Genies... Three wishes... What would you wish for?

[dgmisal]

My three wishes...

1) A wallet, that whenever reached into to make a purchase, provided exact change (plus a 20% gratuity if at a resteraunt)...

2) A bowl or chillum that was always packed with enough green for one more hit...

3) My own personal theme music, audible by all in a 50 yard radius to whom I have line of effect, which changes based upon my mood at the time (generally playing some sort of Grateful Dead tune that fits my aura of the moment)...

Simple, yet fun.

 

[pha kin su pah]

1) to be the last man on earth!, that'll teach her!

 

[Usnota]

1) a super console that can play any game that has, is and will be made
2) a beautiful woman who loves me no matter what
3) Heavy Metal to become mainstream by way of Metallica topping the insane epic awesomeness that is Master of Puppets and releasing an even better album

truly, is that not what we all want

 

[clarinetJWD]

1. Collect Underpants
2. ???
3. Profit!

 

[GenHellspawn]

1: Gain complete control over the genie
2: Remove the genie's free will.
3: Infinate wishes.

I win.

 

[SilentHunter7]

1. A Lawyer.
2. Money for the lawyer's fee.
3. The lawyer will write the third wish for me.

Smart. Especially with those literal genie bastards.

 

[Slayer0019]

Well, this is easy.
Me=God. That should cover it, but if not I'll go on.
2. Anything I say with my left eye closed, people believe unconditionally, as accepted to them as gravity.
3. A Portal Gun.

 

[Johnn Johnston]

I wish for...

1.One Million Dollars!
2.An orchestral bit after I've said that.
3 People realise that I'm doing a Dr. Evil impression.

 

[KimMR251]

1. To never have to sleep again

2. Endless supply of sour skittles and sour patch kids...

3. The ability to "curve the bullet."

Not too shabby indeed.

 

[gim73]

Now, as a dungeon master who has done this whole 'wish' thing tons o' times, here is what I will do.

For everyone who wishes for infinite wishes: granted. Unfortunately, they are only wishes and don't have to be granted.

For everyone who wants tons of genies or to free your genie: Genies are malicious bastards who need to be bound to the lamp or ring. Once you free them they usually kill you and go on a killing spree to release thousands of years of pent up anger with nothing to hold them back.

For everyone who asks for eternal peace on earth: Suddenly, every human on earth, including you, die. No wars, no more suffering, true peace on earth. Genie wins!

The power over time thing is a bit interesting, but I still have a foil for that one. While you may be able to stop time, all individual molecule motion is stopped as well. While time is stopped you are unable to breath. Also, from a thermodynamics point of view, all heat is transfered to the now incredibly thin boundry layer around you, and when you return time to normal, it dissapates into you, burning you horribly.

Wishing for love is always fun too. I love to rape another persons free will. Really, you might as well just wish to be able to kill anybody she falls for, and tons of money, then win her heart the old fashioned way.

On that note: People who wish for money get exactly what they wish for: if they were not specific about where and what they get rolls of quarters falling in a lump block above their location. But I can also screw you with counterfit bills from some crime boss who wants the money back.

Super intellegence: If you wish for all the knowledge in the universe, I can pull a Stargate SG1 on you and make it so much that it overwrites your personality and starts to kill you. Or I could be literal and give you a super military intellegence division, devoted to keeping you informed.

Something that will stop people from killing other people: Another fun one. Robots. If robots start killing people who kill people, then people will stop killing people. They might start banding together to kill robots. Then robots will claim they are people and kill EVERYONE!

To be the last man on earth: Well... thanks for turning us all into chicks buddy. You might have fun for a while, but your job as sole sperm donor for the entire world is really gonna get on your nerves. Then when the strongest females capture you and rape you non-stop for years, you'll eventually lose your will to live and commit suicide.

Yeah, I know, I'm kinda a dick. Usually, when my players use wishes, I make them commit the wish to written wording so THEY have a chance to look over it and don't screw up how they verbally say the wish and that I can find the 'screw you' loophole. Sometimes, they actually get something decent that doesn't bite them in the ass.

 

[defcon 1]

Would I be exploiting a loophole if I wish I could have the power to go back in time at will?

That way I could meet him again and have the wish counter reset.

 

[Gregorius]

Now, as a dungeon master who has done this whole 'wish' thing tons o' times, here is what I will do.

For everyone who wishes for infinite wishes: granted. Unfortunately, they are only wishes and don't have to be granted.

For everyone who wants tons of genies or to free your genie: Genies are malicious bastards who need to be bound to the lamp or ring. Once you free them they usually kill you and go on a killing spree to release thousands of years of pent up anger with nothing to hold them back.

For everyone who asks for eternal peace on earth: Suddenly, every human on earth, including you, die. No wars, no more suffering, true peace on earth. Genie wins!

The power over time thing is a bit interesting, but I still have a foil for that one. While you may be able to stop time, all individual molecule motion is stopped as well. While time is stopped you are unable to breath. Also, from a thermodynamics point of view, all heat is transfered to the now incredibly thin boundry layer around you, and when you return time to normal, it dissapates into you, burning you horribly.

Wishing for love is always fun too. I love to rape another persons free will. Really, you might as well just wish to be able to kill anybody she falls for, and tons of money, then win her heart the old fashioned way.

On that note: People who wish for money get exactly what they wish for: if they were not specific about where and what they get rolls of quarters falling in a lump block above their location. But I can also screw you with counterfit bills from some crime boss who wants the money back.

Super intellegence: If you wish for all the knowledge in the universe, I can pull a Stargate SG1 on you and make it so much that it overwrites your personality and starts to kill you. Or I could be literal and give you a super military intellegence division, devoted to keeping you informed.

Something that will stop people from killing other people: Another fun one. Robots. If robots start killing people who kill people, then people will stop killing people. They might start banding together to kill robots. Then robots will claim they are people and kill EVERYONE!

To be the last man on earth: Well... thanks for turning us all into chicks buddy. You might have fun for a while, but your job as sole sperm donor for the entire world is really gonna get on your nerves. Then when the strongest females capture you and rape you non-stop for years, you'll eventually lose your will to live and commit suicide.

Yeah, I know, I'm kinda a dick. Usually, when my players use wishes, I make them commit the wish to written wording so THEY have a chance to look over it and don't screw up how they verbally say the wish and that I can find the 'screw you' loophole. Sometimes, they actually get something decent that doesn't bite them in the ass.

You have no idea how much I love you for this post, gim73. Unfortunately, as long as rules have loopholes, there will be people to exploit those loopholes. Say, for example... myself.
This is what I would wish for:

First, I would wish for the powers of basic telepathy... nothing much; just the ability to project my thoughts and read others' thoughts at will. That's all I'd ask.

Now here's where I be a little bastard and ruin the game. My second wish is for the genie to re-create any circumstance I project into his mind with impeccable detail; be it gold bars, a mansion with my signature on the deed, an nigh-infinite supply of collectibles for my melee-weaponry collection... if I can think of it, he would be forced to do it. If a picture is worth a thousand words, how much is a thought worth? A memory?

Knowing the finer points of the genie's ways, I have to be careful of what my third wish is.

• Say I slipped the tongue and wished for immortality; I may live forever, but I'd continue to age, becoming decrepit and weak for millenia.
  
  Could I be greedy and wish for omnipotence? No. With age comes wisdom, and with the peak of one's wisdom comes the peak of one's age... and the peak of one's age brings untimely death. I could very well know everything... for but a moment in time.
  
  World peace is a pipe dream. "To make peace, you must prepare for war", as it was once said. World peace brings about another world war. Then again, "the cure to global warming lies in nuclear winter", an old friend of mine once said. Just kidding.
  
  How about $X billion / trillion / etc...? Why not ask to be the last man on Earth? You could have anything you wish on a whim, and the people would have nothing. No chance of getting food, water, shelter, protection... in translation, no chance at life. You would literally destroy human society as we know it today.
  
  Control over time? gim73 came close, but that isn't how it might actually work. Heat is still transferred as kinetic energy in molecules. When molecules stop moving, there is zero kinetic energy, and when molecules reach a minimum level of kinetic energy, they go into a sort of hibernation. Theoretically, freezing time makes about as much sense as jumping into a vat of liquid nitrogen. Freezing time literally means freezing yourself in time as well. And when it comes to speeding up / reversing the flow of time, it would still work against you. The main reason time travel is impossible is because time heals (and harms) all things. Time would speed up your molecules and, not only the vast increase in kinetic energy (and heat), but the deterioration of your molecular structure would kill you. Also, say you got shot, could reverse time 'til before it happened and narrowly avoided the event. Your body wouldn't get the wound, but your brain, not knowing any better, would react to the sensation of getting shot anyways, slowly deteriorating your mind through illusions and "mind tricks", so to speak. Can you see the repercussions here? Time may branch off into parallels, but those parallels branch off and intersect with the main time stream. Avoid the event; it will happen anyways... or at least that is what I, myself, believe in the latter case.

So I've come to one relative conclusion; one wish that I cannot see having any negative repercussions so long as I live.

My third, and final, wish would be to seal the genie inside his vessel and transfer ownership of that vessel to my only child at the coming of their nineteenth birthday. Therefore, my child would get their three greatest wishes come true at the same age I did. And by that time, I will have taught them everything that makes the world go 'round. And in the event that I could not procreate before my demise, the genie is eternally sealed in his vessel, unable to corrupt the world and its people anymore than it already has.

It's not about who has the most money, courage, wisdom or power. It's all about common sense.

 

[gim73]

Yeah, I thought about the freezing thing as well. I was also considering doing the geeky sci-fi thing by saying that the sudden jump in entropy will tear a hole in time-space. Possibly if you create a 'bubble' in time that you travel with, in this case you can actually breath the air you take with you, however the heat has no way to leave the bubble and you really have a limited time. It's kinda hard to model something like this. Imagine being trapped in a sphere on an ice planet with a perfect insulator surrounding you. By all rights, heat transfer should be happening, but I'm not letting it.

Yeah, the mind powers one is always fun, I like to get them if they leave out that 'at will' part. Nothing drives a man more crazy than if he can't stop reading people's minds.

Your second wish is kinda a wish for infinite wishes, but I can break you there. Sure, you can project anything you want into his head. What is saying that he can't project things into your head. Suddenly your beautiful wife also has a taste for bondage. Your vault of gold bars is filled with chlorine gas. Your collectable weapons are actually dancing swords that you have to fight off.

Third one is kinda sketchy too. These ain't dragonballs. You can't just keep them for your kids to use some other day. The finder of the lamp gets three wishes, then the lamp disappears, randomly showing up somewhere else.

might as well shatter some other dreams while I'm at it:

Burger, fries and a coke: The cow had mad cow disease, the fries were rancid and the coke was flat.

Underwear: from a 400 lb woman with terrible skidmarks.

The wallet that always had exact change (plus tip): I got nothing. This is a great wish. The only thing that would mess this up is if it were ever lost or stolen.

The other one he mentioned was a bowl that always had enough for a hit. Pretty much you want an eversmoking pipe. That's a solid choice as well, just don't get caught with that.

 

[Reasonable Doubt]

1) I wish that I was the master of every reality be it fake or real.
2)I wish that I was Immortal.
3) I wish for more Genies to grant me wishs. *Loophole*

 

[Gregorius]

Your second wish is kinda a wish for infinite wishes, but I can break you there. Sure, you can project anything you want into his head. What is saying that he can't project things into your head.

Yes, it is kind of a "wish for infinite wishes", but in a sense, it's not because never did I leave it open that I actually wanted a limitless supply of wishes, though it may have been implied. And where that can be a downfall is the once the owner dies, they still hold binding power because of that wish. That genie is going nowhere. Ever. And one more thing you may not know: I haven't the mentality of any ordinary human. Let's go on.

Suddenly your beautiful wife also has a taste for bondage.

To be entirely honest, I would never marry a woman unless she was extremely fetishistic. And bondage just so happens to be my #1 fetish.

Your vault of gold bars is filled with chlorine gas.

As much as I am a creepy person, I am also unable to deny my wealth to the charities of the "My Friends" corporation. My friends (and I use the term loosely here) would each get at least one gold bar each. And if I die, they die with me. Unless of course, the gold bars disintegrate shortly after materialization, in which case I'm boned.

Your collectible weapons are actually dancing swords that you have to fight off.

Y'know, I had a dream like that once. I never wanted to wake up. It was too good. Unfortunately, in dreams I can wish upon myself infinite stamina, and this isn't a dream... or is it?

Third one is kinda sketchy too. These ain't dragonballs. You can't just keep them for your kids to use some other day. The finder of the lamp gets three wishes, then the lamp disappears, randomly showing up somewhere else.

Okay, I'll grant that one to you, because let's face it, we can all be greedy bastards at times.

The wallet that always had exact change (plus tip): I got nothing. This is a great wish. The only thing that would mess this up is if it were ever lost or stolen.

Why didn't I think of that one? Wait. I know why. Because of one key word: the wallet only holds change; no bills, no credit cards, just everything smaller than a quarter (or Twoonie if you're Canadian). And I'm pretty sure there are laws preventing you from paying any order over a certain amount solely in denominations smaller than a quarter (or, again, Twoonie). Tough luck, mate. Almost had it there.

WISH BREAKING TIME !!!

1) I wish that I was the master of every reality be it fake or real.
2) I wish that I was Immortal.
3) I wish for more Genies to grant me wishs. *loophole*

1) Granted. You get hit by a truck shortly after asking for this wish, and without the genie first telling you how to control this power, you fall into a coma. You fall into a permanent dream-scape in that coma with which you have complete control. And while dreams seem fake to us, this dream is the only real thing keeping you tethered to life. I'm a jackass, I know it.

2) Read a few posts up. Immortality ≠ eternal youth. Immortality ≠ invincibility. Have fun being a senile old man for eternity... until, inevitably, you get murdered.

3) While you ask for the genies, they are summoned by the original genie who would be identified as their master. Genie #1 wishes himself free of his vessel; death and destruction for the rest of us for sealing him there.
But in essence, this (and your wish) is impossible. You cannot "summon" a genie from another place; The genie is the servant of the first person to find his vessel. If you can't find another genie's lamp (which you may if your brittle bones hold up, "Mr. Immortal") then you're out of luck.

Come on, this thread is fun! Let's keep this alive!

 

[Bulletinmybrain]

Well if we can't tell anyone our wishes, how can we post? : p

I want the cash equivalent of $314,159,265,358.98 after all applicable taxes of legal Canadian currency in a secure bank account which I have the password for, but to withdraw more than $100K, required retinal and fingerprint biometric identification in person at a registered bank.

Next I want to be immune to illness, injury, or aging (ie, nearly identical to Hancock's powers) until such time I decide to end my life by placing my left index finger up my right nostril and my right index finger up my left nostril, sing the lyrics to "Still Alive" while spinning in a circle, then fall on my back. Odds of doing THAT by accident, or having that particular achilles heel found out, Sho Shmall.

Lastly, controllable super muscles. Speed, strength, endurance, and physical health all far beyond mere mortals, on demand.

I love your ideas...Wanna make babys? kidding lol.


Anyways mine would be.


The ability to shoot shurkiens and lightning out my ass.

To talk to jesus with my middle finger.

And pretty much how khell said we would never die unless he does whatever.

 

[Ixus Illwrath]

Unlimited wishes, if that didn't work and I blew one on it, then I'd blow the other 2 on ultimate comprehension of everything and immortality. Yeah, it would get boring but I'm an atheist.

 

[Gregorius]

Well if we can't tell anyone our wishes, how can we post? : p

I want the cash equivalent of $314,159,265,358.98 after all applicable taxes of legal Canadian currency in a secure bank account which I have the password for, but to withdraw more than $100K, required retinal and fingerprint biometric identification in person at a registered bank.

Next I want to be immune to illness, injury, or aging (ie, nearly identical to Hancock's powers) until such time I decide to end my life by placing my left index finger up my right nostril and my right index finger up my left nostril, sing the lyrics to "Still Alive" while spinning in a circle, then fall on my back. Odds of doing THAT by accident, or having that particular achilles heel found out, Sho Shmall.

Lastly, controllable super muscles. Speed, strength, endurance, and physical health all far beyond mere mortals, on demand.

I love your ideas...Wanna make babys? kidding lol.


Anyways mine would be.


The ability to shoot shurkiens and lightning out my ass.

To talk to jesus with my middle finger.

And pretty much how khell said we would never die unless he does whatever.

Shurikens and lightning?

Lemme guess; you just finished watching Yahtzee's 'Painkiller' review?

 

[HeartagramMan]

isnt it obvious wish for power limited to your imagination!!!!!!
duh. then you can wish for watever the hell you feel like.
well thats just me.
when you read in the paper about some emo kid conquering the world you'll know i found a genie.