(Follow-up, more questions!) My girlfriend is depressed, and...

[Samurai Goomba]

She seems to be doing a little bit better now, reading a bunch of Zen books and trying to incorporate those ideas into her everyday life. Additionally, she laid things out with her psychologist and her session went really well after that. She's been physically ill, but she seems like she's doing better emotionally. We'll see if this progression keeps up-- I'll let you all know.

In terms of light therapy, her therapist did suggest the sun lamps, but she's reticent toward the idea while trying other things (though she has been keeping it in mind, just in case).

Thanks to you all, again. The support here is phenomenal.

My mom (or is "mum" the Escapist way to refer to her?) has had good results with her sun lamp. She gets seasonal depression during the winter (she feels sluggish and run down, mostly), but apparently the lamp gives her energy and lifts her spirits. I guess I can recommend trying it out.

It's always worth it to explore the chemical side of depression. The results might surprise her. Not all depression is a result of some sort of childhood abuse, and some of it can be very easily and simply treated (with herbs, natural hormone supplements or physical therapy.)

 

[dslkfjsdlfkjdslkfjsdf]

Well, as a further update, things seem to be making steady progress towards recovery. She's seemed 'better,' inasmuch as she's not self-loathing and pulling away from me. She's been a lot more physical, in terms of affection, and her conversation has picked up. I really think the Zen has helped her more than almost anything. She made me a Steampunk Jetpack for Christmas (which is badass) and really dug her presents. We're getting there, slowly but surely, I think.

Thank goodness.

Thank you all for your support and kind words throughout all this. You are all amazing.

 

[DethFan666]

Why are you making your problems public?

 

[badhairday129]

I have a friend that does some similar things. I'm never to sure that she cares, ever. When I talk to her about it she says that she doesn't feel the need to say it because she thought I knew, she thought it was implied.
Maybe thats what your girlfriend thinks.
Also maybe she gets mad at you a lot because you're an outlet. She can be mean to you because she knows you love her and knows you're not going anywhere, that doesnt give her the right to do that, that just might be a reason.
yeah?

 

[JamminOz07]

WTF? Did I stumble onto some Agony Aunt site? This is The Escapist, so ESCAPE! She's not happy, you say she doesn't care about you? What kind of a relationship is this? Why exactly are you so in love with her? What does she actually offer you that you couldn't get from another, saner woman.

Sorry to be a hard-arse, but sometimes you've just got to cut your losses and move on with your life.

 

[Losh Wi Thang]

"What does she actually offer you that you couldn't get from another, saner woman."

That's not a good rhetorical question, love isn't meant to be conditional.

Singularapathy, have you checked out regression therapy yet?

 

[2SG God]

Why are you making your problems public?

A problem shared is a problem halved DethFan666...

 

[InsanityBaronOfAtrocity]

No female, no matter how attractive or intelligent is worth that amount of trouble. Drop and find something else.

 

[Same River New Water]

Hi singularapathy. Sorry to hear about your situation.

First up: I haven't read the whole thread, just the first page. Sorry, too long. I just wanted to offer a counterpoint to jim_doki:

as far as im concerned i see her as a sinking ship. i guess what im saying is im not sure how much help you can be at this point, and maybe its time to think about you for a change. I'm not saying this to be heartless, i've actually lived through something very similar. Yes, she needs your support, and yes she needs help, but if she's not gonna take it there's not a lot you can do besides watch the carnage unfold. I wouldn't want to go through that again.

I just want to say "every situation is different" - a cautious vote for optimism and hope. I'm in a somewhat similar relationship, see, and I don't think you necessarily have to cut and run. On the other hand, it might be the only option; but it depends on so many things.

My girlfriend has serious depression (which seems to stem from neglect and emotional abuse as a child, rather than purely from unbalanced body chemistry), and while it's really bad on bad days it doesn't sound as unrelenting as your girlfriend's condition: she has days where she says she feels nothing, that I'm not helping her at all and that she thinks she'd be better off alone, but those days are rare. Maybe jim_doki has been in a worse relationship, closer to your situation, and knows better. However, if your girlfriend's mood is cyclical as you say, you should definitely stick it out until things get better and talk to her then.

In the meantime:

* Keep a sense of humour. Even if it's gallows humour.
* Don't take things to heart. If she gets pissed off at you, even if it's for something you did do, remember that you didn't really cause her unhappiness and the fight itself is a passing thing.
* Take care of her, but don't be too protective. Give both her and you space. Don't let her get dependent on you, so she panics when you're not there. Even if she's miserable, she should feel competent to take care of herself.

The single most important thing for me is this: people remember good times when they feel good and bad times when they feel bad. It's just like how you can lose something while drunk and forget where you put it until you get drunk again, when you suddenly remember - it's all about how your memory uses your mental state as a cue. So when you feel like shit, you look back on the year and all you can remember is misery. Then when you feel ok, your previous worries seem trivial. Remind her of this, too - it might help.