Fuck beef jerky

[Dimitriov]

Hiya escapists.

Being from outside North America, beef jerky isn't something I've had a chance to taste before. Very few stores carry the product, you see. It has to be imported, and it isn't an established food in the culture, so it's just not worth trying to sell it for most.

However, since I am active on the internet reading webcomics and what not, I am bombarded with references to American culture. Which means I've heard a lot about beef jerky, and it's practically always praise. Everything on the net that has to do with beef jerky, it seems, is about how good beef jerky is.

Today I happened to find myself in a store that imports lots of strange groceries (I saw a Pop tart for the first time), and what do you know, there was beef jerky there.
So I thought to myself "let's try this shit". I also bought some American root beer.

Well, turns out it doesn't live up to the hype at all. In fact, it tastes like crap.


Fuck beef jerky. Beef jerky is poo.

And fuck the root beer I bought. Tasted like baking soda with sugar and vanilla. I left it in the parking lot after one sip. It was shit.

So, escapists: Have you ever tried something that's been stupidly hyped up only to realize it was shit?

I'd be curious what brand of rootbeer you got. Personally I love some root beer but other brands are just shitty. Though of course it's not going to be for everyone.

I also like beef jerky, but Jack Links is, as has been mentioned, a pretty shitty brand. That being said, unlike some other posters I would agree with your assessment that it is still indicative of the product's taste: ergo if you don't like Jack Links you probably won't care for other jerky either.

As for me? There aren't too many things I don't like. Some people rave about gin, but I think it tastes like Pine-Sol (for anyone who doesn't know it's a cleaning liquid, and I haven't actually tasted it).

data:image/jpeg;base64,/9j/4AAQSkZJRgABAQAAAQABAAD/2wCEAAkGBhQREBITEhESFRUWGRcaFBUYFBYYFBcXFhgXGBcWFBIcGyYeFx0pGRUVHy8gJSc1LCwsFh4xNjAqNScrLCkBCQoKDgwOGg8PGjUkHyQsNC0sNTQ1LTUxLCwvMik1KTQ1NSwzKy4pLCwsLCw0NC0yLyssNC8sKi0sNCksLSwsLP/AABEIAKAAoAMBIgACEQEDEQH/xAAcAAEAAgMBAQEAAAAAAAAAAAAABQcDBAYCCAH/xABCEAABAwIEAQgGBgcJAAAAAAABAAIRAwQFEiExQQYTIjJRYXGBByORobHBFEJykrLRFSQzUlNzkzRDVGJjg7Ph8P/EABoBAQADAQEBAAAAAAAAAAAAAAADBAUCBgH/xAAzEQACAQMBBAcHBAMAAAAAAAAAAQIDBBEhBRIxQRMUIjJRYZEGFXGBscHwI0Jy4WKi0f/aAAwDAQACEQMRAD8AvFERAEREAREQBERAY674a4jgFDPrPM+sePAgezRTNw2WOBIGm52Hiuco3Rc0kBhidqkzBjs20Xl9t0b+pUi7VtLGuHjX1RYo7uO0ZC94/vav3h+SkMJuXOJDiTpOu/tUWyqXfVZ/UH5LewRwL39JmYaZQ6TGhk92yo7Mt9pwuYyrN7vPMs8vDJLUdPceOJMoiL2xSCIiAIiIAiIgCIiAIiIAiIgC/JX6q79JnK+pQqU7akcoc3NVcCQYOjWgjbv8R3qOpPcjvcTqEd54OrxnlLRoywkVH/wxB+/waPHXuUVY34YOmAXEEkDqjMZgDeBKrvCrk52tFMlzjDQNSSdtCprFK9Sg4CtTyuO0wZHaIKzpXqks8C4rbDwdk3FKYHV93YsLOUTbepNRhFOpEPGpY6NQ4DXKYB071xtHH8xAykngAHEk9wle7vFSZa9kRu0tIIPeDqEhdx45ErdlrW102o0OY5rmnYgyFlVM22Lut387QcWEbieg4djm/wDu6FbeE4gLihSrN0FRjXAcRmEwfgrtGuqucIrVKTgbaIisEQREQBERAEREAREQBERAFTnpeoxesI+tSbPtIH4SrjVWelpg+kUCQNabh4wXEfP2qGu8Rz4EtJZlg4jD8VqUy1zXOY8dVw49sHwWW4xd9Ylz3ue7YkmdRwlYKVrJmPqjXwLgR8/NZKNkABGmgnxgBeeuJwbf5qadOMj8oXhOokEe0LK3EpLpcSdN549/HZftO0APid1lZZjMR3n5KKlKG8STUsGGvLgB26jyE6q7uSlDJY2rTuKTJ8YEqmaVyQ0uLQOiWxHY4jbvAlXfgh/VqE783Tn7oW3ZOT4rQoXKS4G6iItEpBERAEREAREQBERAEREAVY+mKycX2tQNMNDwTwncAjzVnKvPS/UhlpMxzj9AAdco3B81HVWYn1VFT7T4FdUcXcKRphjiCWl2jdS0OA1J/wAxXtuLHm+b5sxmzTpmnLlic2y0rm6aQelH+1+T1HPqj+MfuvWRO233nGCSO1aEdMv0ZP1b3QHU9wGoiAJ4ahZLa+BklpB8h81yzn/67vuvW7ZVWhv7Rztd8hPZpq4LmNljV/c6e1qL0WfRkzd1udBY0GTtoN+Ea9qvvD6RbSptO4Y0HxDQCvnhlcEES+eHRaNZEcSd19F0T0R4D4LTt6e4sEUrmNbumRERWjkIiIAiIgCIiAIiIAiIgCrn0y/srT+Y/wDCFYyrz0wj1dr/ADHfhC5lwIq3cZUNzsV4w3DnV6rabNzueAHFxVxVuTtlUuKlA2lMEUmvzt6Oj3PZAAOhGWZ71x3I3DnUadSpUaQHvLWHIdWtcWtOeI1I0Hb4rAo7VhXjLdTTWOONc5x9DKv7Wrbw34re+BA8quTH0eH05NMwDOpa7tPcfj5KKsh0djvHn2eKtC/tTVY+lkfLmnQ0nnTacpGoBI9y5jA3XrW/R6VsHcw4h/RdJc4ky4lwiRHkFat7pOHba08+RS2d081ipFprxT1Ie0oOInK6NDMGInedl9JUOq3wHwVF4vfXbSKdy0MD4dlAGozD60k7gaTwCvSkZaD3BaFGamt6LyvI3qEXFtM9oiKcshERAEREAREQBERAEREAVe+mAeptvtu/CFYS4P0sU5pW/wBt34QuZ8CKs8QbPOLY7bWl0XVOeNV1FujKb3jm2vcRo0GDmJGvcoppP6HtiWlpNW3cWkQ5s3bTBHbqta1xCrd3JrC3c2KIYAHNdOWoTm4QOlxWTHcTqMtW0HWdzpUpO5wNZzelZtSJzyNARqN14DqnRdHH9+9Fy1WiWeHr5ndO9c60447CWVLk3pnXhoT+I4m9mIWlEEZKrLgvEak0wwsg8OsVp0XhpxQlzmAPkub1mj6NT6TRxI3HgoG+5XCpfW1wLW5DaLLgOBawFxqBobk6eurSvdjyje514/6FVfTquacji0ODRSDH54Jbl6PbO6ghs+tGmux+zXhx6TPP/Esq+t5SwqievJ55eRH8q701aloebrNAZDXVQA6oMzOmADx3O26u2j1W+A+CovGMUdc1qZNJtJtNoaxocHaEgzmGkQGgQr0odVvgPgvb7NpunQUGsY5fFsqdJGpVlKLytD2iItEkCIiAIiIAiIgCIiAIiIAuM9JVOadHuc4+4Ls1xfpQqZbdh4yQPPL8lHU7rILlOVJpERyVmjX5upDTVpB1ISDma0iYjj0hooPlZiN4y2qWVWk15qBwbcmrlzeszNOTJEgZREzoo/krgLbyrUHOvpuY0EES7d3AF3R1AOi6vHG1f0Q76QDzzIMmM0sqgNfI0ktg+a8TdRp0r2MpYk24prVNPXda11Xis/Hlju1Uug3KfZSzjOHnxT+Zircj2NfTY+7h9SQ1vNjpFolwbLtYAJWTCrLmW39HNmyhsOiJD6TztwUjjtk999h72sJbTqVjUcNmh1J7QXeJICwg+vxL7FH/AIqiz5XdWrTxOWcxzjTRqaX0LNDZ9vQmpU4Ya/4cZhdu11Ci763Ns3cOAGzd1eNv1W+A+C+eeTtx0qQOggA/d4+a+hqHVb4D4L39vBwlLLz+MzraLTemFp9zIiIrZcCIiAIiIAiIgCIiAIiIAuP9I1IOpUA52UF5Bd2dE/MBdgub5buAosJAIBMg7dUqKs8QbPqueq/rYzu6/nEq52DuY4Ot71jXOOUZX5XwTxgnsBhecQ5P3tam5lW+NSlGZzTVAa5oM75AXDSYB4KVfb27zrQB72tn25TotOth9qNTTcNuD+InZZTqUnLelT1+RJP2ptajTqqWf4Qf0lH6GC4pYi0O/X3tDRMZhsC5uj3U+1pEk9ix2WBVwHOqX+U1pe8msZfl6AzOECIOkaR4rZusFotj1U6/vOXm1w+nr6ho8nlfIO3Xdpr0RG/aexmuypZ/hD7zePQ8NwulRbDbhr3CA1rYjTvknZXhbdRvgPgqloUwD0aYb5AH81bVt1G+A+AWhb1N/OEc+9Ff8E+z445+SWFjHmZURFbPoREQBERAEREAREQBERAFznLeOZZMEFxEExMtPGCujXF+kO5g0G/acfcB81XuXilJjoY1/wBOXBnLC3aJyteOJgtO3g6VhFGCCHV9DMEVCD3HUrFWrbrVdU7l5Z3bzhorT9l4z7tVr5Z+6JO4rSIAqDv5t/8A0tNlCRqap110InSI1Oy1s/ctm2qjXop1xxWkTmn7KRg89N/r/Zno28Gcuu8lw469Vs/FW/biGN8B8Aqi52WkBqtbB6+e3pO7WN9sCfetrZlZ1FJyWC57up2XcbeeOTcREWufAiIgCIiAIiIAiIgCIiALgfSJPP0u9naAOseJ0C75QHK/k79LpAAgPb1SdjO4KhrQ34OKJKUt2SbK2qUe1zfJzT8Co+4umAxnB8Fs4hyOvKbp5kuA2ykEexRdxgtfjbVR2xTdHuCxfdq4y4/nxNLrfgZRfs/e9xW1bXTTs4FRIwOt/h639N35LaZgFy7q21Qdhyke8r57shybPvW3zJY3AAkuAVq8l/7HQ+wPmqxwvkLcVC3ngGNBkiZcfIbK2MOpZGNbsAAAOwBadpbdAmUrit0mhtoiK8VQiIgCIiA//9k=

Something that was hyped that I enjoyed: Irn Bru. That stuff is awesome.

I am glad that there are grocery stores that stock it here in Victoria, Canada

Edit: Ah. I just saw above: A&W rootbeer.

I kinda like A&W but I would say that it's actually quite different tasting from most brands. It's sweeter, and in a weird way.

Personal favourite widespread brand would be Barq's (as it happens I am drinking some right now.).

 

[Bvenged]

Bacon - the only meat I don't eat is Bacon. Why? Because it tastes like shit.

Steak, pork chops, BBQ Ribs, Chicken of all kinds, actually any paltry and EVEN FISH - but not bacon.

Everyone on this entire fucking planet think "OMG BACON MWUAHAHAH IT'S TEH BEST". I say you're all delusional.
I have suspicion to believe it is in-fact a parasitic life form stealing your minds, because if you take one step back for a second and really ask yourself "What DOES it taste of?" The answer would be

Spoiler: Horribly bitter and chewy strands of fat,

I mean, look at it - LOOK AT IT. What part of that doesn't taste like I'm chewing a chair leg; what part of that fried fat is even edible?

or

Spoiler: The same, minus the chewiness and cooked properly.

I think I'll pass on this and go straight on to taking bites out of the wooden table-top.

Oh, and Beef Jerky, because that's not real beef and tastes just as much like shit, but on teh opposite side of the spectrum.
[hr]
I do like pop-tarts though.

 

[Rottweiler]

Here's how I think:

'Beef Jerky' is strips of beef, usually marinated and spiced, then salted and dried.

However, 'Jerky' is basically any kind of meat which is spiced, salted, and dried. Chicken, Fish, Mutton, you name it- there's a Jerky made from it.


There are so many variations, and I might add the versions *outside* the US or Canada, that there almost has to be a kind you'll like (vegetarians and Vegans, of course, excepted.)

As I live in Alaska, I have access to a lot of different kinds: beef, caribou, bear, salmon, musk ox (surprisingly good)...

I'd suggest you try a few varieties before you make a decision on all beef jerky. As a good friend reminded me, "look, mate- don't try to judge Aussie beer on Fosters. That's just bollocks."

 

[spectrenihlus]

OP, I see from your profile you are Norweigan. A country in which I was exposed to what I thought were a Haribo Tangfastics equivalent, only to discover they were not coated in sugar, but salt.

Any nation which would do such a thing to haribo, loses its right to comment on food.



All joking aside, I have a few favourites hailing from American stores (we used to have a PX when I lived in Germany, for the American troops), Beef Jerky and Mountain Dew being the main ones.

Things that they don't do well, are chocolate (The Hershey company can go fuck itself, it's never seen chocolate in it's life), Beer*, and Milk (American milk tastes weird. I honestly don't know how given I'm assuming it's produced more or less the same way ours is (i.e. from a cow), but it just tastes weird.).

Of course, we've got a few crazy fucked up foods here in Britain too... Marmite is the devil, and Cheese and Onion pasties are sweaty, oniony abortions of an idea, not worthy of the glorious name of Pasty.


*Sierra Nevada makes a fucking cracking range of beers, everything else they drink is pisswater.


Tlr:

Fuck you, Beef Jerky is second only to Biltong in meaty goodness.

You are correct on the milk thing. I'm from America and and European milk tastes a little weird for my taste.

 

[Phisi]

I agree that beef jerky doesn't taste that nice... Billtong on the other hand is orgasmic. Given that I have eaten it since I was a baby, I was teethed on pieces of it, I think it may be an acquired taste.

 

[MercurySteam]

Yeah, it tastes like absolute shit. Doesn't matter if they try to 'flavour' it with teriyaki, BBQ or just original, it tastes awful.

 

[spectrenihlus]

What was the brand of Root Beer you bought?

In the case of root beer, I'm not blaming the drink itself, only the particular brand.
I'm sure it can be done well, but that stuff tasted like baking soda and vanilla.

Yea don't get A&W, if you can get Barq's or Dad's or other small soda brewerys. Much better than A&W.

 

[capper42]

Curry I suppose.
Heard good things, tasted like Beh and dried... Something.
Might have been becasue it was instant or something, I'unno.

Wait, you're basing your opinion on curry, an umbrella name for literally hundreds of different dishes, on some instant variety? I didn't even know you could get instant curry!

At least visit a good Indian restaurant, or follow a good recipe to make your own before writing off such diverse food.

 

[Necabo]

As for me? There aren't too many things I don't like. Some people rave about gin, but I think it tastes like Pine-Sol (for anyone who doesn't know it's a cleaning liquid, and I haven't actually tasted it).

Maybe cleaning liquid is a bit overdone, I'd go for gasoline though. Pretty sure my car would run on gin too

 

[capper42]

Also, people need to start reading the first post and realising that the jerky didn't come in a can, that's just what he's comparing it to.

 

[lunavixen]

I've had beef jerky before (i'm Australian btw), i didn't hate it, but i didn't think it was anything to rant and rave about, i'd eat it if it was there or given to me, but i wouldn't go out of my way to get it.

As for root beer, i've never seen it here, so I can't comment on it.

 

[Toby Kitching]

I found some beef jerky in a butchers shop in my town, and it was mediocre at best. Try and find any place that sells south african food and look for 'biltong'; it's meat that has been cured, spiced and dried until it's really tough and chewy. Makes a great thing to gnaw on over the course of a couple of days.

As for root beer, isn't root beer just an americanisation of 'ginger beer'? I fucking love ginger beer.

 

[fenrizz]

I gotta agree with the OP on this one, Beef Jerky is pretty horrible stuff.
Root beer also tastes pretty bad imo.

This is what Beef Jerky should sthrive to be, in my opinion:

Spoiler: I present to you The Lammelår, a.k.a. Lambs Thigh

Dried and salted thigh of lamb

It's delicious!

 

[Lawnmooer]

Huh... I've not tried Beef Jerky myself, but other things in this thread I have:

Root Beer - The brand I get at least is nice. A few people I know can't stand it though, only a few select people in my family actually like it around where I've lived.

Ginger Ale - I like, I cannot describe why though, the taste seems a bit wierd. Though it works best when mixed with a Fruit Cocktail, then it's so delicious...

Ginger Beer - You might think that this is the same as the American "Ginger Ale" but no, it tastes very strongly of ginger, so much that it makes me feel ill... Though I still like Ginger Biscuits which have a similar taste...

Irn Bru - Is rather nice, though becomes one of the worst things ever when it goes flat...

Dr Pepper - Tastes like Marzipan, everyone I know absolutely loves it... Me and a friend often mix Amerreto and Coca-Cola to make an alchoholic drink that tastes the same and Dr Pepper.

On Topic:

Something overhyped that I didn't like? Mountain Dew.

Seriously I hear Americans talking about how they drink like 5 bottles of it per hour because it is so damn tasty and refreshing.

My experience? It's filled to the brim with sugar but yet somehow doesn't taste sweet, this causes me to have a sugar rush without any of the nice taste granted by the sugar which is an awful combination.

The only time I actually felt good after drinking a bottle of Mountain Dew was the time when I mixed an entire bottle of it with 2 cans of Red Bull and 4 Lucozade Energy Shots. But I'd still rather drink pretty much anything else than Mountain Dew *Ugh*

 

[greatcheezer2021]

go to colorada, montainya, or wyomying and look around for some genuine buffalo jerky.

holy fuckin shit, that ruined all the store bought, jack links, pemmican, and oberto crap all this manufactured processed crap.

or go to hollister california and look for this dude who makes his own jerky, its a good substitute for the genuine deal.

 

[Coldster]

I only like my grandfather's homemade beef jerky. Never really liked the store bought stuff. It just isn't nearly as great tasting and seemingly addicting.

 

[TheScientificIssole]

And our chocolate is great.

This may actually be true. As of late I've been finding some import chocolate from god-knows-where. All I know is that it is delicious and marked in some kind of elf language.

 

[MrBenSampson]

Beef jerky is awesome. Salmon jerky on the other hand... Never again.

A shitty thing that was hyped up for me was the movie "Superbad." Everyone in my highschool, including the teachers, were raving about how amazingly funny that movie was. I didn't laugh once, and was disgusted at a few points. The movie "Borat" was exactly the same. After those two, I ignored everyone when they told me to watch the "Jackass" movies.