Do I deserve to be spat on for saying this to a gay person?

[Byere]

I don't quite know how being spat at escalated into a brawl, but when they did, you and your friend should have calmly walked out of the theatre and gotten a member of staff to eject the two of them...

I don't know where you're from, but where I live (West Midlands, UK) spitting on someone is considered a pretty offensive act. You spit on the floor, spitting on a person is basically saying that they're no better than the earth they walk on, or probably even lower. It's disrespectful, rude and down right unsanitary.

Sure he could have calmly walked away and reported it to a member of staff, but sometimes the red mist descends far too quickly.

I live on the south coast of the UK. Personally, I find spitting on the ground is highly offencive. I understand that being spat on is extremely disrespectful, but sometimes you have to be the bigger man and know when to differ to authority rather than take things into your own hands.

 

[KaiRai]

Well, it's equally as annoying if it's a guy and a girl. It's not the people who are doing it, it's more the constant smacking of lips that really frustrates me myself.

It's sad that the newspapers got hold of it. But I don't think your friend deserved to be spat on. As with all communities, there are asshole gay guys too.

 

[DSK-]

Sounds bang out of order. I don't think your friend deserved to be spat on from the info you've given. It would be understandable if he said something derogatory, but spitting is still inexcusable and disgusting.

 

[Chewster]

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-Snip-

Well put, the pair of you.

Last time I checked, grabbing complete strangers on their ass is rarely okay with the law, regardless of what country you are in. Just beacuse some people in gay clubs don't decide to report such offenses, it doesn't mean that it's the right thing to do.

Then again, it is rarely legal to punch someone if they grab you on the ass in most countries either. However, most people can add two and two together and understand that if one illegal offense is made, it will (most of the time) attract another illegal offense as a reciprocation.

For instance, if I see you trying to rape a woman, I damn sure won't stop at simply "removing" you from her. I'd slit your throat and gladly go to prison for use of excessive force.

My point here is that if you don't want to be put through violence or other illegal offenses, then don't do these yourself. It doesn't matter if you're in a gay club or not, you don't just grope total strangers out of the blue...

I'm sorry, what? Reasonable people do not react with violence to non-violent acts, unless they have some underlying issues. And when someone breaks the law, it is not reasonable to then break the law again as a means of getting back at the first person, especially when your crime is much worse then the original. If you don't agree, try explaining your POV to the police sometime and see what they have to say.

The person who posted this story was not aware of the norms in those situations, and as such, was put in a slightly uncomfortable position. As such, he should have done what most people would have done and asked the guy to stop. Using violence is in no way justified in this situation, even if the ass-pincher was wrong for doing so and your attempt at justifying it is sick.

And comparing getting your ass pinched to a rape? Wow. Your analogy is more then a bit off.

As far as the OP is concerned, well, after the fact that the friend wouldn't have said shit to a straight couple came to light, I think it is safe to say that the friend is a bigot, and a bit of a dick for not ignoring it/moving. That is no justification of the spitting part, but it isn't as though the friend is innocent either.

The whole story seems shifty though. Personal anecdotes on then Internet always seemed tailored to garner a specific kind of reaction, as a means of gaining justification or something.

 

[Judgement101]

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-Snip-

Well put, the pair of you.

Last time I checked, grabbing complete strangers on their ass is rarely okay with the law, regardless of what country you are in. Just beacuse some people in gay clubs don't decide to report such offenses, it doesn't mean that it's the right thing to do.

Then again, it is rarely legal to punch someone if they grab you on the ass in most countries either. However, most people can add two and two together and understand that if one illegal offense is made, it will (most of the time) attract another illegal offense as a reciprocation.

For instance, if I see you trying to rape a woman, I damn sure won't stop at simply "removing" you from her. I'd slit your throat and gladly go to prison for use of excessive force.

My point here is that if you don't want to be put through violence or other illegal offenses, then don't do these yourself. It doesn't matter if you're in a gay club or not, you don't just grope total strangers out of the blue...

I'm sorry, what? Reasonable people do not react with violence to non-violent acts, unless they have some underlying issues. And when someone breaks the law, it is not reasonable to then break the law again as a means of getting back at the first person, especially when your crime is much worse then the original. If you don't agree, try explaining your POV to the police sometime and see what they have to say.

The person who posted this story was not aware of the norms in those situations, and as such, was put in a slightly uncomfortable position. As such, he should have done what most people would have done and asked the guy to stop. Using violence is in no way justified in this situation, even if the ass-pincher was wrong for doing so and your attempt at justifying it is sick.

And comparing getting your ass pinched to a rape? Wow. Your analogy is more then a bit off.

As far as the OP is concerned, well, after the fact that the friend wouldn't have said shit to a straight couple came to light, I think it is safe to say that the friend is a bigot, and a bit of a dick for not ignoring it/moving. That is no justification of the spitting part, but it isn't as though the friend is innocent either.

The whole story seems shifty though. Personal anecdotes on then Internet always seemed tailored to garner a specific kind of reaction, as a means of gaining justification or something.

Your sir are a thread Necromancer.

 

[Chewster]

Your sir are a thread Necromancer.

Yeah, I realized after I hit post that this thread was way beyond dead, but I missed it the first time around. What can I say? Maybe more interesting debate will arise.

 

[Dags90]

Yeah, I realized after I hit post that this thread was way beyond dead, but I missed it the first time around. What can I say? Maybe more interesting debate will arise.

If anything this thread is a testament to people's abilities to project their own biases, revenge fantasies and other baggage onto ambiguous scenarios. People readily took an ambiguous story and started adding unsupported details: that the couple wasn't in the back end of the theater, was being otherwise disruptive in their kissing, that the couple screamed hate crime, etc.

Really, some of the implications are kinda unnerving and the "OMG, white heterosexual males are so victimized by bias accusations from minorities" is kind of laughable.

 

[TheRightToArmBears]

Anyone making out in the row infront is offputting, that's why it's tradition to do it at the back.

They were just being pricks hiding behind the sheild of homophobia.

 

[FolkLikePanda]

No I agree with your friend, watching two blokes kiss makes my stomach churn and I nearly throw up whenever I see it, just like seeing a piece of snot dangle from someones nose. Also I hate gays who are all in your face ahout and really flamboyant. If a persons gay and acts normally then I'm ok with it and I can get along with them but when they're acting like a big girls blouse then it sickens me. The person who spat at your friend deserves to be spat on himself more than anything.

 

[Chewster]

Yeah, I realized after I hit post that this thread was way beyond dead, but I missed it the first time around. What can I say? Maybe more interesting debate will arise.

If anything this thread is a testament to people's abilities to project their own biases, revenge fantasies and other baggage onto ambiguous scenarios. People readily took an ambiguous story and started adding unsupported details: that the couple wasn't in the back end of the theater, was being otherwise disruptive in their kissing, that the couple screamed hate crime, etc.

Really, some of the implications are kinda unnerving and the "OMG, white heterosexual males are so victimized by bias accusations from minorities" is kind of laughable.

Really eh?

I also think it is disingenuous of the OP to not edit to include the extra bit about how his friend wouldn't have said anything to a straight couple. That tidbit pretty much answers all his questions right off.

To be honest, the number of justifications of the OP's friend is frightening. Sure getting spat on is not a reasonable reaction to expect, but neither is being singled out for being gay and making out with your partner in a movie theater, of all places, where making out is the standard.

And I've never seen a couple making out so loud that they were disturbing the other patrons. You'd have to be practically dry-humping one another, I'd think.

just like seeing a piece of snot dangle from someones nose.

Snot makes you want to puke? Are you serious? What about two girls making out? Does that make you want to puke too?

Personally, I want to puke when I see those reality surgery shows, but I guess I have a weak stomach or something.

 

[Housebroken Lunatic]

I'm sorry, what? Reasonable people do not react with violence to non-violent acts, unless they have some underlying issues. And when someone breaks the law, it is not reasonable to then break the law again as a means of getting back at the first person, especially when your crime is much worse then the original. If you don't agree, try explaining your POV to the police sometime and see what they have to say.

The person who posted this story was not aware of the norms in those situations, and as such, was put in a slightly uncomfortable position. As such, he should have done what most people would have done and asked the guy to stop. Using violence is in no way justified in this situation, even if the ass-pincher was wrong for doing so and your attempt at justifying it is sick.

And comparing getting your ass pinched to a rape? Wow. Your analogy is more then a bit off.

As far as the OP is concerned, well, after the fact that the friend wouldn't have said shit to a straight couple came to light, I think it is safe to say that the friend is a bigot, and a bit of a dick for not ignoring it/moving. That is no justification of the spitting part, but it isn't as though the friend is innocent either.

The whole story seems shifty though. Personal anecdotes on then Internet always seemed tailored to garner a specific kind of reaction, as a means of gaining justification or something.

Who said anything about me trying to give a "justification" to anything? This is how the real world works. In the real world you would be pretty fucking stupid if you simply assume that every person you meet is a "reasonable" one, and that you can grab total strangers on their ass without running the risk of getting punched in the face for it.

It's not about justification, it's about being pragmatic. Ever heard of that before?

 

[Dags90]

Really eh?

I also think it is disingenuous of the OP to not edit to include the extra bit about how his friend wouldn't have said anything to a straight couple. That tidbit pretty much answers all his questions right off.

To be honest, the number of justifications of the OP's friend is frightening. Sure getting spat on is not a reasonable reaction to expect, but neither is being singled out for being gay and making out with your partner in a movie theater, of all places, where making out is the standard.

And I've never seen a couple making out so loud that they were disturbing the other patrons. You'd have to be practically dry-humping one another, I'd think.

It seems to continue with TheRightToArmBears. Is there an invisible post by the OP hinting that they were in the front of the theater that I missed? Where are people getting this idea?

Anyone who tries to pat this forum on the back for being exceptionally intelligent, rational, and cultured should take a look at threads like these first. There are massive gaps in reading comprehension in this thread and clear examples of homophobia and gender double standards.

 

[Chewster]

Who said anything about me trying to give a "justification" to anything? This is how the real world works. In the real world you would be pretty fucking stupid if you simply assume that every person you meet is a "reasonable" one, and that you can grab total strangers on their ass without running the risk of getting punched in the face for it.

It's not about justification, it's about being pragmatic. Ever heard of that before?

Right. And on what planet is it pragmatic for you to clock someone in the face for pinching your ass in a gay club? It sounds like a lovely one indeed, but fortunately, not the one I happen to live on.

You are attempting to justify his behiviour by saying it was a reasonable reaction to a moment of slight discomfort. It isn't.

It seems to continue with TheRightToArmBears. Is there an invisible post by the OP hinting that they were in the front of the theater that I missed? Where are people getting this idea?

Anyone who tries to pat this forum on the back for being exceptionally intelligent, rational, and cultured should take a look at threads like these first. There are massive gaps in reading comprehension in this thread and clear examples of homophobia and gender double standards.

I'm starting to wonder. It is much better here then other places I've frequented before, but threads like this are sad.

 

[SimuLord]

I'm a bit disconcerted by dudes kissing (only because, well, personally it just strikes me on a visceral level as not quite right). Mind you, I've nothing against homosexuality or gays in general, and indeed my best friend in the world is a gay guy, and I've voted to legalize gay marriage largely because I have no personal dog in the fight but he does.

Now then, that having been said...

Your friend was a jerk for telling the guys to give it a rest...but not nearly as much of an asshole as someone who thinks spitting in someone's face is acceptable. Both parties were in the wrong. And your friend should've just kept his damn fool mouth shut.

 

[Chancie]

I totally think your friend was fine in doing that. It wasn't like he insulted them or anything. He asked them politely, and the "lad" totally overreacted. It's rude and inconsiderate. Don't go to the movies and do that. Well, I guess it'd fine, just either a.) be the only ones in the theater b.) stay in the back where you don't have to bother everyone/anyone else.

 

[Ritter315]

I agree. Those guys really should have respected what your friend asked, or at least gave a pleasent come-back or even moved up a few rows or something, really. Gay people seem to nowadays think of themselves as superior somehow, as if anyone who has any problem with them are automatically homophobs regardless of the subject. At my school, if two lesbians sit on each others laps, no one bats an eye, but if a hetrosexual couple kiss once, the teachers make a huge fuss over it. I think that gays should have the right to not be discriminated against, but it doesnt reflect well on them if they believe themselves to be free of all criticism and act as if they do.

 

[CabbageSnake]

I hope you guys beat the living shit out of them. You were in the right.

 

[scythecow]

Making out is for the BACK of the theater. Everyone knows that! Two guys kissing is automatic gross-out for me, but I've been grossed out by straight couples making out and even two females. Your friend didn't deserve that reaction. And I am not surprised the paper spun it into "hate crime riot."

It's not necessarily an issue of intolerance at all because PDAs are very often unwelcome spectacles between any genders. Do people say "get a room" in Ireland?

And this thread is apparently a month old and the discussion doesn't look like it got very interesting, but oh well.