Frustrated and I do not know what to do.

[SilentCom]

I have the same problem. It seems like no one wants to hang out and are too busy with their own lives. Part of the reason that I don't have any friends is that people may find me boring or not very fun because I often have different interests. I'm also not very social but when I try to be no one seems to care about making friends. Friendship seems easy to make when in grade school but when you're in college, everyone is out for themselves.

 

[kinggamecat]

Awww, ya don't seem like a bad guy ^^ I hope things turn out better for ya ^^

 

[Vern5]

Maybe you're a dick.

Hardly.

Wait. How do you know?

Well, considering I do not act like a dick nor a douche 99% I would think I wouldnt be but, maybe I am and just do not know it.

For reference, here is my channel with a specific video about an event I went to. Please tell me your honest opinion if I look like shit or not.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qF_ieWhXng0

When does anyone really know when they are acting like a dick? Hell, I've done dickish things hundreds of times and I always had the same first response: "What did I do?" and I'm very patient and accommodating (or so people keep telling me, which i think is weird).

Maybe you come off as awkward or something? Maybe you should ask your next acquaintance.

Actually, on the subject of acquaintances, what's wrong with just having those? I have very few close friends but a very large circle of people with whom I am familiar. Maybe you're putting this friend thing on a pedestal. Maybe you're expecting something very specific from a friend, in which case, you may have more than you know.

But seriously, ask someone your question in person to get a more revealing answer.

Hmm, quite possibly but considering I have zero close friends It would be nice to build a little something more than just an acquaintanceship

Well, when I say very few close friends, i really mean 2 whom I can almost always depend on. Of course, one is a busy, emotionally impassive wall of a musician and the other is total drunk (although he is very, very wise to the ways of enjoying life to the fullest).

Are you looking to build a relationship? You know, people use that analogy all the time but I don't think you can build a rapport. Rather, you have to let it grow on its own. If the essential elements are not compatible for this growth then the rapport will not flourish or completely die. Where, exactly, have you been looking for these close friendships the most?

Um, I am not sure I understand the question clearly. What do you mean by where have I have been looking for close friendships? But yes, I try to build relationships with people because I do find people quite fascinating. I mean for an example, if you take the public bus, each person on the bus has had their own life experiences, troubles, achievements and relationships. You will never see two of the same people and its quite fascinating when someone tells me their life story.

I was guessing that as a socially outgoing person you have been meeting people in bars or classes or other places where people tend to group up. People I meet at bars are usually the ones I end up hanging out with because its one of the better places to have a chat and get to know someone over a cold one.

And I have met people on the bus with many varied and incredible stories to tell. But the problem with meeting people on the bus is that they always have someplace they need to be going; they usually lack the time or ability to schedule a second meeting. Though you show a healthy interest in other people they may not have the comfort of maintaining an interest in you.

 

[GameNeo]

I have the same problem. It seems like no one wants to hang out and are too busy with their own lives. Part of the reason that I don't have any friends is that people may find me boring or not very fun because I often have different interests. I'm also not very social but when I try to be no one seems to care about making friends. Friendship seems easy to make when in grade school but when you're in college, everyone is out for themselves.

Yes, that seems like a recurring theme in modern society. It is easy to make friends when you grow up with them in their life but when your in mine (or in our) case it seems difficult to cultivate any form of friendship when you are older and have to , well basically, "grow up" and do adult shit. At that point, anyone outside the person's child life seems harder to get acquainted with them.

Awww, ya don't seem like a bad guy ^^ I hope things turn out better for ya ^^

Well thank you for that!

Maybe you're a dick.

Hardly.

Wait. How do you know?

Well, considering I do not act like a dick nor a douche 99% I would think I wouldnt be but, maybe I am and just do not know it.

For reference, here is my channel with a specific video about an event I went to. Please tell me your honest opinion if I look like shit or not.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qF_ieWhXng0

When does anyone really know when they are acting like a dick? Hell, I've done dickish things hundreds of times and I always had the same first response: "What did I do?" and I'm very patient and accommodating (or so people keep telling me, which i think is weird).

Maybe you come off as awkward or something? Maybe you should ask your next acquaintance.

Actually, on the subject of acquaintances, what's wrong with just having those? I have very few close friends but a very large circle of people with whom I am familiar. Maybe you're putting this friend thing on a pedestal. Maybe you're expecting something very specific from a friend, in which case, you may have more than you know.

But seriously, ask someone your question in person to get a more revealing answer.

Hmm, quite possibly but considering I have zero close friends It would be nice to build a little something more than just an acquaintanceship

Well, when I say very few close friends, i really mean 2 whom I can almost always depend on. Of course, one is a busy, emotionally impassive wall of a musician and the other is total drunk (although he is very, very wise to the ways of enjoying life to the fullest).

Are you looking to build a relationship? You know, people use that analogy all the time but I don't think you can build a rapport. Rather, you have to let it grow on its own. If the essential elements are not compatible for this growth then the rapport will not flourish or completely die. Where, exactly, have you been looking for these close friendships the most?

Um, I am not sure I understand the question clearly. What do you mean by where have I have been looking for close friendships? But yes, I try to build relationships with people because I do find people quite fascinating. I mean for an example, if you take the public bus, each person on the bus has had their own life experiences, troubles, achievements and relationships. You will never see two of the same people and its quite fascinating when someone tells me their life story.

I was guessing that as a socially outgoing person you have been meeting people in bars or classes or other places where people tend to group up. People I meet at bars are usually the ones I end up hanging out with because its one of the better places to have a chat and get to know someone over a cold one.

And I have met people on the bus with many varied and incredible stories to tell. But the problem with meeting people on the bus is that they always have someplace they need to be going; they usually lack the time or ability to schedule a second meeting. Though you show a healthy interest in other people they may not have the comfort of maintaining an interest in you.

Ah. I understand the question but the example story of the public bus was just that, an example. But yes, I do hang out at bars from time to time. Not a heavy drinker myself but I do enjoy a cold beer from time to time. As for your question, I tend to look for friendships at either my college or around my town or gaming events as I regularly go to tournaments in my state. Unfortunately, unless you go to the university, my town sucks for social outings.

 

[theklng]

i have the exact opposite problem. i have tons of friends, i get invited over for birthday parties and game nights, but i really want to be left alone, so i never go anywhere.

 

[Paksenarrion]

Interesting. I clicked on your youtube vlog and the first thing I noticed is that you seem to be nervous. You have a restless energy about you, as if you need to be doing something at all times.

Is this just because you are in front of a camera, or is this how you usually are? It might be off-putting to some people.

I have a somewhat similar problem, only I suspect I'm socially inept. This is why I communicate better through text. I'm incredibly shy in person.

 

[GameNeo]

i have the exact opposite problem. i have tons of friends, i get invited over for birthday parties and game nights, but i really want to be left alone, so i never go anywhere.

Heh, want to trade places freaky friday style? .

Interesting. I clicked on your youtube vlog and the first thing I noticed is that you seem to be nervous. You have a restless energy about you, as if you need to be doing something at all times.

Is this just because you are in front of a camera, or is this how you usually are? It might be off-putting to some people.

I have a somewhat similar problem, only I suspect I'm socially inept. This is why I communicate better through text. I'm incredibly shy in person.

I will admit, it was the first time I went on camera so yes, I was a bit nervous and angry at the same time. But I am normal calm, but I do get energetic when I am doing something I enjoy.

For reference, here is my channel with a specific video about an event I went to. Please tell me your honest opinion if I look like shit or act like a dick.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qF_ieWhXng0

Would you say that video is a reasonably fair sample of how you act and speak in everyday life?

More or less, no. A lot has changed since then and it was my first time doing a camera style speaking so I was nervous. I have done more camera work and now I am calm in my normal state now whenever I talk on camera.

 

[figday]

hm, i dunno man, but after reading your post OT, i think the problem lies within yourself, as in your personality.

after watching your vid : you do sound and look nervous. but you know your games alright. maybe the people you've been seeing arent peeps who tolerates gamers that much.

oh yeah, are you a good listener, or do you usually cant stop talking when it comes to games or everything else? because chatterboxes do get up in ppls grill.

 

[GameNeo]

hm, i dunno man, but after reading your post OT, i think the problem lies within yourself, as in your personality.

after watching your vid : you do sound and look nervous. but you know your games alright. maybe the people you've been seeing arent peeps who tolerates gamers that much.

oh yeah, are you a good listener, or do you usually cant stop talking when it comes to games or everything else? because chatterboxes do get up in ppls grill.

It might be my personality or it might not. Who knows? Yes I am a good listener. (at least I believe I am)

More or less, no. A lot has changed since then and it was my first time doing a camera style speaking so I was nervous. I have done more camera work and now I am calm in my normal state now whenever I talk on camera.

Okay. Well, I guess it won't be much help in diagnosing what's going wrong for you, then.

At a guess I would say you're probably giving off a vibe that you don't realize you're giving off. It may not be anything obvious that you're doing, but rather in the how. Whenever I find myself recoiling from someone or avoiding them, it's often because I sense something beneath the surface that sets off alarm bells, like a) a palpable undercurrent of insecurity or emotional neediness (I currently work with someone like this, it's really awful and I limit my exposure to him as much as I can), or b) a sense of severe negativity that suggests spending time with that person will be a drag, or worse than a drag (I have a former long-time friend whom I've more or less had to stop hanging out with because she developed a severe case of this). People who give off either of these vibes are giving the impression of being toxic or unpleasant, and though the impression might be wrong, others often won't stick around long enough to find out.

The video you linked gives off the negativity vibe pretty heavily to me, enough so that it's actually hard to watch. But since you say it's atypical for you, and because it involves you describing a relatively shitty experience, I have even less to go on than I would otherwise have had in trying to guess whether this is really your problem. It's about the best guess I can offer, though.

Well its pretty much as you said. The video is quite negative because it really was a shitty tournament but...

Also, If any one of you would like a question answered in a video, I can make one within 2-4 minutes, if yall would like to see how I react and talk in form.

 

[figday]

It might be my personality or it might not. Who knows? Yes I am a good listener. (at least I believe I am)

More or less, no. A lot has changed since then and it was my first time doing a camera style speaking so I was nervous. I have done more camera work and now I am calm in my normal state now whenever I talk on camera.

Okay. Well, I guess it won't be much help in diagnosing what's going wrong for you, then.

At a guess I would say you're probably giving off a vibe that you don't realize you're giving off. It may not be anything obvious that you're doing, but rather in the how. Whenever I find myself recoiling from someone or avoiding them, it's often because I sense something beneath the surface that sets off alarm bells, like a) a palpable undercurrent of insecurity or emotional neediness (I currently work with someone like this, it's really awful and I limit my exposure to him as much as I can), or b) a sense of severe negativity that suggests spending time with that person will be a drag, or worse than a drag (I have a former long-time friend whom I've more or less had to stop hanging out with because she developed a severe case of this). People who give off either of these vibes are giving the impression of being toxic or unpleasant, and though the impression might be wrong, others often won't stick around long enough to find out.

The video you linked gives off the negativity vibe pretty heavily to me, enough so that it's actually hard to watch. But since you say it's atypical for you, and because it involves you describing a relatively shitty experience, I have even less to go on than I would otherwise have had in trying to guess whether this is really your problem. It's about the best guess I can offer, though.

Well its pretty much as you said. The video is quite negative because it really was a shitty tournament but...

Also made a small quick video and yes I know the audio sync is off but no clue how to fix it with the laptop webcam. (just made this like 5 minutes ago)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tzEBkGQ88GM
Also, Also, If any one of you would like a question answered in a video, I can make one within 2-4 minutes, if yall would like to see how I react and talk in form.

watched the video, my opinions still havent changed. as of trying to diagnose you, i cant really do that unless i meet you face to face. but i'm somehow inclining to BobDobolina's post. call it a hunch. oh yeah, you really look and feel insecure, in all your vids.

 

[GameNeo]

It might be my personality or it might not. Who knows? Yes I am a good listener. (at least I believe I am)

More or less, no. A lot has changed since then and it was my first time doing a camera style speaking so I was nervous. I have done more camera work and now I am calm in my normal state now whenever I talk on camera.

Okay. Well, I guess it won't be much help in diagnosing what's going wrong for you, then.

At a guess I would say you're probably giving off a vibe that you don't realize you're giving off. It may not be anything obvious that you're doing, but rather in the how. Whenever I find myself recoiling from someone or avoiding them, it's often because I sense something beneath the surface that sets off alarm bells, like a) a palpable undercurrent of insecurity or emotional neediness (I currently work with someone like this, it's really awful and I limit my exposure to him as much as I can), or b) a sense of severe negativity that suggests spending time with that person will be a drag, or worse than a drag (I have a former long-time friend whom I've more or less had to stop hanging out with because she developed a severe case of this). People who give off either of these vibes are giving the impression of being toxic or unpleasant, and though the impression might be wrong, others often won't stick around long enough to find out.

The video you linked gives off the negativity vibe pretty heavily to me, enough so that it's actually hard to watch. But since you say it's atypical for you, and because it involves you describing a relatively shitty experience, I have even less to go on than I would otherwise have had in trying to guess whether this is really your problem. It's about the best guess I can offer, though.

Well its pretty much as you said. The video is quite negative because it really was a shitty tournament but...

Also made a small quick video and yes I know the audio sync is off but no clue how to fix it with the laptop webcam. (just made this like 5 minutes ago)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tzEBkGQ88GM
Also, Also, If any one of you would like a question answered in a video, I can make one within 2-4 minutes, if yall would like to see how I react and talk in form.

watched the video, my opinions still havent changed. as of trying to diagnose you, i cant really do that unless i meet you face to face. but i'm somehow inclining to BobDobolina's post. call it a hunch. oh yeah, you really look and feel insecure, in all your vids.

So what draws you to that conclusion? I don't feel insecure, but what makes me look insecure? Might be one of the reasons I can't seem to keep a friend.

 

[figday]

like i said, call it a hunch. i get that insecure vibe and atmosphere and i dont know how to explain it. maybe you dont feel feel insecure, but you are inside, iirc its called anxiety issues, but thats another story.

maybe your hiding something inside of you, intentionally or not, unconsciously or not.

and, as your first post stated 'Well, for some reason, destiny has written it stone that I will never, EVER have any real-life friends'. dude, never EVER say never, that might affect your mindset, thus giving off the 'un-friend me' vibe or attitude.

stay positive, there are no such thing as can never make friends, unless you always fuck up bad.

 

[GameNeo]

You could just suck. I used to think that if you had no friends then the world was wrong and that you were great the way you are, last year I started thinking you know what. Not every one is gonna like you but some people should. Grow a mustache it may help, that or cut your dick off and name your self Linda.

Hey Linda how you doin?

I do not know how on earth you even came remotely close to this conclusion at all in this thread and there for am a fool for a feeding a troll. Well done 9/10.

 

[thelonewolf266]

That's weird, never heard of someone having trouble making friends before. Maybe you are just boring as a human being or something.

You should become a motivational speaker that was so reassuring the original poster must be feeling better already.

 

[GameNeo]

like i said, call it a hunch. i get that insecure vibe and atmosphere and i dont know how to explain it. maybe you dont feel feel insecure, but you are inside, iirc its called anxiety issues, but thats another story.

maybe your hiding something inside of you, intentionally or not, unconsciously or not.

and, as your first post stated 'Well, for some reason, destiny has written it stone that I will never, EVER have any real-life friends'. dude, never EVER say never, that might affect your mindset, thus giving off the 'un-friend me' vibe or attitude.

stay positive, there are no such thing as can never make friends, unless you always fuck up bad.

I do understand the stay positive argument, but it a little hard to stay positive about this situation when it has been a long time occurrence. But like I said, shit sucks about it but it wont stop me from enjoying my life. I will still go to gaming tournaments, still go to plays and rehearsals, I will still watch anime and I will still drink, and do all the activities I enjoy ,with or without, friends. Though it would be nice to have at least one person to enjoy them with but oh well.

Also, Also, If any one of you would like a question answered in a video, I can make one within 2-4 minutes, if yall would like to see how I react and talk in form.

I don't know that more videos would help; like figday says, it's not really possible to know without meeting you in person. You still come across pretty nervous in video format, though the second link you post isn't as bad as the first. However, that -- or any "insecurity" we might think we're sensing -- might just be an artefact of a situation where you're producing content about your personality for anonymous strangers on the Internet to judge, which wouldn't necessarily make for anyone's best work.

Someone suggested up thread finding a really honest family member to talk to about this, I think that's a good suggestion. Good luck with whatever you decide.

Ah well let me clear this up, when I said my family, I was only referring to my mother, brother, and sister. And considering my siblings are under 13 and no one can get an honest opinion from their mother about social problems, I am kinda fucked in that situation. But that is a whole 'nother story....anywho, thank you for your insight. It is much appreciated.

That's weird, never heard of someone having trouble making friends before. Maybe you are just boring as a human being or something.

You should become a motivational speaker that was so reassuring the original poster must be feeling better already.

I lol'ed