This morning I drifted in and out of sleep and everytime I fell asleep again. It was like the dream continued. But different.
Phase 1: Me and some other people were at what appeared to be some sort of disaster site. Dont really know what we were doing. Maybe we were survivors, maybe we were there to help people. At one point a nearby building collapsed. I freaked out because she was in there. She Is the woman ive been hopelessly in love with for over a year.
Funny fact: Niles from Frasier tried to calm me down. No kidding, who could make this up?
Phase 2: It appears shes been rescued from the debris by other people. Her clothes and face have soot stains on it, but she seems unharmed. She's sat down by a table and I aproach her to tell her how relieved I am to see shes ok. But as soon as I lay my hand on her shoulder, she jumps up and screams at me to stay away from her, and we'll never be together.
My world comes crashing down but all I felt was a shock in my chest. As if she ripped my heart out so fast, I lived to see her squash it under her foot. The shock mustve been real, because I woke up instantly with a feeling of both relief and fear. It was just a dream, but could she say something like that to me one day for real?
Phase 3: This time, were sitting at the table. But now were talking about how she feels about me. She told me she did once have feelings for me, but it stopped because of my own shortcomings. Then she listed the things. I could agree with all of them. My insecurity compared to hers. My weight compared to her perfect body. My job compared to her career. I couldnt help feeling small near her. Funny thing though, other people I didnt recognize at the table tried to persuade her into accepting me. Saying that theres nothing wrong in being with a man who makes an honest living for himself. It seemed to work, but I woke up too soon.
Later today I realized why I agreed to all those points. I can't look into the head of the real her. Those points are my own insecurities that trouble me! I was amazed to realize, I was having a conversation with myself! (in the form of a beautifull woman) And he sorted out whats been bothering me concerning her for so long.