyway, given how often I move.
Dutch stereotypes remind me of the shopkeep in Singapore who repeated the following to my mother "ja, ja. Kijken, kijken, maar niet kopen"
I swear sometimes, it's a strange set of expectations people have about the Dutch...
Maar goed. Ik ga naar bed. Val nu al in slaap.
Wat onzin zeg.
Maar ja. Zo gaat het nu eenmaal met zulke soort dingen. ;p
If I ask, I'll offer to pay. If she would rather split it or, better yet, offer to pick up the tab next time, that's fine with me.
That's what I did with my last girlfriend. We just took turns paying.
This method worked out pretty well. We've been married for five years.
That's what I did with my last girlfriend. We just took turns paying.
This method worked out pretty well. We've been married for five years.
No there is nothing wrong with going halfsies. If the person is put off by it then that is capability issue and nothing more. It will not make you literal satan.
The only time this is a problem is when it comes to dating any other time unless stated by some one I and my friends will pay our own way to have a good time because the money for the food is the last thing on our minds. This whole "whoever invites pays" thing that is the norm I only see on the internet .
The only time this is a problem is when it comes to dating any other time unless stated by some one I and my friends will pay our own way to have a good time because the money for the food is the last thing on our minds. This whole "whoever invites pays" thing that is the norm I only see on the internet .
I'll be honest I wish, halfsies was standardized. I get the reasoning of a lot of people saying "the person who is asking the other person out" should pay. But with a decent chunk of western culture, and I'm pretty sure most other cultures, it's still the guy asking the girl out.
Honestly if both parties are interested in each other split the check the first time.
Maybe I'm just biased because I've known people who use "dating" as basically a meal ticket. I remember asking a really good friend once how her boyfriend could afford to take her out each night when they were in college. And she was like well I'm dating like 3-4 guys at a time, and they pay for taking me out, I'll decide eventually which one I like.
stuff like that just makes me not want to ever bother with that initial nonsense. Hey me and you find some mild interested, let's go spend a day doing random stuff, if we like each other we'll continue other days, if not we go apart nothing lost.
Honestly if both parties are interested in each other split the check the first time.
Maybe I'm just biased because I've known people who use "dating" as basically a meal ticket. I remember asking a really good friend once how her boyfriend could afford to take her out each night when they were in college. And she was like well I'm dating like 3-4 guys at a time, and they pay for taking me out, I'll decide eventually which one I like.
stuff like that just makes me not want to ever bother with that initial nonsense. Hey me and you find some mild interested, let's go spend a day doing random stuff, if we like each other we'll continue other days, if not we go apart nothing lost.
I'm from Germany and I/we constantly get laughed upon by people from anywhere else because we tend to split bills here 90% of the time regardless of the situation (it seems to me). When asked why I always answer something like "Why should I pay for the alcoholic excesses of my dining partners" since I don't drink anything else than one Apfelschorle per evening/lunch/whatever or nothing at all. And I neither want them to pay for the (usually relatively expensive) meat I tend to order. On a date I personally think it is very "traditional" (to put it mildly) when someone expects the other one to pay. I let people pay if they insist but I can't say that I particularly like it. It might make them feel good but I always think "Jesus, I have a job I can pay for food." A friend tends to do it when we are out for food and he earns a shitload more money than I do. I thought about telling him that I don't really like it (convenient as it of course is for me) but then friends told me I should not bother with that when what he pays for me is nothing noteworthy for him and also a nice gesture.
I have friends who say that some girls just date for the free meal. I dunno if that means they are bad at the game or anything but if somebody isn't willing to put down at least half for a meal it should be a sign.
If a lady expects me to pay for an entire meal, she instead gets half a bill and a speech on why they are enforcing gender stereotypes that need to be broken free from.
There are usually no second dates.
But seriously, I base it on money. Usually go about 50-50, if I'm dating someone who I know isn't doing well financially then I'll pay it all and it's never happened but if I went on a date with a lady who had plenty of cash then I'd let her cover the entire bill.
There are usually no second dates.
But seriously, I base it on money. Usually go about 50-50, if I'm dating someone who I know isn't doing well financially then I'll pay it all and it's never happened but if I went on a date with a lady who had plenty of cash then I'd let her cover the entire bill.
I'm also female and I always like to pay, whether it's with friends or a romantic date. I also expect the person I'm with to make a counter offer to pay, even though I will insist. Offering to pay shows that you care about that person. Accepting the offer shows that you trust that the person paying can do so without being a dick about it or expecting something in return. If I offer to pay and the person I'm with prefers halfsies, I feel a little hurt. It says that not only do they not like me enough to even offer to pay for me, they don't even want to risk feeling some sort of obligation by letting me pay for them. It also strikes me as a little stingy.
When my (male) partner and I started dating, I paid for most things. The only time it was remotely an issue was when the pizza guy tried to lecture him about always letting the woman pay. We just stopped going there.. for a while. It was really nice pizza.
To clarify, I'm not loaded or anything, I just think treating friends is a nice way to spend limited money.
When my (male) partner and I started dating, I paid for most things. The only time it was remotely an issue was when the pizza guy tried to lecture him about always letting the woman pay. We just stopped going there.. for a while. It was really nice pizza.
To clarify, I'm not loaded or anything, I just think treating friends is a nice way to spend limited money.
why doesnt everyone just pay for their own meals? Halfsies isnt really fair... especially in a situation where one person orders a lobster dinner at $100 and the other person orders a $15 salad. Explain to me how going 'halfsies' in this scenario is a reasonable thing to do?Eclipse Dragon said:
I'm male.
On the first date I'd pay unless the conversation turns for the worse and she pushes feminism and/or equal rights in my face. Then we go half.
Other than that, either rotational or half would be fair to me.[footnote]Half to me can mean exactly half of the bill or each party pays for what they alone ordered. [/footnote]
On the first date I'd pay unless the conversation turns for the worse and she pushes feminism and/or equal rights in my face. Then we go half.
Other than that, either rotational or half would be fair to me.[footnote]Half to me can mean exactly half of the bill or each party pays for what they alone ordered. [/footnote]
I always at least try to pay for the meal on a date, salaries/expectations be damned. Some traditional gender roles I like, and being the manly provider is one of them. But every now and then, my better-half treats me to something. And that's cool, too.
You interpret me too literally, that is my mistake for not being clear. I wasn't discounting the idea of "everyone pays for their own meal" when I said "halfsies".C_sector said:
My footnote says "splitting the bill, we pay for our own food" I'm just talking about the act of someone footing the entire bill, and actually in my particular case, splitting the bill equally would lead to me personally paying more because he eats more than I do.
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Yesterday I bought us both smoothies and then he bought us dinner. I generally like to pay for my food, but if we're alternating, I'm not going to stop and count every penny to make sure it's all equal, that seems a little extreme, in this case, I trust it all evens out in the end and so does he.
I think one thing a guy can do to set off alarm bells is to insist on paying for every meal. Their date is likely to think:
"What? Does he think I don't have a job? Does he expect to get something in return? Should I order the Lobster?"
Learn from my mistakes gentlemen. Offering is fine, insisting is desperate. Alternating is now my preference as well.
If not 50/50, 40/60 is just as good. And if she is paying, don't go for the $30 steak and then ask for dessert. Because you probably won't get any dessert.
"What? Does he think I don't have a job? Does he expect to get something in return? Should I order the Lobster?"
Learn from my mistakes gentlemen. Offering is fine, insisting is desperate. Alternating is now my preference as well.
If not 50/50, 40/60 is just as good. And if she is paying, don't go for the $30 steak and then ask for dessert. Because you probably won't get any dessert.
I am a "The asker pays" for dates but I have also been the main/only finicial provider in my relationships and I'm fine with it. I see less value in money some people do and feel my partners co tribute equal amounts rather easily.