Fifty Shades of Grey 999 call spike expected by London Fire Brigade

[EHKOS]

They should just set up a room close by where people can get these things removed. But they have to wait in a line outside the door where everyone can see them. And there should be a list of POI's names that visit, like the mayor. Heck, release all the names.
"I can't wait until Frank comes into work today. I saw his name under the 'Toaster' column. He'll never live it down."

 

[GhostHunter]

why the toaster? was your fleshlight too cold? how do you get a ring stuck on it? how small is your junk?

so many question i dont really want an answer to.

 

[SKBPinkie]

I can't believe the hatred towards my fellow Toasterkin on this thread.

Not only has it happened more than once, but it's more than one guy sticking his penis in a toaster. My God, why would anyone do that? What sexual gratification could be derived from a toaster?????

Look at this - he thinks toasters cannot please a man. Racism in broad daylight.

 

[Parasondox]

THIS IS WHY WE CAN'T HAVE NICE THINGS ANYMORE!!

I know you didn't mean to, but you just called Fifty Shades a "nice thing," mate. (Or maybe you were talking about toasters? Yeah, now that I think of it that seems more plausible.)

The toaster mostly. Poor thing being misused like that. Also the nice things meaning sex and sexual fun in general being done dangerously by those who follow that awful book.

 

[LordLundar]

I think that people who end up in these situations really should be put in some sort of yearly book of shame. That would probably cut down on all of these idiotic incidents.

*cough*http://www.darwinawards.com/

 

[Fat Hippo]

THIS IS WHY WE CAN'T HAVE NICE THINGS ANYMORE!!

I know you didn't mean to, but you just called Fifty Shades a "nice thing," mate. (Or maybe you were talking about toasters? Yeah, now that I think of it that seems more plausible.)

Actually, I think he was talking about penises. A lot of people just can't seem to use them responsibly, so we're just going to revoke their penis privileges until they've proven that they can handle them properly. Kind of like a drivers license.

 

[Pyrian]

My God, why would anyone do that? What sexual gratification could be derived from a toaster?????

Clearly, you haven't watched Battlestar Galactica. Lots of hot toaster boning to be had.

Argh dammit I wanted to make the BSG joke

Me, too. Some toasters are definitely toastier than others.

Spoiler

 

[White Lightning]

Everyone here is condemning putting your Penis is a Toaster. Asking why someone would do such a thing. It HAS to be done, it's the ultimate challenge, it's the reason men were put on the Earth, to test whether or not you had the skills and courage to successfully put your Penis inside a Toaster and remove it safely. Anyone who says it's "wrong" or "strange" is just a coward, trying to shrink away from destiny.

 

[Muspelheim]

The more time that pass, the more I understand how many there are with no imagination at all. Why on earth do people need to see it on the cinema before they consider giving it a go themselves?

And honestly, it's just tie-up games. It's hardly worthy of an official Edgy-medal, use the dressing gown cord or something until you get the hang of it, for goodness' sake. Or better still, do some research. The only one that needs to be ashamed is the people who managed to make a feature length porno feel boring.

 

[Jarek Mace]

Eh, monkey see, monkey do.

 

[Phasmal]

This whole phenomenon continues to confuse the hell out of me.

Like how is Fifty Shades of Grey even porn? Have any of you actually read the sex scenes? They're crap. You can read better smut on the internet for free.

Anyway, closer to the original topic- is that really surprising? A couple of misinformed people will try something new and some of them will bugger it up.

... Though guys sticking their dicks in toasters. Jeez.

 

[Ambitiousmould]

Why is this our country now? Also, why are there adverts for this film in public? I mean it's literally just a porn film. Since when was it okay to advertise porn films on massive A0 posters in train stations. I mean you don't see the ad for "Jizz Guzzling Slags" up there, so why is this alright?

 

[sageoftruth]

On the plus side, this should help the UK pinpoint a significant number of its citizens who belong in an asylum.

 

[sageoftruth]

Everyone here is condemning putting your Penis is a Toaster. Asking why someone would do such a thing. It HAS to be done, it's the ultimate challenge, it's the reason men were put on the Earth, to test whether or not you had the skills and courage to successfully put your Penis inside a Toaster and remove it safely. Anyone who says it's "wrong" or "strange" is just a coward, trying to shrink away from destiny.

You're right! I have shied away from this for far too long. Today, I shall cross the threshold of manhood and awaken as a new person! Prepare yourself, world! My body is ready! *Unzips pants*.

 

[BeerTent]

Not to mention the fact that anyone within the BDSM Scene loathes it because the story is fucking awful in general.

It IS that time of year again. You really wanna spice it up? Get yourself 30 or 40 inches of cotton rope, as well as a pair of scissors that can cut it super easy. (EMT Shears work) You can get back to me so I can teach you how to use it, and not harm yourself or your partner.

Why is this our country now? Also, why are there adverts for this film in public? I mean it's literally just a porn film. Since when was it okay to advertise porn films on massive A0 posters in train stations. I mean you don't see the ad for "Jizz Guzzling Slags" up there, so why is this alright?

It's not porn, It's just a sub-par movie with a lot of racy scenes that people don't often think about. And when they see it? Some people go. "Uhh. What?" and other people think about it a lot longer and think. "Oh... Now THAT looks like fun. ;3"

Spoiler: Also, for the record...

 

[Parasondox]

Spoiler: Also, for the record...

Gotta love Pornhub. They have a sense of humour and I mean, everyone has a pornhub account right? Right? Fuck Brazzer!!

 

[Ambitiousmould]

Not to mention the fact that anyone within the BDSM Scene loathes it because the story is fucking awful in general.

It IS that time of year again. You really wanna spice it up? Get yourself 30 or 40 inches of cotton rope, as well as a pair of scissors that can cut it super easy. (EMT Shears work) You can get back to me so I can teach you how to use it, and not harm yourself or your partner.

Why is this our country now? Also, why are there adverts for this film in public? I mean it's literally just a porn film. Since when was it okay to advertise porn films on massive A0 posters in train stations. I mean you don't see the ad for "Jizz Guzzling Slags" up there, so why is this alright?

It's not porn, It's just a sub-par movie with a lot of racy scenes that people don't often think about. And when they see it? Some people go. "Uhh. What?" and other people think about it a lot longer and think. "Oh... Now THAT looks like fun. ;3"

Spoiler: Also, for the record...

A) Fair enough, and B)In my defense, that is much larger than A0. Seriously though, that can't be in the UK. But as a graphic design student, I find that advert to be actually pretty damn good.

 

[Varrdy]

I think there are more things to worry about than blokes with their tackle caught in toasters, even though I still can't wrap my head around that one!

Having had first-hand experience of, and heard feedback from, the BDSM community, 50 Shades of Grey crosses a line from consensual BDSM-play into rape, fairly blatantly. Grey uses coercive, manipulative means to "seduce" the young, naive Steele, even going as far as to ply her with booze. This in itself is a big-no-no in the BDSM scene but the real problem comes when Grey refuses to stop, even after Steele uses the safe-word.

Once that word is used, consent is redacted. No ifs and no buts, a line has been crossed and the safe-word used. That should bring everything to a halt, immediately. It means that the person using it is no longer comfortable and secure about what is going on and wants things to stop, or change at the very least. That's the whole point of the safe-word. Grey however does not stop and threatens to have her gagged if she continues to resist and in doing so crosses over from BDSM to sexual assault and rape.

Yes I am fully aware that this is only fiction but you know what people who are not properly educated in such matters are like. They will assume it is the done thing and if just one person is stupid enough to copy Grey's example, and you know it will happen, then they will be inflicting serious mental and physical harm on someone they are supposed to care about.

BDSM sessions can be very extreme, hence the safe-word. Also, both parties help each other "come-down" after a session and this usually involves a lot of cuddling, love and support. This also doesn't appear to be part of Grey's repertoire and so another important point missed.

Yes there are bad-apples in the BDSM community but most aren't. Watch / Read "50 Shades" by all means, I'm not telling you what to watch / read or not watch / read, but for pity's sake don't think that it's in any way a guide to fulfilling or even legal BDSM play.

If you want to indulge in a bit of kinky-play, all power to you but I urge you to learn about it from someone who actually has a fucking clue!

And don't ever stick your dick in a toaster, that's just stupid!

 

[Username Redacted]

And don't ever stick your dick in a toaster, that's just stupid!

Ok, so toasters are out but what about park benches or postboxes because 'Feed Dump' has taught me that everything will work out swimmingly if I stick my penis into either of those non-consenting inanimate objects.

Having had first-hand experience of, and heard feedback from, the BDSM community, 50 Shades of Grey crosses a line from consensual BDSM-play into rape, fairly blatantly.

That was my impression from pretty much every quote I've ever seen from the book. People looking for Hollywood sanitized BDSM fare should probably just watch 'Secretary' instead.