Game Headlines from the Year 2050
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Call of Duty Modern Warfare 972, Modern Warfare 973, Black Ops 33 now released. Expansion adding guns and grenades released on Modern Warfares 970, 971 and Black Ops 32. Activision plans on releasing Call of Duty: Prehistoric Warfare this month, and rumors of a Call of Duty: Trench Warfare 7 are abound. Activisions inner city program, Modern Welfare, is having a huge impact on the community, both improving lives of the impoverished, and causing 12 year olds to scream at their welfare checks for being worth less money due to market inflation.
In other news, inflation rose 2.1% today when Activision announced they were printing more money.
On to news about good games, Fallout: Portland Oregon's first two DLCs released, titled "The Bear Grilles Experience" and "Broken Pines." The DLCs will cost about 400 MS points, and Fallout: New Vegas's DLC content is also being released for PC after a 40 year wait.
Grand Theft Auto: Somalia is expected to hit shelves tomorrow, and this time Rockstar games promises there will be at least 3 likeable characters in the game.
Star Wars Battlefront III, may be released within 2-5 years, but don't hold your breath as Lucasarts is still selling stupid Force Unleashed crap to people who were born even after the prequels were remade.
L4D439 has been released in Australia, but without any content whatsoever out of fear that it might offend people.
And in final news, the Bobby Kotick.v.22.8 has resigned as chair of Activision, and has appointed Bobby Kotick.v.23.0 as his successor.
In other news, inflation rose 2.1% today when Activision announced they were printing more money.
On to news about good games, Fallout: Portland Oregon's first two DLCs released, titled "The Bear Grilles Experience" and "Broken Pines." The DLCs will cost about 400 MS points, and Fallout: New Vegas's DLC content is also being released for PC after a 40 year wait.
Grand Theft Auto: Somalia is expected to hit shelves tomorrow, and this time Rockstar games promises there will be at least 3 likeable characters in the game.
Star Wars Battlefront III, may be released within 2-5 years, but don't hold your breath as Lucasarts is still selling stupid Force Unleashed crap to people who were born even after the prequels were remade.
L4D439 has been released in Australia, but without any content whatsoever out of fear that it might offend people.
And in final news, the Bobby Kotick.v.22.8 has resigned as chair of Activision, and has appointed Bobby Kotick.v.23.0 as his successor.
This just in people who played bullet-storm in their youth have raped 78% of the world population in the last 30 years. Wait whose at the door. OH FOX, WHY DIDN'T WE LISTEN!? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.
Also Bethesda promises that their new game engine is completely bug free so long as you don't run it on a computer.
Also Bethesda promises that their new game engine is completely bug free so long as you don't run it on a computer.
New trailer for Duke Nukem forever has just been relis......oh...thats right.....im going to miss that joke.
"Gamers petition politicians to stop full immersion simulations, the new craze amongst youngsters. 'Unlike in video games, people using these dreaded contraptions cannot tell truth from reality. It turns them into murderers and rapists. Won't anyone think of the children?' says representative coolxboxdude666."
"Madden NFL 2051 announced with new 'Be a Pompous Jackass' online mode"
"EA and Activison buy out the countries of Uzbekistan and Kazahkstan respectively based on revenues from popular shooter franchises, threaten to settle differnces with actual war"
"Suspected serial killer Ben "Yahtzee" Croshaw arrested today after being found writing the words 'Press X to Not Die" on walls with a families' blood"
"EA and Activison buy out the countries of Uzbekistan and Kazahkstan respectively based on revenues from popular shooter franchises, threaten to settle differnces with actual war"
"Suspected serial killer Ben "Yahtzee" Croshaw arrested today after being found writing the words 'Press X to Not Die" on walls with a families' blood"
" Microsoft sued in death of player as Xbox 2700 RRODs during mind upload"
" Atari Jaguar to be re released as first console with 4D capability"
" Gran Turismo 9 released including over 5000 cars, received with mixed reviews for clunky physic interface, but praised for realism as most cars are modeled to the atomic level while its current rival Forza 7 only at the molecular scale"
" Atari Jaguar to be re released as first console with 4D capability"
" Gran Turismo 9 released including over 5000 cars, received with mixed reviews for clunky physic interface, but praised for realism as most cars are modeled to the atomic level while its current rival Forza 7 only at the molecular scale"
[HEADING=3]HUMANITY IS NOT DOOMED![/HEADING]
Yesterday, the activation of the Skynet world security network almost led to disaster as the super computer attempted to access all WMDs in the world to destroy humanity. Fortunately, the core software written by Microsoft had an unusual bug that blue-screened the entire system in under half a minute. Bill Gates responded to the possibility that his computers harbor pure evil by saying, "Well, it was certainly unexpected. I hope the Mother Brain project we sent into space with the colonists turns out better than this.".
[HEADING=3]Jack Thompson Explodes, Killing 87,000.[/HEADING]
No explanation has been determined for this, the greatest tragedy faced in recent times. For whatever reason, the ex-attorney was in Los Angelas when he suddenly exploded with enough force to form a crater visible from orbit. Reconstructions of the scene via satellite recording indicate that he was being held up by a man in a Mario costume holding a machine gun. Why this would cause him to explode is still a mystery.
[HEADING=3]Megaman 85 Hits The Shelves.[/HEADING]
Capcom released the 85th iteration of the Megaman franchise, featuring Dr. Wily as the villain once more from the comfort of his retirement home facility for the clinically insane. Robot Masters seem to to be made from whatever his surroundings were at the time, thus we have...
Medicman
Senileman
TVman
Wheelchairman
Toiletman
Bedpanman
ReallyOldMan
and Deadman.
Also featured in an extra DLC, Mario cameos in the game as 'Plungerman'.
[HEADING=3]Ben "Yahtzee" Croshaw Does It Again.[/HEADING]
The infamous reviewer/writer/developer ended his week-long 'Flipping You The Bird' session with curious reporters to announce that he's finally gotten his new game, "Tfarcraw Fo Dlrow", off the ground and should be completed by the end of the week. He apologizes for any delays, but "Unlike some bastards in the gaming industry, I want to put out something that isn't half-finished and full of fucking bugs". The controversal 'backwards leveling game' he envisioned back in 2011 is said to be the greatest game ever since Blizzard's WTF, the sequel to the high-grossing game that they'll charge us $23,000 just to mention anymore.
Yesterday, the activation of the Skynet world security network almost led to disaster as the super computer attempted to access all WMDs in the world to destroy humanity. Fortunately, the core software written by Microsoft had an unusual bug that blue-screened the entire system in under half a minute. Bill Gates responded to the possibility that his computers harbor pure evil by saying, "Well, it was certainly unexpected. I hope the Mother Brain project we sent into space with the colonists turns out better than this.".
[HEADING=3]Jack Thompson Explodes, Killing 87,000.[/HEADING]
No explanation has been determined for this, the greatest tragedy faced in recent times. For whatever reason, the ex-attorney was in Los Angelas when he suddenly exploded with enough force to form a crater visible from orbit. Reconstructions of the scene via satellite recording indicate that he was being held up by a man in a Mario costume holding a machine gun. Why this would cause him to explode is still a mystery.
[HEADING=3]Megaman 85 Hits The Shelves.[/HEADING]
Capcom released the 85th iteration of the Megaman franchise, featuring Dr. Wily as the villain once more from the comfort of his retirement home facility for the clinically insane. Robot Masters seem to to be made from whatever his surroundings were at the time, thus we have...
Medicman
Senileman
TVman
Wheelchairman
Toiletman
Bedpanman
ReallyOldMan
and Deadman.
Also featured in an extra DLC, Mario cameos in the game as 'Plungerman'.
[HEADING=3]Ben "Yahtzee" Croshaw Does It Again.[/HEADING]
The infamous reviewer/writer/developer ended his week-long 'Flipping You The Bird' session with curious reporters to announce that he's finally gotten his new game, "Tfarcraw Fo Dlrow", off the ground and should be completed by the end of the week. He apologizes for any delays, but "Unlike some bastards in the gaming industry, I want to put out something that isn't half-finished and full of fucking bugs". The controversal 'backwards leveling game' he envisioned back in 2011 is said to be the greatest game ever since Blizzard's WTF, the sequel to the high-grossing game that they'll charge us $23,000 just to mention anymore.
Since it appears people think that we will just multiply 360 by 2 (the "Xbox 720" is the term random journalists use to describe a theoretical future XBox), and if we further assume that there will be an average of 10 years between consoles it would be the Xbox 5760. Also the headline would be:GreatTeacherCAW said:
"Xbox 5760 sets people on fire if they cease 'fun time mining activity #7' before the end of their designated enjoyment period".
Some of the Headlines where pretty predictable...
Well, let me add some more predictable things:
"SquareenixDisneygoogle announces remake of final fantasy 7!"
"Microsonyntendo announces the 'Xstation ii' console"
"'Fox news' to get honored with the 'best journalism' Award"
"Catastrophic flood of what looks like Semen wreaks Havoc in Seoul after 'Starcraft 4' Announcement"
"Steve Jobbs' Head in a Jar announces 'iUnholy Abomination'".
"Man executed in Kansas for being possessed by the devil"
"Activision employee was fired for not being possessed by the devil"
"Valve confirms rumors that the 'G-Man' is to be a Protagonist in new 'Sex and the City' iteration"
Well, let me add some more predictable things:
"SquareenixDisneygoogle announces remake of final fantasy 7!"
"Microsonyntendo announces the 'Xstation ii' console"
"'Fox news' to get honored with the 'best journalism' Award"
"Catastrophic flood of what looks like Semen wreaks Havoc in Seoul after 'Starcraft 4' Announcement"
"Steve Jobbs' Head in a Jar announces 'iUnholy Abomination'".
"Man executed in Kansas for being possessed by the devil"
"Activision employee was fired for not being possessed by the devil"
"Valve confirms rumors that the 'G-Man' is to be a Protagonist in new 'Sex and the City' iteration"