Dumbest Things Heard In School

[AdhesiveTape]

Well, one time there was this girl reading the lunch menu over the P.A. system. Her it goes

"Today's goor-MET entry is a chicken patty sandwich on a cashmere roll."

How she got "cashmere" from kaiser I will never know.

Said girl was on the honor roll. And took French.

 

[The_Chief]

i have another one!

Mr.C- New amsterdam was a dutch settlement. what did they build first.... im going to hate myself for this but...Moonie.

Moonie-Factories.
_____________________________________________________________________________________________

Mr.C ok who can name 10 states....Moonie.

Moonie- New jersey, New york, California......

Mr.C- This is why we dont do drugs children.

 

[Just_Karol]

We were out in geography field trip, and we spotted a few seagulls. One of the lads go:

"Hey look, White crows"!

 

[Dorian]

Just happened earlier today.

We (as in everyone other than me) were talking in my English AP class about this story we read. It was essentially about how there's no Sun in England after some big war.

So some dumb-ass blond girl (yeah, BIG surprise) yells out, "Wait, so there's no Sun in England?!"

Que my sigh of disbelief.

 

[The_Chief]

Just happened earlier today.

We (as in everyone other than me) were talking in my English AP class about this story we read. It was essentially about how there's no Sun in England after some big war.

So some dumb-ass blond girl (yeah, BIG surprise) yells out, "Wait, so there's no Sun in England?!"

Que my sigh of disbelief.

lolz sounds like the girl i has to deal with.

 

[willic767]

it was in are home ec class and a kind said "lier boiling water is hot" after a kid told him that it was realy cold so he put his finger in a pot of boiling water.

 

[Tartarga]

In history class we were watching Band of Brothers

Woah, you watched Band of Brothers?

Can I join your school?

Sure, as long as you don't mind idoit rednecks and incompetant teachers than go right ahead.

Hey, that sounds kind of like my old school. Do. You. Live. In. South Carolina?

no i live in ohio in a town that doesnt even show up on the map so you know it sucks

 

[Guitar Gamer]

i have another one!

Mr.C- New amsterdam was a dutch settlement. what did they build first.... im going to hate myself for this but...Moonie.

Moonie-Factories.
_____________________________________________________________________________________________

Mr.C ok who can name 10 states....Moonie.

Moonie- New jersey, New york, California......

Mr.C- This is why we dont do drugs children.

now I am no american, just a plain 'ol goofy canuck but aren't new jersey, new york and california states? or did she only say those 3? or am I missing the point?

 

[MajoraPersona]

It happened today (yesterday?). I'm at a new place, and the teacher hands out a rubric. She then goes on to explain WHAT THE FUCK IT SAYS. Obviously not the whole thing, just what is required for top marks. She then goes on to explain, for each and every single criteria, that it is a sign of "Higher Brain Function." It didn't say "Write good", it said "Write coherently and make inferences from the text." I know not everyone knows everything, but I literally facepalmed.

BTW, this is for Grade 12 University-level English Book Reports.

Maybe I'm just not getting it.

Better one: Years ago, my science teacher had people bring in newspaper articles relating to Science and had them present it. One day a girl brought in an article on vaginal cancer. At the end of the class, some guy asked "Does it cause pussy cancer?"

And the principal was in the room.

 

[Margrave Rinstock]

My god, I have Heard so Much Idiocy that I can not think of a specific Event.

 

[ZomgSharkz]

What's the War where we were fighting against Korea in? Oh yeah the Korean War!

Also in that same class we had been reading All Quite on the Western Front. After an entire class period talking about some of the tactics they used in World War I a conversation like this began.

Teacher: Alright so everyone understand?
Girl 1: *raises hand* I have a question, how could they get the artillery so far from the trenches?
Teacher: Well they fired them from artillery batteries behind the trenches.
Girl 1: Wouldn't it be even harder to throw the artillery from behind the trenches?
Teacher: Well the shells are fired from big huge guns.
Girl 2: Wait, what guns?
Teacher: ... the guns that launch the artillery shells.
Girl 1: Wait so the soldiers in the trenches weren't throwing the artillery?
Teacher: ...what?
Girl 3,4,5,6, etc: Didn't they throw the artillery by hand? How big is artillery then? I'm so confused. (and so on).

So our teacher has to get out a book, and show about half the girls in our class detailed pictures of what artillery guns look like, had to explain how big artillery shells were and had to describe how they were shaped. He even had to sketch battlefield maps on the board showing where the artillery was set up, had to put things in scale so they could figure out how far shells were being launched.

To sum up, it ended with me and my friends massive facepalming, and my teacher sniffing sharpies.

 

[The_Chief]

i have another one!

Mr.C- New amsterdam was a dutch settlement. what did they build first.... im going to hate myself for this but...Moonie.

Moonie-Factories.
_____________________________________________________________________________________________

Mr.C ok who can name 10 states....Moonie.

Moonie- New jersey, New york, California......

Mr.C- This is why we dont do drugs children.

now I am no american, just a plain 'ol goofy canuck but aren't new jersey, new york and california states? or did she only say those 3? or am I missing the point?

the point is she could only name 3.

 

[RebelRising]

A guy in English today pronounced "compassion" as "comprehension" during reading.

That's the best I can do, I'm sorry.

 

[RoyalStranger]

Oh geeze, US History today.
"Today we will be discussing World War II, does anyone know what happened in that war?"
*girl raises hand* "Isn't that, like, the Boston Tea Party?"

In choir today
"Who here knows Beethoven?"
*same girl from US History* "Was he in World War II?"
*One of the guys* "Different German."

 

[ProfessorLayton]

...I am lucky to be at a very good public school with excellent teachers and high standards.

Does not compute.

Not really something said, but in my wellness class we took an open book test. The three people around me got a 56, 61, and 61 on this open book test. I made a 97, but my test was being graded by one of the people who made a 61.

 

[Lexodus]

"You'll never get anywhere if you don't work hard. You'll get your GCSEs back and they'll all be Ds, and you'll think "Oh, why didn't I listen and study when I had the chance?""

Just for that, I did absolutely no work (trust me on this. When I say no work, I mean NO work. I didn't even pick up a textbook, exercise book or revision card the whole time), and ended up with 2x the qualifications needed for Gifted and Talented (but I didn't enroll, or at least haven't yet, as it is just too much effort.)

 

[Lexodus]

In my music class last year, we got this little gem:

"Who's John Lennon?"

There was also the incident of the list of countries involved in WW2 that didn't have Poland on it. I have yet to forgive my History teacher for that.

I would hardly rate not knowing who John Lennon is as a bad thing, just maybe unfamiliar with dead celebrities. If said person was a Beatles fan though...

Every time a person tells me they don't know who John Lennon is I just stare at them blankly for a few minutes before calling them retarded. He is one of the greatest men to ever have lived

Lennon was a musician. Nothing more. He wrote some great songs, but he's hardly worthy of the reverence so many people hold for him. Also, before you go calling someone retarded for not knowing who a dead song writer is, I have to ask if you know who several people are. Les Claypool, Kirk Hammett, Adam Jones, Danny Carrey, Maynard James Keenan, Scott Hull, Tony Iommi, Bruce Dickinson, John Petrucci, Paul Gilbert, Joe Satriani, Steve Vai, and many others. All of these musicians have written material that has influenced me greatly, but do I call you a retard for not knowing who they all are? No.

I know everybody you just named. Go me.

 

[whaleswiththumbs]

Today in Civics.


Question: How would you solve in illegal immigration problem?


Kid in class: Bomb Mexico.

Nothing against Americans here (I myself being one) but it seems like the majority of schoolkids here use "Bomb the holy shit out of them!" as the #1 answer to all of the issues facing the world. Whether they are kidding, or not, I shall never know.

Just an observation.

Ihave a better solutions, instead of building a fence across that whole border, make a ditch then put the dirt on the other side, put a sniper every mile or so, shoot what moves.... My Berlin Wall approach to things.

I don't really have anything to say about the topic i can't remember anything right now. I kndof want to argue about religion... I don't want to do it here though, you guys seem to serious about it, like it's life or death.... dammit.

 

[RoyalStranger]

Another dumb line I hear a lot, "No homo!"


Because someone is seriously thinking you're gay for complimenting them. I mean, I would understand certain circumstances for someone to say that, but really?