creager91 said:
Pretty self explanatory title, just curios if I'm the only one that doesnt believe love is real.
EDIT: this is posted lower but everyone is ignoring it lol:
Let me clarify here, its not that ive ever been seriously heartbroken or anything like that nor have I ever really been a relationship guy, ive been labeled a player but I dont really see it that way, I just have never found anyone that made me want to give up everyone else. And my philosophy on love isnt that it does or does not exist I personally believe its just cognitive dissonance and that works for some of you and congratulations but those of you that claim that you are in love I ask you: Why? not how, but why? Why are you in love? Seriously think about this question not what do you love about them but why are you in love?
Yes but with an if. I've been told by both parties I'm not right in the head for believing this, and this fits within the op's post about being a player, I think keeping anything, but love, tied down to a relationship is a mistake. Sex tied strictly to a relationship, if it's possible, is a good thing but when it's not is it worth destroying a long term relationship over? I honestly believe no, whether I'm not satisfying her, or vice versa, I don't see sex as something to be jealous over.
A little context might help. I'm not a kid, I just hit thirty-nine and have had four major relationships, all lasting more than four years, this one is in it's eighth year. I am currently with the woman I plan on marrying and besides multiple girlfriends in high school, I have not cheated on a girlfriend, until now. Now there's a very distinct line I haven't crossed purposefully but I have had sexual encounters with one other woman occasionally (6 or 7 times) within the past year and a half. She and my girlfriend are on the same page, as far as any sexual contact outside the relationship, is a betrayal. I can't deny that it could be but I don't see it as such. I believe creating a life with one person while falling in love with another and continuing the first relationship is cheating. This would be something I would have a damn near impossible time of forgiving but sex just wouldn't do it for me. I mean I wouldn't be pleased, we'd obviously have to see if I could fix the problem, which I've tried to do in my current situation, but I see it as understandable. A human need not being met in a relationship where everything else is just what you'd hoped for is no reason to end it. I'm not gonna lie here, I'd really ask her to at least attempt to sneak around because I wouldn't want to know when/where etc. but I could deal with it. So maybe op, you aren't a player you're just mis-wired, like me
As far as identifying love, I think there are a few very simple ways to tell:
Do they make you feel happy?
Do you want them to be happy?
Do they make you feel better about yourself?
Do they know and accept, for the most part, your flaws (don't expect any long term relationship not to change you)?
Do you know and can you accept, for the most part, their flaws?
Would you do anything to keep them happy and safe (this might just be a guy thing, I don't know)?
Do you think about and miss them when they aren't around?
Here's the big one:
Are you willing to get hurt?
If you get that down, congrats you're in love, imho. If you're really lucky you can find someone that'll challenge you every frickin' day, mentally, physically, hell every way you can think of. But if you can find 80% of that, I say go with it and fill in what you can't find someplace else, within limits, but you gotta figure out what those are. Good luck
