Rednog said:
You're a gamer if you play games and they're pretty much a major form of entertainment to you and it would be difficult for you to replace it completely with another form of entertainment.
By gods, I think he's got it! It's not elitist, it explains the heart of the matter, and it's a very simple qualifier. I could get behind this definition if we HAD to have one. I would like to think we don't, but in the event...
As for people continuously asking about WHY gaming becoming mainstream can be seen as bad, I think the bare-bones point is this: in a sense to some people it's a one-way door. People who walk in now are supposed to be more than welcome, but people like the OP and others who are "Hardcore" into the lifestyle aren't really afforded the same level of welcome in the outside world without adjusting their mannerisms and personality. It seems to apply not just to being a gamer but being a geek in general.
For example when people around me are telling jokes or funny stories, I have to keep my trap shut. Why? Because most of my funny stories are geeky to the point that normal people will stare at me blankly and there will be an awkward moment of silence before they act like I never said anything and move on. I'm written off as a loser for wearing geek-wear in public because I'm not tan, fit, and clearly wearing it ironically or to be hip as it's not the superhero of the month I'm wearing, but a hero I actually LIKE. To me this kinda sucks and it feels unfair. A sports-fan can be a sports-fan without much scrutiny. A car-nut can be a car-nut and most people will understand. But a guy who's sunk hundreds of hours into World of Warcraft, while still maintaining a social circle, holding down a good job, and living life outside of the game, is clearly a pasty nerd loser who has no business being outside his parents' basement and will likely never, ever, get laid.
Is the above a fair judgement on myself or anyone else who's enjoyed games and geek culture extensively? No. It's not. It's a 'fair is fair' issue I think in terms of some people believing that if geeks are going to be degraded for going into normal-person territory with their flag flying, brodudes and casuals should get the same treatment for coming into geek turf.
That said, though: The above revenge fantasy does absolutely zero percent of good to anyone on either side, and as I come to look at it more, I feel like the one-way door is a bit of a good thing in that it forces some of us to grow up. We can still love gaming as we do, but that doesn't mean broadening our horizons wouldn't do us some good. We like what we do and we do what we like but, as hard as it is to be the bigger man and whatnot, time comes when you have to do it. For those gamers among us who are unhappy about the influx of casuals, brodudes, jerks, and other non-gamers, unfortunately that time is now. It's hard, but we've gotta grow up and learn to live and let live. Understand that this is how the world works and it's likely how it will always work to some degree.
TL; DR: While I can see where some people are unhappy about people who normally would make fun of or look down on gamers endlessly coming into gaming territory, it's not going to change and bitching does no good. We're gonna have to grow up, let it go, and embrace the opportunities this situation has given.