fairness in relationships

[con70solo]

Now, for the past 3 and a half years I have been dating my gf and throughout that time she would always get jealous or upset if I talked to one of my friends that where girls. So I decided I would just stop talking to them because I love her very much and it would just be easier. Now, i feel like i want to get back in touch with one or two of them and she is getting all upset, but its alright for her to talk to her friends that are guys and not my friends (which i don't mind cause i know they are just friends). I was just wondering what you all thought about it and asking for any advice on the situation, and if any of you all have had any of the same experiances.

 

[Rambling Gentleman]

Well you have been together 3.5 years, so maybe you should address what is the underlying trust issue she has.

 

[Zarokima]

Tell her if you can't have female friends, she can't have male friends. If this blows up in your face, that makes her a jealous, controlling (and likely petty) ***** you should break up with.

 

[MiracleOfSound]

I could never go out with a girl who had a problem with my female friends, you need to tell her not to be so controlling and jealous.

 

[Betancore]

Double standards. Heh. Most of my friends are male, and I wouldn't stop talking to them just because someone I was with had a problem with it. I think it's mainly an issue of trust - maybe she's insecure? Basically you've got to talk to her about it and make sure she understands that you love her and that you trust her around her male friends, so she should trust you around your female friends, unless during those three and a half years you've given her a reason not to.

 

[Penguinness]

Well, yeah you'd need to bring that up with her. I got pissed off just reading that =P

I don't actually have any female friends really, but I'm fairly sure my girlfriend would be alright with it.. I would be mega pissed if she had a problem with it. Mind you since being in the relationship I've been pretty evasive of women.

 

[Jack_Uzi]

The only thing I have to say about it (it's a little late for that now, I guess) is this:
If you knew before you've started the relationship with her there are things you don't like, think if they are worth the while to start a relationship with.
I've heard that though over and over again: When we are together, I think I can change this and that in him/her.
Well, perhaps so. But that is only if the other person is open for that thought. If not, do you still want to be with that person? Trying to change a person by force is, in my opinion, a form of disrespect. Reminds me of a girl that was head over heels for me but thought she could change the person I am/was. I told her right there and then that that wasn't going to work that way.

 

[ViolentlyHappy91]

I feel sorry for you, because that shit was happening to me, and now i've been ditched.

 

[zombiesinc]

That's kind of tough. It's great that you're willing to do something in order to avoid her being uncomfortable, and that you're obviously trusting, but if you don't think that it's fair that she can talk to guys, but you can't talk to girls, then something needs to change. On the other hand, if you're okay with that, then I don't really think it should be an issue.

Compromise is always present in a relationship, what matters if whether or not both people feel it's balanced, or fair. If one person doesn't think something is fair, then it needs to be addressed. If the other person refuses to compromise, or change, then it becomes an issue. Each relationship is different, which is why communication is so important.

So, if this is bothering you, you should tell her. You've been together long enough that she should be able to work through it, and trust that you're simply friends with the girls you talk to. If she can't learn to trust that, then you have another (and much bigger) issue to deal with.

 

[ironduke88]

Well jealous is a kind of natural process in a relationship. It's something that you have to work on. It isn't really her place to say who you can or can't talk to unless you have a history. What you should be working on is making sure that she has no reason to be jealous, always make sure she understands thats she comes first and that you won't do anything to hurt her.
Trust has to be earned, it isn't an implict part of a relationship. Try and find out if there is an underlying insecurity or eason of the excess jealousy and work on it. At least you know she cares enough to be jealous...

 

[EeveeElectro]

I've asked my boyfriend to stop talking to a few of his girl mates because he was flirting with them, I think that's fair. I was absolutely seething when he hugged one of his girl mates a while ago and didn't talk much to him for the day. But I am a crazy *****.
She really needs to give her head a wobble, she should know that relationships involve sacrifices, but she's taking the piss.

 

[BonsaiK]

Now, for the past 3 and a half years I have been dating my gf and throughout that time she would always get jealous or upset if I talked to one of my friends that where girls. So I decided I would just stop talking to them because I love her very much and it would just be easier. Now, i feel like i want to get back in touch with one or two of them and she is getting all upset, but its alright for her to talk to her friends that are guys and not my friends (which i don't mind cause i know they are just friends). I was just wondering what you all thought about it and asking for any advice on the situation, and if any of you all have had any of the same experiances.

I've discussed this in the Relationship Problem thread, at the following link: ----> http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/18.117161-Relationship-problem-thread?page=38#6765449

 

[Blackjack 222]

Find a different girl, that ones not right in the head anyways. Unless your jealous of her male friends in that case stay together.

 

[SonicWaffle]

Drop her. One less of those pointless romantic relationships to worry about in the world.

Edgy and original. Nice ;-)

 

[SonicWaffle]

Drop her. One less of those pointless romantic relationships to worry about in the world.

Edgy and original. Nice ;-)

More just facetious. I'd rather that the Escapist wasn't everybody's dumping ground for relationship problems, though - if I wanted to discuss them, I'd do so in real life, not over the internet, and if I desperately wanted a romantic relationship of my own, I'd probably get up off my arse and go out once in a while, but I can't really be bothered to do that right now.

It's a forum; it's everyone's dumping ground for everything. You don't need to discuss them though, you could just hang out in Religion & Politics, or Gaming Discussion and let people whine about their sucky love lives elsewhere. Maybe we should suggest a new forum section for 'Advice & Complaints'.

 

[Kajt]

Well you have been together 3.5 years, so maybe you should address what is the underlying trust issue she has.

This. Work it out together and get her to trust you more.

 

[child of lileth]

Everyone always has a girlfriend like that at some point. She'll get over it if you talk to them. And honestly, if she breaks up with you for something that pointless (assuming she doesn't get over it) would you really want to be with someone like that anyway? Living your life the way she wants you to? Just something to think about.