Dumbest Things Customers Have Said

[sonicguru]

He replied saying that he saw no buttons. I asked him what he did see and he said a siver plate with the word iPhone on it. He was holding it backwards.

How can someone be that dense?

 

[Josh Horton]

How about issues I had today with Dell Tech Support?

It goes as follows:



Agent (Sikander_218598): "Welcome to Dell Technical Support Chat! My name is Sikander. How may I assist you today?"

Josh Horton: "Yes, I contacted Dell Support a few days ago about problems I was having with my laptop. The issues were resolved for a few hours, it then started to act up again."

Agent (Sikander_218598): "Could you please elaborate the issue?"

Josh Horton: "It runs perfectly fine but when I try to play a game on it the game tends to either crash because the video driver stops working, the whole computer locks up, then blue screens"

Agent (Sikander_218598): "Does it work fine when you play a video on the system?"

Josh Horton: "Yes it does"

Agent (Sikander_218598): "I understand your concern and I will personally attend to the issue. I assure you that I will do my best to provide you quality service. Please give me 2 to 3 minutes to pull up your account information."

Agent (Sikander_218598): "Thank you for staying online. I appreciate your patience."

Josh Horton: "Yep"

Agent (Sikander_218598): "You are using Inspiron 1545 with Windows 7 home premium 64 bit installed on it. Am I correct?"

Josh Horton: "Yes that is correct"

Agent (Sikander_218598): "May I know which game are you trying to play on the system?"

Josh Horton: "League of Legends"

Agent (Sikander_218598): "Do you have the details for the hardware requirement to install this game on the system?"

Josh Horton: "It is pretty low end, I was able to play it hours on end til the computer started acting up, I can search the requirements for you if you need them"

Agent (Sikander_218598): "Josh, as per the issue it seems that the system need a better video memory to play this game on the system."

Josh Horton: "It could be because the drive hasn't been updated since 2008"

Josh Horton: "And I was able to play the game just fine for months prior to the problem"

Agent (Sikander_218598): "No, you will then face this issue will playing videos on the system also."

Josh Horton: "I've never had issues before and i was able to play games that had a higher system requirement then League of Legends"

Agent (Sikander_218598): "You can try installing the Video drivers on the system."

Agent (Sikander_218598): "http://support.dell.com/support/downloads/download.aspx?c=us&cs=19&l=en&s=dhs&releaseid=R260552&SystemID=inspiron1545&servicetag=6KRYGL1&os=W764&osl=en&deviceid=17043&devlib=0&typecnt=0&vercnt=2&catid=-1&impid=-1&formatcnt=0&libid=6&typeid=-1&dateid=-1&fo"
rmatid=-1&source=-1&fileid=382276

Agent (Sikander_218598): "This link has the Updated driver for the video on this system."

Josh Horton: "Ok it will take a few minutes to download"

Agent (Sikander_218598): "If that does not fix the issue you can contact the Dell Solution Station the Advance software department for support."

Josh Horton: "Ok"

Agent (Sikander_218598): "Is there anything else regarding your Dell system that you need help with?"

Josh Horton: "Nope, not right now"

Agent (Sikander_218598): "Dell Solution Station charges a nominal fee and offers quick and easy support. They will have answers to all your questions about non-Dell branded hardware, software/virus & spyware related issues. They can be reached at 1-888-236-3355."

Agent (Sikander_218598): "Thank you for contacting DELL Technical Support and allowing me the opportunity to assist you."


So as soon as I realized this person had no idea what they were talking about I gtfo'd as soon as I could... I just got an awesome job so I think I may just give this laptop to my little brother and buy a new one...

 

[FireCoroner]

During my school years, I got a job in Johnstown garden centre helping people choose real christmas trees.
I arrived one morning and was greeted by a vexed looking gent, holding a tree with a knackered stump, waiting by his car, who, without warning, exclaimed:
"I've been tryin' all feckin' evening and I just can't GET IT UP"


HE didn't realise what he just said, whereas I nearly shat myself.

 

[FireCoroner]

I used to work in Coldstone Creamery.

A customer came in with coupon and she wanted to get something of more value than what the coupon was offering. Obviously, I wouldn't let her.

Then she was crying and then said "You should really honor the coupon you know"

Irony...

How is that Irony?

she herself wasn't honoring the coupon. Think it was a bad choice of words?

No, it was pretty self explanatory. The jokes are there, it's just that some users are going to have to up their game. Kudos for the dry wit, sir (raises pipe).

 

[Saulkar]

I think this is pretty valid to your statement.

Oh my gawd. This. This right here describes my day at work EVERY DAY!

This lady today walked in and asked me for an 180GB backwards compatible PS3. Now, I don't mind educating people about stuff we sell so I tell her that's impossible and that she wants the old 20, 60, or 80GB PS3 OR maybe just a slim 160GB:

Lady: "No, no. I don't want any of that. I want a 180GB backwards compatible PS3 for my son" She says in a tone that makes it seem as if I'm trying to rip her off.
Me: "Well, the thing is that they don't exist. You want an 80GB BC PS3" and I explain it all over again.
Lady: "No, my son told me you sold those here. Hold on..." She pulls out her phone and talks to her son.
Me: "We DO have an 80GB PS3 like the one you want used."
Lady: "Oh, no. I want it new"
So I take the time to explain we don't sell them new anymore and blah blah.
Lady on the phone: "Do you want the 80GB used?! Okay, my son says he wants it."
Me: "Would you like a warranty for it?"
Lady: "Oh, are they bound to break soon or what?"
Me: "No, but it's used. it's just like a safe net for you." I proceed to explain her that I have a 60GB that hasn't broken down or anything but that the fan is super loud and that its old and all.
Lady: "Oh, my son says that you need to clean it."
Me: (Thinking NO SHIT LADY! YA THINK I DIDNT FIGURE IT OUT AFTER WORKING HERE?) Yes, I clean it more than often.
Lady: Oh, he says you need to clean it this way" and she proceed to half explain it. To which I think again OH SNAP! THIS KID DESERVES MY JOB! THANKS SHERLOCK!
Me: "Right. So do you want it or not?"
Lady: "So if it breaks down, do you fix them here for me?"
Me: (I get this question a lot so I'm used to it) No, ma'am. We only buy and sell games here. However, we will exchange it for one that works."
Lady: "Another one? I don't want another one! Here, talk to my son! And she hands me the phone.

Worst part is that I LIKE being nice. I like helping parents who don't know shit about games. But sometimes, oh sometimes...well, there's that video.


One last thing I remembered
Me: What size would you like your yogurt, ma'am?
Lady: "Oh, yes. Strawberry"
Me: "No...the size *Points at cups*"
Lady: "Oh, umm...small I guess"
Me: "And you want strawberry flavor?"
Lady: "Yes, strawberry topping"
Me: "Okay...and the flavor?"
Lady: "Where are the flavors?"
Me: *Points at menu*
Lady: "Umm...come on, son! Choose a flavor!"
Son: "Wha- me?"

This actually happens quite often.

Oh shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiite. I can relate to that.

 

[skyfire_freckles]

I worked in a video store just before widescreen was popular. Most of our rentals were still VHS, this was so long ago, and we had to secure a $400 deposit to rent out a DVD player.

No matter what I did, I could not explain the widescreen concept to people and have them understand it. Most common: "Do you want that in widescreen or pan and scan?" "No, thank you." If I just said, "Would you like the widescreen version?" they'd say, "No, my tv's not that big." I made the explanation so many times it would come out like a robot, and people always said the same thing.

The other thing that annoyed me: Our store rented porn as well as G through NC-17. The porn videos were kept in a "vault"; the empty boxes were displayed there, covered in explicit imagery, and someone who wanted to rent one would bring up the plain plastic case that actually had the tape in it. This way we could rent porn with kids in the store without disaster.

So, of course, there were idiots that would bring the empty box up to the counter. I'd have to hide it really fast and tell the idiot he needed to bring me the plain plastic one that had the movie in it. "But there wasn't one!" Um, duh, that's because it's rented out already?

The other thing that would piss me off is that at least once a week we'd get a prank call from another sort of idiot who thought it was clever to ask for Amish porn.

 

[emeraldrafael]

"Oh, well this game is cheaper at this other store!" and they stare at me angrily for a while. What do you want me to do? Call the president of Gamestop and yell at him? I'm just an employee; I don't make the prices!

Someone once said that to me at the theatre I worked at (X is cheaper at Y), and said i was sorry, then they said the wanted to speak tot he high ups. So i got the staff leader and she said higher, so i got the manager. She said higher, and luckily our district manager was there that day, so we got him, and she said higher. she ended up calling Carmike headquarters (In Georgia. From Pennsylvania) and said how our prices were to high.

... It was kinda funny, the president wanted to talk to me (the server of the patron) and told me to make the price 5 bucks higher. thanks to that woman, prices actually went up 3 dollars for everything for the entirety of summer.

 

[TurboPanda]

I work in my university's food shop. A few weeks ago I was stacking some shelves when I overheard a guy trying to pay with his friends debit card. He then phoned his friend whilst being served and said this...

"(loud enough for the whole shop to hear) Hey, yea im in the shop. What's your pin number?......... 4, 7, 1, 6. Ok so thats 4716? Good, see you soon"

I don't know whats more stupid. The fact his friend gave away a code that only the card holder is meant to know or that he told it to a guy who obviously doesn't get the point of a pin number in the first place.

 

[bl4ckh4wk64]

snip

Because kids will buy booze for younger kids. Hell, before I was legally able to buy M rated games I'd either have my parents do it, or an older kid at school who I would then give another 5-10 dollars.

 

[Beautiful End]

~Snip~

It's funny because I usually have this problem when I contact customer support anywhere. I know they did something close to that when I first got my Dell desktop. I was kinda new to the whole computer stuff and I connected my speakers but I couldn't hear them. My mother and I spent hours trying to figure it out and we finally decided to contact someone from Customer support, someone JUST like that. The guy told us to plug it in and turn the speakers (To which I facepalmed. DURR! REALLY?!) And after he ran out of ideas, he simply told us we might have to ship it back to wherever it came from. Then we realized it was the wrong outlet (There's like 3 outlets for the speakers) and all was fine. Same when I have a problem with my modem. Once they run out of options, they try to send someone to fix the problem. But I usually end up fixing my modem somehow so...no need.

I guess its in part because its kinda hard to diagnose something based merely on descriptions. I know that when someone calls my job and asks me about video game system problems, I start by saying "Well, I don't know if this is your case, but I THINK that..." and I explain what I think is wrong with the system. I make it clear that it's just an assumption, almost suggesting that they get a second opinion from someone else because I'm just guessing based on what they've told me.

But I digress!

 

[AdumbroDeus]

I work for as a customer service rep from a wireless company. So there are a bunch of stories.

A woman order a phone by mail.

"Yes, I have a complaint, this isn't the phone I wanted. I asked for a Blackberry and this isn't one. "
I checker her order, it was a Blackberry, and I told her that.
"Well, but it's wrong, this is blue, I order a Blackberry not a Blueberry."

---
Also, one guy had trouble pronouncing the brand of his phone:
"Sony Ercs... Sony Ecsson... Sony Erection"

Sony Erection, it could be a trusty brand in the adult industry.

Reminds me of Air Tabigue's routine about his mom buying a new cell phone, keep in mind both he and his dad had that cell phone as well.

 

[RedDeadFred]

This was my best day of work ever:
I am a cashier at Walmart and I was on an early morning shift. I had stayed up to 4 in the morning that night because I wanted to finish reading Tell No One by Harlan Coben (great book btw). Anyway, a twenty-something year old guy is next in line with a few items and I begin my normal cashier spiel:
Me: Hellow, how are you this morning?
Guy: Not too bad. How are you?
Me: I'm tired but doing well.
Guy: Up late partying?
Me: Na I wanted to finish this really good book.
Guy: Haha! I haven't read since high school. Reading is for pansies.

Ok that's bad enough as it is and it pretty much makes you look like a complete moron but then this follows:
Me: Actually reading is for people who have an IQ above 70.
Guy: So. What does that have to do with anything?
Me: Oh nothing....

The customer who is next in line begins laughing hysterically.

 

[Aeonknight]

I once worked in a call center for a TV company. And had someone phone in asking me to troubleshoot his lawnmower. No I'm not kidding...
When I told him who he called, he said "I must've got the wrong department" and hung up.