End of my Rope...

[leviathanmisha]

Thanks for the advice! And for those of you who mentioned the closure thing, it is an important thing for me to get because I've had so many situations in my life where closure wasn't an option, so in this, I would like a little more understanding.

And for me, guys are hard to let anywhere near me, just because most of them will want to be with me based on my looks, but they won't want anything to do with me the moment my past comes to light. So I really don't want to completely cut my ex out of my life because he's one of the few people who knows how fucked up my life was until I left for college and I want to be able to keep him as a friend for those times that I'm going to need a shoulder to lean on...

In the case of my friends and them taking sides, it's more or less they don't like the cow that he's seeing, so they're banding with me. They know as much as I do, but they just can't stand the that current thing of his. The only amusing thing that comes out of this was a "I told you so", cause he was told what would happen in the event that he broke up with me...

@Aylaine: Your post cheered me up a little and thank you for being so understanding on the closure thing.

Everyone else: I thank you for the advice, from here I think I need to step back and see where to move next, cause the sad thing is that this whole mess is kinda working like a chess game at the moment...

 

[Geekmaster]

I usually don't respond to posts like this but let me get the facts straight here.

He left you over a text message for another girl yes?

I was about to tell you to let him burn but I'm going to settle for "you don't owe him anything". whatever faithfullness he has "proven" is as of now disproven so if he's completely alienated from everyone he knows, well that's bad karma right there.

I sincerely hope you're not letting him off the hook because you have unresolved feelings and he's appealing to your comfort zone.

You should'nt try and make him miserable but you'd be doing yourself a favour if you (slowly, over time) broke contact and focus entirely on your own happiness.

Do under no circumstances give him any kind of second chance since he's already exposed himself as a selfish opportunist with just enough backbone to break up well out of reach of any confrontation. Yeah, that may sound harsh but it's true.

About closure: Sorry but in cases like this it's almost always rather simple. His universe is revolving entirely around himself.

 

[spartan231490]

"When you reach the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on." JFK
Not much you can do. His life, his decisions. Just hang on tight and hope things get better.

 

[leviathanmisha]

I usually don't respond to posts like this but let me get the facts straight here.

He left you over a text message for another girl yes?

I was about to tell you to let him burn but I'm going to settle for "you don't owe him anything". whatever faithfullness he has "proven" is as of now disproven so if he's completely alienated from everyone he knows, well that's bad karma right there.

I sincerely hope you're not letting him off the hook because you have unresolved feelings and he's appealing to your comfort zone.

You should'nt try and make him miserable but you'd be doing yourself a favour if you (slowly, over time) broke contact and focus entirely on your own happiness.

Do under no circumstances give him any kind of second chance since he's already exposed himself as a selfish opportunist with just enough backbone to break up well out of reach of any confrontation. Yeah, that may sound harsh but it's true.

About closure: Sorry but in cases like this it's almost always rather simple. His universe is revolving entirely around himself.

There is still more to it than that, but that would require another 3 AM where my mind and emotions are so shot to hell, that I no longer care what is said.

And with the closure, there is also more to that, cause like I said before, I have this amazing ability to close people out without even realizing that I'm doing it...so I just honestly want to know if at any point these past few months I said something that pushed him away, and if so, what it was.

Either someone has taken control of this guy's cell and FB, or you just need to start tearing things up with some newly acquired psychokinetic powers. The anguish is rolling off you in waves. You need to channel it, but you don't know who to target. I'd suggest the girl. Then, get a good explanation from the boy. If it's not a good explanation...there's your second target.

Ok, this made me laugh when I saw it, so you earn two thumbs up!!!!

 

[stormtrooper9091]

ok i am totally repressing my desire to be a complete /b/ asshole and call it karma and shit but here's the deal. I had a friend who also had one of them long termers and when it got quits, she went total drama queen on me because i was one of those fucking crying shoulders. They tried to get back together or so she thought because he was just dicking around. Needless to say, she moved away trying to forget everything but not before me ending up as a dick because ho and behold, I was being selfish because shit was getting tiresome. But that's a different story.

tl;dr version: you need to get going, don't live in the past or anything like that, the spark has been lost, get over it. Nobody is asking you to do it overnight but you have to do it

 

[leviathanmisha]

Quick update on this: My ex called me today and offered to drive to the train station at 7 in the morning on a Saturday. Being grateful seeing as I had no ride there, I did accept. I'm personally hoping that this is our first step to healing the broken spaces between us, because as I said before, he's a great person to have as a friend, and I would like to keep him as such if possible.

 

[The Rockerfly]

Speaking from someone who has gone through a similar experience

Don't do it
He fucked up
He dumped you
He had feelings for someone else

If you wait around for him, all that's going to happen is that you will get upset for as long as her takes and still be unsure.
Take it from me, the best way to feel better is so find someone else. It will make you feel a lot better and forget about he pain he caused you

Good luck, I hope you find happiness with whatever choice you take

 

[BonsaiK]

So, I'm not used to doing this, but I'm seriously at my wit's end here, also it's 3 AM where I am and I just got done crying for the 3rd night in a row, so I apologize for how odd the following is about to sound.

So, about 4 days before Halloween, my boyfriends of 3 1/2 years decided to call it quits. It hurt me because instead of waiting to see me and tell me to my face, he just sends me a text. Well, I go back to masking my emotions and feelings and continue truck through school, waiting patiently for break so that I could actually talk to him in person and maybe work out what went wrong in our relationship. Well, that was the plan until a few weeks ago.

It was an average day, not much going on besides a new episode of Castle on ABC that evening when I just so happened to check what was going down on FB when I see something that rips any remaining shred of hope out of my chest. My "ex" had started a relationship with a girl who had PROMISED me that she harbored NO ROMANTIC FEELINGS TOWARDS MY EX WHAT-SO-EVER!!! Needless to say, I was a little more than furious...

I went through my week with my mask up until Friday comes, which was the day that I got head back home for Thanksgiving break. I was excited to see all my old friends until I remember that my "ex" was the one picking me up from the station. It also should be said that the hour long car ride that I endured to go back into town from the station was one of the most miserable things that I have ever done, and I've done some pretty miserable things.

Now we get into what's really bugging me. Ever since I returned home on Friday, all that I've gotten from my "ex" is a handful of texts that sound so suspiciously like the man I used to be dating, I'm seriously starting to wonder if he has MPD and one of the personalities just seems to hate my guts. It also doesn't help that the "thing" that he's currently "dating" has also managed to alienate most of his friends, so that he only has her to really hang out with these days and when she's around him, he avoids contact with me altogether, even if I send him an innocent text about something one of our friends did.

My question is this fellow Escapist: Should I bother trying to even get through to him, even if I know that the man I love is still hidden beneath of the rubbish that his current "thing" has heaped upon him, or should I just let this lie between us, with no answers given by either party?

*note: the things in quotation marks are things that could change in a moments notice, like he could go from being my ex back to being my boyfriend or he could dump the cow that he's currently latched onto.

**another note: during the entirety that we were together, he never once cheated on me, so I think that should be noted in the fact that he can be extremely faithful to whomever he is with at the time, what I'm basically saying is that I don't think he cheated and I would appreciate if that wasn't so callously flung around in response to this.

Dumped you by text? Ouch. Don't waste your time trying to get through to him or trying to get him back. Clearly, obviously, not worth it.

However, what I definitely would do is try and sit down with him and have a conversation about the whole thing, just so you can find out how it all played out, and also to discuss where do you both go from here in terms of friendship or whatever. During this conversation try and be calm, or you won't get anywhere and he'll just brick-wall you. But until you have that conversation with him, you can't really justifiably hate on her, or make any real judgements about the situation (apart from that your ex is a lost cause and that you can do better, of course).

 

[Zer_]

Thanks for the advice! And for those of you who mentioned the closure thing, it is an important thing for me to get because I've had so many situations in my life where closure wasn't an option, so in this, I would like a little more understanding.

And for me, guys are hard to let anywhere near me, just because most of them will want to be with me based on my looks, but they won't want anything to do with me the moment my past comes to light. So I really don't want to completely cut my ex out of my life because he's one of the few people who knows how fucked up my life was until I left for college and I want to be able to keep him as a friend for those times that I'm going to need a shoulder to lean on...

In the case of my friends and them taking sides, it's more or less they don't like the cow that he's seeing, so they're banding with me. They know as much as I do, but they just can't stand the that current thing of his. The only amusing thing that comes out of this was a "I told you so", cause he was told what would happen in the event that he broke up with me...

@Aylaine: Your post cheered me up a little and thank you for being so understanding on the closure thing.

Everyone else: I thank you for the advice, from here I think I need to step back and see where to move next, cause the sad thing is that this whole mess is kinda working like a chess game at the moment...

If a guy isn't able to look at you, acknowledge your past and see you for what you've become, then he isn't worth it. The one you want is able to see you for who you are. For someone to so suddenly change like that, it seems so odd to me. I can definitely see where your frustration comes from.

After such a long relationship, you deserved to know. You don't just leave someone in the dust after so damn long.

 

[x EvilErmine x]

Either someone has taken control of this guy's cell and FB, or you just need to start tearing things up with some newly acquired psychokinetic powers. The anguish is rolling off you in waves. You need to channel it, but you don't know who to target. I'd suggest the girl. Then, get a good explanation from the boy. If it's not a good explanation...there's your second target.

Please tell me you weren't being serous here? Just how will that help?

To the OP
You need to get over it and move on, that's how love goes sometimes. I know that's not what you want to hear and i admit it sounds a little insensitive but that's what you need to do. Take the advice of someone who knows and has been there sort of before (if you're curious I'll tell you more in a PM if you want). And hey i know you feel like your world has been shattered and is crumbling around you right now but, chin up kid, you'll be OK and you will get through this.

Sean x

 

[MassiveGeek]

That sucks.

This is so over-said it's almost not even valid anymore, but just let go and move on. Break contact with him and the "thing", leave them alone and switch focus to something better.

You shouldn't bottle up your emotions, it never ends well, don't shut yourself off and get stuck in a depressive circle. Let it out, throw it out and move on, repeat. It takes a while to vent all the frustration from not understanding and being hurt out of your system, it could take days, weeks, months, years. But it will wear off, as you scale off the old layers, new ones will grow out and let you start out fresh.

Terrible events like this also do turn into something very useful: experience, a feeling of knowing more and being ready to face harsher things. It's a strenght that is invaluable, and I am confident that you can move through this.

KICK SOME ASS!

 

[Padwolf]

I know how hard this must be for you, as the same sort of thing happened to me last month. I know it is hard, and I know how horrible this must be for you. All I can advise you is that you try to move on as best as you can, just ignore him, and just let him go,you will find someone new in the future. And remember that this is his loss, not yours.

 

[Treeinthewoods]

Let it go young one, let it go. You will love again, it will be better then this time. I promise you it works out for the best.

One of the greatest things in life is being 18 and single, the possibilities are endless!

 

[Fret098]

Well seeing as he dumped you via text, I say drop it and move on. You'll find someone else, hopefully after highschool.

 

[stormtrooper9091]

Quick update on this: My ex called me today and offered to drive to the train station at 7 in the morning on a Saturday. Being grateful seeing as I had no ride there, I did accept. I'm personally hoping that this is our first step to healing the broken spaces between us, because as I said before, he's a great person to have as a friend, and I would like to keep him as such if possible.

don't take this the wrong way, but you're being a proper sucker

 

[Sonofadiddly]

Man, I can sympathize. My situation was only a two-year relationship, and he didn't break up with me through text, but I also haven't got any answers out of him. It's frustrating as all hell, and I feel like if I could just know why he took off without even trying to work on what was wrong, I would feel better. The sad truth is that you and I will most likely never get the answers we're looking for. Based on your ex's behavior, I don't think it's worth the effort to try. My ex was a lot less of a douche about the breakup, and I've got no answers. It sucks, but try to remember that your ex is obviously an asshole and you deserve better.

 

[dmase]

Your blaming the girl and thats it, i'm thinking the guy is the big problem here and this is coming from a guy.

Your putting him on a pedestal and it doesn't seem like he is all he is cracked up to be. He is the problem here not her or you. If he wanted to come back to you i think you should tell him no.