First Date, Gifts From The Guy

Recommended Videos

The Artificially Prolonged

Random Semi-Frequent Poster
Jul 15, 2008
2,755
0
0
The gift of being in my presence is sufficient for a first date :p

Seriously though beyond maybe flowers or paying for drinks I think giving gifts to someone on a first date is a little weird.
 

ellieallegro

New member
Mar 8, 2013
69
0
0
I usually abide by the rule that one person pays for the meal and the other the activity (movies, drinks, dancing whatever). I wouldn't object to a small gift bought in the course of a date as a memento but arriving to the date with a gift is pretty cheesy IMHO. I don't date people who insist on paying for everything (or insist that I do either) so that really isn't a problem for me.
 

Stasisesque

New member
Nov 25, 2008
983
0
0
My boyfriend bought me a small box of chocolates on our first official date, though we had been unofficially dating for over a year (friends with benefits situation turned serious). I found that very sweet, but we have known each other for years and I had specifically mentioned many times that I had always wanted to be bought chocolates "just because". In this instance, him producing this gift meant a lot to me and I knew I had made the right decision in moving the relationship forward.

If, however, he had been a stranger before the date or a casual acquaintance I would have most likely been put off. Gifts generally make me feel as if I owe the gift giver, and while this is fine with loved ones, in someone I barely know I'd just feel incredibly uncomfortable. When I was a teenager, a boy I knew bought me presents because he had a crush on me, but I didn't reciprocate. Accepting the gifts made me feel awful, but rejecting them would have made him feel bad, so I accepted and then had to try and explain that while I was flattered, I couldn't be bought, so to speak. Luckily there were no long-term repercussions, and we managed to remain friends for years.

As for paying for dates, I've never found it to be a problem. I've paid for dates, my dates have paid, or we've split the bill depending on the circumstances. It's just never crossed my mind that anyone would get worked up about payment.
 

nekoali

New member
Aug 25, 2009
227
0
0
Most of the time I would be very uncomfortable accepting gifts on a first date. The only real thing I have made an exception for was for flowers. I suppose maybe a small box of chocolates, depending on the timing of the date. If someone is wanting to buy me a bunch of stuff during the date though, it strikes me that they are more trying to impress me with their money and what they can do for me, rather than who they are. And really, I'm more interested in what kind of person they are on the first couple of dates. Trying to offer, or worse yet force, gifts on me says to me they are more obsessed with money or 'man be provider' attitude. Which I find uncomfortable.

As far as who's paying for the date/dinner/tickets/whatever... My rule be it the first or fifty-first date is usually whoever asked should be the one offering. It was their idea to go out, and ask someone else out. They shouldn't do that unless they can cover it for both of you. Because a lot of times I don't have money to go do things, so it makes me uncomfortable if I get asked to go do something and I have to turn it down just because I'm poor. Now if I do get asked, and I do have the money to cover my own way I will usually at least offer to pay for my own.
 

Mr Fixit

New member
Oct 22, 2008
929
0
0
I wouldn't go into a first date planning on getting her a gift, but if the date was going well & she happened to find something she wanted I would at least offer to get it for her & then buy it if she did not completely object. If she wanted to get something for me I would probably be fine with it as long as it was something simple & inexpensive, but I don't let anyone buy expensive stuff for me. I also have no problems splitting the diner bill or letting her pay for the whole thing if she wants, I learned a long time ago to not argue with a woman over petty things like that.
 

Ratties

New member
May 8, 2013
278
0
0
I always take women to a coffee shop. That way I only end up spending like 5 bucks on her, it's easy to get out of. I would never give a girl a gift on the first date. I am not going to give somebody a gift that I might end up hating. It's the same reason I won't shake somebody's hand, unless it's for a job interview. I don't want to shake a strangers hand, then 20 minutes later, feel the need to punch him in the face.
 

Mordekaien

New member
Sep 3, 2010
820
0
0
SaetonChapelle said:
Men: Do you feel the need to impress the female by giving gifts? Do you find it annoying if the girl attempts to help pay the bill, or refuses what you're trying to give her?
I almost always pay the bill if I go out with my girlfriend of another of my female friends, heck even my friends do the same and I don't do it to impress something. I don't know why, it just feels right, I guess. But yes, I do find it slightly irritating, if the girl in question refuses ( I can understand why she would though).
 

Atrocious Joystick

New member
May 5, 2011
293
0
0
We don't really have dates where I'm from. I mean of course have date-like situations but none of this "first date, second date, third date, etc" shenanigans. We just kind of hang out and then maybe we do or do not bump uglies. No formal dating or anything of the sort. In that context I think it would be seen as pretty weird for a dude to bring a dudette a gift the first time they hang out all by their lonesome because while it certainly has romantic tones to it there is nothing explicitly romantic about the whole ordeal and buying a gift puts the sort of pressure on the budding relationship that isn't proper for such an early stage. Assuming of course that the gift mentioned is akin to a birthday present in expensiveness and not just something along the lines of buying the object of your affection an ice cream at the ice cream stand by the beach in the town you both like.
 

Adeptus Aspartem

New member
Jul 25, 2011
843
0
0
SimpleThunda said:
Adeptus Aspartem said:
Hazy said:
On the date, the man pays, the man ALWAYS pays, but he doesn't normally buy gifts for the girl. That's just weird, and a great segway to the friendzone.
The last century called, it wants to tell you, that women earn they own money now and this tradition is obsolete.

I don't see the reason why i have to buy me into a date, just because i've penis.
Why would i pay for someone who probably earns double my income (im a student), when it actually should be the otherway around, if we consider how this tradition came together in the first place.
Women psychology called. You not paying for things whilst getting to know her is a great way to ruin your chances.

No one cares if it's a fair or well-grounded tradition. It's there. You'll have to deal with it.
It's about you taking the reins and (almost) any woman will appreciate that and find that attractive.

Instead of making it another "gender issue" (and essentially doing the same thing feminists are doing), roll with it and use it to your advantage and as an opportunity to attract her.

By sticking to thoughts like "I won't do X because gender roles" you're only going to be shooting yourself in the foot.
Nice way of putting words into other peoples mouth.
It has nothing to do with gender roles. It has something to do that it's inherently stupid.

There's no reason a grown up woman cannot pay her share. And i don't want to date women who get impressed by me paying a bill in the restaurant.

You guys talks some serious "Alpha-Beta-Nature" Pseudosience bullshit in my opinion.

Really? Paying a bill is grabbing the reins? Okay, if we live in diffrent world, we don't have to continue the discussion.
 

StriderShinryu

New member
Dec 8, 2009
4,987
0
0
Honestly, and as a guy, I think specific first date gifting is a little weird. I mean, someone very impromptu like flowers from a flower stand you happen to pass by or a stuffed animal from the zoo gift shop is all well and good, but a more traditional planned gift just seems strange to me. I would actually feel weird to receive such a gift and would not be likely at all to give one either.
 

thiosk

New member
Sep 18, 2008
5,410
0
0
Its in our male nature to dote on our ladies.

I don't gift on the first date. Thats... weird.

Guy above said it: flowers? Maybe a carnival stuffie? Ok.

Wrapped and etc? Weird.
 

T3hSource

New member
Mar 5, 2012
321
0
0
This reminds me of an old local saying:
If they're giving you something, take it. If they're chasing you, run! - Obviously translated and doesn't have the same ring, but the meaning is there.
 

thejackyl

New member
Apr 16, 2008
721
0
0
Usually on a first date I'll offer to pay for the event(movie, bowling, club, whatever) and food. I'm not offended if they don't take up my offer as quite a few woman don't really mind, or even expect the man to pay for everything. At least in my experience.

I'm not trying to impress, I guess it's just a bit of a courtesy thing. Much like holding doors, and generally not being a dick.
 

fnartilter

New member
Apr 13, 2010
144
0
0
SaetonChapelle said:
So, men and a women, what are your views on giving gifts on a first date?

Men: Do you feel the need to impress the female by giving gifts? Do you find it annoying if the girl attempts to help pay the bill, or refuses what you're trying to give her?

Female: How do you feel about receiving gifts? Do you feel it's rude to refuse a gift? At one point is it taken too far?
Give gifts, for Holidays, sure. It's tradition isn't it? But not on a first date. Gifts from strangers is weird, awkward. You've got this thought of "What is it that they want?"

Splitting the bill on a first date, that's fine. It's just the first date; there shouldn't be any expectations on either party.
 

NWJ94

New member
Feb 21, 2013
64
0
0
Gifts on first date? I suppose it would depend, but my first instinct is to say no to anything over flowers/candy.

As for who pays? Speaking as a guy I am highly uncomfortable with a girl offering to pay on a first date, especially if I was the one to suggest it. I should add though that this mentality is certainly not because I'm trying to buy off the girl or because I assume the girl is incapable of paying. I just approach dates from the position off

"Well she was nice enough to agree to go out with me, so its my responsibility to make sure she enjoys herself and I should pick up the bill."

Having said that though, if she is extremely uncomfortable with me paying for her, then I can live with letting her pay her half.
 

Maxtro

New member
Feb 13, 2011
940
0
0
First date.

I won't give a girl anything at all except for my time.

The first thing I actually gave my now girlfriend was a flower that I knew was one of her favorites, and that wasn't until date 3.

It's goofy to try and win a girl over with gifts, especially when she doesn't have any emotional connection with you.
 

Jux

Hmm
Sep 2, 2012
868
4
23
Mr.Tea said:
Jux said:
I tend not to just gift* women things randomly.
Have you really been far even as decided?
Took me a moment to figure out I had left out a word there. Hopefully with the correction it makes more sense.