Do you "owe" your parents grandchildren?
- Thread starter Vault101
- Start date
Recommended Videos
Well, I may just be a small-town panda, unfamiliar with your big city lawyer games. But...it seems to me that adulthood without offspring is pretty meaningless. I'm sympathetic with anyone who doesn't want to "grow up", but parents encouraging their children to have children may simply be emparting wisdom, recognising that in their own experience...reproducing was the best thing that they did with their lives. It's something worth considering, not being angsty about.Montezuma said:
Maybe "owing" is too strong a way of phrasing it, but I feel that a feeling of duty towards a family that has served you well is completely appropriate. Individual liberties are just swell, but sharing your life and the decisions within it seems like the optimal way to live to me.
Maybe YOU get meaning in your life from having a walking talking little shit of a kid, but I do not.Sexual Harassment Panda said:
I gain meaning in my own life without the need to spawn. This has nothing to do with "growing up", and if someone is proud of having children, great! let them be proud, but dont let them pressure others into feeling obligated to spawn little narcissistic fuckers who refuse to get a job.
And you may want to consider that some people have had AWFUL relationships with their families.
I value my individual liberty, thanks.
Ha! That was a pretty scornful read, considering how innocuous what I said was...and the fact that I was clearly advocating the devil. I don't see how I can leave it unanswered.Montezuma said:
I don't have a child, nor do I have or need any meaning in my life. I put "growing up" inside the bunny ears because it's not a concept I entirely agree with myself... Who said anything about being proud? And what's so bad about pressure? Unless you're completely soft, comments and suggestions are easily cast aside. Let 'em talk...just be strong instead of angsty when things get said that you don't like.
I'm aware that not everybody has a good relationship with their family, but I only said that you should feel duty towards a family that has been good to you...
If you're desperate to tell someone off(as is often the case on this forum), you should attack what they say...not what you think they mean.
I tend to infuse my arguments with bile, it is a rather bad habit of mine.Sexual Harassment Panda said:
I feel the same way, in the sense that parents really shouldn't be influencing what their adult offspring is going to do with their partner. This is why I do not plan on having kids, I'll do it how my parents "planned" me(Broken Condom) and my brother(Broken Condom II: Electric Boogaloo)
On a side-note, I'm really starting to hate the Chevy Sonic.
On a side-note, I'm really starting to hate the Chevy Sonic.
Being nearly 22 and in the same relationship for six years, my mum has started dropping hints that she's getting a little impatient. I'm an only child as well, so I have literally nothing to distract her from the fact that out of all the girls my age in my family, I'm the only one to not have children yet. It's recently been made more of a conversation topic when her brother got his first grandchild.
She's not pushy, per se, but I know she's thinking about it. She'll make little comments like; "I'd love it if you had a little girl." or "Don't wait too long to make me a gran, will you? I don't want to be an old, old gran." I think that last one is stemming from the fact she recently hit fifty years of age. Even my own grandmother is getting in on it, and she's actually more pushy than mum, saying that I can use all the protection in the world, but if it wants to happen, it'll happen, and that she wants to see her great grandchild before she dies, and then reminds me that she's 72.
No pressure then...
On topic though, I certainly don't feel obligated to provide a grandchild, but at the same time I know mum will be disappointed if I don't because she has no other child to get them from, and I'll be honest, the fact that I'm the last one left to start a family gets me down sometimes for reasons that would need a thread on their own to go through, and I won't see anyone here suffer that.
She's not pushy, per se, but I know she's thinking about it. She'll make little comments like; "I'd love it if you had a little girl." or "Don't wait too long to make me a gran, will you? I don't want to be an old, old gran." I think that last one is stemming from the fact she recently hit fifty years of age. Even my own grandmother is getting in on it, and she's actually more pushy than mum, saying that I can use all the protection in the world, but if it wants to happen, it'll happen, and that she wants to see her great grandchild before she dies, and then reminds me that she's 72.
No pressure then...
On topic though, I certainly don't feel obligated to provide a grandchild, but at the same time I know mum will be disappointed if I don't because she has no other child to get them from, and I'll be honest, the fact that I'm the last one left to start a family gets me down sometimes for reasons that would need a thread on their own to go through, and I won't see anyone here suffer that.
My Mom's the opposite. She had me in her early 20s and wants me to wait as long as possible, do everything I want to do first, etc...Sara Fontaine said:
I also think that if she became a Grandmother in the not too distant future it would make her feel really old.
My mum had me when she was 28, and she says she feels she waited too long; again, because I'm only just about to turn 22 and she's already 50. Not that I was planned anyway; I'm what she likes to call 'A Happy Accident'. Very clever wording, mother >_>Colour-Scientist said:
No, they should have thought about that when they created something with free will, that it will not always do what they want. However, having children is pretty much the purpose of everyone, and if you choose to ignore that, then you have not been of benefit to the species. Nowadays we have a modern workaround, whereby we can contribute by research or invention or what not, but as an individual, the only reason we're alive is because we are expected to reproduce.
Why do you owe your parents anything? I can understand being grateful for giving you life and raising you... but still it's not like you asked them to. Depending on your experiences you may have never wanted them to. You shouldn't owe them anything, when the only reason they birthed you was for their own satisfaction or from some accident. Seems silly... I should be clear. I still think we should show our parents respect and all but I don't see how we have to OWE them anything.
Even if I did want kids, it sure as hell wouldn't be because my parents want me to. But them having grandkids is unlikely. They're old as hell already and they have only two sons: I'm only 20, massively irresponsible, as gay as a San Francisco parade and have a particular loathing for small children for prolonged periods of time. And my brother is completely asexual.
So they're not getting any, not even accidentally.
So they're not getting any, not even accidentally.
My two older siblings have got me covered for that. I'm not really stressing about it. Hell, I've never had a girlfriend. Don't see many advantages over the disadvantages for myself.
It has been not been stated but I am the last of my father's line. I have two uncles remaining who have not yet had children, one died. My mother's maiden name dies with my uncle on that side I think as his two daughters will likely not keep their maiden names. It's on me to continue the line, yes, but I am under no pressure to do so.Vault101 said:
I want to have children though so the point it moot unless I die...
Can you adopt grandchildren for yourself?Vault101 said:
If you're the last surviving member of your bloodline and you haven't contracted some horrible blood born disease then I suppose biologically you owe it to all your ancestors who did all that work surviving and reproducing and helping their offspring to survive to keep the blood line going. As organisms passing on our genetic material is really the only purpose we have. But rationally no you don't need to bring another person into the world just to suit your parents. As you say there are plenty of kids out there who need adopting
My parents, particularly my father, have warmed to the idea of being grandparents one day (and intends on spoiling them rotten), but my parents have never pressured me into it, nor do I feel I owe it to them in doing so, especially since I intend on being a dad myself one day in the future, preferably before I am 30. It's just all part of my evil, I mean, life plan (yes...life plan).
I would list every word for no I know, but I'm lazy and tired. There's absolutely no reason you would owe them something like that. You owe your parents a varying measure of gratitude, but that's all. My father and I have discussed this and agreed our account is settled for raising me.
My mother used to ask my brother and I when she was getting grandchildren. My brother would give vague non-answers and I would just repeat:"Ask [brothers name]. He's always been much more popular with women and less careful in everything." She's since given up asking. To be fair, she didn't even have my older brother until she was 40, so it's not like she has any right to demand her mid-twenties sons have kids.
My mother used to ask my brother and I when she was getting grandchildren. My brother would give vague non-answers and I would just repeat:"Ask [brothers name]. He's always been much more popular with women and less careful in everything." She's since given up asking. To be fair, she didn't even have my older brother until she was 40, so it's not like she has any right to demand her mid-twenties sons have kids.