Games that would make crappy movies

[Saregon]

So, we all know how it is, when Hollywood takes a game we love and decide to make a movie from it. At the beginning, at least for me, I was excited. "Yes!" I thought, "Finally someone recognizes how cool this game is and makes more stuff in the lore!" or something along those lines. And then they come out with stuff like the Doom movie, or *shudder* the Super Mario Bros. movie.

So my question is, which games do you NOT want them to make a movie of (or if it's been made already, which do you dislike the most)and why?

For me right now, it would probably be Dead Space. Now, don't get me wrong, I do think it has potential as a movie, but it needs to be done right, capturing the creepy feeling you get being on board the Ishimura. Being an EA title though, I have a feeling they would just make it more like a full-on action movie like Resident Evil or Doom to grab more cash, which would be bad.

Captcha: no regrets
Oh no, they should have many, many regrets..

 

[Girl With One Eye]

Metal Gear Solid, good luck cramming in the whole plot into one movie. Even if they split it into parts, it would most likely have most of it cut out and unexplained.

 

[bafrali]

Half Life. Protagonist doesn't speak. It doesn't have much dialog. It relies on enviromental storytelling from first person perspective.

But I know how to make it work. I would cast a camera to play Gordon Freeman. You wouldn't notice the difference

 

[rekabdarb]

Portal and half life.
I SAID IT.

Although i think left 4 dead would be pretty awesome. Doing the sacrifice map.

Most "pick your path" movies (IE Infamous, Fable, etc) Unless they seriously had fan input. Like having a poll before shooting of which direction should they go, what 'big' choices should be picked and how the finale should be handled.

most if not all RPGS. A mass effect movie WITH Shepard would be a bad idea. Unless he's on the outskirts. Like you hear him in passing, or you noticed him at the citadel.

 

[Shinsei-J]

No World of Warcraft movie ever and that's final.
If someone attempts this I will hunt them down and kill them with my bare hands.
I mean, I like wow, (I don't play any more) I like the lore but I don't think there would be a good way to handle this that wouldn't make the whole move seem like a bad fanfic of someone's character.

 

[skywolfblue]

I think Dead Space could actually make a pretty good horror movie, if it got treated properly (that's the unlikely part).

Anyway, back to the topic at hand.

Portal: The portal mechanic while fun to play, would be boring to watch. Also, having GLaDOS's lines directed at an impersonal main character makes them loose a bit of their charm.

Gears of War: The game is awesome because YOU get to chainsaw people in half. Watching others chainsaw people in half would be kinda boring.

Vanquish & Bayonetta: While their gameplay was excellent, the story/plot was abominably bad.

 

[A3sir]

I think any game could make a good movie, if it is done right. Unfortunately most of the time Uwe Boll gets the rights... but yeah, most game movies aren't done right. If PJ and Neill Blomkamp got the go ahead on Halo, I think it could have been great, I mean look at how District 9 turned out. It's sad that film studios still don't understand, when Peter Jackson is going to make a film for you, get him to write down a number and just throw money at him.

 

[Fappy]

WoW. I can't imagine that movie having anything redeemable... just... no.

 

[C2Ultima]

I'll go ahead and assume you mean a live action movie, not an animated one.

With that in mind, Pokemon. Let's never see that movie ever.

 

[ChildofGallifrey]

No World of Warcraft movie ever and that's final.
If someone attempts this I will hunt them down and kill them with my bare hands.
I mean, I like wow, (I don't play any more) I like the lore but I don't think there would be a good way to handle this that wouldn't make the whole move seem like a bad fanfic of someone's character.

The WoW movie just got a new writer ([link]http://kotaku.com/5931461/world-of-warcraft-movie-gets-a-new-writer-not-so-dead-after-all[/link]). I guess it's a good think Sam Raimi dropped out of the directors chair. I'd have been quite cross if you'd killed Sam Raimi.

 

[jaffrosheep]

mgs4 think of the story in those two steps you take every half an hour
ot i think mass effect the whole point of the game is to let you have your own story

captcha:now and forever
yes yes oh wait its a robot not a real person

 

[Saregon]

Do you count games with retarded plots like Resident Evil, Meta Gear Solid and 90 % of all other games, or do mean games with a different take one storytelling that wouldn't work on film (Half-Life)?

I was thinking about games that COULD potentially be good movies, but most likely wouldn't, for some reason or other.

I think Dead Space could actually make a pretty good horror movie, if it got treated properly (that's the unlikely part).

Precisely what I was thinking. Now, I'm not in the movie or game business, but it seems to me the game designers need to hold on to their creative rights a lot harder, instead of letting someone else with little or no knowledge of the lore or other good things about the games.

 

[RheynbowDash]

Resident Evil. Oh wait....

 

[Shinsei-J]

No World of Warcraft movie ever and that's final.
If someone attempts this I will hunt them down and kill them with my bare hands.
I mean, I like wow, (I don't play any more) I like the lore but I don't think there would be a good way to handle this that wouldn't make the whole move seem like a bad fanfic of someone's character.

The WoW movie just got a new writer ([link]http://kotaku.com/5931461/world-of-warcraft-movie-gets-a-new-writer-not-so-dead-after-all[/link]). I guess it's a good think Sam Raimi dropped out of the directors chair. I'd have been quite cross if you'd killed Sam Raimi.

I had not heard about this...
BEAR HANDS I SAID!
http://static2.fjcdn.com/thumbnails/comments/I+will+kill+you+with+BEAR+hands+Get+it+_17e9ae3748cdc9c1fafdf08ca6693586.png
On a serrious note, serriously, really, a wow film.
I'm sad now. I didn't know in time to actively protest.

 

[Eclipse Dragon]

Loco Roco, Viva Pinata.
Really just games without a movie style plot.

I feel in the right hands, most action games can be done pretty well,
but those games don't typically end up in the right hands.

 

[Overusedname]

Metal Gear Solid, good luck cramming in the whole plot into one movie. Even if they split it into parts, it would most likely have most of it cut out and unexplained.

It would make an awesome Burn Notice-esque TV drama though. Bit of self aware humor and plenty of genuine drama and action.

As for the OP, Zelda is the first that comes to mind. The plots and the worlds are so huge and sweeping, and more importantly the gameplay enforces the themes of the narrative more than the story elements. The Zelda series puts heavy emphasis on bosses being genuinely intimidating, the environment tells a lot of the story and you bond with the world over time simply by getting to know every NPC under the sun.

Ever since Link to the Past, the player has started to care about every individual person a bit more. And in Ocarina and Majora this was taken even further. You can't translate that kind of thing to film very well.

 

[Kpt._Rob]

With exception to some obvious casual game examples (for instance Tetris, though not Arkanoid, which apparently has a balls out insane plot that would be awesome) I really don't think there are any games which couldn't make a good movie. The big problem with converting games into movies, traditionally, has been a rigid adherence to traditional plot structures. That is to say that most game movies have decided to forgo being based on a game, and instead shoehorn references to the game into a generic and mind numbingly horrible B-movie that has little to do with the actual game.

The game which almost always comes up in threads of this topic (and this has not been the first) is the Zelda series. While I wholeheartedly agree that a traditional narrative structure for a Zelda movie (wherein it might as well be any other fantasy movie you've ever watched, but someone stuck Zelda costumes on all the characters) would be awful... but I don't think that this precludes the possibility that someone could make a great movie out of it.

Imagine with me for a moment, if you will, my Zelda movie. For the purpose of my movie we'll be sticking with Ocarina of Time, but I think the basic idea could be applied to any of the Zelda games (they've got just a little teensy bit in common). We begin with our hero much as we did in the game, only this time Link isn't the only one who doesn't talk... everyone seems to have lost their voice, not that this should be mistaken for a plot point, because as it turns out we're in a silent movie. That's right, no dialogue, just music and facial expression to convey tone. We're gonna skip over the whole getting the Kokiri sword business in my movie, and get pulled right along to the Deku tree by the now thankfully mute Navi. Upon our arrival the Deku Tree sends link a psychic vision of the monstrosities growing inside of him, and Link heads in to play tree doctor. Of course he succeeds, and upon his return is treated to another psychic vision, this time of the land in peril, and after the Deku tree dies, and he says his silent goodbyes to Saria and receives his Ocarina, he heads out into the world to complete the rest of his journey.

The big idea here is that by using only music and facial expression to convey meaning (as well as psychic visions/link's vivid imagination in place of conversation), the movie is forced to retain the simple plot of the game, but still feels like it's got a lot of depth of character. Over the course of the film there would of course be beautiful emotional music, gorgeous landscapes, and some kick ass action scene boss fights. It'll have to be at least a two part film series, one for while he's young link, one for when he's older, though unless they want to cut out some of the temples it probably ought to be more than that. I for one think that such a movie would the kind of unique cinematic gem that we could not help but love. Unfortunately it's probably a little too experimental for any studio to try, especially considering the cost of special effects for such a film... still, a man can dream, can he not?

 

[GonzoGamer]

Easy question. It's hard to think of a game that would make a good movie.

Worst idea ever: Pac Man starring Jack Black

 

[Zandarck]

Dead Space was a film before it was a game. Well kinda... Event Horizon, if you haven't seen it yet I highly recommend it!

Personally, I think Gear Grinder would make a crappy film. But in the good crappy sort of way.