According to the Brits, Deus Ex is the Best PC Game Of All Time, but what would they know, pompous little fuckwits that they are. That being said I actually loved the game and played it continually whenever I wasn?t playing Splinter Cell or some other infuriating piece of shit. The game uses Greek Mythology so often that I wouldn?t have been surprised if the final boss was Zeus himself, hurling his lightning bolts of pain at my albino sunglass-wearing head.
The game is set in the 2050s which is the usual excuse used by game developers to explain any completely bullshit world that they feel like using at the time, this is especially evident in Deus Ex as the whole game is set in the middle of the fucking night and the sun appears for a total of about 5 seconds, which would seem to imply that the sun has gotten bored of screwing with our environment and only pops its brightly coloured fluorescent head up whenever we try to ignore it.
Deus Ex is a First Person Shooter cross RPG, which explains the lack of visual character customization. Having said that there is still some customization available, you can be an African with bleach blond hair if you want, or an albino with black hair, but that?s about it. Also, as much as you will want to, you cannot remove those fucking Mambo sunnies that you insist upon wearing, giving you the perpetual look of a pretentious fucktard who wears sunglasses in the middle of the night because he thinks it makes him look ?cool?.
Your character is JC Denton, we are never given his first name because it lets the developers rip off James Bond?s catchphrase, it?s also probably because his name is something shitty like Jacob Cristof or something pretentious like that. I might mention that there are no black people whatsoever in the game with the possible exception of you and some bartender in Paris who doesn?t do anything remotely useful. JC is part of UNATCO, the United Nations Pretentious Caucasian Wankers, I mean Anti-Terrorist Coalition. This is probably the least believable part of the game for me because it portrays the UN as actually having the ability to do something remotely useful for once.
For its time, Deus Ex has great graphics which is why it was so immensely pleasing to blow seagulls out of the air with a gigantic heat-seeking rocket launcher, or why it was so amusing to shoot at rats with a plasma rifle 10 times the size of the BFG from Doom. Like all good FPS games, or more reasonably like all FPS games I am willing to play, Deus Ex has a flamethrower in it, the problem with this is you hardly ever find ammo for it and it takes about half of your inventory space so that from the moment you obtain it you are carrying around this giant piece of plastic that doesn?t do anything, but I never do it simply because I can melt enemies faces off with it.
One of the other defining features of this game is that there are always 3 ways to get past an obstacle; you can have balls and charge it front on, you be sneaky and hack or pick the keypads or doors in your way and go around it or you do what the French do and spray your enemies with pepper spray, tranquilizers or a riot prod to knock them unconscious. The problem with the first option is that you will be mowed down within about 5 seconds, the problem with the second is that it takes lockpicks or multitools to do it, the problem with the last option is that it?s for pussies, I mean pacifists, and also because while you?re trying to shock the Majestic Twelve commando with your riot prod, he is shooting rockets at you or gunning you down with his chaingun of death.
In terms of a story, Deus Ex surpasses practically every other game I have come across, multiple dialogue options in every remotely significant conversation that affect what other people do and say, 3 different endings and about a million different ways to get there. Diversity is what it?s called and I think a lot of developers could do with a lesson in it, I?m looking at you Medal Of Honour. Whilst JC is a tough-as-nails badass who is all but invincible in the later stages of the game with the correct Nano augmentation, he is also immune to any form of charismatic acting, he speaks in a monotone not all that different to Stephen bloody Hawkings and seems to have difficulty expressing any emotion at all.
To sum it up in a single word: Fucking-Sweet. But that?s two words I hear you whinge, my initial response to that is to tell you all quite clearly to fuck off, but in lieu of that, I hyphenated it so it?s one word now, don't argue.
The game is set in the 2050s which is the usual excuse used by game developers to explain any completely bullshit world that they feel like using at the time, this is especially evident in Deus Ex as the whole game is set in the middle of the fucking night and the sun appears for a total of about 5 seconds, which would seem to imply that the sun has gotten bored of screwing with our environment and only pops its brightly coloured fluorescent head up whenever we try to ignore it.
Deus Ex is a First Person Shooter cross RPG, which explains the lack of visual character customization. Having said that there is still some customization available, you can be an African with bleach blond hair if you want, or an albino with black hair, but that?s about it. Also, as much as you will want to, you cannot remove those fucking Mambo sunnies that you insist upon wearing, giving you the perpetual look of a pretentious fucktard who wears sunglasses in the middle of the night because he thinks it makes him look ?cool?.
Your character is JC Denton, we are never given his first name because it lets the developers rip off James Bond?s catchphrase, it?s also probably because his name is something shitty like Jacob Cristof or something pretentious like that. I might mention that there are no black people whatsoever in the game with the possible exception of you and some bartender in Paris who doesn?t do anything remotely useful. JC is part of UNATCO, the United Nations Pretentious Caucasian Wankers, I mean Anti-Terrorist Coalition. This is probably the least believable part of the game for me because it portrays the UN as actually having the ability to do something remotely useful for once.
For its time, Deus Ex has great graphics which is why it was so immensely pleasing to blow seagulls out of the air with a gigantic heat-seeking rocket launcher, or why it was so amusing to shoot at rats with a plasma rifle 10 times the size of the BFG from Doom. Like all good FPS games, or more reasonably like all FPS games I am willing to play, Deus Ex has a flamethrower in it, the problem with this is you hardly ever find ammo for it and it takes about half of your inventory space so that from the moment you obtain it you are carrying around this giant piece of plastic that doesn?t do anything, but I never do it simply because I can melt enemies faces off with it.
One of the other defining features of this game is that there are always 3 ways to get past an obstacle; you can have balls and charge it front on, you be sneaky and hack or pick the keypads or doors in your way and go around it or you do what the French do and spray your enemies with pepper spray, tranquilizers or a riot prod to knock them unconscious. The problem with the first option is that you will be mowed down within about 5 seconds, the problem with the second is that it takes lockpicks or multitools to do it, the problem with the last option is that it?s for pussies, I mean pacifists, and also because while you?re trying to shock the Majestic Twelve commando with your riot prod, he is shooting rockets at you or gunning you down with his chaingun of death.
In terms of a story, Deus Ex surpasses practically every other game I have come across, multiple dialogue options in every remotely significant conversation that affect what other people do and say, 3 different endings and about a million different ways to get there. Diversity is what it?s called and I think a lot of developers could do with a lesson in it, I?m looking at you Medal Of Honour. Whilst JC is a tough-as-nails badass who is all but invincible in the later stages of the game with the correct Nano augmentation, he is also immune to any form of charismatic acting, he speaks in a monotone not all that different to Stephen bloody Hawkings and seems to have difficulty expressing any emotion at all.
To sum it up in a single word: Fucking-Sweet. But that?s two words I hear you whinge, my initial response to that is to tell you all quite clearly to fuck off, but in lieu of that, I hyphenated it so it?s one word now, don't argue.
