Voting is now over. Thank you all for participating.
Each has an answer to the question "Why should I vote for you?" as well as a poster and a video. I know it looks like a wall of text, but believe me it's worth reading. Also, this poll will be open until Saturday the 23rd at 11:59 Pacific Time.
[hr][HEADING=2]Rain's Purple Reign[/HEADING]
A lot of people have been stalking on the question of why should we vote for PurpleRain? Well, it has been worded more as, "Oh god! Not the Ratpeople! Please, let my family live and let me be the Ratmen breeding host instead!" This is before their delicate mind snaps and they manically laugh as their families are turned into playthings for the inbred ratslaves. Ok, I'm getting sidetracked again.
Offical Purple Reign Campaign Video [http://www.grapheine.com/classiktv/index.php?module=see&lang=uk&code=a791e1cd7b4689911defb2398ed0aefc]
'Why should your Joe Average vote for me?' There are many reasons for this. Firstly you will go into becoming a bigger project. As I am elected, the floodgates will be opened and my powers, pent up for so long, will be unleashed upon this world. Countries and races will fall under my iron foot. Combined with the divine powers of the Elder gods barely a child will go unsacrificed. 'Well that's good and all, but what does it have to do with me?' Not a lot really. I mean this is for my own personal gain, but what it does affect is that, as I grow more prosperous, so does my entire reign meaning, that everyone will benefit, as each country is broken, thus making working conditions better, and so will speed up our overall progress on mass stockpiling weapons and so on. Basically, the harder you work, the quicker the process of World Domination, the better life will become.
Other benefits of why you should vote for me; I have free dental care. Armitage Shanks, Sir Grand High Dentist Boss-Man, has just undergone an upgrade in which his hammer has been upgraded to the Sledgewacker 9000 and everyone was forced to have at least one examination. Teeth have been sent flying in every direction and much joy was had. 'But I enjoy eating and biting things.' Well bite no longer my friend for all your meals consist on healthy ground up ratpeople and human slaves. With new medical science we have broken down many barriers that the Geneva Convention set up. Weren't rules meant to be broken? We have breed human embryos into a giant Ratqueen-like womb to which has been squirting out many sub-human Rat things. Born at the ripe age of 25, the young, old and weak will be ground up as food leaving the strong to toil. Soon humans will cease to exist instead leaving the planet bare for the Ratpeople to constantly slave under my undying power! Speaking of medical science, we also have a free health care system monitored under our doctor of medical science, The_Toe_Bighter98. I'm not entirely sure what happens in there but I have seen much progress through strange creatures that are a shameful parodies of man.
'But I don't like this wasteland you created. I want out!' Well too bad my friend. Every member that votes for me need think no long. We have just recently invented a new machine that extracts the different chemicals in your brain that makes you think, reason, laugh or feel love. However a common side effect is constant pain for the rest of your miserable life. But so what? It's not like you're going to care. We just ask of you to not drool on the weapons.
As you can see, there are many reasons to choose us over the other 'candidates' but it really boils down to one simple, easy answer:
If you don't, you dead. You dead in a pit!
Thank you and Shub-Niggurtah bless you!
Vote For A Better Reign; Vote PurpleRain because all is wrong with the world.
[hr][HEADING=2]J. Galt Incorporated[/HEADING]
*
Official Video [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zlBMxR4WXAI]
People of the Escapist, it is I, John Galt. For several weeks now, you've seen me peddle my cause to you. You've seen the posters, the speeches, the hateful tirades and attack ads. Today, I submit my speech for your consideration. I hope you'll make the right choice Escapists, your lives are depending on it.
Why vote for me? A vote for John Galt is a vote for the candidate who appeals to the everyman and the overman! My opponents will offer you unity at the barrel of a gun or at the end of a rat-man's claw, but I, John Galt, stand resolute for freedom! I stand for letting each member of the Escapist become a brilliant light, shining in the gloom of the Internets! I seek not your subservience, only your cooperation! With a healthy dose of the competitive spirit, our web-site can become a glorious place. It will be a wondrous utopia, a land where every man, woman, and child is united in their pursuit of happiness and great lulz.
How do I plan to accomplish such a lofty goal? A simple, time honored concept: Privatization. Through minimal regulation of the populace, we will achieve utopia. You wake up one fine morning and decide that you'll relate to the other forumers how you hilariously kicked someone off a bus? Well than damn it, there will be a forum for you! You want to discuss the finer points of deontological ethics versus a teleological world-view? Well then, you'll have your board. I propose laissez-faire foruming, the only rational solution to the problem of Internet trolls. The site will be divided up into boards where only relevant topics are discussed, from gaming, to philosophy, to the best way to plant drugs in your neighbor's car. You want a board for trolling? Got it. You want a board for rational discussion? Already done. You want a board for role-playing? Guess what? It's there!
I know what you're thinking, "Gee John, that seems like a breeding ground for the retard filth of 4chan!". However, I've got a great plan for that too. You see, our current membership for the most part is made up of intelligent, well read people, and damn it, that's how it'll stay. No longer will we get the rejects of the Internet showing up to discuss Zero Punctuation and OMG CONSOEL WARZ! No, our dear forums will be hidden from the world. The current platter of threads strung up on the front page will be removed, and Rules 1 and 2 will be enforced. Only a small link will be found in the corner, its color adjusted to blend in with the ad-of-the-week in our background. Registration will be carried out through an application letter sent to a board of mods, it will be they who decide who shall enter this fine land.
Once inside the hallowed walls of the Escapist, you shall find a refuge. You will be free to see as much mind-scarring filth as you want or not at all if you choose. To each, their own, I say. We will be free to do what we want within the limits of our own boards. Leave your morals and standards at the door. For should you venture into the cruder sections of the Escapist, you shall find some of the foulest things about. We will respect the tastes of some of our more troll-friendly members.
"But Galt! That's all just a bunch of policy gibberish! I came to these elections for the role-play!" the masses shout. Don't worry, I shall build a better world for that as well. While Mobius will have some cheesy Star Wars rip-off and Rain has that bottomless pit of rape and unpleasantness, I promise you a brighter world. A world run not by tyrants and elder gods, but one run by men. Think, Galt's Gulch if Atlas Shrugged was a little less depressing and heartless. That shall be our new world. A world where the under-achieving will be turned into zombie slaves for our own benefit. Through the powers of automation and recent advances in zombie control and containment, manual labor will become a thing of the past! Robotic airships will be ready to whisk you to any part of the Escapist you choose. Crewed by a few of the more intelligent undead, their minds will serve as wonderful transmitters while radio commands are sent out from Galt Industries Transit Hub.
Economic freedom coupled with this cheap labor force will lead to a golden age! J. Galt Inc. will run the Escapist with little need for police. Should unrest get to the point of endangering my share-holders, the economy shall be thrown into the shitter and take all you damn dissidents down with it.
Should my opponents win out, you will be fed you a twisted version of their already unworkable promises. While Mobius thinks his rule will be taken seriously as he hides behind his star ships, it will be nothing compared to the illusion of freedom the Central Bank of the Escapist is willing to parade in front of you. On its best days, the Escapist will shine like a beacon of hope into the Internet, showing that capitalism does work! On the dark days when the power of the opposition parties grow, then the stock markets will run red with debt, loans will be called in, all to be paid back to the Central Bank. Those who dare stand against the democratically elected leader will find themselves penniless and in line for zombification.
Rain will try to unify you under the banner of his elder god Stub-Somethingorother, but the brilliant psychologists at J. Galt Inc. know that you all can be united under the sign of the dollar. We plan to appeal to the natural human emotion of greed to build a new world. I shall incite the Escapist to a competitive frenzy! The lust for power within the new regime will bring about a golden age of trolling and prosperity! Think of the things you can do, Escapists! We can become the greatest trolls in the history of the Interwebs if we just find the courage to do so! So I implore you, take up your keyboards, my countrymen, sniff out every single den of serious business, every lair of unwarranted self importance! Do not rest until those frequenting the horrid sites realize that this is the Internet, where nothing is sacred, and everything is a target! Do not cease until your drinking horn runneth over with lulz!
The old schemes my opponents plan to use are simply too bland. They all involve overwhelming military strength and have been repeated countless times before, most to unsuccessful results. Surely you dream of a new brand of fascist? Someone willing to try new methods to get his message across, someone with the moral flexibility of Nietzsche, the irrational rage of Ayn Rand, and the lust for power seen only since the times of Stalin! "Who is this someone?", you shout to the heavens. "Who is he that will lead us to the bountiful future?", your haggard voices sound from the dens of the poor. "Who is the man with the balls to put 4chan to shame?", the questions spout forth from your lips like a torrent of water onto a rising inferno, futile in its effort to quench the blaze of your curiosity. Amidst the chaos of this election, I shall look down from the deck of my airship and answer your question with one of my own:
"Who is John Galt?"
[hr][HEADING=2]Sith Democratic Party[/HEADING]
Official Video [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g10KlLmbK8o]
My fellow Escapists,
It gives me great pleasure to stand here and tell you about all of the wonderful things I would like to do for you, the Escapists. By now, I am sure that you have heard of my promise to bring you all the Cookies and Beer that you can eat and drink. Also, I am sure that you have heard about my promise to buy you a Supercar if you vote for me. And I seriously doubt that I need to tell you about my intention to put a pool in every yard, open space and building.
But there is so much more that I can do for you besides just a pool and a Supercar. I also promise to bring you stability, troll protection, and the most unified government of all the candidates. I have a fleet of 20 Star Destroyers and 2 Super Star Destroyers that I keep on hand in a secret location to protect my assets. I happen to consider the Earth my home port, and as such, I have placed a protective squadron of Four Star Destroyers in orbit around the planet to protect it from invasion. I also have the only running mate who has promised not to overthrow the Duly Elected Government. Jallil Vlos is not only my running mate, but my Fiancee. She has sworn to protect me and my government from all enemies foreign and domestic.
As a survivor of the horrible troll GEMS' onslaught, I know better than most the importance of a good defensive strategy. I promise to make the Escapist a Troll free environment, while making this a haven of intellectual thought and discussion.
I am also the only family friendly candidate on the ballot. I have not only a Fiancee, but a daughter. My highest priority will be to make sure that people on the Escapist are capable of forming cogent and intelligent sentences and using them to properly state their thoughts and conclusions in a debate.
My first platform was the elimination of Reality TV, and the execution of all Reality TV stars in a glorious final episode of The REAL WORLD. The stars will be forced to duel each other to the death in a cage full of man eating tigers. At the end of the series, I will enact legislation that prohibits the production of any Future reality TV shows. Violation of this law will be punishable by death.
I also promise that I will bring peace to the world and unite it under the banner of THE ESCAPIST. I hope that one day soon I can serve you as your duly elected Escapist President.
Darth Mobius: The Intelligent choice for a more Intelligent Future.
[hr]Editor's Note: I have to spell fiancee incorrectly to satisfy The Escapist's hate of accents, so don't blame Mobius.
Larenxis says: "And Saskwatch doesn't get one, because he doesn't really count. (Muah-ha-ha, you'll never call me Larry again!)"
Each has an answer to the question "Why should I vote for you?" as well as a poster and a video. I know it looks like a wall of text, but believe me it's worth reading. Also, this poll will be open until Saturday the 23rd at 11:59 Pacific Time.
[hr][HEADING=2]Rain's Purple Reign[/HEADING]
A lot of people have been stalking on the question of why should we vote for PurpleRain? Well, it has been worded more as, "Oh god! Not the Ratpeople! Please, let my family live and let me be the Ratmen breeding host instead!" This is before their delicate mind snaps and they manically laugh as their families are turned into playthings for the inbred ratslaves. Ok, I'm getting sidetracked again.
Offical Purple Reign Campaign Video [http://www.grapheine.com/classiktv/index.php?module=see&lang=uk&code=a791e1cd7b4689911defb2398ed0aefc]
'Why should your Joe Average vote for me?' There are many reasons for this. Firstly you will go into becoming a bigger project. As I am elected, the floodgates will be opened and my powers, pent up for so long, will be unleashed upon this world. Countries and races will fall under my iron foot. Combined with the divine powers of the Elder gods barely a child will go unsacrificed. 'Well that's good and all, but what does it have to do with me?' Not a lot really. I mean this is for my own personal gain, but what it does affect is that, as I grow more prosperous, so does my entire reign meaning, that everyone will benefit, as each country is broken, thus making working conditions better, and so will speed up our overall progress on mass stockpiling weapons and so on. Basically, the harder you work, the quicker the process of World Domination, the better life will become.
Other benefits of why you should vote for me; I have free dental care. Armitage Shanks, Sir Grand High Dentist Boss-Man, has just undergone an upgrade in which his hammer has been upgraded to the Sledgewacker 9000 and everyone was forced to have at least one examination. Teeth have been sent flying in every direction and much joy was had. 'But I enjoy eating and biting things.' Well bite no longer my friend for all your meals consist on healthy ground up ratpeople and human slaves. With new medical science we have broken down many barriers that the Geneva Convention set up. Weren't rules meant to be broken? We have breed human embryos into a giant Ratqueen-like womb to which has been squirting out many sub-human Rat things. Born at the ripe age of 25, the young, old and weak will be ground up as food leaving the strong to toil. Soon humans will cease to exist instead leaving the planet bare for the Ratpeople to constantly slave under my undying power! Speaking of medical science, we also have a free health care system monitored under our doctor of medical science, The_Toe_Bighter98. I'm not entirely sure what happens in there but I have seen much progress through strange creatures that are a shameful parodies of man.
'But I don't like this wasteland you created. I want out!' Well too bad my friend. Every member that votes for me need think no long. We have just recently invented a new machine that extracts the different chemicals in your brain that makes you think, reason, laugh or feel love. However a common side effect is constant pain for the rest of your miserable life. But so what? It's not like you're going to care. We just ask of you to not drool on the weapons.
As you can see, there are many reasons to choose us over the other 'candidates' but it really boils down to one simple, easy answer:
If you don't, you dead. You dead in a pit!
Thank you and Shub-Niggurtah bless you!
Vote For A Better Reign; Vote PurpleRain because all is wrong with the world.
[hr][HEADING=2]J. Galt Incorporated[/HEADING]
Official Video [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zlBMxR4WXAI]
People of the Escapist, it is I, John Galt. For several weeks now, you've seen me peddle my cause to you. You've seen the posters, the speeches, the hateful tirades and attack ads. Today, I submit my speech for your consideration. I hope you'll make the right choice Escapists, your lives are depending on it.
Why vote for me? A vote for John Galt is a vote for the candidate who appeals to the everyman and the overman! My opponents will offer you unity at the barrel of a gun or at the end of a rat-man's claw, but I, John Galt, stand resolute for freedom! I stand for letting each member of the Escapist become a brilliant light, shining in the gloom of the Internets! I seek not your subservience, only your cooperation! With a healthy dose of the competitive spirit, our web-site can become a glorious place. It will be a wondrous utopia, a land where every man, woman, and child is united in their pursuit of happiness and great lulz.
How do I plan to accomplish such a lofty goal? A simple, time honored concept: Privatization. Through minimal regulation of the populace, we will achieve utopia. You wake up one fine morning and decide that you'll relate to the other forumers how you hilariously kicked someone off a bus? Well than damn it, there will be a forum for you! You want to discuss the finer points of deontological ethics versus a teleological world-view? Well then, you'll have your board. I propose laissez-faire foruming, the only rational solution to the problem of Internet trolls. The site will be divided up into boards where only relevant topics are discussed, from gaming, to philosophy, to the best way to plant drugs in your neighbor's car. You want a board for trolling? Got it. You want a board for rational discussion? Already done. You want a board for role-playing? Guess what? It's there!
I know what you're thinking, "Gee John, that seems like a breeding ground for the retard filth of 4chan!". However, I've got a great plan for that too. You see, our current membership for the most part is made up of intelligent, well read people, and damn it, that's how it'll stay. No longer will we get the rejects of the Internet showing up to discuss Zero Punctuation and OMG CONSOEL WARZ! No, our dear forums will be hidden from the world. The current platter of threads strung up on the front page will be removed, and Rules 1 and 2 will be enforced. Only a small link will be found in the corner, its color adjusted to blend in with the ad-of-the-week in our background. Registration will be carried out through an application letter sent to a board of mods, it will be they who decide who shall enter this fine land.
Once inside the hallowed walls of the Escapist, you shall find a refuge. You will be free to see as much mind-scarring filth as you want or not at all if you choose. To each, their own, I say. We will be free to do what we want within the limits of our own boards. Leave your morals and standards at the door. For should you venture into the cruder sections of the Escapist, you shall find some of the foulest things about. We will respect the tastes of some of our more troll-friendly members.
"But Galt! That's all just a bunch of policy gibberish! I came to these elections for the role-play!" the masses shout. Don't worry, I shall build a better world for that as well. While Mobius will have some cheesy Star Wars rip-off and Rain has that bottomless pit of rape and unpleasantness, I promise you a brighter world. A world run not by tyrants and elder gods, but one run by men. Think, Galt's Gulch if Atlas Shrugged was a little less depressing and heartless. That shall be our new world. A world where the under-achieving will be turned into zombie slaves for our own benefit. Through the powers of automation and recent advances in zombie control and containment, manual labor will become a thing of the past! Robotic airships will be ready to whisk you to any part of the Escapist you choose. Crewed by a few of the more intelligent undead, their minds will serve as wonderful transmitters while radio commands are sent out from Galt Industries Transit Hub.
Economic freedom coupled with this cheap labor force will lead to a golden age! J. Galt Inc. will run the Escapist with little need for police. Should unrest get to the point of endangering my share-holders, the economy shall be thrown into the shitter and take all you damn dissidents down with it.
Should my opponents win out, you will be fed you a twisted version of their already unworkable promises. While Mobius thinks his rule will be taken seriously as he hides behind his star ships, it will be nothing compared to the illusion of freedom the Central Bank of the Escapist is willing to parade in front of you. On its best days, the Escapist will shine like a beacon of hope into the Internet, showing that capitalism does work! On the dark days when the power of the opposition parties grow, then the stock markets will run red with debt, loans will be called in, all to be paid back to the Central Bank. Those who dare stand against the democratically elected leader will find themselves penniless and in line for zombification.
Rain will try to unify you under the banner of his elder god Stub-Somethingorother, but the brilliant psychologists at J. Galt Inc. know that you all can be united under the sign of the dollar. We plan to appeal to the natural human emotion of greed to build a new world. I shall incite the Escapist to a competitive frenzy! The lust for power within the new regime will bring about a golden age of trolling and prosperity! Think of the things you can do, Escapists! We can become the greatest trolls in the history of the Interwebs if we just find the courage to do so! So I implore you, take up your keyboards, my countrymen, sniff out every single den of serious business, every lair of unwarranted self importance! Do not rest until those frequenting the horrid sites realize that this is the Internet, where nothing is sacred, and everything is a target! Do not cease until your drinking horn runneth over with lulz!
The old schemes my opponents plan to use are simply too bland. They all involve overwhelming military strength and have been repeated countless times before, most to unsuccessful results. Surely you dream of a new brand of fascist? Someone willing to try new methods to get his message across, someone with the moral flexibility of Nietzsche, the irrational rage of Ayn Rand, and the lust for power seen only since the times of Stalin! "Who is this someone?", you shout to the heavens. "Who is he that will lead us to the bountiful future?", your haggard voices sound from the dens of the poor. "Who is the man with the balls to put 4chan to shame?", the questions spout forth from your lips like a torrent of water onto a rising inferno, futile in its effort to quench the blaze of your curiosity. Amidst the chaos of this election, I shall look down from the deck of my airship and answer your question with one of my own:
"Who is John Galt?"
[hr][HEADING=2]Sith Democratic Party[/HEADING]
Official Video [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g10KlLmbK8o]
My fellow Escapists,
It gives me great pleasure to stand here and tell you about all of the wonderful things I would like to do for you, the Escapists. By now, I am sure that you have heard of my promise to bring you all the Cookies and Beer that you can eat and drink. Also, I am sure that you have heard about my promise to buy you a Supercar if you vote for me. And I seriously doubt that I need to tell you about my intention to put a pool in every yard, open space and building.
But there is so much more that I can do for you besides just a pool and a Supercar. I also promise to bring you stability, troll protection, and the most unified government of all the candidates. I have a fleet of 20 Star Destroyers and 2 Super Star Destroyers that I keep on hand in a secret location to protect my assets. I happen to consider the Earth my home port, and as such, I have placed a protective squadron of Four Star Destroyers in orbit around the planet to protect it from invasion. I also have the only running mate who has promised not to overthrow the Duly Elected Government. Jallil Vlos is not only my running mate, but my Fiancee. She has sworn to protect me and my government from all enemies foreign and domestic.
As a survivor of the horrible troll GEMS' onslaught, I know better than most the importance of a good defensive strategy. I promise to make the Escapist a Troll free environment, while making this a haven of intellectual thought and discussion.
I am also the only family friendly candidate on the ballot. I have not only a Fiancee, but a daughter. My highest priority will be to make sure that people on the Escapist are capable of forming cogent and intelligent sentences and using them to properly state their thoughts and conclusions in a debate.
My first platform was the elimination of Reality TV, and the execution of all Reality TV stars in a glorious final episode of The REAL WORLD. The stars will be forced to duel each other to the death in a cage full of man eating tigers. At the end of the series, I will enact legislation that prohibits the production of any Future reality TV shows. Violation of this law will be punishable by death.
I also promise that I will bring peace to the world and unite it under the banner of THE ESCAPIST. I hope that one day soon I can serve you as your duly elected Escapist President.
Darth Mobius: The Intelligent choice for a more Intelligent Future.
[hr]Editor's Note: I have to spell fiancee incorrectly to satisfy The Escapist's hate of accents, so don't blame Mobius.
Larenxis says: "And Saskwatch doesn't get one, because he doesn't really count. (Muah-ha-ha, you'll never call me Larry again!)"
Zemalac International post=362.69158.653003 said:
