Funniest thing you heard while playing online

[Sir Kemper]

Hey all, since i enjoy makeing simple topics here's another one:

What is the funniest thing you've heard over Xbox Live/PSN/etc, Personally, it would have to be a shor conversation with a fellow in a L4D2 lobby.

*Please note: this conversation took place before Mass effects launch*

Guy (in a heavy texas accent): *To his friend* So i was on the Mass effect forums the other day, and there's around 5 topics related to haveing sex with Tali!

Me: *Cutting in* Wait, did you say 5, wouden't one be enough?

Guy: No, the reply count goes to 100, then when it fills up they make another one!

Me: Seriously?

Guy: Yeah, They want to have sex with flash light head!

And from that day forward, i have never been able to get the line: They want to have sex with flash light head! out of my head.

So escapist's, whats the funniest thing you've heard online?

 

[Binerexis]

I was in a TF2 game and heard this:

"What?! A headshot is an instant kill?! That's fucking BULLSHIT!"


He was laughed out of the server.

 

[nick n stuff]

i always find that turning up the pitch on your mic funny as it works both ways and being insulted by a chipmunk is always much more fun.

 

[Sir Kemper]

I was in a TF2 game and heard this:

"What?! A headshot is an instant kill?! That's fucking BULLSHIT!"


He was laughed out of the server.

My god, wait untill he plays MW2... Halo 3... or any other FPS for that matter...

 

[Hamdan Divided]

"We just nailed you so hard the romans called, they want us to help next time jesus comes around."

best kill cam convo EVER

 

[Binerexis]

I was in a TF2 game and heard this:

"What?! A headshot is an instant kill?! That's fucking BULLSHIT!"


He was laughed out of the server.

My god, wait untill he plays MW2... Halo 3... or any other FPS for that matter...

Well I kind of felt bad for him as it was pretty obvious he'd only ever played TF2. All that pity disappeared when he started giving me shit for being English on a server filled with other English folk.

 

[Sir Kemper]

"We just nailed you so hard the romans called, they want us to help next time jesus comes around."

XD!

Also, Welcome to the escapist, be polite, be smart, and don't go into the basement.

 

[TheNamlessGuy]

DELETED

 

[Quad08]

*Guy* "Hey you! How did that rocket taste?!"

Me "Since its a virutal game, I doubt it has any taste at all"

*Guy* "....What?"

 

[ma55ter_fett]

This "some kid" had been bitching for most of the game until;

Some kid: "You all fucking suck, you're all fags you know that."

*some kid dies*

Some kid: "What the hell! Someone fucking cover me jesus christ!"

A very pissed off me: "Once I take my dick out of your mothers ass I'll consider covering yours... how old are you by the way, I don't "cover" kids over the age of 13."

I got most of this from some guy I saw on youtube he used the "takeing my dick out of your mothers ass" and I have used that line several times since.

 

[FungTheDestroy]

Every so often someone would start humming the Jurassic Park theme in a nasal sounding hum. Very funny.

 

[vamp rocks]

im sure i have said this before on the escapist but whatever...

i was in a game and this kid started acting like he was sooooo grown up and cussing everyone out and coming up with some sick comments that he probably heard from somehwere else and didnt really know their full meaning (you know... like every kid does)

anyway he was in the middle of being an adult and swearing and his mother comes in and starts yelling at him... the entire game was in hysterics... and by far the funnyest thing i have heard...

needless to say his account promptly left the game...

 

[lazy_bum]

Playing heretic on halo3. had shotgun, walked into room with three opponents in it, blew away the first two, third guy didnt see me, walked up behind him reloading, aimed at back of his head and heard over the mike. 'you two see that guy with the shotgun?' couldnt resist telling him to check his radar a second before i blew him away, his make were laughing so hard at him when we got back to the lobby.

or maybe when i was playing MW2 with a few mates. got shot at the top of a ladder, but at the bottom my body somehow got stuck upside down just of the ground, right in fron of my mates gf, who proceeded to scream down the mike...

 

[Iconsting]

*While playing MW2*
I was having a conversation with my cousin, during which making fun of Irish accents because we're stupid American fucks.
Me(In a fake Irish accent, also talking at a pace similar to Yahtzee): I was walking down the street the other day and I saw this ad in the window for a new product called a chocolate potato and I wondered "What the hell is a chocolate potato?" Turns out it's just a big hunk of chocolate shaped like a potato.

Cousin: Haha, say that again.

Me: *repeats line*

Redneck guy: What? Why are you talkin' 'bout 'taters?

Me: Not taters, PO-TA-TOES. You know, boil em, mash em, stick em in a stew.

Redneck guy:... I don't get it.

This isn't really all that funny, but I finally got set up for a LOTR reference, that's gotta count for something.

*Later*

Redneck guy: That's what I call a headshot rescue. Cuz I rescued him.

Me: And let me guess: you got a headshot.

Redneck guy: COURSE I DID YA QUEER!

*Later still*

Little kid: Hey guys, guess what? I'm only seven years old.

Redneck guy: You're seven? You shouldn't be learnin how to kill people, you should be learnin stuff like how to take a shit in the turlet.

 

[Gyrefalcon]

Minion on City of Heroes:

"Welcome to a world of pain, I'll be your guide."

 

[Ironic Pirate]

Some guy: Don't touch my fucking m&ms.

Person in background: Which ones are yours?

Some guy: The ones you're eating! (I will now do my best to translate an expression of inhuman rage to letters) EEEEAAAGGGH!

Person in background: AHH, get off!

*sounds of fighting*

Me: This is why skittles are so much better. They never get anyone killed, m&ms cause thirteen deaths annually.

 

[Champion360]

You know how when you play COD4 when the game starts and the guy says "let's do this marines" well some guy on my team said the same thing but in a perfect old man voice and it was hilarious i dropped my controler i laughed so hard and the guy never said anything for the rest of the match it was weird but funny as hell.

 

[Distorted Stu]

I would post something,but its too rude for the forum.

So..

"You guys seen the bullet holes in the wall after you shoot them?"
"yeah, what about them?"
"I wonder if they go deep enough to have sex with.."

Also something about bullet holes without colour and being in space. I was playing with /b/tards on left4dead, so it was a very comical game!

 

[Orcus The Ultimate]

I experienced something similar to this:

http://vimeo.com/7873397

 

[Sethzard]

I heard this kid threaten to hack my account, he was in the party not my game and was probably about 12 at most