Fellas, What would you do?

[AnarchistFish]

She might not have told you cos she was worried about your reaction if she had ie. you dumping her.

I don't see why I'd dump her just for that. Seems a kinda OTT and unnecessary reaction. It's just another job

 

[The Last Nomad]

I'd ask her about it, being a stripper is not a real reason to break up with someone, but their reason for it may well be. And if it makes you uncomfortable I see no reason why you shouldn't ask her to stop.

 

[Darknacht]

She is lieing and stripping that does not sound like good girlfriend material.

I don't think promiscuous means what you think it means . Striper and prostitute isn't the same thing .

I don't think it means what you think it means either. People will define different things as being promiscuous, and I personally would call getting naked for people and dancing on their laps being promiscuous. I am aware of the difference.

Spoiler

Promiscuity, in human sexual behavior, refers to the practice of casual sex with multiple sexual partners.[1] The term can carry a moral judgement and is viewed in the context of the mainstream social ideal for sexual activity to take place within exclusive committed relationships. A common example of behavior viewed as promiscuous within the mainstream social ideals of many cultures is a one night stand.

Straight from wikipedia , also same thing you would find in a dictionary. You can persnally consider it what you want , but it doesn't change what it actually means .

Like the color red is red . You can call it blue if you like , doesn't change the fact that it's red .

Wikipedia is not the font of all human knowledge, and that definition is incorrect. Promiscuous (the word I used, not promiscuity) means 'casual and unrestrained in sexual behaviour', or 'unselective'. Don't presume to lecture me on the definition of a word you need Wikipedia to understand.

right. Because getting a definition for a person who is apparently ignorant , in turn makes me ignorant . Love that logic man . Anyways, i'm done . Have fun changing definitions to your personal liking.

I'm not ignorant, I know the definition of the word 'promiscuous', and just told you what it is. You tried to correct me when I was right all along, and continued to do so. My logic is sound - you jumped in to correct me on the definition of the word promiscuous, but in telling me had to look the word up on Wikipedia yourself, meaning you challenged me on my grasp of the English language without knowing the precise definition of the word you were calling me out on. Bad move.

oh lord...lets just put an end to the whole thing right now...Wikipedia's not a good enough source...alright then...

http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/promiscuous?s=t

pro·mis·cu·ous   [pruh-mis-kyoo-uhs] Show IPA
adjective
1.
characterized by or involving indiscriminate mingling or association, especially having sexual relations with a number of partners on a casual basis.
2.
consisting of parts, elements, or individuals of different kinds brought together without order.
3.
indiscriminate; without discrimination.
4.
casual; irregular; haphazard.

Promiscuous in the way you're trying to use it refers to sexual relations, i.e. actually having sex with someone..A dancer is not necessarily promiscuous, end of.


OT: I've dated a stripper before, they make good money, as others have said the problem would be wondering why she felt the need to hide it, and my reaction would be dependent on the reason

1. characterized by or involving indiscriminate mingling or association

I like how your post contradicts your point.

 

[Gabanuka]

Brag. And then tell her that I'd be upset if she let them get to handsy. Then brag again.

 

[Kraj]

Let's take this hypothetical situation, what would you do if you found out that the girl you've fallen for and been going out with for a while is a stripper? would it be wrong to just dump her and never speak to her again because you judged her before you got to know the situation she's in and offer her support? or do you have the right to break up with her knowing that she did not trust you enough to tell you(in essence making her own judgement) and the thought of all the guys that have seen and touched her would is just unbearable?

Hey there OP, maybe I can help you out a bit here, this is a big experience in my life.
long story short, girl X is an international level model/dream girl, super intelligent, super caring, amazing, we were friends for a decade, finally both asked each other out, la la love land.

unfortunately, i find out she's an international escort more than a model.
She was everything I had ever wanted on a pedestal and I find out that she was not at all the person I thought she was. It wasn't like we weren't close those 10 years, best friend level, but this was something she felt necessary to hide very very well the last few years of our friendship because of her fear that it would ruin her chances with me.

how did it work out? we're no longer together, but that actually had nothing to do with it.
We're not together because in little ways we weren't compatible, throwing someone away because of a past profession, barring something that flies in the face of pro-social, "prostitution OR stripping are NOT anti-social actions at all IMO" then you're not giving them the chance which, situation flipped, I presume we would all want.
between you and me? my ex quit her job for me, supply that as an option, but be respectful about it, and I'll warn you now, if you already look at her with feelings of disgust, she WILL know, and that right there is the most destructive thing anyone can do to anyone else IMO. Disgust is a dangerous, painful, thing.
tl/dr, don't judge her past, judge how she's learned lessons from it for the future, move from there.

 

[Mike Laserbeam]

Wow...
I honestly don't know what I'd do in this situation!

If this happened with my current girlfriend, I would feel totally (if a little unjustly) betrayed. I'm a really jealous person, and I hate the idea of other guys seeing her in a sexual way.
But, I'm totally in love with her, so I don't know if there's anything she could do that I couldn't forgive her for...
And, on a level I'm not proud of, I would totally love to see her dance for me...

 

[the Dept of Science]

She is lieing and stripping that does not sound like good girlfriend material.

I don't think promiscuous means what you think it means . Striper and prostitute isn't the same thing .

I don't think it means what you think it means either. People will define different things as being promiscuous, and I personally would call getting naked for people and dancing on their laps being promiscuous. I am aware of the difference.

Spoiler

Promiscuity, in human sexual behavior, refers to the practice of casual sex with multiple sexual partners.[1] The term can carry a moral judgement and is viewed in the context of the mainstream social ideal for sexual activity to take place within exclusive committed relationships. A common example of behavior viewed as promiscuous within the mainstream social ideals of many cultures is a one night stand.

Straight from wikipedia , also same thing you would find in a dictionary. You can persnally consider it what you want , but it doesn't change what it actually means .

Like the color red is red . You can call it blue if you like , doesn't change the fact that it's red .

Wikipedia is not the font of all human knowledge, and that definition is incorrect. Promiscuous (the word I used, not promiscuity) means 'casual and unrestrained in sexual behaviour', or 'unselective'. Don't presume to lecture me on the definition of a word you need Wikipedia to understand.

right. Because getting a definition for a person who is apparently ignorant , in turn makes me ignorant . Love that logic man . Anyways, i'm done . Have fun changing definitions to your personal liking.

I'm not ignorant, I know the definition of the word 'promiscuous', and just told you what it is. You tried to correct me when I was right all along, and continued to do so. My logic is sound - you jumped in to correct me on the definition of the word promiscuous, but in telling me had to look the word up on Wikipedia yourself, meaning you challenged me on my grasp of the English language without knowing the precise definition of the word you were calling me out on. Bad move.

oh lord...lets just put an end to the whole thing right now...Wikipedia's not a good enough source...alright then...

http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/promiscuous?s=t

pro·mis·cu·ous   [pruh-mis-kyoo-uhs] Show IPA
adjective
1.
characterized by or involving indiscriminate mingling or association, especially having sexual relations with a number of partners on a casual basis.
2.
consisting of parts, elements, or individuals of different kinds brought together without order.
3.
indiscriminate; without discrimination.
4.
casual; irregular; haphazard.

Promiscuous in the way you're trying to use it refers to sexual relations, i.e. actually having sex with someone..A dancer is not necessarily promiscuous, end of.


OT: I've dated a stripper before, they make good money, as others have said the problem would be wondering why she felt the need to hide it, and my reaction would be dependent on the reason

1. characterized by or involving indiscriminate mingling or association

I like how your post contradicts your point.

It's stupid to get caught up on the dictionary definition. What makes the difference is whether YOU feel uncomfortable about it or not. If you feel uncomfortable about her performing strip teases for other men, it doesn't matter if Webster defines that as "promiscuous" or not.

 

[theheroofaction]

My mind would be a bit disappointed to not learn about this until now.
My penis would think it's hot.

From afar however, I think, for once, it'd be more wise to trust the latter.

 

[iLazy]

I'd talk about with her, ask her if she's ever considered a different job, but if she's okay with doing it and likes it, then whatever.

I'm comfortable with the thought of my partner being a stripper. People got to make a living some how, and trust me, there's worse jobs then being a stripper.

 

[SovietSecrets]

I dated a stripper for two months until she took me to a meth park. Was nice up until that point.

 

[Darknacht]

It's stupid to get caught up on the dictionary definition. What makes the difference is whether YOU feel uncomfortable about it or not. If you feel uncomfortable about her performing strip teases for other men, it doesn't matter if Webster defines that as "promiscuous" or not.

I don't care what the definition is, if the definition of promiscuous was to have sex with lots of people she still would be a lier and a stripper. I just thought it was funny that savageoblivi0n contradicted the definition that he gave for the word to make his point. If you accentually read my post it is fairly easy to see that my opinion on whether or not a girl who is a lier and a stripper would make a good girlfriend is in no way dependent on the definition of promiscuous.

 

[BlackStar42]

I would be initially shocked, but if she told me herself, I would try to understand. And ask for some private dances If I found out some other way, I would be hurt and might well break up with her, because that's the sort of thing you should be honest and upfront about.

 

[ElPatron]

Uh, I don't see why you'd dump her, I really don't. I mean, if you get along with her, why would suddenly finding out her career change anything?

I suppose that when you enter a relationship, you know what the other person does for living. If she lied, then why do you feel like you can trust her again?

 

[Uncle Comrade]

I feel there are a couple of points that could use some clarification. Did she outright lie to you about her job, or just not really mention it? How exactly did you find out? Does she know that you know?

As for how I'd react, I'd probably be a bit jealous and uncomfortable initially, but if I cared enough about her, I'd do my best to try and work through it. (Whether I'd be able to or not is a different matter)
My advice would be to talk to her about it, find out why she was secretive about it. Maybe she's embarrassed about it, worried that you'd flip out if you found out. Perhaps she was waiting for 'the right moment' to tell you?
A few others have suggested you check out the place where she works, get a feel for what sort of establishment it is. I think that's not too bad an idea. You might be imagining some seedy back-alley basement, only to find that it's actually a classy place.

At the end of the day, the decision is up to you. If you really can't get comfortable with her stripping, then maybe you should let her go. But I'd still suggest you talk to her about it, let her know that you tried, but you just can't get past it. Don't just go "I ain't dating no stripper, you're dumped!" You never know, she might be willing to give it up.

That's my thoughts on the matter anyway. Whatever you choose, I wish you the best of luck.

 

[orangeban]

Uh, I don't see why you'd dump her, I really don't. I mean, if you get along with her, why would suddenly finding out her career change anything?

I suppose that when you enter a relationship, you know what the other person does for living. If she lied, then why do you feel like you can trust her again?

We don't know she lied, she might just not have told you. You have no right to know what your girlfriend's job is.

And if she did lie, then her reasons for lying matter, what if she felt embarrassed, ashamed or guilty? Should she really be dumped for feeling those things.

 

[Brutal Peanut]

I am not a fella, but I'll answer anyway; since there are male strippers.

I'd be uncomfortable at first and kind of irritated that he kept it from me, that's usually a given. However, I'd be interested enough to ask questions. If he was just dancing, then I could get over it. It's just dancing, naked or semi-naked.

However, if he was the kind who would do 'extra' with random strangers for another handful of bills, I don't think I'd be able to continue the relationship; since at that point he's basically a prostitute. Aaaand that's just too much for me, personally.

 

[ElPatron]

We don't know she lied, she might just not have told you. You have no right to know what your girlfriend's job is.

Sure, if relationships like that work on TV and Hollywood it must work in real life.

Really, if there is a reason for someone not telling you their job, it's because it's not ordinary. You don't tell your job to people online. You don't tell your "real" job if you are a spy. You tell your job to the person you are with.

And if she did lie, then her reasons for lying matter, what if she felt embarrassed, ashamed or guilty? Should she really be dumped for feeling those things.

1. There are reasons for lying - but they only matter if you are not caught. Lying is a break of trust.
2. If she felt "embarrassed, ashamed or guilty" about her job doesn't that mean she isn't comfortable with it?
3. Wow, "she must be dumped for her feelings". No, a person is dumped when they lie or they fuck up really bad. I don't waste my time with liars nor with people that hide stuff like that from me.

Would I date a stripper? I don't know, but if I had knowledge of it then it wouldn't create an unpleasant situation.

If I am dating someone who is stripping and didn't tell me, I have to assume there are other things she might have hidden from me.

C'mon I understand your policy of trusting people and giving a chance, but I have trusted so many people and given so many chances I just prefer to be sour at situations like this. It allows me to move on instead of wasting my time delaying the inevitable.

 

[VoidWanderer]

I would have no problem staying with her. I'd thank her for trusting me with her profession, it's not like many strippers openly admit it, leaving it as 'exotic dancer'.

 

[Smithburg]

I don't think promiscuous means what you think it means . Striper and prostitute isn't the same thing .

I don't think it means what you think it means either. People will define different things as being promiscuous, and I personally would call getting naked for people and dancing on their laps being promiscuous. I am aware of the difference.

Promiscuous: characterized by having sexual relations with a number of partners on a casual basis.

That one is pretty straightforward. But I know what you mean