Girl Problems...

[LooK iTz Jinjo]

OK probably not the place, considering it's a games forum and all, but it's called Off Topic for a reason and I kind of need help and I trust my fellow escapists.

Alright so to put it simply, I fell for my best friend, and I really don't know what to do anymore. So basically I've spent the last 6 months to a year just being a friend to her, standing by her, helping her all the stuff expected by a best friend. So about 10 weeks ago I told her how I feel (don't ask why) and she did confess that she had feelings for me, but gave me what everyone else claims to be a bullshit excuse that she doesn't want to get into a relationship because she's been hurt to many times (despite how bs it might sound, she still hasn't entered into relationship).

Ok so I've been pretty down about everything lately and tonight i was talking to her on msn, just telling her how crap I feel of late, and I tell her "I'm pretty much over everything" and she replies with "You're over me." (not a question) "I'm not over you." I tell her I'm not over her and just as I say this she breaks down into telling me that on saturday night she hooked up with more than 1 guy and had dry sex, and how ashamed she is of herself.

So then in my depressed state I have to comfort her before she heads off to work. I really don't know what to do because I am desperately in love with this girl, but right now it seems like she just needs a friend... can someone give me some kind of advice here?

EDIT: Ok obviously I haven't given the 100% full story, I have left a couple of things out for reasons. So please keep that in mind when replying.

 

[S.H.A.R.P.]

she hooked up with more than 1 guy and had dry sex, and how ashamed she is of herself.

And you still want to hook up with her? She might be nice looking and all, but apparently she's also not too picky about her company. I suggest you elevate your standards, and search for somebody worth your effort. You don't need to act like your avatar implies (no offence, I hope).

 

[Simriel]

Right there with ya man. I just went through the almost yearly dance with the girl I love where we almost get together and then don't because she gets scared. It are suckiest. Said Girl has ever admitted to loving me, but keeps getting scared of of the idea of us together... Best advice I can offer is a bottle of Spirit.

 

[Flishiz]

Don't try to get too far with her in a relationship, she doesn't seem to be in the right emotional state. Just comfort her and be a friend, which'll show that you care for her, thereby making her more open to a relationship.

BZZZZZZT. If you like that advice, I hope you enjoy your government-mandated reeducation at sector 105224-Z: A.K.A, Friend Zone.

To be honest, I wouldn't even try with a girl like this. The ones you spend forever fantasizing about are NEVER the ones that will be as good once you're actually with them. Trust me on this one and keep your relationship distance.

 

[LockHeart]

OK probably not the place, considering it's a games forum and all, but it's called Off Topic for a reason and I kind of need help and I trust my fellow escapists.

Alright so to put it simply, I fell for my best friend, and I really don't know what to do anymore. So basically I've spent the last 6 months to a year just being a friend to her, standing by her, helping her all the stuff expected by a best friend. So about 10 weeks ago I told her how I feel (don't ask why) and she did confess that she had feelings for me, but gave me what everyone else claims to be a bullshit excuse that she doesn't want to get into a relationship because she's been hurt to many times (despite how bs it might sound, she still hasn't entered into relationship).

Ok so I've been pretty down about everything lately and tonight i was talking to her on msn, just telling her how crap I feel of late, and I tell her "I'm pretty much over everything" and she replies with "You're over me." (not a question) "I'm not over you." I tell her I'm not over her and just as I say this she breaks down into telling me that on saturday night she hooked up with more than 1 guy and had dry sex, and how ashamed she is of herself.

So then in my depressed state I have to comfort her before she heads off to work. I really don't know what to do because I am desperately in love with this girl, but right now it seems like she just needs a friend... can someone give me some kind of advice here?

Just be there for her, she seems to be in a pretty fragile state at the moment, she could do with a friend. If you're there to support her, hopefully something will come out of it

 

[Wordsandstuffwillbenexttothis8465]

she hooked up with more than 1 guy and had dry sex, and how ashamed she is of herself.

And you still want to hook up with her? She might be nice looking and all, but apparently she's also not too picky about her company. I suggest you elevate your standards, and search for somebody worth your effort. You don't need to act like your avatar implies (no offence, I hope).

I've been in a similar situation, it really doesn't matter that much if you really do like her.

 

[LooK iTz Jinjo]

she hooked up with more than 1 guy and had dry sex, and how ashamed she is of herself.

And you still want to hook up with her? She might be nice looking and all, but apparently she's also not too picky about her company. I suggest you elevate your standards, and search for somebody worth your effort. You don't need to act like your avatar implies (no offence, I hope).

Yeah I know what you're thinking, but she's actually not like that at all. It was really unusual for her, not to mention her first time actually getting drunk. So yeah I kind of figured that a few people would think and say that but please believe me when i say she isn't like that and she is worth it.

 

[Fingerprint]

If you're that hung up on her then be a friend. If you just talk to her, I'm sure when she's ready she'll let you know.

 

[pirateninj4]

Ok dude, here's what I think.

Firstly, using MSN/cellphones/any other form of text messaging is the worst way to deal with feelings and emotive issues between you and someone else. Talk to her face, so she can see what you mean, and how you mean it...so much can be taken out of context with just words popping up on the screen. Trust me, I know this from much experience. Much.

Secondly, that bullshit excuse is probably there as a last hurdle for you. One of my good friends just got done with the same situation as yours, and the thing that stopped him from getting the girl was that he played 'friend' too long. He spent months being the nice guy and all it got for him was more drama and stress about how she was feeling. He missed out on a lot of cool shit just from thinking that being the nice guy was going to pay off. Trust me on this, it's not.

Thirdly, the fact that she went out and hooked up with other guys, apart from the 'dry sex' being fucking ha-larious (seriously you'll laugh about it later), shows me that she doesn't care for you the same way you do for her. You'd be better off putting up some boundaries before she worms her way in and then screws you over, like a lot of women who exhibit this sort of behaviour do.

I'm not saying don't be her friend, but dude, she isn't your girlfriend and if experience has taught me anything about women who do all the things you're talking about, she won't be. Save yourself the hassle and put that wall up before you become a dickless wonder like my mate.

Peace.

 

[jmorourke80]

My advice: maintain emotional distance. I've had the misfortune of being involved with... unstable women in the past thanks to a bizarre saviour complex I had when I was younger. If she's in the frame of mind to hook up with a couple of guys, hell, even one guy and then be so overwhelmed with remorse then she has her own shit to sort out.

By all means, be a friend, sit and listen but stop it there.

If you've your heart set on a more serious relationship, I'll explain it this way. Such uneven footing is NOT the right way to start a relationship. All the love in the world wasn't going to save me and my ex given my position as the rock and her as the wave after wave of raw emotion wearing me down. Once she's happy with herself, only then is she going to be able to be happy with you.

 

[pirateninj4]

My advice: maintain emotional distance. I've had the misfortune of being involved with... unstable women in the past thanks to a bizarre saviour complex I had when I was younger. If she's in the frame of mind to hook up with a couple of guys, hell, even one guy and then be so overwhelmed with remorse then she has her own shit to sort out.

By all means, be a friend, sit and listen but stop it there.

If you've your heart set on a more serious relationship, I'll explain it this way. Such uneven footing is NOT the right way to start a relationship. All the love in the world wasn't going to save me and my ex given my position as the rock and her as the wave after wave of raw emotion wearing me down. Once she's happy with herself, only then is she going to be able to be happy with you.

Ha ha, just as I was typing the same shit...you sir, win.

 

[Luno]

treat her badly.

everyone knows chicks dig nasty guys.

 

[Fairee]

OK probably not the place, considering it's a games forum and all, but it's called Off Topic for a reason and I kind of need help and I trust my fellow escapists.

Alright so to put it simply, I fell for my best friend, and I really don't know what to do anymore. So basically I've spent the last 6 months to a year just being a friend to her, standing by her, helping her all the stuff expected by a best friend. So about 10 weeks ago I told her how I feel (don't ask why) and she did confess that she had feelings for me, but gave me what everyone else claims to be a bullshit excuse that she doesn't want to get into a relationship because she's been hurt to many times (despite how bs it might sound, she still hasn't entered into relationship).

Ok so I've been pretty down about everything lately and tonight i was talking to her on msn, just telling her how crap I feel of late, and I tell her "I'm pretty much over everything" and she replies with "You're over me." (not a question) "I'm not over you." I tell her I'm not over her and just as I say this she breaks down into telling me that on saturday night she hooked up with more than 1 guy and had dry sex, and how ashamed she is of herself.

So then in my depressed state I have to comfort her before she heads off to work. I really don't know what to do because I am desperately in love with this girl, but right now it seems like she just needs a friend... can someone give me some kind of advice here?

Ok, as a girl I may have totally the wrong perspective but here goes.....

This makes it sound like the poor girl has serious issues. So you need to be really careful. She knows you want a relationship, so she could use you the same way as she used the other guys. Y'know, for a one night thing.

What you need to do is be sympathetic, and tell her you'll always be there for her, but as a friend. Focus on gaining her trust, and making her feel comfortable around you. Then gradually try to find out what's going on in her head. If she tells you, listen and be understanding. Then take some time to decide what you want to do, whether a relationship is really what you want.

But right now this girl needs someone she can talk to, and share things with. And if she does that with you, then you're on the right track. Be patient, she'll get there....

 

[The Infamous Scamola]

Sorry to tell you this, but you are now in the dreaded "friend zone". There is no getting out of it, you'll just have to accept that you're going to stay just a shoulder to cry on.
Try with another girl.

 

[sorry user name taken.]

My thoughts on this

=D

OK probably not the place, considering it's a games forum and all, but it's called Off Topic for a reason and I kind of need help and I trust my fellow escapists.

Alright so to put it simply, I fell for my best friend, and I really don't know what to do anymore. So basically I've spent the last 6 months to a year just being a friend to her, standing by her, helping her all the stuff expected by a best friend. So about 10 weeks ago I told her how I feel (don't ask why) and she did confess that she had feelings for me, but gave me what everyone else claims to be a bullshit excuse that she doesn't want to get into a relationship because she's been hurt to many times (despite how bs it might sound, she still hasn't entered into relationship).

<----- its a big bloody step going out with a ''best friend'' because you've know each other so long and when sex is involved it changes things you see that person differently and its a big risk of messing everything up or not being best friends any more

Ok so I've been pretty down about everything lately and tonight i was talking to her on msn, just telling her how crap I feel of late, and I tell her "I'm pretty much over everything" and she replies with "You're over me." (not a question) "I'm not over you." I tell her I'm not over her and just as I say this she breaks down into telling me that on saturday night she hooked up with more than 1 guy and had dry sex, and how ashamed she is of herself.

<----- some times we do thing like this to try and take are minds off someone or get over someone ( meaning you ) or she wants you to maybe take it slow with her.

So then in my depressed state I have to comfort her before she heads off to work. I really don't know what to do because I am desperately in love with this girl, but right now it seems like she just needs a friend... can someone give me some kind of advice here?

<----- Be the friend ...sorry you'll have to take it slow with her she's very scared and clearly afraid of losing you.


i know your emotions are going crazy for this girl but the slowly you go and help her she'll see more to you than a best friend and may be relaxed enough to date.

 

[Spawn_Of_Kyuss]

Dude, Ladder Theory [http://www.laddertheory.com/].

And this is a terrible place to ask for relationship advice.

All I can say is be a decent person and hope she likes you for it. Be rational and do what makes sense to help the situation. Then give it time.

Alternatively, take up drinking.

 

[BonsaiK]

If she really wanted to be with you, she would have done so by now. You've given her the option and asked her to make a decision, and she hasn't made the decision that you wanted. She obviously likes you but isn't really into you all that much, because if she was there's absolutely no way she'd be trotting out the "I don't want to be with anyone right now" excuse, or any other excuse for that matter. Always remember - when the RIGHT person comes along, the girl (or guy) will go for it NO MATTER WHAT OTHER CONDITIONS EXIST. This is always true.

Right now she's using you as a crutch for her emotional issues. She shouldn't be doing this to you because it's obviously going to hurt you and if she can't see that, she's frankly a little bit dim, not to mention selfish and self-centred. The "dry sex" thing, you don't bring that sort of thing up with another guy who obviously wants you - talk about plunging the knife in. She should be seeking emotional support from someone who doesn't have romantic feelings for her. This girl has issues and they need to be worked through, but you're not the one to help her with that because you have issues of your own, not the least of which is that you've fallen for her and she's obviously not that keen. Stay away from her until she gets her personal issues sorted, and your heart mends. Don't be mean to her or anything - be nice and courteous, but keep your distance emotionally.

 

[yeah_so_no]

It sounds like she has some issues, serious ones, probably more than you know about, just gauging by her behavior--what she did sounds like self-destructive behavior, and set off a few warning lights for me (not warning lights of RUN RUN RUN, but more that more is going on that she's letting on or than you're telling us). And if she's confessed to having feelings for you, too, well, there's something there, just buried under all the other problems she probably has going on in her life.

I've had guys who were my friend suddenly out of the blue tell me they cared for me romantically, and I was like, "...yeah, NO. You're my friend, and I'm not screwing up my friendship with you, because it means too much to me." The fact that she said she did care for you, but had issues, to me seems like she's being upfront--she's got problems and she doesn't want to screw up the friendship, which is sounds like she needs right now.

For now, stick with her as a friend, but also let her know you'd like more...but that everything is on her terms. She knows you still care, and all you can do is give her the space the figure out what she wants.