Fuck beef jerky

[Jonluw]

Hiya escapists.

Being from outside North America, beef jerky isn't something I've had a chance to taste before. Very few stores carry the product, you see. It has to be imported, and it isn't an established food in the culture, so it's just not worth trying to sell it for most.

However, since I am active on the internet reading webcomics and what not, I am bombarded with references to American culture. Which means I've heard a lot about beef jerky, and it's practically always praise. Everything on the net that has to do with beef jerky, it seems, is about how good beef jerky is.

Today I happened to find myself in a store that imports lots of strange groceries (I saw a Pop tart for the first time), and what do you know, there was beef jerky there.
So I thought to myself "let's try this shit". I also bought some American root beer.

Well, turns out it doesn't live up to the hype at all. In fact, it tastes like crap.

[sub]This is what it tastes like, only dried up and old. Does it look tasty? Well, it bloody isn't.[/sub]​

Fuck beef jerky. Beef jerky is poo.

And fuck the root beer I bought. Tasted like baking soda with sugar and vanilla. I left it in the parking lot after one sip. It was shit.

So, escapists: Have you ever tried something that's been stupidly hyped up only to realize it was shit?

 

[Mysterious Username]

You are the anti-me good sir. Beef jerky and root beer are just the best imo.
I've never really been hit by food hype, but I did hear that Mexican candy is gross, which is complete crap because Mexican candy is boss as hell. So I had the opposite problem I guess.

 

[Jonluw]

Well, there's different types of beef jerky...

"Jack Link's meat snacks
Beef jerky
original
Family quality guaranteed"

Is what the bag says.

 

[TheNumber1Zero]

Curry I suppose.
Heard good things, tasted like Beh and dried... Something.
Might have been becasue it was instant or something, I'unno.

"Jack Link's meat snacks
Beef jerky
original
Family quality guaranteed"

Is what the bag says.

... Perhaps try a different flavour/brand?
I enjoy Teriyaki flavour myself.

 

[Jonluw]

Perhaps try a different flavour/brand?
I enjoy Teriyaki flavour myself.

If I find out a snack tastes like crap, I'm not going to go out and get the same snack, only coated in teriyaki flavour the next time I crave a snack. I'd rather just buy teriyaki. Why would I want the flavour of teriyaki that I apparently crave administered by the means of a shitty meat product?

It's not important to me that I somehow manage to eat beef jerky.

 

[TheNumber1Zero]

If I find out a snack tastes like crap, I'm not going to go out and get the same snack, only coated in teriyaki flavour the next time I crave a snack. I'd rather just buy teriyaki. Why would I want the flavour of teriyaki that I apparently crave administered by the means of a shitty meat product?

... Because you have nothing better to do?
Or are you making a Thread about how "Beef jerky is poo poo" between piano lessons and Science class?
But in all seriousness though, I do believe it's fair enough if you don't want to try it again, but do remember the experience should you ever find somebody disliking something you enjoy after trying it a single time.

 

[Jonluw]

... Because you have nothing better to do?
Or are you making a Thread about how "Beef jerky is poo poo" between piano lessons and Science class?

Well, the teachers are on strike, so science class is out at the moment, and I don't have my next bass lesson until thursday. And trombone lessons are on mondays, so hey.

But in all seriousness though, I do believe it's fair enough if you don't want to try it again, but do remember the experience should you ever find somebody disliking something you enjoy after trying it a single time.

I do know how that feels. I asked an American buddy to taste some ammonium chloride candy and he hated it.

I'm just saying it doesn't make sense to say "you should try the teriyaki flavour" when I just learned that I don't like the taste of basic beef jerky.
I mean, sure, teriyaki powder might taste good. I might want to eat teriyaki powder, but why would I want there to be a nugget of shit encased in the powder when I have the option of just eating it pure?

 

[Stu35]

OP, I see from your profile you are Norweigan. A country in which I was exposed to what I thought were a Haribo Tangfastics equivalent, only to discover they were not coated in sugar, but salt.

Any nation which would do such a thing to haribo, loses its right to comment on food.



All joking aside, I have a few favourites hailing from American stores (we used to have a PX when I lived in Germany, for the American troops), Beef Jerky and Mountain Dew being the main ones.

Things that they don't do well, are chocolate (The Hershey company can go fuck itself, it's never seen chocolate in it's life), Beer*, and Milk (American milk tastes weird. I honestly don't know how given I'm assuming it's produced more or less the same way ours is (i.e. from a cow), but it just tastes weird.).

Of course, we've got a few crazy fucked up foods here in Britain too... Marmite is the devil, and Cheese and Onion pasties are sweaty, oniony abortions of an idea, not worthy of the glorious name of Pasty.


*Sierra Nevada makes a fucking cracking range of beers, everything else they drink is pisswater.


Tlr:

Fuck you, Beef Jerky is second only to Biltong in meaty goodness.

 

[GistoftheFist]

OP buys a can of food with foreign writing on it, blames America for jerky tasting bad.

 

[Jonluw]

OP, I see from your profile you are Norweigan. A country in which I was exposed to what I thought were a Haribo Tangfastics equivalent, only to discover they were not coated in sugar, but salt.

Bullshit. Salty candy is best candy.

Spoiler: Awesome:

This one also has licorice and ammonium chloride flavouring.

OP buys a can of food with foreign writing on it, blames America for jerky tasting bad.

The writing is not foreign, it's Norwegian.
It's canned reindeer meatballs with sauce, and it's pretty crappy. It's still better than beef jerky though. And beef jerky is sold as a bloody snack. I wouldn't snack on beef jerky if I was ever so peckish.

 

[Jonluw]

Beef Jerky isn't hard to make, it's not an import.

Is too.
No company in Norway that I know of makes beef jerky. The only places I've ever seen beef jerky for sale is in stores that specialize in importing stuff.

Also brand name store bought beef jerky is typically of very low quality. When people drool over beef jerky, they're typically thinking of something you would find at a good butcher shop, or otherwise home made.

First of all, I know of at least one incident where I know the beef jerky being praised was bought from a regular grocery store.

Secondly, I refuse to believe that there is such a large gap between good quality and poor quality jerky that I - who is no connoiseur by any stretch - will flat out spit out and refuse to eat a low quality specimen, but still love the taste of a high quality one. That's not how food works.
A low quality sample of a tasty food will taste merely 'meh' unless there is something wrong with it, like, it's way past the expiration date or something.
If the low quality sample's taste can be described as 'ew, disgusting', the high quality sample is going to be 'meh' at best.

 

[Stu35]

OP, I see from your profile you are Norweigan. A country in which I was exposed to what I thought were a Haribo Tangfastics equivalent, only to discover they were not coated in sugar, but salt.

Bullshit. Salty candy is best candy.

In Britain, we don't say candy, we say 'sweets'.

This is because we expect our candy to be... well... Sweet.

Hence, there is no place in this world for 'sweets' that are salty. Thats a crime against humanity, possibly the last vestiges of Viking-ism in North West Europe (along with some awesome metal music and IKEA; also known as Swedens efforts to piss off everybody trying to put up a few shelves on bank holiday weekend).

But I digress... Take your salted candy and return it to the demon world whence it came!

 

[Jonluw]

OP, I see from your profile you are Norweigan. A country in which I was exposed to what I thought were a Haribo Tangfastics equivalent, only to discover they were not coated in sugar, but salt.

Bullshit. Salty candy is best candy.

In Britain, we don't say candy, we say 'sweets'.

This is because we expect our candy to be... well... Sweet.

Hence, there is no place in this world for 'sweets' that are salty. Thats a crime against humanity, possibly the last vestiges of Viking-ism in North West Europe (along with some awesome metal music and IKEA; also known as Swedens efforts to piss off everybody trying to put up a few shelves on bank holiday weekend).

But I digress... Take your salted candy and return it to the demon world whence it came!

I don't get the hate for salted candy though.
Everyone I've met outside of Scandinavia hates salty candy.
What? Are you saying you don't like crisps either?

And licorice. Sweet licorice is bullshit. It needs to be salted to be interesting in the least.

 

[Mysterious Username]

Spicy candy is the best kind of candy.
I'm surprised how relevant my Mexican candy statement has retroactively become.

 

[Stu35]

snip

I don't get the hate for salted candy though.
Everyone I've met outside of Scandinavia hates salty candy.
What? Are you saying you don't like crisps either?

And licorice. Sweet licorice is bullshit. It needs to be salted to be interesting in the least.

Crisps are different, they're meant to be a savoury snack. Liquorice (and the rest of what I'm gonna call the 'Haribo' family), are not meant to be savoury snacks.

Don't get me wrong, I love Scandanavia, and Scandanavian people are lovely (well... the Finns I've met were a bit off, but hey ho), and pretty much everything I've ever read or seen about Sweden, Norway and Denmark indicate that they're 3 of the finest countries in the world, from Economic viability to Human rights to Gender equality...

But... and this is a big but... You suck at sweets. And, as a cultural-linguistic set of nations characterised by a common ethno-cultural heritage, no one will take you seriously until you sort it out. (This is all very tongue-in-cheek by the way, in case there was any confusion)

 

[Jonluw]

snip

I don't get the hate for salted candy though.
Everyone I've met outside of Scandinavia hates salty candy.
What? Are you saying you don't like crisps either?

And licorice. Sweet licorice is bullshit. It needs to be salted to be interesting in the least.

Crisps are different, they're meant to be a savoury snack. Liquorice (and the rest of what I'm gonna call the 'Haribo' family), are not meant to be savoury snacks.

"I have no idea what 'savoury snack' means. Better google it to be sure."
*googles*
"Hey look a yahoo answers thread"
"Savoury snacks are snacks that are not sweet."

Well if the candy is salted then that makes it a savoury snack, doesn't it?

But... and this is a big but... You suck at sweets.

No, see you've got it the wrong way round.
The rest of the world is who sucks at sweets.

We even have several candy factories. And our chocolate is great, even if you for some reason have a deficiency that makes you not like salty candy.