Deliberately terrible writing, is it more fun?

[Oly J]

Hi everyone, a long time ago a friend and I had something of a contest, we both wrote the opening chapter of a novel.
The challenge was to make the most nonsensical silly, poorly-constructed yet sincere-looking opening chapter possible (his words were "something that stupid people might take seriously") so I proceeded to write the opening chapter of a romance-thriller type thing, but with half-assed grammar some over-the-top cheesiness, and quite a bit of outright stupidity.

I have since lost his entry but mine was declared the winner (I'll put it in spoiler tags just in case anyone's curious (though I've never used them before so sorry if I get it wrong.)

I recently rediscovered it and felt a little nostalgic

Spoiler

Chapter 1:


She turned hard-right on the wheel of her van, skidding to a stop where she was sure it was safe, at the harbour conspicuously out-in-the-open, where surely nobody would suspect a murderer to be hauling a body.

Penny Bagg was a headstrong woman, the type that was very difficult to dissuade, she got out of her 1983 GMC G-series-van, walked towards the back of it, affectionately running her fingers along the painted red stripe along the side over the dark-green paint-job, and opened the back doors, inside was a man, at least he was a man until about twenty minutes prior.

Penny was an ex-assassin, she had given up killing for money to wed the love of her life Deuce Bagg, he had insisted on being the only one with a job, he had no skills or academic achievements but he was very serious about the band he had formed with his friends, they were called ?Punching Seagulls? Deuce had promised Penny they would take off as soon as at least one member had learned to play an instrument, which he swore would be soon, she wanted to argue, but she trusted him completely and so, didn't see the point.

The man she had killed was a debt-collector, Deuce had got in deeper than he should have with gambling debts, the man was known to her, and always seemed perfectly nice to Penny, but Deuce promised her that he was ?a fucking **** that needed to fucking die?, and Penny knew the love of her life would never deceive her a 7th time.

Gripping the collar of the man?s coat she pulled the lifeless husk into a sitting position, the moonlight bounced off his Mohawk , and blinded her for a split second, she quickly tied two heavy cinder blocks to his ankles, and dragged him out onto the pier.

Suddenly her heart froze in her chest as she heard a noise, at first she didn't recognize it, but as it drew closer she realized it was William DeMoat. The local ice-cream man, the sound was the jingle of his ice-cream truck.

Penny?s heart was pumping faster than the pistons in the engine of her van, she knew ?Bill DeMoat from childhood, they had been friends since school, if he knew what she was doing, she may have to kill him, thinking quickly, she propped the body up against the inside of the open rear door of the van to shield him from sight.

She did this in the nick of time, as Bill?s van came skidding around the corner seconds later, he saw her and pulled to a stop.

?Hi Penny? he said, waving at her with a toothy grin on his paunchy, stubble-covered face
Penny smiled innocently, and waved back at him with her right hand, all the while supporting the dead torso with her left.
?Hello Billy? she said keeping her composure and her smile, ?what brings you here??
Bill smiled ?don?t tell anyone, but I just need to dump some stale ice-cream into the water, it?s a bit ethically grey I know but if you can think of a better way to dispose of large quantities of dairy products I?d like to hear it.?

Penny wasn?t interested in the ethics of ice cream disposal she needed to get rid of him, and fast. ?I?ll tell you what? she said, ?pull your van up over there.? she pointed to her left to a point from which the dead body behind her van would not be visible. ?Pull up there and I?ll help you unload the stuff.?
Bill looked apprehensive ?no no I don?t want to trouble you?
?It?s no trouble? Penny insisted ?and you know there?s no point in arguing with me I?m very stubborn?
?Oh all right? Bill conceded, and pulled up to the indicated spot.

Penny hurried to the back of his ice cream truck, and helped him lift the surprisingly heavy box, as they approached the edge of the pier to the water, the handle Penny held snapped, the cooler fell to the floor and fell open.

Nothing could?ve prepared Penny for what she saw then, inside the cooler, was not expired ice cream, but the dead body of a man, from the look of him he had been garrotted, then drowned.

Penny let out a gasp, and looked up at Bill, at that moment, his stubble fell from his face, it was false, and without it Penny instantly recognized who this was.

It was Abdul Amidala, notorious terrorist and leader of the terrorist group Al Katona,
?Amidala!? Penny shouted in surprise ?What have you done with William DeMoat??
?There never was a William DeMoat you fool!? Abdul said, at that moment, he pulled off the plaster between his eyebrows to reveal the infamous mono-brow of Amidala.

?It can?t be!? Penny said, she had to make sure, she took the shoe off the dead body and threw it at the ice cream truck, it struck the sign reading ?Bill DeMoat?s ice cream? which fell to reveal a sign under it reading Abdul?s kebabs? the infamous cover business for his terrorism. that was all the proof she needed.

At that moment, Abdul pulled a Dragunov from his breast pocket into his right hand and fired at her, the bullet barely missed her, Penny ducked behind the kebab van, pulled out a Revolver, and slid the ammunition clip in, she was ready to fight.

Abdul wildly fired with pinpoint accuracy, if it weren?t for the cover of the van Penny would be dead, or worse, she had to think quickly, she slid the safety catch on her revolver into the ?on? position, leapt out from cover and fired,

The bullet struck a nearby oil drum, which exploded with a thunderous bang, the force of it knocked Amidala backwards into the water, he went under, and didn?t come back up.

Exhausted from the days ordeal, she twirled her revolver in her hand and slid it back into the holster strapped to her navel, made sure the coast was clear. Then she ran leisurely back to her van, got in, turned the key, and drove off, keen to forget the whole ordeal.

In the van her mind was racing like a dreidel in heat, she couldn?t help but wonder what Abdul Amidala was doing here of all places? Was he planning something dishonest? Who?s was the body he?d been so keen to dispose of? All these questions Penny knew she would probably never find the answers to, before she knew it, she was home, she pulled on the handbrake of her van, got out, and walked to her front door.

The house she lived in was not a small place, but not exactly a mansion, it was situated in a very urban area of the English countryside near the moors in Oxford

Inside she saw Deuce, sitting on his favourite chair strumming a double bass, no doubt making his tireless efforts to learn to play an instrument.
In spite of everything that had happened it warmed Penny?s heart to see Deuce sitting there rocking back and forth on his recliner.

?Hi Penny? Deuce said enthusiastically barely looking up from his double bass ?how?s your day been?? he said purposefully with a vacant expression on his grinning face
?Murder? Penny replied, tossing her revolver to one side, ?I have a feeling you won?t be seeing your creditor for a little while.?
?why not? What happened??
?I don?t want to talk about it right now, but I convinced him to leave you alone for a while?


She wasn?t about to tell him she?d killed him, he might not trust her if he knew she was capable of murder,

?Ok then? Deuce said, and went back to strumming his double bass
?I hurried back because I couldn?t stand to be away from you? Penny said,
?uh-huh? Deuce said, still not meeting her eyes

This was just his way, he wasn?t good at expressing himself, except when he was angry, but Penny didn?t mind, she knew he would do anything for her within reason,
At that moment he grasped her arm and with renewed vigour he vehemently pulled her into his arms in a tender embrace
?don?t worry? he said, you?re with me now, and I?ll never let anything happen to you?at all.?
He kissed her whimsically on her Aberrant lips, she thought about pushing him away, but it never even occurred to her.
She looked into his pallid eyes, and knew that everything would be fine.


At that moment, Penny heard a noise

and yes, towards the end I was just using random adjectives with no regard for their meaning


now the point of this thread is, I enjoy writing, I've never put anything on the internet before in any way, but I occasionally work on a story or two I've got stashed away on my hard drive somewhere, but I think I had a lot more fun writing this than anything else I've done (having said that I'm the type to start about 6 stories in as many weeks and finish none of them)

so what about you guys? (if you happen to spend time writing stuff as a hobby) have you ever done similar things? I know sincere writing can be very engaging, but did you ever just try writing something stupid for the hell of it? and if so, did you find it a more enjoyable exercise?

 

[KaosuHamoni]

Jesus fuck, that had me in tears of laughter. Wow...

 

[DarkSeraphim02]

I.. uh... what...

I don't even know how to describe what my braincase has taken in via my eye-holes of looky look.
Need I think an adult, bamaged my drain aye have.

Seriously though, that has to be one of the funniest things I've read in a long time, If you had posted your friends as well I might not have been able to breathe from laughing so much.

 

[Oly J]

I.. uh... what...

I don't even know how to describe what my braincase has taken in via my eye-holes of looky look.
Need I think an adult, bamaged my drain aye have.

Seriously though, that has to be one of the funniest things I've read in a long time, If you had posted your friends as well I might not have been able to breathe from laughing so much.

wow, I was expecting the comments to be a bit less generous, thanks, I'm glad you liked it, I'll call my friend and see if he still has his,

 

[ClockworkPenguin]

That was brilliant. I love the self contradictory sentences 'wildly fired with pinpoint accuracy' is a work of art.

It reminded me a bit of this actually. http://www.telegraph.co.uk/culture/10049454/Dont-make-fun-of-renowned-Dan-Brown.html

 

[Best of the 3]

Speaking more from a reader's view, deliberately terrible writing sure is fun to look through. But in my opinion it's sometimes even more juicy when it's not deliberate. My hours scrolling through WTFfanfiction.com has showed me that.

 

[DeltaEdge]

Yeah, I think that deliberately terrible writing is more fun than serious writing, and easier as well until you start to take it seriously and fuel it with your creativity and really put a greater amount of thought into it. (I think a deliberately terrible story can be just as good as a well written story, but I think that it's definitely easier to intentionally write terribly, than to write well)

And yes, I've done it before. Once, when I was younger, my dad wanted me to improve my writing, and had me writing a story/essay daily, and I decided to write a story made only out of dialogue. Because I was young(like 9), hated reading due to my dad's over-zealous attempts to force me to like reading, and thought that every thing that wasn't dialogue was dumb, and wanted reading a book to be more like watching TV, I decided to write a story composed entirely of dialogue. I remembered this around last year, and decided to do the same thing again, but for the comedic effect this time, and it was wonderful. I wrote the dialogue so that people were narrating everything in real-time, i.e.,

Man 1:We are walking, and I am very tired, but we are headed to the grocery store because we need food.
Man 2:Oh no, a fissure has opened up in the ground, and a demon has popped out of the fissure and has stabbed me in the chest and I am dead
Man 1:Oh no, my friend has died, and I am very angered by this!!!!!!111!!1!1111one11!!!111. Oh no, the demon has already decapitated me and my head splattered on the ground. I am dead.

That's pretty much how I would write dialogue-only stories.

 

[Teh Jammah]

That story was amazing. 11/10. Greatest thing I've ever read since the days of Ted Stone.

Seriously though, that was hillarious.

 

[MasterOfHisOwnDomain]

If this is what you guys like then you need to look at the Bulwer-Lytton Contest; the winners for 2013 are here: http://www.bulwer-lytton.com/2013win.html

... and they are a-ma-zing. My personal favourite:

?I told you to wear sensible shoes, but no, your vanity would not allow it!? he yelled at me as if that had something to do with the airplane crashing into the jungle and all the bodies draped in the trees, but it was just the sort of nonsense I was used to from him, making me wish one or the other of us was hanging dead above us, instead of Rodney. ? Thor F. Carden, Madison, TN

 

[GodzillaGuy92]

Making this thread was Step 1. Step 2 is uploading this to FictionPress and showing us what kind of reviews you get. Seriously, you're bound to get at least a few people who'll lap this up and demand more.

 

[Oly J]

Making this thread was Step 1. Step 2 is uploading this to FictionPress and showing us what kind of reviews you get. Seriously, you're bound to get at least a few people who'll lap this up and demand more.

ok, I'll do that, I've never posted anything I wrote before now, I've gotta say I was not expecting positive reactions,

 

[GodzillaGuy92]

ok, I'll do that, I've never posted anything I wrote before now, I've gotta say I was not expecting positive reactions,

In that case, consider this thread bookmarked.

 

[tstorm823]

Well played. I enjoyed that.

Though I do enjoy accidentally terrible writing, because when it's so bad it's good, and it's not bad on purpose, it's accidentally great, which is a beautiful thing. An acquaintance in high school wrote some stories that my now roommate and I loved more than basically any other part of our high school experience. There were some true winners, like

Spoiler

?Dumb Freshmen,? Mrs. Blazer said and started laughing as loud as the entire class was as Robert said there, with a skirt on that came a quarter of the way done his legs, staring at the wall hopping that a date with Rochelle would not be as painful as this.

Spoiler

"I ticket you two are cheerleaders," Robert said.

Spoiler

His initial thoughts were not as he had originally thought they would have been. (translation- Robert was surprised)

Point being, we actually parodied his rediculous writings with our own piece very similar to this. It was deliberately bad in the best way, only difference is that it was 52 pages long, and it was the fastest and most entertaining writing process I've ever been a part of. We also started sort of animating his original short stories recently (if you feel like checking it out [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fH0KoSrKsWM], there's the link, but episode 1 is not so great. Episode 2 is where the magic will really start happening.)

Also, I secretly feel this way about "Star Trek: Into Darkness." How is "cold fusion bomb" not a joke?

 

[Spambot 3000]

If this is what you guys like then you need to look at the Bulwer-Lytton Contest; the winners for 2013 are here: http://www.bulwer-lytton.com/2013win.html

... and they are a-ma-zing. My personal favourite:

?I told you to wear sensible shoes, but no, your vanity would not allow it!? he yelled at me as if that had something to do with the airplane crashing into the jungle and all the bodies draped in the trees, but it was just the sort of nonsense I was used to from him, making me wish one or the other of us was hanging dead above us, instead of Rodney. ? Thor F. Carden, Madison, TN

Dear God, everything on there is pure gold. Thank you for sharing that.

The Mushroom Men of Knarf were silently advancing on the unsuspecting earthlings, and their thin milky blood ran colder when they smelled spores from the fungal toenail infections rising from many of the invaders' feet, for to them it was a wondrous and shocking scent of kinship, homeland, and asexual reproduction.

This is a truly fantastic form of writing. Thank you as well OP, for sharing this. I also agree that your story is hilarious, even though I would have preferred it without the poor grammar.

 

[Guitarmasterx7]

Pretty funny stuff. It's liberating to write intentionally trite shit sometimes. You don't have to worry about making it all work, in fact it's usually funnier if it doesn't. There was that one horrible Harry Potter fanfic a while back that was way too stupid not to have been a joke, I forget what it was called, but it was hilarious.

 

[Spambot 3000]

There was that one horrible Harry Potter fanfic a while back that was way too stupid not to have been a joke, I forget what it was called, but it was hilarious.

My Immortal?
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6829556/2/My-Immortal

 

[Guitarmasterx7]

There was that one horrible Harry Potter fanfic a while back that was way too stupid not to have been a joke, I forget what it was called, but it was hilarious.

My Immortal?
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6829556/2/My-Immortal

Yup, that's the spice.

 

[saintdane05]

Once upon a time, authorities of PublishAmerica, a print-on-demand publishing company based in Frederick, Maryland, distributed a pair of articles on their AuthorsMarket website containing derogatory comments about the science fiction and fantasy genres. This was perhaps unwise, with the company already having to contend with accusations of Vanity Publishing despite protests to the contrary (such as claiming to filter out majority of the 70 manuscripts they receive every day). Naturally, the authors from both genres didn't take it well.

Thus, led by James D. Macdonald, a group of sci-fi and fantasy authors decided to retaliate (as well as test PublishAmerica's claims) by producing the most unreadable, incomprehensible trainwreck of a book they could conceive, all under the collective name of "Travis Tea". They would create it, submit it, and see how PublishAmerica would react. Atlanta Nights is that book, and guess what? Come December 7, 2004, PublishAmerica did take the bait. At least until the authors revealed the hoax on January 23, 2005, after which PA very quickly retracted their offer after "further review" the next day.

As for the book itself, well, it's a plotless, rambling pile of nonsense, riddled with inconsistencies and typos. It focuses on a group of wealthy, good-looking Atlanta socialites who sleep around with each other. Buried underneath it all is a vague storyline: software developer Bruce Lucent accidentally kills businessman Henry Archer in a car collision, and promptly tries to make up for it by courting Callie, Henry's widow, while Detective Andrew Venice attempts to determine whether there's a foul play. Beyond that, however, virtually nothing about the plot can be determined that is consistent from one chapter to the next, due to the staggering number of internal inconsistencies in the plot.

Read it <link=http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Atlanta_Nights>here
A few notes:

Chapters 4 and 17 are the same thing, word for word. There are also two chapter 12s, though they have different contents. The second chapter 12 and the only chapter fifteen also contain similar content, and were written from the same outline by two different writers.

Apparently, penguins are vicious, burrowing predators that live in the Sahara and howl at the moon.

"The waitress jotted down Isadore's order, then looked at Isaac with the patience of a saint who has to work tables in order to support a family and possibly just a writing habits, not to mention, pay bills and federal taxes."

In one chapter, Bruce and Callie are black and speak in Jive Turkey, and Bruce is trying to find his long-lost mother. In every other chapter, they're white (Callie's pale skin is explicitly brought up on several occasions), and this subplot is never heard from again. Bruce is also Asian briefly.

Isadore Trent is a woman in one chapter, but a man everywhere else. Presumably, his original character sketch didn't specify and one of the writers was unaware that 'Isadore' is normally a male name. This gets what may be a Lampshade Hanging later when he is described as "gender-confused".

Chapter 34 was generated entirely by computer, namely the Bonsai Story Generator, which was used on the contents of the other (wetware-spawned) chapters.

 

[Vitagen]

There was that one horrible Harry Potter fanfic a while back that was way too stupid not to have been a joke, I forget what it was called, but it was hilarious.

My Immortal?
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6829556/2/My-Immortal

Yup, that's the spice.

Ah, yes, My Immortal, the most infamous of fanfics.

And what's this? Comedy gold in the reviews, starting near the bottom of the page!

Spoiler: I also took a screencap, just for good measure.

[image width=720]http://s24.postimg.org/gxlgwb5dv/students_of_hogwarts_on_my_immortal.jpg[/IMG]

Spoiler: snip

Once upon a time, authorities of PublishAmerica, a print-on-demand publishing company based in Frederick, Maryland, distributed a pair of articles on their AuthorsMarket website containing derogatory comments about the science fiction and fantasy genres. This was perhaps unwise, with the company already having to contend with accusations of Vanity Publishing despite protests to the contrary (such as claiming to filter out majority of the 70 manuscripts they receive every day). Naturally, the authors from both genres didn't take it well.

Thus, led by James D. Macdonald, a group of sci-fi and fantasy authors decided to retaliate (as well as test PublishAmerica's claims) by producing the most unreadable, incomprehensible trainwreck of a book they could conceive, all under the collective name of "Travis Tea". They would create it, submit it, and see how PublishAmerica would react. Atlanta Nights is that book, and guess what? Come December 7, 2004, PublishAmerica did take the bait. At least until the authors revealed the hoax on January 23, 2005, after which PA very quickly retracted their offer after "further review" the next day.

As for the book itself, well, it's a plotless, rambling pile of nonsense, riddled with inconsistencies and typos. It focuses on a group of wealthy, good-looking Atlanta socialites who sleep around with each other. Buried underneath it all is a vague storyline: software developer Bruce Lucent accidentally kills businessman Henry Archer in a car collision, and promptly tries to make up for it by courting Callie, Henry's widow, while Detective Andrew Venice attempts to determine whether there's a foul play. Beyond that, however, virtually nothing about the plot can be determined that is consistent from one chapter to the next, due to the staggering number of internal inconsistencies in the plot.

Read it <link=http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Atlanta_Nights>here
A few notes:

Chapters 4 and 17 are the same thing, word for word. There are also two chapter 12s, though they have different contents. The second chapter 12 and the only chapter fifteen also contain similar content, and were written from the same outline by two different writers.

Apparently, penguins are vicious, burrowing predators that live in the Sahara and howl at the moon.

"The waitress jotted down Isadore's order, then looked at Isaac with the patience of a saint who has to work tables in order to support a family and possibly just a writing habits, not to mention, pay bills and federal taxes."

In one chapter, Bruce and Callie are black and speak in Jive Turkey, and Bruce is trying to find his long-lost mother. In every other chapter, they're white (Callie's pale skin is explicitly brought up on several occasions), and this subplot is never heard from again. Bruce is also Asian briefly.

Isadore Trent is a woman in one chapter, but a man everywhere else. Presumably, his original character sketch didn't specify and one of the writers was unaware that 'Isadore' is normally a male name. This gets what may be a Lampshade Hanging later when he is described as "gender-confused".

Chapter 34 was generated entirely by computer, namely the Bonsai Story Generator, which was used on the contents of the other (wetware-spawned) chapters.

That sounds truly glorious. I'll have to read it sometime.