Do I deserve to be spat on for saying this to a gay person?

[Enigmers]

I think if you want to see a movie, you should be allowed to do so without a couple of people in front of you eating each-other's faces, no matter what gender they are.

 

[Phoenixlight]

No he was being reasonable and didn't deserve that, it wouldn't matter if one of the 2 was a woman it's just not appropriate for a cinema.

 

[Mother Yeti]

The way you tell it, it certainly sounds like your friend was in the right. I'll reserve any judgement stronger than that, because I wasn't there and don't know what the exact situation was.

But one thing was that it always creeped me out to see guys kiss. I don't think I'm really alone on this. It's like the equivalent of watching someone pick their nose. It's just... eew. It's not something I have any control over, it just disturbs me on a fundamental level. People have been throwing slogans around like "homosexuality isn't a choice, but homophobia is", and I'd have to say that if being a bit disgusted by men kissing is homophobic, then it really isn't a choice. If I had a choice, I wouldn't choose to be disgusted by anything.

Your disgust at seeing men kiss is homophobia, no other way to look at it (note that you said men specifically, not women or heterosexual couples). As for that slogan, it doesn't mean that people choose to be homophobic to begin with (like most biases, homophobia is a product of societal and cultural attitudes), but rather that people can choose to NOT be homophobic once they've been made aware of their biases.

I disagree. There is a divide between feeling, thought and action. Anyone can decide, intellectually, that there's nothing wrong with homosexuality and choose to act accordingly by opposing discrimination against homosexuals. But even someone who knows there's nothing wrong with something can still feel uncomfortable about it. Example: I have no problem with my friends who are in a relationship making out with each other, but I don't want to them to do it in front of me. I've seen plenty of people express worry that reactions like this makes them homophobic, to which I would say that the mere fact that they're worrying about it suggests they're probably not. Emotional reaction does not imply intellectual disapproval. It is, essentially, how you think you should act on your feelings that determines whether you are homophobic or not.

I see what you're saying but I don't think it applies here. To me at least, the OP reads as pretty homophobic. It's not like he says that he considers himself tolerant and open-minded but PDA in general makes him uncomfortable. He starts out with a variation on the old theme of "I don't mind gay people as long as they don't act 'gay'" and then goes on to say that he feels "creeped out" and "disturbed" at the sight of two men kissing. These seem like pretty conscious, and pretty changeable, attitudes to me.

 

[EvilDictator]

He didn't deserve to be spat on; its really not a pleasant experience for anyone to have to go through, especially as it was in his face and all. Spitting on him for telling them to give it a rest so he could concentrate on the film rather than seeing them getting off is a fairly childish reaction, and they really ought to have handled it better.

Your friend could have always moved away from them rather than ask them to stop (after all, not everyone will react politely when asked to stop doing something, as he found out), however he was within his right to ask them to do so, considering the cinema is hardly the place for 'making out' regardless of your sexual orientation.
If I ever had to pay see a film and went with with my boyfriend, I'd want to watch the film and get my moneys worth, and I am sure most people will agree; especially due to the astronomical prices they charge these days.

I am hardly surprised that the newspapers lapped it up and completely skewed the situation.

I do find it strange that they (by the sounds of it) weren't sat at the very back of the screen though, which is where most couples go if they want to have some privacy, also in some cases so nobody can see them (I.E. cinema staff), but there we go.

 

[dududf]

Perhaps the spitter is this lasses husband?

 

[Fursnake]

Funny, but I have never actually had people making out near me in a movie theatre, thankfully. I would find that annoying and distracting whether it be a heterosexual or homosexual couple. If the person had spit on me, I would have a punch heading towards their face by time the spit landed.

 

[LorChan]

Your friend was well within his rights. I would have done the same if the couple was heterosexual or homosexual. It's impolite and inappropriate.

 

[Standby]

This shouldn't be a case of sexuality. The two people at the front were being douchebags, no-one likes to sit behind a couple of any sexual disposition as they eat each others faces off, you pay to see a movie, that's what you want to see.
And the spitting is uncalled for regardless of what your friend said, who the fuck does that?

 

[ParkourMcGhee]

That's like telling a straight couple to give it a rest at the cinema. I don't see any difference o0.

I'd say those guys overreacted something fierce.

PS: I would totally lay into anybody who spat in my face.

 

[bruunwald]

As to whether people ought to be snogging in a theater, I would find that distracting, whether they were homosexual or heterosexual. I don't know if I would say anything. It would depend on my mood. But I don't think anybody deserves to be spit on for it, and I don't think there's anything generally wrong with asking somebody in a theater to not do the distracting thing they are doing. After all, everybody paid to get in, and there is a mutual agreement in place, to allow everybody to watch the movie they paid for.

As to choice or not-choice, I don't think it is a belief that homosexuality is something a person is born with, because enough medical evidence exists to show that the wiring of a gay person's brain is actually different from that of a straight person to satisfy the criteria of fact for me. As to being grossed out by it, I do think that is something we learn. But having said that, since most people have an entire lifetime's worth of learning to be grossed, I can understand why they can't control it (at least initially), and so have some sympathy for that.

I disagree with the notion of liking or disliking entire groups of people based on how they display who or what they are. I understand that tastes differ, but personally, if I happen to like an overtly goth or overtly gay person for who they are, I do not then embrace all such people, and in the converse, if I happen to not like an overtly goth or gay person, I do not then decide to dislike all of them. And I certainly do not presume to think that legions of the world's population need to satisfy my criteria for how openly they may be allowed to wear their identities. How miserable would we all be if we did not hold to our hearts the wise words of the drug-addled Charlie Sheen when he spoke thus in Ferris Bueller's Day Off: "I think you should spend a little less time worrying about your brother, and a little more time worrying about yourself."

Also, I am no expert, but I think "homophobe" would actually translate to having a pathological fear of things that are the same as the sufferer. Not things staying the same. One implies likeness to oneself, which is the root of "homo" in this case. The other implies a temporal connection to the world around us. Totally different things.

 

[nomis101uk]

But one thing was that it always creeped me out to see guys kiss.

Anyway, here's the thing. Recently my friend and his friend went to see Inception (I think), and the cinema was fairly empty, except for these two other guys in front of them. And halfway through the film these two other guys got bored, for whatever reason, and started making out. And my friend was distracted, and grossed out, and couldn't enjoy the film properly. So, never being one to suffer in silence, he gently (according to him) said something alone the lines of "here lads, would you give it a rest? We're trying to watch a movie". And then, one of the guys turned and spat directly into my friend's face.

Listen, its as simple as this. Your personal distaste for seeing men kiss is irrelevent. They have a fundamental RIGHT, and so any disgust you have is entirely YOUR problem and you have no right to intervene and ask them to stop just because YOU can't deal with it. Ask yourself this question: Would you have had a problem if it were a hetrosexual couple in front of you? Would your friend have asked them to stop? Now I happen to think there is a time and a place for making out, and sometimes, regardless of sexuality its just anti-social. If however the answer is "no", and you would not have interrupted them making out if they were straight, then you are simply discriminating against homosexuality. Its as black and white as that. And no...he didn't deserve to be spat on.

 

[James Joseph Emerald]

This is more of a PDA issue than a homosexuality/homophobia issue.
If you would have accepted a heterosexual couple making out but reacted this way in this scenario you're a bigot.

Well, see, part of it is that my friend probably wouldn't have cared as much and/or ignored them if it was a heterosexual couple (in fact, the friend has probably done far worse things in public with his girlfriend. Not to mention in my other friend's bed. Ick.)

The guy's no angel, but he's a nice person at heart, and I really wouldn't describe him as a 'bigot'. He just hates watching men kiss. As do I. I mean, if it were two straight dudes kissing just for the laugh (i.e. they were just drunk, and not gay) I'd be just as disturbed as two guys who love each other. It's purely the mental image. For some reason.

Is that still bigoted?

 

[rated]

depends on the type of making owt if they were being owtlandish with it i wuda did the same thiing. if they were jus kissing thats a dif story.

 

[Sexual Harassment Panda]

No, if you absolutely must kiss in the cinema, you sit at the back...everyone knows that. Even then, if there is anyone even remotely near you, cut that shit out!

Spitting on someone(especially in the face)is just asking to get your ass kicked. You're violating personal space and testing the gag reflex in one disgusting mouth flex, your friend could have wrecked the guys face and I would have little sympathy for him.

 

[Flauros]

probably a little sensitive. If was being called a ****** all day long and told to go to hell and i was just trying to relax be happy for a minute, yeah, that might be the straw that breaks the camels back.

 

[webzu]

After reading every comment here I found that I think your friend was completely in the right (both in asking them to stop and (hopefully) beating the living daylights out of him) but I also noticed many commenters seemed to take it for granted that he could move, for example in the only theater in over 150km from me there are fixed seats (you pay for your ticket and on your ticket is written numbers telling you what seat is yours)

 

[leonhart126]

I'm tolerant of the gay community but I would have reacted in the same way as your friend and frankly whilst im cool with people being gay, seeing it or thinking about what goes on behind closed doors just freaks me out

 

[ScorpSt]

Theater etiquette says that if you're going to make out during a movie, regardless of orientation, you sit in the back row. The problem is, society now tries to stick the "Homophobia" label on people who aren't 100% accepting of all things gay related. In truth, homophobia is a bit of a misnomer as it's not a true phobia. People with Arachnophobia (fear of spiders) don't seek out Spiders and start beating them mercilessly; they just try to avoid them altogether.

A lot of people like to ask, "If they were a straight couple, would your friend have asked them to stop?" when there's another question to ask: "If they were a straight couple, and had been asked to knock it off, would he have spit in your friend's face?"

 

[James Joseph Emerald]

Listen, its as simple as this. Your personal distaste for seeing men kiss is irrelevent. They have a fundamental RIGHT, and so any disgust you have is entirely YOUR problem and you have no right to intervene and ask them to stop just because YOU can't deal with it.

I'm not sure what you mean. I don't remember seeing "the right to make public displays of affection" ever crop up in the Irish constitution, or the Geneva Convention...
I DO remember seeing something about the right to freedom of expression (in other words, the right to express when something is annoying you).

It's not so much a human rights issue, as a political correctness issue.

 

[Glic2003]

Everyone knows proper etiquette dictates that you're supposed to sit in the BACK of the theatre if you want to make out.