Escape to the Movies: Fast Five

[Zydrate]

Vin's already confirmed Fast 6, so that's encouraging.

Love these films.

Where the hell does one go after a hundred million dollars and Dwayne Johnson?
Though, I haven't seen it (yet) so I don't really know what even happens in this one.

 

[Techno Destructo]

I think the only way we can tell Vin Diesel apart from The Rock, is that The Rock has a beard, if you saw them fist fighting and he didn't have the beard, you'd have no clue which one is the clone you'd have to shoot.

 

[SandroTheMaster]

As Bob says, it spits on the South American capital

FYI, Rio is not the capital of Brazil.

This was a good review, but I would hate to have some movie blow over my country so sorry guys if this movie offended you in some way.. I can understand that all to well.

Don't worry about it. We Brazilians are the most self-loathing sort in this whole planet. Everything Brazilian is useless or worthless, our government is always the worst and most ineffective in the world and only got worse even after the Dictatorship was over, crime is always rising, there are no original copies of anything to be found, ever, and so on and so forth.

Especially the ones over the internet.

Seriously? Speed Racer? You mean the anime...right?

On a sidenote, why the hell is there even a Cars 2. The first one..

News for you: The anime was a ragingly underproduced, clichéd, badly-acted, bad-written piece of crap. I'd say the movie was even an improvement. But hey, it is just my opinion.

EDIT: Forgot to add - To all the people saying Cars 2 might be good just because it is Pixar, here's the evidence to the contrary: Cars 1. Anyway, seriously, by the plot alone you can see it will be baaaaaad. The trailer pretty much confirms this as well, by showing precisely how much it will be baaaaaad. Pixar isn't infallible, heck they can't even really manage to get out of their formula, the one they use in EVERY SINGLE MOVIE. Really, just get the plot of every Pixar movie through your head. It is always the same plot, but with a different theme. All 3 Toy Story was the same story.

Well told story, I'll give you that, but they're not perfect or that original.

To be honest, I did doubtlessly misinterpet his target a bit, but I was still fairly surprised to notice Shamus calling people idiots in a professionaly produced column.

What was really weird is that Shamus is usually a very level-headed though vitriolic guy and his reaction to the review bombers was way out of proportion, especially because he agrees that the DLC wasn't the best idea and those review-bombing are, in fact, an effective way to send a message. It worked in Spore (made EA tune down its DRM), it worked against that writer and her infamous case of ignorance about Mass Effect as a "Sex Simulator" (she backed out on all her comments to save the ratings of her books on Amazon... although Fox News didn't care to show it), so why wouldn't it work against the day 1 DLC case?

On another but thread-relevant topic, Brazil simply never has a good portrayal of itself, be nationally or by foreigners. It is good to be critical, it is better to be self-critical (heck, that's why Machado de Assis was the best Brazilian writer and one of the all-time best), but it is another thing completely to be self-loathing and unrepentantly ignorant.

Every single piece of foreign media that ever portrayed Brazil, no matter how briefly, be it a series episode, movie, game or just short scene, has been beyond stupid. (Incredible Hulk is the exception that proves the rule) It doesn't help when Brazilian cinema has all but completely degraded to always be about favelas.

No, not even Rio, made by a Brazilian, escapes it. Most of the problem with that one comes precisely from the title. The international vision of Brazil is Rio. The 5th largest country in the world, and it is always reduced to this one city that is arguably the whole country at its worst of worst.

The only case that I think can actually come to change this vision in the near future is Max Payne 3. As long as I'm proven right that most of what was shown so far was thanks to Marketing being ungodly stupid and misreading what the target audience would find compelling... so, Marketing being Marketing, basically. The number 1 reason why it might actually work? IT IS NOT SET IN FREAKING RIO.

 

[SOCIALCONSTRUCT]

Bob doesn't like this movie because all the characters remind him of people that picked on him in high school.

 

[PunkRex]

As Bob says, it spits on the South American capital

FYI, Rio is not the capital of Brazil.

HAH your right, you learn something every day. To be honest I know that Rio does have a big crime problem but the idea that one man runs it all is kind of dumb, not to mention I saw that Chris Ryan documentary thingy with BOPE which was awesome. There was no need for the Americans to get invovled, BOPE would have wrecked poor Vins shit up. The movie mocks the goverments efforts and the expert soldiers more then anything simply by ignoring them.

 

[Mister Linton]

Far be it from me to defend Bob, (we all know he likes to insult people who disagree with him in a very childish fashion) but I took the "Avengers for Douchebags" to be aimed at the characters, not the audience.

 

[SandroTheMaster]

HAH your right, you learn something every day. To be honest I know that Rio does have a big crime problem but the idea that one man runs it all is kind of dumb, not to mention I saw that Chris Ryan documentary thingy with BOPE which was awesome. There was no need for the Americans to get invovled, BOPE would have wrecked poor Vins shit up. The movie mocks the goverments efforts and the expert soldiers more then anything simply by ignoring them.

Really? Then try to get your hands on "Tropa de Elite (Elite Squad)" and the sequel. Both are action movies (the second is more of a thriller/drama though) about BOPE that are quite visceral and approach the theme with some interesting degree of insight (like addressing the fact that violence generates more violence... most Brazilians didn't get that one though).

Oh, and as an added bonus the second one will teach you what is and show you the capital of Brazil. I'm a proud resident in it... but no, I'm not a politician, you Brazilians out there.

 

[WorldCritic]

Family
Loyalty
Honor
Cars
Cars
Cars
Import Cars
Caaaaaaaaars

That's one of the best things I've heard all day.

 

[Canadish]

I'll be honest, it seems to me that as time goes on a lot of the guys doing videos for The Escapist tend to be agressively turning them into rant and attack pieces, rather than focusing on geek culture.

I am unsure if it's because of Yahtzee's enduring popularity, when he's famous because due to being "offensive", because they have gotten arrogant due to the increasing exposure and attention "The Escapist" itself is getting, or what.

To be honest, I did doubtlessly misinterpet his target a bit, but I was still fairly surprised to notice Shamus calling people idiots in a professionaly produced column. While Bob has his moments of normality, it seems with increasing frequency he seems to be going after the audience and sharing his opinion on various groups of people, rather than focusing on the movies themselves and the actors within them. I'd point a finger at his criticisms of the people who would like a movie like "The Expendables", and the demographic he believes Vin Diesel appealed to in the first "Fast And The Furious" movie. Not to mention the commentary about the treatment of Brazil, presumably because it's a backwards country being treated as a backwards country which isn't politically correct nowadays. I point to things like the old Escapist article "Nation Of Pirates" which went into video game piracy in Brazil, how it's tied to organuized crime, and how powerful organized crime is in that nation, operating overtly enough where criminal syndicates go so far as to buy and operate their own shopping malls. While action movies are always an exagerration, running into crime syndicates that virtually run the country and operate fairly openly with powe over the society itself doesn't exactly strike me as being totally out of line or offensive in characterization.

If I had to pick a point where I think "The Escapist" started to have problems, I'd probably go back to "Just Cause 2" a while back, with the comments in a published review about how refreshing it was to have a non-white hero, and involving a crack about how slow the Black Market mechanics were "but then again, it's not rhe white market". I can't say that was the tipping point, and it's been gradual, but it seems that since then I've noticed that all of the writers want to be edgy by occasionally pushing buttons for what is probably no other reason than pushing buttons.

Could Bob has expressed the same sentiments in another, less offensive fashion? Could Shamus have conveyed the essence of his point about thinking it's stupid to metabomb a game over DLC, without using the term "idiot" even if that's what he thought? I think they could have, and I think it's a sign of professionalism. As time goes on, I think The Escapist is gradually being morphed into a sort of network of personality cults more than anything.

... and yes, the irony of me saying this with some of the things I say and the way I say them is not lost on me. But then again, I'm also not being given my own feature that I'm being paid for. I'm a user, and not affiliated with the site itself even if some people have told me I'm more famous than I give myself credit for. If I ever WAS paid by someone to write professionally (unlikely with my english skills) I'd wind up saying a lot of things differantly.

It's sort of like how when I was in security, I might tell my boss/co-workers how I shut off some drunken dirtbag who was harassing a waitress, and how they might want to keep an eye on him because it seems like he's such an obsessive gambler that he at some point dropped a load in his pants and stinks like his own feces, and consider walking him off the floor if he doesn't stagger off on his own or go back to gambling (money is all important) by way of a heads up. In my report for the incident however which is on file, and to be professionally presented, I am not going to use terms like "dirtbag" and elaboration about the condition he was in that is possibly relevent to the job is not going to be included, unless I am ALSO responsible for walking him off the floor later, then it would be in THAT report and would state it in a professional fashion, intended to not be offensive or judgemental, because that reflects on the casino if someone checks those records for something like a court case.

You know what, your dead right. I was thinking something similar myself.

I know what Moviebob is like.
I know the rest of news editors are like.

But what surprised me was Shamus. He always seemed truly bright. Never resorted to insulting people.
Ironically his article was about choosing the wrong targets to attack.
And that's exactly what he was doing.

 

[SandroTheMaster]

But what surprised me was Shamus. He always seemed truly bright. Never resorted to insulting people.
Ironically his article was about choosing the wrong targets to attack.
And that's exactly what he was doing.

Come now. A man does something harsh or controversial one time, a mortal man, and you'll forever dismiss him?

I too found that article to be ill-advised, but I'll give people the benefit of the doubt and forgive a misstep every now and again. It happens, we're people, we will get a bit too much vocal about a subject every now and then. It is expected, actually, or we might be suspected of being robots or something.

 

[Srdjan Tanaskovic]

This is exactly what I'm talking about. I actually really liked what they were doing with the special effects, going for obvious unreality instead of pseudo-realism, and the directing served the whole thing very well, never letting the any sequence overstay its welcome

Also, how am I "foiling" myself by saying that it did poorly because it is the exact opposite of everything that is popular at the moment, both with general audiences and critics..

I think that what the other guy wanted to say is that the CGI is bad

as in you can really tell it's CGI

The acting isn't bad, the actors just aren't playing the understated, trying-to-be-realistic characters which dominate modern cinema (not that there's anything wrong with that, it's an improvement on a lot of shit from the '70s), they're playing blatantly absurd characters from a terrible cartoon in an utterly ridiculous world and they did an excellent job at that.

know what you are saying here? it sounds like you are saying that the acting is supposed to be

but that doesn't meant it have to be bad

Also, how am I "foiling" myself by saying that it did poorly because it is the exact opposite of everything that is popular at the moment, both with general audiences and critics..

Saying that something failed because it's not mainstream ....well I just find that to be very stupid

was Buried, Paranormal Activity, Kick Ass and Zombieland mainstream?

 

[Canadish]

But what surprised me was Shamus. He always seemed truly bright. Never resorted to insulting people.
Ironically his article was about choosing the wrong targets to attack.
And that's exactly what he was doing.

Come now. A man does something harsh or controversial one time, a mortal man, and you'll forever dismiss him?

I too found that article to be ill-advised, but I'll give people the benefit of the doubt and forgive a misstep every now and again. It happens, we're people, we will get a bit too much vocal about a subject every now and then. It is expected, actually, or we might be suspected of being robots or something.

Oh certainly not! Don't misunderstand, I know smart people say daft things all the time, they're human, as you say. And it's a damn good thing they are.

It would take ALOT more then that to make me dismiss ol' Shamus Young. I just think it was a bit of strong statement to make.
Kinda like how you thought my post was...theres a double dose of irony for us
But yeah, it just seemed odd for Shamus, I respect what that guy has to say, I know he's still himself though.

Though as the poster before me said, I just seems to be becoming an Escapist trend. That's the bigger issue really.

 

[illas]

An American using "bloody" in the British way as a pejorative term = absolute win.
GG, sir.

And is Transformers 3 really being referred to as TF3?
I hope there are lots of hats.

 

[OutforEC]

This kind of ignorance is especially galling for a reviewer who is meant to be impartial and to judge a film by it's merits and not by the things you associate it with.

He did judge it on its merits, and found it lacking. Also, perhaps you're confused over the term 'critic', for a critic is not supposed to be impartial. A critic's primary job is to pass judgement on something, and subjectivity is necessary in order to do that.

I'm sorry to disagree but in an age of angry reviewing and such you forget that reviewers are meant to be impartial and judge a piece of work on it's own, they can use comparisons to past work etc but that should not affect the score of the product they are reviewing. They can bring predujices of course they are only human but they should not wear them on their sleve like Bob does it makes them seem unprofesional and biased.

Critic - a person who judges, evaluates, or analyzes literary or artistic works, dramatic or musical performances, or the like, especially for a newspaper or magazine.

Judge - to form a judgment or opinion of; decide upon critically.

Critics are not meant to be impartial. In order to critique something, one must make judgements as to the merits and faults of the thing being critiqued, and as such must form an opinion of the subject matter. This is not news, this is not journalism; this is one person's critique and should be treated as such.

Also I heavily disagree that he said anything that was wrong with this particular film, all I heard was him ragging on the franchise. Only once did he use an example from this film refering to a fight which he bashed because people may enjoy a Vin/Rock fight not judging it on how it was filmed or the choreography and so on. He may of mentioned others but it was so drowned out by him insulting the films audience (which includes me) that any possible well made point became moot.

"...draws the attention of the Rock leading what appears to be a crack FBI wetworks squad exclusively devoted to hunting down streetrace punks for some reason."

"...In the Fast and the Furious universe, being reasonably good at driving an import car suddenly turns you into an unstoppable adamantium-boned ninja capable of outrunning, outfighting and outshooting an entire army."

"There are two big crazy chase scenes at the beginning and end that are pretty good..."

"Just another mediocre, uninspired action sequel..."

Maybe we only see what we want to, but I saw many more points touched upon than your one "Rock vs. Diesel" fight scene.

 

[SemiHumanTarget]

While I'm sure I would totally agree with this review if I actually went and saw the movie, I wish you would give action movies a fair shake once in a while. Yeah, they're not cinema gold, but a lot of work goes into making those action scenes look cool - and if our geek kin can overlook the horrible storylines and voice acting in video games, why can't we do the same for movies?

Sorry, but I think panning brainless action movies just because douchebags like them went out of style, and liking old movies just because they're from some bygone supposedly "better" era doesn't make you cool anymore. Hipsters long ago infiltrated that crowd and destroyed it.

 

[SandroTheMaster]

He always seemed truly bright. Never resorted to insulting people.

I hope you can see how "He always seemed truly bright" can look like an ultimatum assessment.

 

[PunkRex]

HAH your right, you learn something every day. To be honest I know that Rio does have a big crime problem but the idea that one man runs it all is kind of dumb, not to mention I saw that Chris Ryan documentary thingy with BOPE which was awesome. There was no need for the Americans to get invovled, BOPE would have wrecked poor Vins shit up. The movie mocks the goverments efforts and the expert soldiers more then anything simply by ignoring them.

Really? Then try to get your hands on "Tropa de Elite (Elite Squad)" and the sequel. Both are action movies (the second is more of a thriller/drama though) about BOPE that are quite visceral and approach the theme with some interesting degree of insight (like addressing the fact that violence generates more violence... most Brazilians didn't get that one though).

Oh, and as an added bonus the second one will teach you what is and show you the capital of Brazil. I'm a proud resident in it... but no, I'm not a politician, you Brazilians out there.

Sounds like a plan, i'll give erm a looksie wooksie.

 

[OtherSideofSky]

This is exactly what I'm talking about. I actually really liked what they were doing with the special effects, going for obvious unreality instead of pseudo-realism, and the directing served the whole thing very well, never letting the any sequence overstay its welcome

Also, how am I "foiling" myself by saying that it did poorly because it is the exact opposite of everything that is popular at the moment, both with general audiences and critics..

I think that what the other guy wanted to say is that the CGI is bad

as in you can really tell it's CGI

The acting isn't bad, the actors just aren't playing the understated, trying-to-be-realistic characters which dominate modern cinema (not that there's anything wrong with that, it's an improvement on a lot of shit from the '70s), they're playing blatantly absurd characters from a terrible cartoon in an utterly ridiculous world and they did an excellent job at that.

know what you are saying here? it sounds like you are saying that the acting is supposed to be

but that doesn't meant it have to be bad

Also, how am I "foiling" myself by saying that it did poorly because it is the exact opposite of everything that is popular at the moment, both with general audiences and critics..

Saying that something failed because it's not mainstream ....well I just find that to be very stupid

was Buried, Paranormal Activity, Kick Ass and Zombieland mainstream?

1. That's my point, they're using CGI to create obviously impossible and cartoonish effects rather than attempting a passable counterfeit of reality. I find this interesting, others may disagree. Visual style is, after all, a matter of preference. I would not, therefore, say that the CGI is "bad" because it looks exactly how they wanted it to, but that doesn't mean other people need to like it.

2. I don't think that it's bad. I think that it's deliberately overplayed instead of the much more understated, realistic style which is generally preferred in modern film. Once again, they achieved what they were going for admirably but it is not to everyone's tastes and there's nothing wrong with that.

3. I wouldn't know, I haven't seen any of those movies, although I've been meaning to get around to it. My argument is not that it wasn't "mainstream", but rather that the audience it was marketed to likes pretty much exactly the opposite of what it is. In other words, the people who went to see it didn't like it and most of the people who would have liked it didn't see it because it was produced as a big summer blockbuster and it isn't in line with what people want in that kind of movie right now. If you're wondering, the people who I think would like Speed Racer are probably about the same group that likes all the old Shaw Brothers movies from Hong Kong.

Once again, I wouldn't call it "bad" because it achieves everything it attempts perfectly, and "bad", to me, denotes a failure to be what it wanted to be. That said, it's definitely a movie with a mostly niche appeal and I can definitely understand why a lot of people don;t like it. If you want realistic, three-dimensional characters, complex narrative arcs and important messages or questions, Speed Racer is definitely not the movie for you. If you want viking race car driver assassins, black pajama clad ninja, cartoonishly evil villains and absurd visuals, this is probably your holy grail. A lot of people would call it a "turn your brain off" movie, but I would argue that it only really works if you keep your brain on and appreciate exactly how absurd everything happening on screen is at any given time.

 

[Grey_Focks]

Alright Vin Diesal, you are a pretty cool guy. You play D&D and founded your own goddam game developer to make those pretty good "chronicles of riddick" games, one of the few examples of license games not sucking. And hell, "Pitch Black" was an awesome movie! And you were in "Saving Private Ryan" and "The Iron Giant"!

...so why the hell can't you be in something I actually give a damn about nowadays? Please? Personally, I think you should've kept your original name (Mark Vincent, I think?) instead of that pretty stupid stage name you carry about nowadays. It just makes you sound like a porn star.

 

[SandroTheMaster]

In case anyone is wondering, here's the Pixar formula:

1. The protagonist is a quirky/cranky yet likable character who has a problem related to working with others. Woody - Can't share the spotlight with Buzz. Flik - his inventions are regarded as a hazard to the colony. Mr. Incredible - Can't have a normal work life. Carl - Can't stand people. Wall-E - Doesn't have anyone around to work with. Remy - His culinary tastes (as in, the fact that he has any) makes him an outcast among his kind. Lightning McQueen - Believes the only person (errr... car) he needs in his life is himself. Marlin - Overprotective about Nemo. Sulley - Takes his best friend Mike for granted.

2. Something happen and the protagonist has to travel to rescue someone/find a way to save his group/escape his life.

3. In the new environment the protagonist bunches up and allies with, at some point, with a group of outcasts/befriends a single outcast (The Incredible's might be the one to break this, but they do team up with his old friend in the very end).

4. A secret is revealed, everyone is angry at the protagonist (or the protagonist is angry at someone).

5. After the secret is revealed, the movie stops in its tracks for 10-20 minutes.

6. Everyone realizes the secret isn't important in the end and make friends again.

7. The first plan to take out the evil villain/solve the final problem fails miserably.

8. The hero finds it is up to him to save everybody. Usually, everybody could fight the problem themselves but usually they don't because they never thought to attack it/solve it together.

9. The villain is given a last chance to back out. He refuses (Wall-E AUTO is more of a stoic program that can't possibly do otherwise, Ratatouille hasn't really got a villain, unless you count the chefs... those are given a speech and still decide to leave).

10. The hero uses something he learned to take on the problem/villain.

11. At some point the protagonist finds a way to solve his people problems, etc... and is a different character by the end of the movie.