zelda2fanboy said:
Thanks, but I think I'll pass on including a direct link. I still feel like it's a little embarrassing. I actually found an old friend's ex girlfriend on there awhile back and had a nice long chat with her. She lived too far away for any sort of dating situation to take place, but she seemed to think my profile was fine (or in her words "amazing"). I feel I have it set up to attract people who would "like" me.
Actually, I'll just copy and paste the body of the text in the message. For context, the pictures on my page include me doing dips on parallel bars at a public park (main profile photo), a reasonably close shot of my face, a "funny" photo of me holding a misshapen M&M, me with sun glasses, me on a tour group with my parents with a really insincere smile, and two pictures of me with my shirt off with a cutesy disclaimer warning beforehand that there will be two pictures of me with my shirt off. Also, the "My Self Summary" and "What I'm Doing with My Life" etc. are sections created by the website, not me.
ROFLMAO.
MYSTERY SOLVED.
I was going to ask if you wouldn't reconsider letting me weigh in on your photo as well, but I'm going to go ahead and say that's unnecessary. I'll let you be objective about your own looks and decide whether you're passably handsome or not.
Oy, this profile.
Okay, first things first. Guy, I dig self deprecating humor. It can be endearing. I'm something of a MASTER at it. And you are
doing it wrong. There are brief moments in your profile where it's charming, but most of it comes off like a raging Eeyore complex. You literally open up slamming yourself in multiple paragraphs. I'm skinny! I'm poor! I'm useless with women!
It doesn't matter
if those things are true. There are some cards you need to keep close to your vest. This is about first impressions, and you always want to put your best foot forward. There's "being yourself" and
"being yourself". You don't need to put on an act, but if you want to attract relative strangers, you do need to try and isolate your best qualities and put them on display. Let's say you had a tiny penis. You wouldn't put "Tiny Penis Seeks Love" as the headline for your profile. You'd keep that tiny penis under wraps, and only spring it after she'd had a few weeks to get won over by your many winning qualities. Make sense?
You need to go back to the drawing board with this. Self deprecation is like salt. A little bit can spice up a profile and give a sense of your personality/sense of humor, too much and it's completely inedible. Leave off that you're skinny, people can look at your photos and decide if you're too skinny. Leave off your wage, people don't need to know that. That you're EMPLOYED is sufficient, you can worry about whether or not minimum wage is sufficient for dating once you've actually got someone to date. For GODS SAKE leave out that you're "not good with women" and that you sit around lonely and sad playing video games all day. There are ways to leak the fact you're a gamer into a personal ad that don't involve you saying "I never leave the basement! Ha ha!".
Don't lean too hard on "top five" lists of films and games and music either. You can chat a little about what you want, but don't go too hard into it. And leave off the stuff you don't like, as once again negativity makes a bad first impression.
Figure out your best qualities. You seem like you've got a good sense of humor. That can be a winning quality. Put it on display in some fashion other than running yourself down (or, god forbid, running them or their interests down). You're smart, yeah? You're probably smart. Find some way to demonstrate it (other than saying "I AM SMRT"...show, don't tell). Talk about the stuff you like to do in ways that make it sound INTERESTING and AWESOME. Think about ways to describe yourself that make you sound INTERESTING and AWESOME. If you struggle, find some people who love you who can tell you WHY they love you and talk up your good points to give you ideas. You don't need to oversell yourself ridiculously, or misrepresent yourself, but you DO need to come off as a cool guy who would be interesting to spend time with for one reason or another. This is MARKETING. Confidence is NECESSARY. There's no getting around this. If you're not confident,
learn to fake it.
Honesty and vulnerability and all that stuff comes later. You wear that shit on your sleeve, and no one is going to come near you. Everyone has baggage, everyone struggles with self esteem, everyone has personality warts and hurdles. The people who are successfully hooking up have learned how to keep it to a dull roar while making their first impressions. You're not trying to trick people, but you do need to be the best person you can be.
Capiche? Go fix that fucking profile ASAP. Internet dating can be a GOLD MINE of romantic possibilities if you're not shooting yourself in the dick with a horrible profile from the word go. I can look at it again when you're done if you want, but you're gonna want to take your time and do it right.
And don't ask your friend's ex-girlfriend for advice on your profile any more, she didn't do you any favors giving that thing the green light.
