Dead obese woman sets fire to crematorium

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Sean Hollyman

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Jun 24, 2011
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http://gizmodo.com/5915905/dead-obese-woman-carried-so-much-fat-she-set-crematorium-on-fire Link to article

'As you'll well know if you barbecue very often, fat is extremely flammable. Normally, the human body doesn't carry enough of the stuff for it to be a problem during cremation?but recently, an obese woman from Austria carried so much weight that her fat burnt strongly enough to set a crematorium ablaze.

The fat caused the fire inside the crematorium to reach 300C, resulting in clouds of smoke billowing out of the building when the filter mechanisms failed to stand up to the job. Firemen had to rush to the scence in Graz, Austria, where they were confronted by thick black smoke smoke which, in the words of the Daily Mail, left them "covered with a layer of sooty grease". Delightful. They eventually extinguished the fire by aiming water through the vents which are used to clear the filters of the cremation oven.

The woman in question weighed 440 pounds, and experts have claimed that it is definitely her size which caused the oven in which she was being cremated to overheat, as opposed to there being a fault. Most countries don't currently have an upper limit on weight or body size which is allowed to be cremated?but this incident could well change that. In fact, since the fire Austria and Switzerland are considering a ban on larger bodies being cremated.

The alternative, of course, is just to increase the size of our crematoriums with the size of our waistlines?but given how fast the national average BMI is increasing, we better build 'em big.'

Thoughts on this, I...'m lost for words
 

Hazy992

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Aug 1, 2010
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God there's no need to get so burnt up about it...

I'll get my coat.
 

ChildishLegacy

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Apr 16, 2010
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When you are a fire hazard in death, I think you were a bit too far on the heavy side in life.

I've just thought of an amazing way to turn this into some sort of TV murder plot:
Somebody wants to go down with somebody they hate when they die, so they befriend the person they hate without them knowing how much they're hated, and just start eating as much as they can before they kick it, and have the hated person say words while you are being burnt at your funeral. Have you funeral arranged/planned so that 1 person reading cannot escape quickly enough/is trapped after you combust.

Seriously, I'd love to see TV crime-fighting teams piece that together.
 

Flamezdudes

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Aug 27, 2009
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Hazy992 said:
God there's no need to get so burnt up about it...

I'll get my coat.
How dare you! This is a very hot, dead woman we're talking about! You know it's not just her sinuses that flare up a lot you know. It's cruel, just plain cruel to make such puns with burning passion about situations like this.

...I make terrible puns. I suck at this. You can kill me now.
 

Hazy992

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Aug 1, 2010
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Flamezdudes said:
Hazy992 said:
God there's no need to get so burnt up about it...

I'll get my coat.
How dare you! This is a very hot, dead woman we're talking about! You know it's not just her sinuses that flare up a lot you know. It's cruel, just plain cruel to make such puns with burning passion about situations like this.

...I make terrible puns. I suck at this. You can kill me now.
Hey why am I coming under fire?! You have such a hot temper and you're gonna end up starting a flame war with your fiery attitude!

[sub]Don't worry, there's only so many fire based puns you can make :p[/sub]
 

Flamezdudes

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Aug 27, 2009
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Hazy992 said:
Flamezdudes said:
Hazy992 said:
God there's no need to get so burnt up about it...

I'll get my coat.
How dare you! This is a very hot, dead woman we're talking about! You know it's not just her sinuses that flare up a lot you know. It's cruel, just plain cruel to make such puns with burning passion about situations like this.

...I make terrible puns. I suck at this. You can kill me now.
Hey why am I coming under fire?! You have such a hot temper and you're gonna end up starting a flame war with your fiery attitude!

[sub]Don't worry, there's only so many fire based puns you can make :p[/sub]
It's very difficult to extinguish your fiery rage Hazy. I better stop before I make rapid-fire based puns and tell my officers to fire at will at any one of your jokes.

[sub]This is getting consistently worse Bro.[/sub]
 

Hazy992

Why does this place still exist
Aug 1, 2010
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Flamezdudes said:
Hazy992 said:
Flamezdudes said:
Hazy992 said:
God there's no need to get so burnt up about it...

I'll get my coat.
How dare you! This is a very hot, dead woman we're talking about! You know it's not just her sinuses that flare up a lot you know. It's cruel, just plain cruel to make such puns with burning passion about situations like this.

...I make terrible puns. I suck at this. You can kill me now.
Hey why am I coming under fire?! You have such a hot temper and you're gonna end up starting a flame war with your fiery attitude!

[sub]Don't worry, there's only so many fire based puns you can make :p[/sub]
It's very difficult to extinguish your fiery rage Hazy. I better stop before I make rapid-fire based puns and tell my officers to fire at will at any one of your jokes.

[sub]This is getting consistently worse Bro.[/sub]
You need to stop fanning the flames. I don't want to turn up the heat, I want things to cool off.

[sub]I can't think of anymore puns...[/sub]
 

LordFish

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May 29, 2012
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Best Thread Title Ever :)

And people need to stop eating so fracking much! It's okay to be portly and enjoy the good things in life, but didn't that woman look at herself when she hit 400 lbs and just feel ashamed?
 

Sean Hollyman

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Jun 24, 2011
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Hazy992 said:
Flamezdudes said:
Hazy992 said:
Flamezdudes said:
Hazy992 said:
God there's no need to get so burnt up about it...

I'll get my coat.
How dare you! This is a very hot, dead woman we're talking about! You know it's not just her sinuses that flare up a lot you know. It's cruel, just plain cruel to make such puns with burning passion about situations like this.

...I make terrible puns. I suck at this. You can kill me now.
Hey why am I coming under fire?! You have such a hot temper and you're gonna end up starting a flame war with your fiery attitude!

[sub]Don't worry, there's only so many fire based puns you can make :p[/sub]
It's very difficult to extinguish your fiery rage Hazy. I better stop before I make rapid-fire based puns and tell my officers to fire at will at any one of your jokes.

[sub]This is getting consistently worse Bro.[/sub]
You need to stop fanning the flames. I don't want to turn up the heat, I want things to cool off.

[sub]I can't think of anymore puns...[/sub]
I know you have a burning passion for flaming on here, but please cool it down.

*Crickets chirp*
 

Mysterious Username

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Jun 4, 2012
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I know people don't like the whole mentioning your captcha thing, but this is just too perfect.
"Dream big" Dream big indeed captcha, dream big indeed.
Anyway, I think we might want to lay off the puns as we don't want anyone getting flamed in this thread.
 

Sean Hollyman

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Jun 24, 2011
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Mysterious Username said:
I know people don't like the whole mentioning your captcha thing, but this is just too perfect.
"Dream big" Dream big indeed captcha, dream big indeed.
Anyway, I think we might want to lay off the puns as we don't want anyone getting flamed in this thread.
Indeed, it could turn into quite a heated debate.
 

Goofguy

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Nov 25, 2010
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I wonder if it smelled like bacon...

As for the sooty grease, ewwwwwwww.
 

Melon Hunter

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May 18, 2009
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Sean Hollyman said:
Mysterious Username said:
I know people don't like the whole mentioning your captcha thing, but this is just too perfect.
"Dream big" Dream big indeed captcha, dream big indeed.
Anyway, I think we might want to lay off the puns as we don't want anyone getting flamed in this thread.
Indeed, it could turn into quite a heated debate.
I know. Puns tend to turn rational debates into an inferno of insults. Flame throwers everywhere. This thread is just a tinderbox waiting to go up in smoke.
 

DoPo

"You're not cleared for that."
Jan 30, 2012
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That's it. You have convinced me to not lose any weight. I don't want to be burning fat if that's the case.

Hazy992 said:
I'll get my coat.
Hey, wait for me.
 

Hazy992

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Aug 1, 2010
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DoPo said:
That's it. You have convinced me to not lose any weight. I don't want to be burning fat if that's the case.

Hazy992 said:
I'll get my coat.
Hey, wait for me.
You wanna order the taxi or shall I?
 

Sean Hollyman

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Jun 24, 2011
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More people need to hear of this tragic event, someone needs to put this in Heat magazine.

Ba dum tss...