Forget the Friend Zone, it's OK to be attracted to a friend

[bananafishtoday]

*snip*

*snip*

Hehe.

I think you're a bit over-analyzing this, considering it's just modern slang for "person doesn't want to be more than friends". No need to wax poetic about these perceived psychological implications,

especially since all supposed implications are entirely circumstantial.

NGOKC [https://sites.google.com/site/niceguysofokc/]

After a while, you begin to recognize the pathology.

 

[Innegativeion]

*snip*

True enough, but this is really something that should be on a case-by-case basis. Circumstantial as it were. Use of the word should be no cause for alarm, if the person in question exhibits none of the supposed qualities of the pathology. It's not the word's fault, and I'd think it absurd to suggest that the word's existence *causes* relationship insecurity.

No, they aren't. The friendzone is a term invented by insecure, often misogynistic manchildren and deserves to be called out as such.

Spoiler

I honestly have nothing further to add to a response like that.

 

[Ryan Minns]

The concept of friendzoning is found in both genders :S why is it when it's discussed male this and insecure boys that are always mentioned?

 

[Darken12]

Spoiler

I honestly have nothing further to add to a response like that.

Cool!

The concept of friendzoning is found in both genders :S why is it when it's discussed male this and insecure boys that are always mentioned?

Not equally, no. The vast proportion of people complaining about the friendzone are male. While I would agree that some women use the term, they are a very small minority. And they too are being immature when they do that.

 

[Kyrinn]

Oh, this friend-zone crap needs to stop, people need to learn to accept rejection.

Some of these grievances I just don't understand.

Doesn't acknowledging that someone has "friend-zoned" you NECESSARILY mean that you acknowledge this person has rejected you as a potential romantic partner?

Being friend-zoned is a kind of rejection. It has always been.

No, actually. By shifting the responsibility/blame unto the person who rejected you, you aren't dealing with anything. It's them who are bad people for friendzoning you, while you're the poor victim who has done nothing wrong. There's also the fact that a lot of these people think that they can "get out" of the friendzone by doing this or that, thereby not really accepting rejection at all.

There's also the fact that a lot of men worry about not being friendzoned in the first place. That is, dismissing the idea of friendship with a woman and instead focusing on avoiding this rejection or "getting out" of it if they are. Or using it as a way to emotionally manipulate her.

I could say I friend-zoned one of my best girl friends when she told me she liked me in a romantic way. I told her very clearly that I only saw her as a friend. We spent some time not seeing each other and now hang out on the regular again. I'm pretty sure she would still be interested in a relationship but she has dealt with the fact that it probably won't happen. She is in the friend-zone, with little hope of escape. She was mad for a bit but I can understand that, rejection is a *****.
Anecdotal experience aside, what I'm trying to say is that the friend-zone exists, and proper communication/respect for one another is key to getting over it.

Also as a general point, the whole "I'm in the friendzone" deal usually arises from one of 2 general scenarios.
1)Party A asks Party B out, Party B gives vague/non-committal response. While I've mostly noticed this in my teenage years, I've heard the "We're too good friends, I don't want to ruin that" response before. I know it's harsh but if you aren't interested in dating someone, say so and make sure it's as clear as possible. If you genuinely aren't sure then ask for time to think about it. If someone asks you out, the best thing you can do is be straightforward with your feelings towards them. Sure you might get one asshole who still cries about the friendzone but they probably aren't worth being friends with anyway.
2)Party A is interested in Party B but never does anything about it. I'm pretty sure this is where 90% of the "I'm friendzoned" cases come from. They watch their love interest move from relationship to relationship pretending to be supportive. This pretty much never ends well unless Party B agrees to go out with them when and if they ask them out. I've noticed this a long during university, especially in freshman year.

 

[Silverfox99]

There is nothing wrong with being attracted to a friend. Often what attracts you to a person as a friend are the same qualities that will attract you to them for a relationship. It's not if you are attracted to them. It's how you handle it. Understand that not everyone will want to be with you, but more importantly understand that this does not mean you are a piece of shit. I have friends I highly value as people, and that are just amazing, but because of how I want my life to go and the things I need out of a relationship we could never be together. This does not make that person any less amazing.

About the whole friendzone thing, you friendzone yourself. If you are friendzoned it is because of how you handled the situation and continue to handle the situation. Being friendzoned is about your insecurity and your inability to accept other peoples choices

 

[Darken12]

I could say I friend-zoned one of my best girl friends when she told me she liked me in a romantic way. I told her very clearly that I only saw her as a friend. We spent some time not seeing each other and now hang out on the regular again. I'm pretty sure she would still be interested in a relationship but she has dealt with the fact that it probably won't happen. She is in the friend-zone, with little hope of escape. She was mad for a bit but I can understand that, rejection is a *****.
Anecdotal experience aside, what I'm trying to say is that the friend-zone exists, and proper communication/respect for one another is key to getting over it.

Has she actually used the word friendzone? Because she could just be dealing with rejection in her own way. For all you know, she could behave exactly like that if she got rejected by a complete stranger. If she doesn't use the word herself, it's not evidence of anything.

Nobody is saying that the situation where a friend might reject another friend who wants a relationship or sex doesn't happen. What we're saying is that people have invented a word for that specific situation as a way to avoid dealing with the fact that it's a rejection like any other and that it's not something you can "get out of".

But what I hate the most is men playing the victim when they use that term. Most of the time, you're not a poor victim and she is not a *****. It's very likely you're an emotionally manipulative, misogynistic douchebag and she can tell, or, best case scenario, you're just too immature to accept rejection like an adult.

 

[DrunkenMonkey]

I no longer have problems with the friend zone concept. Being friends with girls is enough for me. I get to enjoy and spend time with them, and possibly develop and emotional connection to some of them. Trying to go beyond is one of those trade offs that people just really have to risk, because you know love and all that jazz. I mean I've lost several friends trying to advance the relationship, and honestly it's not worth the risk in most cases.

I know it's a bit cowardly, but honestly I don't even care I would rather have a friend in my life that I can stick with for as long as possible, than risk losing forever because of a hormonal blunder. Because the ongoing interaction is what I truly value...

 

[Dango]

Well yeah, when has it not been OK to be attracted to a friend? If someone actually actually thinks that being attracted to a friend is morally or socially reprehensible, then quite frankly, they are a massive fuckhead.

 

[Mossberg Shotty]

I've actually been racking my brain lately because I'm really attracted to one of my friends. But no matter what mental tactics I try, I can't seem to shake said feelings. Whats worse is that its not just affection, it's resulted in pointless jealousy, self-loathing and anxiety. I don't buy into the whole "friendzone" thing though, I think the best couples almost always start out as friends.

 

[Yopaz]

It's been so long since we've had a friend-zone thread here I was hoping that fad has passed just to be briefly mention in other threads. I was wrong. I hate being wrong sometimes...

 

[Vault101]

I like to think that our generation will be remembered for this "comic".

Spoiler: Trigger warning oh god rape trigger warning to the max. You're probably better not clicking on this box at all

what....

what the fuck was that?

 

[Darken12]

I like to think that our generation will be remembered for this "comic".

Spoiler: Trigger warning oh god rape trigger warning to the max. You're probably better not clicking on this box at all

what....

what the fuck was that?

Rape culture.

I know, I know, I'm a broken record. But seriously, that is exactly what the PUA community thinks about the friendzone, and they use more or less those same tactics (though with less saiyan hair and more negging).

 

[Slayer_2]

The whole "friend zone" idea implies a fundamentally narcissistic and solipsistic way of looking at human interaction. In this framework, women are not autonomous individuals with their own preferences and desires. Any woman will be attracted to you as long as you do X and avoid Y: if she isn't interested in you, it's not that you aren't attractive to her, it's that she unfairly wrote you off because you were too "kind" or "caring" or whatever.

The whole thing has a gross belief underlying it that you are entitled to any woman you want and that you can be with any woman you want as long as you manipulate her properly. The view holds that dating and sex are purely transactional, that male-female friendship is inherently worthless, that any woman can be bedded by your being an aggressive douchebag, and the whole thing just reeks of misogyny, entitlement, and false victimhood. Very common among Nice Guys? who *~*~don't understand*~*~ why women are all such stupid bitches who only date assholes and friendzone every Nice Guy? who'd treat them right.

Fuck outta here wit that buuuullshit.

This is pretty much my thoughts exactly. Thank you for saving me the time and energy of typing them out. Nice Guys?, make me want to use my forehead to break a concrete block.

 

[BathorysGraveland2]

Isn't that a given? I'll be the first to admit some of my female friends are hot as hell. Is it actually considered a negative/taboo in some places to be attracted to friends of the opposite sex? (Or the same, if you're gay).

 

[Vault101]

Rape culture.

I know, I know, I'm a broken record. But seriously, that is exactly what the PUA community thinks about the friendzone, and they use more or less those same tactics (though with less saiyan hair and more negging).

I'm not even sure I get it....

its not satire? I mean, they actually "Ima gonna fuckin rape this ***** for putting me in the freindzone" <-I mean ok not as literally as that...I'm assuming its a joke but

I mean what the fuck...seriously

 

[Darken12]

I'm not even sure I get it....

its not satire? I mean, they actually "Ima gonna fuckin rape this ***** for putting me in the freindzone" <-I mean ok not as literally as that...I'm assuming its a joke but

I mean what the fuck...seriously

Nah, it's more of an Alpha male thing. I'm pretty sure they intend it to be consensual, but following the uniquely disgusting brand of PUA logic, that women are naturally inferior and submissive and all they need is to be reminded of their place by an Alpha male and they will willingly submit to the power of the asshole douchebag.

It's really awful backwards thinking that perpetuates disgusting misogynistic ideas, but it's pretty much the thing I see the most when it comes to "getting out of the friendzone". This type of thinking is very common, which is why I oppose the idea of the friend zone as often as I can. It leads to very dark places.

 

[Ryotknife]

Spoiler

I honestly have nothing further to add to a response like that.

Cool!

The concept of friendzoning is found in both genders :S why is it when it's discussed male this and insecure boys that are always mentioned?

Not equally, no. The vast proportion of people complaining about the friendzone are male. While I would agree that some women use the term, they are a very small minority. And they too are being immature when they do that.

and yet you are using it to villianize men. You have an extremely warped view of friendzoning. It is nothing more than someone being shot down after putting oneself on the line but the other member just wants to be friends. There is no victim because there is no crime.

If say a woman finally mustered the courage to ask a guy out whom she had a secret crush on and was rejected, is she a victim? No. You would feel bad for her, sure, because having your heart broken can be soul crushing. The only thing she is a "victim" of is bad luck. Same thing with friendzoning. Not to mention, the term friendzone is often used by OTHERS to describe what happened to a rejected person. If friendzoning was only used by the individual in question as a way to cope with rejection in an unhealthy manner, others would not readily use it to describe what happens.

It is nothing more than feeling pity for someone who was rejected and is now just friends, not some sort of insidious plot. Honestly, your idea of friendzoning sounds as batty as conspiracy theorists. At worst, if a person self describes her/his situation as being friendzoned s/he might be looking for pity, but thats about it.

and before you ask, no i have not been friendzoned. If anything I would be the friendzoner as I dont believe that turning a long standing friendship into something more serious is a good idea.

 

[JemothSkarii]

Whole lotta privilege being checked in here...

Anyways, my thoughts on the Friend Zone? I think it exists. I'll try and make it abridged:
*Be with girl for several years
*Girl cheats on me several times, we get back together.
*One time when we're back together, she's like 'Nah, I don't love you, but let's be friends '
*Proceeds to run off with my best friend

Granted, I'm kinda lucky in that regard because I wound up with someone better. But that to me is the friendzone: Being in a relationship, being dumped and then 'Let's be the friends'. So yeah, don't say that I'm some sniveling brat that got rejected by some crush, or that I'm...I dunno, contributing to rape culture (I say that because that's what this thread has effectively devolved into).

P.S: Yes, I['m better off now, but that's why I 'believe' there's a friendzone. As for the difficulty with rejection? Different generation sure, but everyone needs something to blame.

 

[Atrocious Joystick]

I don't get the deal with the friend zone. You can bang a friend if you're both attracted to each other it's not a stopping block. Or if you're not friends, you can still bang. Hate-sex. It's the best kind of sex. Right up there with japanese tentacle porn.