Favorite Comeback

[KittywifaMohawk]

So I was just walking to my first period before I heard the stupidest comeback in my life. I've heard it so many times and it just needs to stop. Of course we all know the "your mom" comeback. Well after hearing it, I got to thinking, what would people define as a good comeback?


So Escapist, what's all of your guys' favorite comebacks?
And how would you define a good comeback?


My favorite, well I don't really have a favorite one, I just tend to ignore everyone, that's probably mine.
And a good comeback to me, is when you shend them into shock, and they can't reply, or they stutter and can't think of another thing to say for a few seconds.

 

[rossatdi]

Oh...I thought you mean like a career comeback.

Heard this at a comedy gig:

Heckler: "How do you sleep at night?"
Jim Jefferies: "With you sister."

-

As for definition, I find laconic wit very funny.

One famous example comes from the time of the invasion of Philip II of Macedon.

With key Greek city-states in submission, he turned his attention to Sparta and sent a message: "If I win this war, you will be slaves forever." In another version, Philip proclaims: "You are advised to submit without further delay, for if I bring my army into your land, I will destroy your farms, slay your people, and raze your city."

The Spartan ephors sent back a one word reply: "If."

---

And old Churchill, in response to a woman calling him drunk: "I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly."

 

[Di22y]

Shut your face before I knock your block off, nob scratch!

edit: After contemplation I thought you might take this as my favourite comeback. In actual fact it's directed at you.

 

[Molikroth]

I was in the car with my dad last week, when some cab driver did something to piss him off. I'm not a driver so I don't have a clue what. They rolled down their windows, shouted insults at each other, the cab driver saying "YUR A FANNY!", and though I'm ashamed to admit it, the source of part of my DNA retorted "WELL EN WIT DIZ AT MAKE YOO!".

I died a little inside.

 

[implodingMan]

If I wanted comeback I'd scrape it off your chin.

 

[Sombra Negra]

Me: "You know what I don't get?"
Friend: "Laid?"

Oh SNAP.

 

[jim_doki]

My all time favorite comeback canme from a religion based talkback program i heard on a local radio station:
"I'm sick of hearing you talk down to us like we're idiots for not believing in god!"
"I'm sick of hearing you idiots call me up and telling me how to run MY show instead of moving that little dial a little to the left and listening to some alternative country!"

 

[wewontdie11]

My favourite is "Well I know you are but what am I?". I know it's childish and stupidly lame but it's unbelievable how much you can wind somebody up by saying that over and over again.

 

[L.B. Jeffries]

In order to use this comeback you have to have a pretty loud voice and the self-confidence to deliver it. Beer helps.

"Hey! HEY! Listen, just a second. Can you hear that? No, really, hold on, I'm serious. It's the sound of no one giving a s***."

 

[PureChaos]

Me: "You know what I don't get?"
Friend: "Laid?"

Oh SNAP.

thats awesome, wish i'd been there for that.

one of my friends likes saying 'your face' as a comeback (if anyone can think of something i can say back please let me know)

 

[Molikroth]

my comeback was againts a guy who kept saying he slept with my mum. i showed him, and the phisics class we were in together, a picture of my mun. she is 53, obese, and quite stupid.

How could he see the stupid in the picture? Unless it was of her trying to dig a pop-tart out of the toaster with a knife?

 

[Hunde Des Krieg]

My favourite comeback is a headbut to the face.

One I've lways wanted to deliver, but the chance never comes...

 

[Slayer_2]

no u

 

[Spartan Bannana]

Spartan sent back a one word reply: "If."

Preposterous!
That's my favorite comeback

 

[thebobmaster_v1legacy]

"Sir, if I was your wife, I'd poison that drink!"

"Ma'am, if you were my wife, I'd drink it."

 

[Fruhstuck]

Oh...I thought you mean like a career comeback.

Heard this at a comedy gig:

Heckler: "How do you sleep at night?"
Jim Jefferies: "With you sister."

-

As for definition, I find laconic wit very funny.

One famous example comes from the time of the invasion of Philip II of Macedon.

With key Greek city-states in submission, he turned his attention to Sparta and sent a message: "If I win this war, you will be slaves forever." In another version, Philip proclaims: "You are advised to submit without further delay, for if I bring my army into your land, I will destroy your farms, slay your people, and raze your city."

The Spartan ephors sent back a one word reply: "If."

---

And old Churchill, in response to a woman calling him drunk: "I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly."

Jim Jeffries = legend

Also: another good Churchill one - that same lady was giving him shit in the house of commons and she said "Mr Churchill if i were your wife i would poison your tea!"
His response: "madame, if you were my wife, i would drink it"

My fave comeback atm is when someone says that i look like something negative and i respond: let's not get into who looks like what here"

EDIT: Balls!! thebobmaster beat me to it lol

 

[Evilbunny]

"Nice language, do you kiss your mother with that mouth?"
"No, I kiss yours."

While I was at a party I overheard these people talking.
Some bitchy girl: "Do I look like I give two fucks?"
The guy she was talking to: "You look like you give everybody fucks."

I wish I knew that guy so I could high five him.