Female Friendzone?

[Combustion Kevin]

girls dont get 'friend zoned', no self respecting guy would do that to a girl.


we 'bro zone' them.


its hilarious, try it out some time.


"hey derp, heard you were feeling a bit sick so I brought you some soup!"

"thanks bro!"

"wat."

"bro, your just like one of the bro's, bro!"

edit: its hard to get out of the brozone once you get there.

"sorry, bro, not interested, I don't swing that way."

-"so, wait, you're gay?"

"no, but you're my bro, that'd make it gay."

-"I'm a girl!" D:<

"Still my bro."

 

[Schadrach]

In my experience, the kind of timid/awkward guys who can't be upfront enough to get the answers they want are usually not the same ilk whose first desire upon entering a relationship is to get in their partner's pants as soon as physically possible. Chances are if they're that timid and inexperienced they haven't even held hands or kissed before, so they've got quite a few steps to make before they're ready to hop in bed. So first and foremost, can we please stop conflating "getting in a relationship" with "getting in each other's pants?" It really makes a lot of unhelpful and often inaccurate assumptions about the people we're talking about and the situations they're in.

...I was talking about the way this gets responded to, and it is very often put into "getting in her pants" terms. My whole point was that if you *did* choose to try to take time away from them because, well, you're hurt and being around them certainly isn't helping that is how it gets painted -- taking nonzero time to get over such a rejection is treated as "proof" that you were never their friend and were only trying to get in their pants, more or less completely independent of the traits of the guy in question.

People can misread the gestures of others, though, and project their own feelings into their behaviour.
I say this as a someone who has apparently 'misled' several guys by simply being nice to them and talking with them about shared interests.
Because that's apparently 'flirting'...

Some people just give off that vibe. On a former blog I used to read there was a trans woman who complained about that -- apparently everything she does comes off as flirty, at least after she transitioned (the same set of behaviors were apparently very romantically unsuccessful before she transitioned).

People can think XXX, but as long as you know differently, what else matters?

That could have been the motto of my adolescence. It's a lot less helpful than it sounds, including if you think it doesn't sound helpful at all.

 

[gmaverick019_v1legacy]

girls dont get 'friend zoned', no self respecting guy would do that to a girl.


we 'bro zone' them.


its hilarious, try it out some time.


"hey derp, heard you were feeling a bit sick so I brought you some soup!"

"thanks bro!"

"wat."

"bro, your just like one of the bro's, bro!"

edit: its hard to get out of the brozone once you get there.

"sorry, bro, not interested, I don't swing that way."

-"so, wait, you're gay?"

"no, but you're my bro, that'd make it gay."

-"I'm a girl!" D:<

"Still my bro."

haha that was a nice response, all i can think of is that "meth" meme:

"Bros, not even once."

 

[Vladimir Stamenov]

In my experience, the kind of timid/awkward guys who can't be upfront enough to get the answers they want are usually not the same ilk whose first desire upon entering a relationship is to get in their partner's pants as soon as physically possible. Chances are if they're that timid and inexperienced they haven't even held hands or kissed before, so they've got quite a few steps to make before they're ready to hop in bed.

So true. I know the subject isn't the most pleasant, but since I noticed some posts with these comments on 9GAG I've asked some male firends, some who have had and some who, like me, haven't had a girlfriend. When I asekd them if they fapped, to use a more neutral word, while thinking of the object of their affection, most said that they just couldn't and that's my experience too. When you like someone, you first think of them romantically. It's not that you won't notcie their beautiful skin, hair, boobs, ass or whatever, it's just that you know if the time comes for that, you'll see them, but what;s more important is getting to know them. That's how I decide if I like a girl - if I can opnely think about sex with her with details, then I probably jsut find her physically attractive. If I first imagine how we kiss and only that - then it's "fur realz".

 

[cakedcrusader]

I think a lot of the time, when men are put in the "friendzone" it's because they feel like they were entitled to the object of their affections, but when that object - and they are objectified - does not return the feeling, they feel cheated and vindictive and women are often made to feel bad for "friendzoning" guys because the guy has the right to fuck or to love them if he's gone through a checklist first. like, if he's nice to you or bought you something, then he has the right to have you in whatever he wants. Because he bought it.

I've liked guys who didn't like me back and after asking them out, they said they'd rather be friends. To which I just got over and moved on, because it's more responsible, mature and healthy than pining over one person and feeling cheated.

Also, I can't help but feel that if a woman get s friendzoned or whatever it's very much made to be her "fault", as if anyone could be at fault in this scenario, for not being pretty enough or for being too sexual or too slow.

Men who believe in the frienzone are just emotionally stunted entitled little douchebags. Women aren't bought up to believe they have a sense of entitlement - hence the lack of female friendzoned persons.

 

[Spearmaster]

If someone who you have expresses a romantic interest in decides they just want to be friends its up to you weather you want to be "friend zoned" or weather you want to actually be friends with this person, just as they denied your romantic advances you can deny their friendship advances for any reason.

Personally if a girl "says" she wants to be friends I wait for her to make the next contact and see how I feel about it, if and when she does.

If she never calls then that's that. No friendship there.
If she wants to hook you up with one of her friends, OK, maybe not so bad.
If she wants to use you as a date buffer between flings...not friend behavior IMO.
If she only contacts you after a breakup and disappears with her next relationship...nope not gonna happen.
If she just wants some civil conversation that doesn't involve dating or relationships, sounds OK.
The list goes on.

Many of the women I encounter realize I have feelings for them and try to take advantage, I just remember if they are gonna be my "friend" then we are on equal footing, many tell me that Ive changed or I'm acting different. I just tell them "I thought you wanted to be friends". When they realize I'm not gonna buy them dinner or get in my car and pick them up and drop them off anymore they don't seem to want to be friends anymore. I'm sure there is a similar situation for men wanting to "friend zone" women to use them as well.

*disclaimer: This is not how all the relationships with women end up, I have plenty of good friends whom Ive gotten from "just being friends" just remember they have to act like a friend if they want to be your friend. This goes for men and women.

 

[generals3]

I think a lot of the time, when men are put in the "friendzone" it's because they feel like they were entitled to the object of their affections, but when that object - and they are objectified - does not return the feeling, they feel cheated and vindictive and women are often made to feel bad for "friendzoning" guys because the guy has the right to fuck or to love them if he's gone through a checklist first. like, if he's nice to you or bought you something, then he has the right to have you in whatever he wants. Because he bought it.

I've liked guys who didn't like me back and after asking them out, they said they'd rather be friends. To which I just got over and moved on, because it's more responsible, mature and healthy than pining over one person and feeling cheated.

Also, I can't help but feel that if a woman get s friendzoned or whatever it's very much made to be her "fault", as if anyone could be at fault in this scenario, for not being pretty enough or for being too sexual or too slow.

Men who believe in the frienzone are just emotionally stunted entitled little douchebags. Women aren't bought up to believe they have a sense of entitlement - hence the lack of female friendzoned persons.

You have a very negative view of men. Let me just put it out there: no we don't see you as objects, now sure some of us do, but most don't. Just like i suppose most women don't see men as objects. And heck real life facts contradict the notion women are seen as objects. If we saw women as inferior to us than surely you should be the ones put on the front line, what would we lose anyway? Just objects.

Now i know that you didn't make any claims about "men" but the idea that the friendzone is a result of objectification is just plainly silly and doesn't paint a good picture of men. Maybe the complaining about the friendzone actually stems from the fact we care more ? You know, it's easier to get over someone you didn't want that much to begin with. This would result in friendzoning causing less pain and frustration. (see i can do that too)

And since usually people who complain about the friendzone don't seem to be your typically macho jocks i'd say it's safe to assume that the whole meme stems from caring and not douchebaggery. Unless of course caring is being a douchebag and we've been lied to all this time when people told us we should be caring and loving and not smug, macho gigolos who pride themselves of having more sex than bonobos.

Captcha: "Q: which one does not belong A: emo kid." I think captcha is trying to tell me something.

 

[ObsidianJones_v1legacy]

I'm going to put this on top so the people I quote don't think I'm necessarily talking about them.

For the most part, those in this thread who defended against the friend zone usually give women a lot more understanding than they do men. They call the term friendzone as whining, or not being able to get over it, or the like. They suggest if men don't want to be in the friend zone, that they shouldn't have tried to pretend to be friends as a way to get into the woman's pants.

I don't know about anyone else, but my attraction works like this; I see a woman I'm physically attracted to... I don't do anything. Why? Because I don't know anything about their personality. While I do like a physically attractive woman, I don't know anything about her to actually make a connection. So I really can't. And even if I start talking to her, I can't sequester every woman I find physically attractive saying "Hey, I don't know yet, but I might be able to develop romantic feelings for you. so I'm going to talk and learn about you. Maybe I won't see anything and we'll be friends. Best of luck to you".

And for the record, I have more female friends than male friends. And since both parties aren't attracted to each other, we have no boundries. I've often was told that a man got the 'I can only see you as a friend' to be nice and not say the more true 'You do nothing for my vagina'.

And the friendzone term has merit because a lot of women do not have the courage to out right say their feelings. I believe it will be the case that every woman on this thread does, but for my travels it is not the case. A lot of women in my travels allude. They say things as 'friends' because they don't want to be seen as a bad person rejecting a guy based on her wants. So she says a blanket yet direct term that prevents anything else from going on.

If a woman said to me "Obsidian, I'm just not attracted to you" I know I wasn't friendzoned. I just wasn't what she wanted. But knowing what I know from my decades of female friendship and a good majority using allusions to actually prevent feelings from getting hurt... yeah, Friendzone is a thing. For both male cowardice for some men just not wanting to admit the girl just didn't like him, and for female cowardice for some women not wanting to appear bad or deal with someone else's feelings so she just throws out a term instead of saying how she truly feels.

Otherwise known as being rejected.
I just don't think it warrants a special term, especially one that is so often misused.
But I can agree to disagree on this.

I'm sorry, I know you're probably quoted a lot, but I'd like to get this clear. Are you saying that you never even heard of a woman or a man blanketly saying 'friend' when s/he wanted to let someone down, but didn't want to get into all the drama of hurt feelings or feeling bad that s/he rejected a guy or girl? I think that's what most people take the term 'friendzone' to be, and that's the anger most people had.

If a man or woman had the courage to ask someone out directly, what most expect or at least desire is for the recipient of said feelings to at least treat them like they matter. Direct and honest, even if it's messy. I rather be hurt in the short run and know the score instead of being presented with Play 54b of the handbook.

I still can't think of a situation in which asking the right questions and taking the right cues can't solve the problem. If you're constantly getting brushed off, then that's a pretty clear sign of a "no." That isn't just in relationships, that's a pretty standard thing when socializing with people. And if you don't get an answer that's clear enough, ask her again, right there. Say you don't understand. Say you want to make it clear. If you want her to give you a straight answer, then you might have to work at it and make sure she knows it's safe to give you the harsher answer. Because yes, girls and guys are socialized differently, and girls like to avoid giving out total rejection if they see it's not necessary, or if they feel the straight answer will cause unnecessary social repercussions (drawing attention to the situation and rejection, causing you pain around your peers, having to reject you in words that may not adequately express what they mean because they need to say it so directly, etc).

I believe you're right. But I also believe you're wrong. As the issue is that because you're mature, doesn't mean you can believe everyone shares your enlightened views. There have been plenty of situations when I was but a lad that women did not want to engage in any feelings that they didn't share. I don't have time to go into horror stories, and frankly I rather not relive them. But saying the mature and direct approach will only work if the other party is mature and direct as well.

And when it comes to feelings, that's almost never the general case. For both Men and Women. But the society is still slated that the man is normally the aggressor. The last few dates I had, I always got "I was WAITING for you to ask me out". If she wanted to date so badly, why didn't she ask me out? Which I asked. The response (from these generally mature women) was almost always the same;

"I couldn't do that! What if you said no?! I'd be crushed."

One girl said "Because I wanted to make you work for it", though. I don't know why, but I liked that a bit.

 

[Phasmal]

Otherwise known as being rejected.
I just don't think it warrants a special term, especially one that is so often misused.
But I can agree to disagree on this.

I'm sorry, I know you're probably quoted a lot, but I'd like to get this clear. Are you saying that you never even heard of a woman or a man blanketly saying 'friend' when s/he wanted to let someone down, but didn't want to get into all the drama of hurt feelings or feeling bad that s/he rejected a guy or girl? I think that's what most people take the term 'friendzone' to be, and that's the anger most people had.

If a man or woman had the courage to ask someone out directly, what most expect or at least desire is for the recipient of said feelings to at least treat them like they matter. Direct and honest, even if it's messy. I rather be hurt in the short run and know the score instead of being presented with Play 54b of the handbook.

No, I'm not saying that. I'm saying I don't think being rejected by someone you consider a friend needs a term which so often places the blame on the rejecter for the crime of not being attracted to the rejectee.

Yeah, a lot of people disagree with me on this, but I'm okay with it.

 

[ObsidianJones_v1legacy]

Otherwise known as being rejected.
I just don't think it warrants a special term, especially one that is so often misused.
But I can agree to disagree on this.

I'm sorry, I know you're probably quoted a lot, but I'd like to get this clear. Are you saying that you never even heard of a woman or a man blanketly saying 'friend' when s/he wanted to let someone down, but didn't want to get into all the drama of hurt feelings or feeling bad that s/he rejected a guy or girl? I think that's what most people take the term 'friendzone' to be, and that's the anger most people had.

If a man or woman had the courage to ask someone out directly, what most expect or at least desire is for the recipient of said feelings to at least treat them like they matter. Direct and honest, even if it's messy. I rather be hurt in the short run and know the score instead of being presented with Play 54b of the handbook.

No, I'm not saying that. I'm saying I don't think being rejected by someone you consider a friend needs a term which so often places the blame on the rejecter for the crime of not being attracted to the rejectee.

Yeah, a lot of people disagree with me on this, but I'm okay with it.

Oh, I perfectly agree with you on this when it happens as you state it. I said so in my post. In fact, I'm glad if a woman cared enough about me and was truthful. It is up to me to make the next move, and I might not make the best one due to possible pain, but at least I know I have accurate information.

The only thing I have issue with is that some times, people are actually using the term friendzone in the manner I expressed in the quoted section. Sometimes, those who are put in the position of having to reject others don't do it in the best of ways. I know I haven't always. But I never used 'I can only see you as a friend' because I know the ambiguity that is now attached to the term 'friend' due to people taking that as the easy way out.

 

[JemothSkarii]

Alright guys and gals (and everything inbetween, got'sta be more acceptin' in these enlightened times), gather round the campfire and let Crazy Uncle Jem-Jem tell y'all a story. Some of you may have heard it, dun care, siddown.

*clears throat*

So I was once friend's with a bloke, y'know that one kid in high school who seems terribly introverted yet simultaniously crazy? Bleached white skin and you could never tell if they were angry or not.

I did, found out later he had an alphabet soup of mental issues.

So anyways, we were friends all through High School, hung out after High School in which I'd frequent his house every week. I became friends with his whole family and basically gotten accepted as ne of them. I became friends with his sister and with all due respect I'd intended for it to stay that way. Going out with a bro's sister is generally bad (some circumstances acquitted).

But after a year or so I felt...different towards her. She seemed prettier, more fun to be around, and sometimes I just wanted to hug her. I tried to keep it inside as I did value her friendship more than a relationship...in the end, they found out, I apologised to her (for whatever reason) she had Vietnam-style flashbacks of abuse as a child an blamed me for being abused.

Needless to say, I'm not friends with them anymore.

Point is...sometimes a guy can't help but fall for a female friend, and when they find that their feelings can't be reciprocated some guys just have to get the hell outta dodge. I can't be friends with any of my exes despite them wanting to be...too painful for me.

 

[TallanKhan]

If you accept the idea of a "friend zone" then it must be as applicable to women as it is to men.

I cant say I ever thought of it as being in "the friend zone" but I was once shot down by a good friend I asked out. She told me that she felt it would be weird for her because we had been friends for so long and that she had become "comfortable" with how things were between us. I still wonder if that was how she really felt or whether she was trying to let me down gently.

 

[Wraith]

A large amount of people here are getting the term mixed up.

The friendzone is simply unrequited love directed at a friend.

It doesn't matter if men use the term more or not, it still happens within both sexes. So yes, women can be friendzoned, because the friendzone is simply this: Friend A likes Friend B. Friend B doesn't like Friend A the same way, resorting to only staying in a friend like relationship.

There simple as that. Whatever Friend A or B have done to or for each other before the big reveal is irrelevant, so is whatever happens afterwards. It doesn't matter if Friend A gets upset, depressed, gets over their feeling etc. because not matter what happens next, in that point of time, they were in the friendzone, which is again unrequited love directed towards a friend.

Allow me to go a little further:

- Saying that the people who use this term only wanted to sleep with the person of their affection is a gross and highly insulting generalization. Some of you above have made this claim. It makes me sad to know that the love I felt towards some of female friends in the past will always be looked upon as me just wanting to have sex with them.

- Stating that it only happens to men is stupid and slightly sexist. Not only have I spoken to women who have used the term, they too have expressed extreme displeasure at it being stated as something that only occurs to "stunted entitled little douchebags".

- Saying that a person puts themselves in the friendzone is false, because the friendzone is simply unrequited love. You CANNOT help who you fall in love with and you CANNOT just shut that love off the second the other party says 'no' to get yourself "out of the friendzone". Emotions don't work that way. The only way you actually get in this zone is by liking someone who doesn't like you. That is the only fault of Person A. But then again, you can't be faulted for who you become attracted to.

- Claiming that the term is only used by 'nice guys' (guys who actually aren't nice) is also insulting to those who genuinely want to be in a healthy commitment with the person they fancy.

In closing, STOP JUDGING EVERYONE WHO USES THE TERM!

 

[spartan231490]

It happens, but not quite as often. I think women are more capable of compartmentalizing their attraction effectively.

 

[Aramis Night]

Women on average tend to have more options than guys do. On the other hand, most women make the mistake of just passively waiting for the guy they want to come to them. Between these 2 positions i actually wouldn't be surprised if it actually does happen to women as often as men. I just think women don't like to admit it because it makes them look bad to admit publicly that they weren't able to attract who they wanted. Plausible deniability is something women do really well. The women who do go after the guys they want actually tend to get who they want. Maybe not first choice every time, but much better odds than guys tend to get doing the same. I like to encourage this.

Whenever i've been asked out, i try to let them down easy. I understand women are risking a lot by doing it and rejection sucks for everyone. I usually just make it a point to mention my relationship status and follow it up by assuring them that if i was single, i would definitely consider it and tell them how flattered i feel they would even consider me. None of which is at all fake. I'm genuine about it. I don't consider myself a prize and it does flatter me that any woman can see me as attractive as i do not. I also don't want to discourage them from going after the next guy they like because i was a jerk. People remember that and i don't want to discourage people from seeking their own happiness.

Me and my current GF were in each others friend zones for years before we got together. When we met we both thought the other was out of our league's so we just became friends never admitting anything. Later when i got with someone else, she became my then GF's best friend and we adopted a brother/sister type relationship. When my ex betrayed us both, mutual friends pointed out how we should get together and we started making incest jokes, which started off light and started getting darker. We were hanging out and i was sleep deprived and i admitted that i thought she was really cute when we met. Suddenly both of our confessions started coming out. Been together for 5 yrs now.

 

[EstrogenicMuscle]

The "friend zone" has never been a gender specific idea. Plenty of women want to sleep with men, but who don't want to sleep with them back. Heck, there are plenty of guys who would have nothing to do with me.


I'm not really fond of the "friend zone" idea to begin with. To be honest. It sounds so demeaning. As if "just being friends" is a terrible thing. As if not having sex with somebody is some kind of personal failure, and there is an obligation to get in someone's pants.

Having friends is underrated. In fact in a society full of barely friends, having a true friend is a real blessing. Friends, are nice. Also, you are not "more than friends" if you have sex. Someone can love you deeply without wanting to have sex with you. And someone can not like you at all and want to have sex with you.

Having friends, well, it's amazing. I fail to see how being in the "friend zone" is worse than being in the "sex zone".

 

[Wraith]

snip

That last paragraph was so fucking beautiful and touching. It feels like something I'd read in a book or watch in a movie. And it hits close to home, because something similar happened to me once. Thank you for sharing, and I hope you and your partner have a long and healthy relationship.

 

[Vladimir Stamenov]

And when it comes to feelings, that's almost never the general case. For both Men and Women. But the society is still slated that the man is normally the aggressor. The last few dates I had, I always got "I was WAITING for you to ask me out". If she wanted to date so badly, why didn't she ask me out? Which I asked. The response (from these generally mature women) was almost always the same;

"I couldn't do that! What if you said no?! I'd be crushed."

THIS! Looks like the upper hand is on the other foot! That's how most normal guys, shy or not, feel. Girls should try it sometime. Maybe if more girls were like this there wouldn't be a friend zone, one of the two parties would make the first move and it'll be seen if things can or can't work out between the two of them.